You Know What Really Grinds My Gears? Now with 3x more gears...

[Sliver]

Dion: surreptitiously livestream your next date and put a little earbud in your ear. We'll hide in a U-haul van outside your house and feed you lines to say to her. We'll get you there, buddy.

[Brendone]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Dion: surreptitiously livestream your next date and put a little earbud in your ear. We'll hide in a U-haul van outside your house and feed you lines to say to her. We'll get you there, buddy.

Don’t think you prompting him to ask when she last washed her butt is going to help…. or maybe it cuts right to the chase?

[powderjunkie]

Originally Posted by Roughneck

What about if a girl asks me in for coffee, but I don't drink coffee that late because it keeps me up?

Decaf?

[Erick Estrada]

Originally Posted by Scroopy Noopers

People are so weird about food. Know where it comes from, and eat it. Keep your hang ups to yourself.

My aunt has food allergy OCD where she thinks she's allergic to the majority of foods when she really has no allergies. It started off decades ago as garlic (her sister used to feed her food with garlic and not tell her and she never got sick), but as she's got into her 70's it's snowballed into 3/4 of foods. She can eat certain fresh vegetables but she says she's allergic to those same vegetables from frozen. The issue now is that she's not enough because she's decided in her head she can't eat some of the food groups she needs and it really makes family get together meals difficult because she has to quiz everyone responsible for different plates and is accusational that there's garlic in something that doesn't even have garlic in it. We don't even bother inviting her to restaurant get togethers to avoid the awkward scenes with waiters. Boy I hope my mind never goes like that.

[Cappy]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Dion: surreptitiously livestream your next date and put a little earbud in your ear. We'll hide in a U-haul van outside your house and feed you lines to say to her. We'll get you there, buddy.

This didn't end well when Jon Hamm did this in Black Mirror

[GordonBlue]

Originally Posted by Roughneck

What about if a girl asks me in for coffee, but I don't drink coffee that late because it keeps me up?

if that's all it takes to keep you up all night is coffee, then she'd probably make you drink a whole pot.

So I'd say don't go in, as you may never get out.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Brendone

Don’t think you prompting him to ask when she last washed her butt is going to help…. or maybe it cuts right to the chase?

We'd have to brainstorm on that one, so maybe we all get together to work out a plan for him. We'd need to find out if she has a bidet...maybe a night mission and we bust into her house to get that info ahead of time? We have a large team, so we can cover a lot of ground if we're strategic.

Locke and Slava: You guys need to do a full financial work-up. Let's see some numbers on this girl.

Troutman: Does she have any ongoing legal issues? How litigious is she? Just want to make sure we're not walking into a trap.

Hesla: Pull her medical records. Don't want our boy catching anything, if you know what I mean.

Pylon and Table5: You're on vehicle duty. How does she maintain her vehicle? Is it clean? You can infer a lot about somebody's hygiene by looking at how they care for their car.

Squiggs: You're fit and we know you have a keen eye for suspect behaviour. You're going in her house. We need pics of everything. Be careful.

Malcolm: Pull her education records. We need grades. What were her strongest subjects? Did she pay attention in class? Could she have done better if she applied herself more? Was she easily distracted?

Also going to need a volunteer to tail her for a bit to get an idea of her daily habits. Fuzz, that's on you. She'll never suspect a cyclist.

Pepsi: You're with me. We'll hang out start putting info together as it comes in.

GO!

[Fuzz]

I'm not sure I'm interested in stalking an old lady in a seniors village on my bike. I mean, it's not as bad as asking me to stalk a kindergarten, but it still doesn't feel right. Plus Dion is the retired one, he's got time for this!

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Fuzz

I'm not sure I'm interested in stalking an old lady in a seniors village on my bike. I mean, it's not as bad as asking me to stalk a kindergarten, but it still doesn't feel right. Plus Dion is the retired one, he's got time for this!

I think Boomer women are flattered by stalkers. They grew up thinking it was romantic.

[Scroopy Noopers]

Originally Posted by Sliver

I think Boomer women are flattered by stalkers. They grew up thinking it was romantic.

They’re also largely super creeps.

[Jason14h]

Originally Posted by Scroopy Noopers

They’re also largely super creeps.

Step 1 is to know your audience

[PepsiFree]

I’m just happy I got the cushiest assignment.

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by Cappy

This didn't end well when Jon Hamm did this in Black Mirror

Or for Rupert Gee when he did that segment on Letterman a long time ago.

[Scroopy Noopers]

Originally Posted by Jason14h

Step 1 is to know your audience

Indeed. Their friends young sons aren’t the audience for their sick desires.

[Barnet Flame]

Before she left, did she say anything about ranch dressing?

[Brendone]

Dinner conversation shouldn’t be a problem

Dion’s “Friend”: I’ve had the strangest day!

Dion: Have some wine and tell me all about it.

[Knut]

I got the assignment that has me violating the Health Privacy Act.

[TheIronMaiden]

I got left out, Just like Dion's penis.

[Slava]

Originally Posted by Sliver

We'd have to brainstorm on that one, so maybe we all get together to work out a plan for him. We'd need to find out if she has a bidet...maybe a night mission and we bust into her house to get that info ahead of time? We have a large team, so we can cover a lot of ground if we're strategic.

Locke and Slava: You guys need to do a full financial work-up. Let's see some numbers on this girl.

Troutman: Does she have any ongoing legal issues? How litigious is she? Just want to make sure we're not walking into a trap.

Hesla: Pull her medical records. Don't want our boy catching anything, if you know what I mean.

Pylon and Table5: You're on vehicle duty. How does she maintain her vehicle? Is it clean? You can infer a lot about somebody's hygiene by looking at how they care for their car.

Squiggs: You're fit and we know you have a keen eye for suspect behaviour. You're going in her house. We need pics of everything. Be careful.

Malcolm: Pull her education records. We need grades. What were her strongest subjects? Did she pay attention in class? Could she have done better if she applied herself more? Was she easily distracted?

Also going to need a volunteer to tail her for a bit to get an idea of her daily habits. Fuzz, that's on you. She'll never suspect a cyclist.

Pepsi: You're with me. We'll hang out start putting info together as it comes in.

GO!

Surferguy: craft a paddle for use that night.

[PepsiFree]

Originally Posted by TheIronMaiden

I got left out, Just like Dion's penis.

I may have an in with the guy who set this whole thing up. I can put a good word in for you, if you’d like.

Have any unique or valuable skills?