You Know What Really Grinds My Gears? Now with 3x more gears...

[powderjunkie]

Originally Posted by CorsiHockeyLeague

This whole notion of "relationship capital" is mind boggling to me. Do you really view your relationships in that transactional a way? Because maybe it's just me but... yeesh.

I don't think many people look at it that transactionally...its just a good lens to look through when there is a conflict.

[Sainters7]

Originally Posted by Johnny199r

We do lots of things together. We've been together for 12 years. I hate doing things in big groups, whether its family, coworkers or whatever. If she wants to go out for supper, go ride our bicycles, go to a sporting event, go on a vacation, sure, let's do it.

She has no interest in going to visit my family, so I respect it and never ask her to.

Obviously none of my business, but I was leaning towards "its annoying but it's just one of those things you gotta do" until I read the bolded part. If when the situation is reversed & she genuinely wouldn't want to go to yours or even have to go, then I don't see how she has a leg to stand on with this one.

[Amethyst]

Not really enough info for us to know. In general if one partner doesn't like big dinners but family is important to the other, you suck it up and go to the occasional family dinner.

But some family situations are just toxic and the "typical" rules don't apply.

[PepsiFree]

The gear grinder isn’t having to go to dinner, it’s just being asked to go to dinner and the person being upset he said no. It’s kind of pointless to come up with reasons why a completely reasonable emotional response is actually unreasonable. It doesn’t matter if he never asks her to go or if he has a good reason for not going, she wants him to go and she’s upset he said no, which is normal.

In general though, I think the best advice is not to air out issues or discuss annoyances with your long term partner on public message boards. I can’t think of a situation where that would be a good idea.

[CorsiHockeyLeague]

Originally Posted by Roughneck

Accountants need love, too.

... But they gotta pay.

[monkeyman]

Originally Posted by CorsiHockeyLeague

... But they gotta pay.

They've run the numbers, it's cheaper that way in the end.

[GGG]

Originally Posted by CorsiHockeyLeague

This whole notion of "relationship capital" is mind boggling to me. Do you really view your relationships in that transactional a way? Because maybe it's just me but... yeesh.

Not in a direct measurable way that the term relationship capital
Implies but in a general sense you love a person and put up with the things that annoy you. At some point a person will decide it’s no longer worth it.

How would you describe the choice you make to stay in a relationship? I find the concept of relationship capital fitting as it reinforces the concept that you should only make a big deal out of something if it’s a big deal to you. If it’s important to your partner but not that important to you just do it.

I’m aware though though that the way I think of things is usually not “normal” so this concept might be one of those things.

[GGG]

Originally Posted by PepsiFree

The gear grinder isn’t having to go to dinner, it’s just being asked to go to dinner and the person being upset he said no. It’s kind of pointless to come up with reasons why a completely reasonable emotional response is actually unreasonable. It doesn’t matter if he never asks her to go or if he has a good reason for not going, she wants him to go and she’s upset he said no, which is normal.

In general though, I think the best advice is not to air out issues or discuss annoyances with your long term partner on public message boards. I can’t think of a situation where that would be a good idea.

When it deals with vaginal expansion it definitely is.

[8 Ball]

Originally Posted by GGG

When it deals with vaginal expansion it definitely is.

That was hilarious.😂

[TrentCrimmIndependent]

this is not the relationship advice thread you're looking for (hand wave)

[powderjunkie]

Originally Posted by GGG

When it deals with vaginal expansion it definitely is.

[TheIronMaiden]

I feel blessed to come from a family that doesn't take holodays seriously. Dont get me wrong we get together now and then for no reason. But we never get bent out of shape about someone missing that one day or whatever. No stress, no in fighting just a casual good time because there is zero obligation.

[Lubicon]

I suppose there is one positive for not living in the same city as the rest of your family. Never much pressure for get together when everyone is in a different city. Neither my wife or myself have lived in the same city as the rest of our families since university or high school. The downside is our kids have grown up not being very close to their grandparents.

[bigtmac19]

Originally Posted by Lubicon

I suppose there is one positive for not living in the same city as the rest of your family. Never much pressure for get together when everyone is in a different city. Neither my wife or myself have lived in the same city as the rest of our families since university or high school. The downside is our kids have grown up not being very close to their grandparents.

As a grandparent that would kill me.

[TorqueDog]

Originally Posted by Lubicon

I suppose there is one positive for not living in the same city as the rest of your family. Never much pressure for get together when everyone is in a different city. Neither my wife or myself have lived in the same city as the rest of our families since university or high school. The downside is our kids have grown up not being very close to their grandparents.

We don't have and are not having kids, but after getting to see my parents in Winnipeg this summer for the first time in three years (and going by myself since my wife didn't want to use the vacation time or do the road trip), it really made me think about how important seeing my family is. A friend of mine put it into perspective that my parents are in their mid-60s, average life expectancy for a healthy person hovers around 80 and my parents aren't exactly pictures of health themselves. If I keep on seeing them once a year (as I normally have for the past 16 years I've lived here save for COVID), then given the average as the best case scenario, I will get to see them... 15 more times, +/- occasional visits should they happen to visit me here.

15 times. That certainly changed my attitude toward visiting my folks.

I'm lucky that I have a family -- immediate and extended -- that I can tolerate and they don't drive me mental such that I enjoy visiting them, so I get this won't necessarily resonate with everyone. My wife is one of those people; she only has a relationship with her parents (they both live here), strongest of which being with her mother to the point that it might as well be the premise for a sitcom for how often we see her. This has caused a lot of strife as my priorities have adjusted to prioritize seeing them more.

[CroFlames]

I've yet to come across a turkey dinner that I liked. It's usually meh at best, or dry AF at worst.

But I've RARELY come across stuffing I didn't like. There have been years where I just take the stuffing and mashed potatoes as the main course and a tiny piece of turkey. Then it's usually a nappy nap on mom's couch, then some coffee and deserts.

Thanksgiving is what you make of it.

[powderjunkie]

Originally Posted by CroFlames

I've yet to come across a turkey dinner that I liked. It's usually meh at best, or dry AF at worst.

But I've RARELY come across stuffing I didn't like. There have been years where I just take the stuffing and mashed potatoes as the main course and a tiny piece of turkey. Then it's usually a nappy nap on mom's couch, then some coffee and deserts.

Thanksgiving is what you make of it.

I've probably cooked a dozen turkeys in my life, and they've never once been dry. I did everything I could to screw it up this year (Samsung oven issues) yet it still turned out great.

But it's always dry when I'm eating elsewhere. I don't understand.

[OutOfTheCube]

Turkey is worse chicken. I made a little Thanksgiving dinner just for the wife and kids yesterday so just did a big chicken. Juicy, delicious, didn't take all day to cook. Way better.

[Slava]

Originally Posted by CroFlames

I've yet to come across a turkey dinner that I liked. It's usually meh at best, or dry AF at worst.

But I've RARELY come across stuffing I didn't like. There have been years where I just take the stuffing and mashed potatoes as the main course and a tiny piece of turkey. Then it's usually a nappy nap on mom's couch, then some coffee and deserts.

Thanksgiving is what you make of it.

Those dinners are all about the sides. The turkey is only there for the gravy and to distract other people to eat more of that and save the good stuff for the rest of us!

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Slava

Those dinners are all about the sides. The turkey is only there for the gravy and to distract other people to eat more of that and save the good stuff for the rest of us!

Nah, buns are there for the distraction. I always love seeing people take a bun...yeah, fill up on the cheap stuff you absolute moron.

Juicy turkey is the physical ####s. I deliberately dry mine out a bit. I really don't need avian juices running down my chin...that's nasty. Some nice and dry white meat, mashed potatoes and stuffing with some gravy on top is the best. And some coleslaw, too.