Struggle to Make and Maintain Friends/Relationships

[Slava]

Originally Posted by Locke

Lol! Arent you funny? You know I dont. You literally, personally know that I do not!

You've made some friends here, and also some enemies?

To keep this on topic though, I've made a lot of friends off CP and overall it's an amazing community. I feel like it's a legitimate community and I don't know for sure, but I feel like that is a rarity online these days.

[Cali Panthers Fan]

To the OP, I feel your pain. I'm 42 now and have been lamenting a lack of meaningful friendships since we moved to Boca and started having kids. That was 8 years ago.

It's not that I haven't been successful at making friends and maintaining them in the past. I've always been able to have some good friends wherever I've been. However, something changed when I entered my years as a professional. Many of the people I met were also professionals and had an air of guardedness that I couldn't get past. I don't get to have meaningful conversations most of the time because they're all putting on a façade in our interactions. I have to admit that I have also become more guarded over time as well, so my own issues do factor into this.

I live in a neighborhood with many families with kids in the same age range, so we get together and hang out, but there's no deep friendship there with any of these guys. To make matters worse, my wife HAS developed deep friendships with the other ladies, so I'm sort of stuck with this group for most of our social interactions.

Part of it is that I have realized that I also don't really like lots of people, and the pandemic only made that worse as I realized just how awful some people are at their core. It was very revealing, and not in a good way. I find it hard to encounter shared perspectives and interests. All the guys I know spend their spare time golfing or working on self-improvement, both of which bore me to death.

I do love to cook, so I thought about doing a guys cooking night where one person cooks for the others and explains how to make a dish that isn't a run-of-the-mill type of recipe, but isn't overly hard to do either. The group would rotate the chef each week until everyone has a turn. I find people's food to be the best way to get to know their intimate selves, and I'm fascinated by the story it tells when they decide that "this is my dish". Add in some drinks and you have a good night.

I dunno...thoughts?

[Jbo]

We all struggle with it a bit. I am 37, two kids, but think I am doing pretty well Socially. Lots of things to consider here.
1) Do you enjoy any sports? Calgary is great for rec adult leagues of any type. I play in ball hockey, a multi sport league and softball. I have made a ton of new friends in this.

2) Maybe not a sports guy? Thats ok...do you have any hobbies? Board games, video games, mall walking, skydiving, pottery...im joking here but I guarantee there is groups that get together for any hobby.

Starting to see a theme? Easy to connect with people when you are doing stuff you enjoy.

3) Is your wife social? Is there an opportunity to connect with people in there? Look I'll admit I hate being a tagalong for some of my wifes events, but a dinner party or gathering might introduce you to new people. If you get bold, organize something. A movie night, Bowling out etc.

4) what about your kids activities? Find a dad your stuck watching swimming, hockey or soccer with? Believe me, we have all been there. WOuld love someone cool to hang out at those things.

5) Personal note Ive actually made some amazing friends from CP. Started as a pick up ball hockey group and turned into genuine friendships.

Just some ideas. End of the day, you will get out what you put into it from a social perspective. Its not rocket science though. Surround yourself around people that enjoy what you do.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Slava

You've made some friends here, and also some enemies?

To keep this on topic though, I've made a lot of friends off CP and overall it's an amazing community. I feel like it's a legitimate community and I don't know for sure, but I feel like that is a rarity online these days.

Oh! And you get thanked by FlamesKickAss our friend in absentia!

[Jason14h]

Males in their late 30s or early 40s are actually easy to make friends with if you like beer , junk food , and sports

Being on CalgaryPuck I assume you like the Flames

Host a Flames party and provide beer and wings and you’ll have some friends in no time

(Or a group Flames game watching at the pub works too - but free beer and food work better and you can meet people in your relative area)

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Cali Panthers Fan

I dunno...thoughts?

You live in Florida. Dont associate with the Floridians.

They are just as likely to look at you kindly as they are to eat your face or try drowning you in a swamp.

[Geraldsh]

To the OP, enough of the sad music already! Find some that lifts your mood rather than exacerbate it.
Lots of advice been given on how to reach out. Give it a try…if it doesn’t work out - that’s still OK. Your kids may grow to be your best friends. There is no limit to what the future may bring. Also no limit to how lonely you can be if you dwell on it.
Poorly written in haste, hope you get the gist of what I mean.

[GordonBlue]

Originally Posted by Geraldsh

To the OP, enough of the sad music already! Find some that lifts your mood rather than exacerbate it.
Lots of advice been given on how to reach out. Give it a try…if it doesn’t work out - that’s still OK. Your kids may grow to be your best friends. There is no limit to what the future may bring. Also no limit to how lonely you can be if you dwell on it.
Poorly written in haste, hope you get the gist of what I mean.

your gist seems to say be happy for what you have, so suck it up and quit whinging.

[Doctorfever]

I have met some really good people through my kids activities. I guess you generally have some things in common with them because your kids are the same age and in the same activities.

I could understand how it would be hard to meet new people. I have a pretty good group of friends, and am not looking to make any more, if that makes sense. I am a few years older than you though.

If you are able to find one decent friend, you meet some of their friends and family, and it sort of snowballs. At least that is how it went for me, I also moved from a different province, and left childhood friends behind.

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by Red Slinger

I'm 48 and in a similar circumstance. My wife is my only real friend. I have friends that I grew up with but we've grown apart and don't really share the same interests. In fact, I don't really like most of them much anymore.

Spoiler!

I've had some work friends but they all seem to go away once one or both of us move on. I joined a hockey team but everyone was much younger than me and we had nothing in common.

The only people I really hang out with are family and extended family. That said, I'm an introvert and home-body so it suits me nicely but it would be nice to have a tight group of friends.

I think it's more important to have a few close friends than a large group of acquaintances.

Apparently, I have an alt account and intermittent amnesia.

Perhaps we could be together apart?

[cam_wmh]

Originally Posted by Locke

Lol! Arent you funny? You know I dont. You literally, personally know that I do not!

I appreciate Slava asking that though, as I also found him quite funny.

[Geraldsh]

Originally Posted by GordonBlue

your gist seems to say be happy for what you have, so suck it up and quit whinging.

I swung and missed! That’s not what I meant at all.

I too am an introvert who doesn’t communicate very well.
Loneliness can lead to depression if you don’t address it. Finding new friends may or may not be the antidote- better stop here, I’m not a psychologist.

[topfiverecords]

I think a cool thread would be one where posters looking for new friends could list their age, career, dependants, living region, hobbies, personal interests, and musical/media likes etc. Then it acts like a common interests friend matchmaker.

I’d guess a huge percentage of the population has few friends in this day and age.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by cam_wmh

I appreciate Slava asking that though, as I also found him quite funny.

Alright...

So back to Sliver's point and for b1crunch, as you can tell I do know Slava and Cam personally, I met them both through CP and we have hung out in real life.

Slava owes me some wine and Cam owes me a trip to a Cavalry game.

Granted, thats not Cam's fault. I understand there was a slight bug going around recently, perhaps you've heard of it.

[Cheese]

I am an introvert as well and have to work hard at meeting people.

I too have met people from this board and enjoyed each and every visit.


One thing I did that helped was to reintegrate with family by becoming the family historian/genealogist. My family is very very large and spread across the world, so it became a real focus of mine to reintegrate as many of my family together as possible. I had many discussions with older family members to gather names, numbers etc. I created a Family group on Facebook and did my DNA to connect with others. I have literally met over 200 new people this way that I never met before and my FB group has become a hub for family activity. I have also helped people who did their DNA just to find the family they belong to, connect, with many happy endings, and errr, a few that werent LOL. The tree is almost at 3000 family members right now!! Family can be friends!

[Phaneufenstein]

Alcohol can help with socializing and it doesn't need to be in copious amounts either, just to smooth out some of the awkwardness if that's something you worry about.

[Slava]

Originally Posted by Locke

Alright...

So back to Sliver's point and for b1crunch, as you can tell I do know Slava and Cam personally, I met them both through CP and we have hung out in real life.

Slava owes me some wine and Cam owes me a trip to a Cavalry game.

Granted, thats not Cam's fault. I understand there was a slight bug going around recently, perhaps you've heard of it.

No reason those two events couldn't coincide!

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Phaneufenstein

Alcohol can help with socializing and it doesn't need to be in copious amounts either, just to smooth out some of the awkwardness if that's something you worry about.

Isn't there a guy on here who owns a weed church or something where you can go and smoke big fat joints in a kind of Bohemian-cafe-style setting? If I was looking to meet people, that'd be my first stop.

But booze is great as a social lubricant, too.

Booze and weed together is ideal, though.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Slava

No reason those two events couldn't coincide!

Haha! No reason at all, I forgot you are also a Cavalry guy!

That being said, I didnt mean to hijack the OP's thread, but you can make real-world friendships right here on CP and translate that into some social engagements.

[Sliver]

Dafuq is Cavalry?