The Ongoing "Am I the %^&hole?" Thread

[GreenLantern2814]

Originally Posted by HockeyIlliterate

Perhaps I missed it, but why go to the dinner at all?

Not going to Christmas Eve dinner with the new (and first) grandchild was not an option.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

This isn’t really an AITA scenario but this thread works just as well for a theoretical I was thinking about. I actually have two similar but different imaginary scenarios.

Scenario 1. Going on a vacation with a friend. Due to last minute booking, only 2 airbnbs are left. Unit 1 sort of out in the burbs, 2 bedroom. Unit 2 is downtown, 1 bedroom with sofa bed in living room. They prefer to be in the burbs because they don’t like sofa bed and prefer 2 bedroom, you prefer downtown due to location. To sway them, you say they can have the bedroom, you’ll take sofa bed, because you value the far superior location of the downtown condo.

When talking about price, they assume it’ll be split 50/50. Do you then ask them to pay more than half since they get the superior accommodation arrangement?


Scenario 2. Same vacation and same limited Airbnb options but this time it’s 3 friends and all their preferences are aligned. You’re ok with sofa bed and they don’t mind the shared accommodation since the other option has crappy location. The other two friends are married (to each other) so obviously they get the room and you’ll take the sofa bed. All parties agree that due to the location this is the preferred unit.

When discussing price they assume it’ll be split evenly 1/3 each. Do you ask them to pay extra since they get the superior accommodation arrangement?


Options:
1 Yes you would ask them to pay
2 no and nor should they
3 no, wouldn’t say anything, but they should pay more


Assume no other accommodations available at any price point anywhere, only the two I mentioned. And just refusing to go isn’t an option. Assume you are both cool with staying in the same unit.

[ResAlien]

Sofa person who offered or is ok with sofa sleep in both scenarios sounds like a cheap ass who’s trying to save some money. First is a 50/50 split and sofa offered to take it to get their preferred location. Expecting the other person to pay more is silly. Second is 1/3 each, again says sofa person is ok with it. Don’t like it? Don’t 3rd wheel with a married couple. Matter of fact since they’re two people only using one bed they could just as reasonably ask sofa guy to pay 50% instead of 1/3.

[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

This isn’t really an AITA scenario but this thread works just as well for a theoretical I was thinking about. I actually have two similar but different imaginary scenarios.

Scenario 1. Going on a vacation with a friend. Due to last minute booking, only 2 airbnbs are left. Unit 1 sort of out in the burbs, 2 bedroom. Unit 2 is downtown, 1 bedroom with sofa bed in living room. They prefer to be in the burbs because they don’t like sofa bed and prefer 2 bedroom, you prefer downtown due to location. To sway them, you say they can have the bedroom, you’ll take sofa bed, because you value the far superior location of the downtown condo.

When talking about price, they assume it’ll be split 50/50. Do you then ask them to pay more than half since they get the superior accommodation arrangement?


Scenario 2. Same vacation and same limited Airbnb options but this time it’s 3 friends and all their preferences are aligned. You’re ok with sofa bed and they don’t mind the shared accommodation since the other option has crappy location. The other two friends are married (to each other) so obviously they get the room and you’ll take the sofa bed. All parties agree that due to the location this is the preferred unit.

When discussing price they assume it’ll be split evenly 1/3 each. Do you ask them to pay extra since they get the superior accommodation arrangement?


Options:
1 Yes you would ask them to pay
2 no and nor should they
3 no, wouldn’t say anything, but they should pay more


Assume no other accommodations available at any price point anywhere, only the two I mentioned. And just refusing to go isn’t an option. Assume you are both cool with staying in the same unit.

Option 2 for both. In the second scenario I can't see sofa guy's fair share being less than 1/3. He's getting the inferior of the two beds, but is also paying quite a bit less than 50%, and is using half the available sleeping surfaces.

In the first scenario I think 50/50 is probably still fair, especially if the other party wanted to stay in the burbs to ensure both people could get a real bed.

[Wormius]

Are there other costs associated with either option? If they want the burbs but you’re paying extra for Ubers or whatever, I would factor that in. Are hotels an option, and you can just get your own respective rooms?

[Strange Brew]

Married couple getting hosed. Paying full boat for half a bed and presumably shared bathroom.

[Geraldsh]

Number 2 is the answer. The married couple should be viewed as a single unit and accountable for 50% of the rent, meals treated separately.

[bizaro86]

Originally Posted by Geraldsh

Number 2 is the answer. The married couple should be viewed as a single unit and accountable for 50% of the rent, meals treated separately.

I think that would be true in a 2 bedroom unit where the bedrooms were roughly equal. In the case where one of the groups has a couch and one has a bedroom (unless there are extenuating circumstances like the offer to take the couch to stay downtown in scenario 1) some discount to 50/50 is appropriate.

I do think 1/3 is the absolute minimum couch guy should pay in that scenario - probably the fairest number is something between 1/3 and 1/2

[Amethyst]

Number 2 in both. First scenario, sofa guy offers to take the sofa because he prefers the location. He's already made a deal (take my preferred location and you get the better bed).

Second scenario, if each person is paying 1/3, the married ones aren't getting a better arrangement, they are each getting half a bed. So again, sofa guy is already getting a deal (ie paying 1/3 versus 50%).

In the end, if sofa guy thinks that arrangement is bad enough to warrant a discount, he should find accommodation that doesn't involve sleeping on a sofa.

[Barnet Flame]

Originally Posted by GreenLantern2814

The dinner was tonight. And I’ve been in the middle of preparing to host my first Christmas tomorrow.

24 hours notice would have been fine - 4 hours necessitated $80 worth of tests that came back negative because of course they did, because we have a newborn and haven’t been anywhere for three weeks.

It’s Especially frustrating when it seemed like attendance was contingent upon a negative test, after spending Extended periods together 3 of the last seven days, and Everyone is double vaxxed minimum, most people have 3.

I have been living the life of a hermit for the past two weeks. I only went to the grocery store to buy some essentials on 23 Dec for Christmas dinner.

As I was cooking the dinner, I started feeling rough. Took a test after dinner. Sure enough it was positive. Positive test was confirmed at the public PCR test yesterday.

Omicron is incredibly virulent. I understand you not wanting yet another thing added to the list, but ultimately in this fast moving environment, I think your sister was right.

Regardless, I hope you had a good Christmas.

[Bring_Back_Shantz]

I've been the 3rd wheel in shared accommodations with a married couple a few times, and been the married couple sharing with a 3rd wheel.

The obvious answer is to split the price 60/40.

That way no matter how you look at it, everyone is paying more than their share, and somehow less than their share.
Has worked perfectly every time.

[Strange Brew]

Originally Posted by Amethyst

Number 2 in both. First scenario, sofa guy offers to take the sofa because he prefers the location. He's already made a deal (take my preferred location and you get the better bed).

Second scenario, if each person is paying 1/3, the married ones aren't getting a better arrangement, they are each getting half a bed. So again, sofa guy is already getting a deal (ie paying 1/3 versus 50%).

In the end, if sofa guy thinks that arrangement is bad enough to warrant a discount, he should find accommodation that doesn't involve sleeping on a sofa.

Sofa guy doesn't sound like the kind of person I'd want to vacation with TBH.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Originally Posted by Bring_Back_Shantz

I've been the 3rd wheel in shared accommodations with a married couple a few times, and been the married couple sharing with a 3rd wheel.

The obvious answer is to split the price 60/40.

That way no matter how you look at it, everyone is paying more than their share, and somehow less than their share.
Has worked perfectly every time.

Interesting take.

It’s funny to see how quickly it riles to some people though based on the responses. It explains why taking vacations with other friends/couples can be such a bad idea unless everyone is on the same page. Although I guess it could happen with family too. It’s why I’ve always just done my own thing when booking accommodations.

If I ever vacation with married people, I might suggest this.

[Pizza]

Sofa guy in Scenario 2 thinking he should ask for less than 1/3 of payment is the kind of guy who whips out the calculator and breaks down a split bill at a group dinner by the penny and the kind of guy who watches everyone at the table, getting mad at the one or two guys who eat a little more than their share of the appetisers.

Hopefully you're not this guy, Cecil, but I wouldnt feel comfortable going on vacation with someone as calculating as this

But to answer this question, no, the sofa guy should NOT even consider asking to pay less than 1/3 of the accommodation

[Strange Brew]

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

Interesting take.

It’s funny to see how quickly it riles to some people though based on the responses. It explains why taking vacations with other friends/couples can be such a bad idea unless everyone is on the same page. Although I guess it could happen with family too. It’s why I’ve always just done my own thing when booking accommodations.

If I ever vacation with married people, I might suggest this.

Agree with being on the same page. When we have vacationed with people, it’s with people that are pretty chill on the money front. It will not work out exactly right and you have to go in understanding that and not really caring.

If someone is calculating every cost and trying to split it according to what they thing should be totally fair you’re looking at an utterly miserable experience IMO.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Originally Posted by Strange Brew

Agree with being on the same page. When we have vacationed with people, it’s with people that are pretty chill on the money front. It will not work out exactly right and you have to go in understanding that and not really caring.

If someone is calculating every cost and trying to split it according to what they thing should be totally fair you’re looking at an utterly miserable experience IMO.

I think it’s about the mindset. I was raised to pay my share and not take advantage of people. So I’m always mindful of what I got and what I owe. I’d be embarrassed to let my friends pay extra for me. For a lot of people, they’re happy to take advantage of even close friends or family if it means they save a buck.

That’s why I think its more important to be on the same page as people as far as how money is spent. The absolute worst are the people who want to live large and order champagne and lobster at every meal but insist the bill always only be split evenly, even when the rest of the table only ordered a glass of wine and the chicken. We’ve all met these “Only cheap people look at the bill” people who then of course only use it to rip off their friends and have them subsidize their expensive tastes that they don’t want to pay for.

[Strange Brew]

I guess I’d rather vacation with champagne and lobster couple and just order my own nice meal than the person counting how many nachos I had.

The sofa guy isn’t getting taken advantage of. He’s the one looking for an angle IMO.

[nfotiu]

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

I think it’s about the mindset. I was raised to pay my share and not take advantage of people. So I’m always mindful of what I got and what I owe. I’d be embarrassed to let my friends pay extra for me. For a lot of people, they’re happy to take advantage of even close friends or family if it means they save a buck.

That’s why I think its more important to be on the same page as people as far as how money is spent. The absolute worst are the people who want to live large and order champagne and lobster at every meal but insist the bill always only be split evenly, even when the rest of the table only ordered a glass of wine and the chicken. We’ve all met these “Only cheap people look at the bill” people who then of course only use it to rip off their friends and have them subsidize their expensive tastes that they don’t want to pay for.

The only good, fair options for a group is one pick up the check, credit card roulette or separate checks. Credit card roulette is always my first choice with a bunch of guys.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Originally Posted by Strange Brew

I guess I’d rather vacation with champagne and lobster couple and just order my own nice meal than the person counting how many nachos I had.

The sofa guy isn’t getting taken advantage of. He’s the one looking for an angle IMO.

Well that’s dumb. Those aren’t the only two options. But it also makes you a chump if you enjoy paying for other peoples fancy vacations while you eat soup.

Kinda sounds like you’re just too afraid to speak up for yourself because you’re so afraid of looking cheap, even if it means you pay double to subsidize someone else taking advantage of you.

Also sounds like you need better friends.

[Pizza]

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

Well that’s dumb. Those aren’t the only two options. But it also makes you a chump if you enjoy paying for other peoples fancy vacations while you eat soup.

Kinda sounds like you’re just too afraid to speak up for yourself because you’re so afraid of looking cheap, even if it means you pay double to subsidize someone else taking advantage of you.

Also sounds like you need better friends.

or that he's someone who isnt petty about meal choices of his friends and just would rather enjoy the company of his friends over a meal than spending the energy concerning if he's being taken advantage of

if you're being this aggressive on a AITA thread, (because really, you're the one asking for judgement and getting offended when you're not getting the consensus you wanted) it sounds more and more likely that you're the sofa guy, to which I say, your married friends need a better travelling friend