But they're Smart! S-M-R-T!!

[GoinAllTheWay]

Originally Posted by ken0042

To me that sounds like a typical Bill Engvall "here's your sign" types of things. But like a lot of his, I just think sometimes that an easy way of opening the conversation. We are told "hey you" is often impolite, and he doesn't know your name.

Sorry, this wasn't supposed to be a pet peave thread. I'll back off now.

Ok, well how about a "Scuse Me?" or "Can I ask you a question?" or how bout "Hi?" Instead of a question that makes him look pretty dumb? Sorry, not sure how that would be a pet peeve of yours but there are many better opening lines then that one.

[Burninator]

Originally Posted by GoinAllTheWay

Another day, while I was working as a Waiter at Earls, I was working outside on the open patio. Lots of trees in the area and naturaly birds would fly in and peck at crumbs and such that had fallen on the patio. When lady, a rather high maintenance snotty looking lady asked me if there was anything I could do about the "dam" birds getting into the patio" I was stunned. What the hell am I supposed to do? Stand in the corner of a patio with a shotgun ready to blow away any bird that dare fly into an open patio?

I use to work at the dome and I was stationed on the big yellow exterior elevator. The elevator was being a POS and kept going up and down and the doors would open half way and then close right away. A guy waiting was getting upset and he didn't want to miss the start of the game (which was 45 minutes away) or take the stairs. I calmly talked to him and gave him his options and explained there was really nothing I could do. He keeps complaining then asks "can't you do something about this?" And a women who was also waiting says to the guy "what do you want him to do, get out his tools and fix it?" That shut him up.

[pope04]

My wife and I were cycling once, and we came upon a lady in obvious running gear - runners, sports top and spandex - warming up for her jog. She was stretching her hamstrings by pushing up against the rear of her car.

My wife, a very smart lady, blurted out, "Are you having car trouble?"

I nearly fell off of my bike.

[habernac]

worked on a transition project in Virginia a few years ago, our plane transfer on the flight down was O'Hare in Chicago. As we flew in over Lake Michigan, one of my co-workers asked "What ocean is that down there?"

[pope04]

I had a girlfriend that fancied herself quite the cowgirl. I mean, we'd go out to a country place and she'd put on the Wranglers, boots, hat, ugly-ass shirt, the whole shebang. Well, years ago we moved up to McEwan, which at that time had cattle just to the north.

One night just after we moved there, we could hear cattle lowing, and, concerned, she asked, "What the hell is that noise?"

[I-Hate-Hulse]

After watching Borat, were were walking to the cars talking about how great a movie it was and then about how cool it was that SBC could adlib so damn well. In her defence, she's never even heard of Sacha Baron Cohen much less know anything about his schtick.

She suddenly connects the dots together and does a double take - "You mean that wasn't scripted? That was all reality?"

[fanforever1986]

I asked the current girl in my life (who lives in London, ON) how far a drive it was to Toronto?

"I don't even know what direction it is, I just sleep the whole way."

[Temporary_User]

haha, I love all of these.

I had a girlfriend who asked me once if Mexico was connected the the US.

[Flames in 07]

A xGF at about 19. Drove to Edmonton, and at about Whitemud said, in Edmonton they seem to have the same license plates?!

Apparently each city was supposed to have different "Alberta" plates.

[OilersBaby]

So we were talking about going to the Southern US for Mardi Gras...my husband is from Kentucky, and he was reminiscing about his days in college when he would get to hand out beads. Here's the convo he had with my girl friend:

Husband: yeah, handing out those beads were the good old days
Girl friend: why would you hand out beads?
Husband: you mean u dont know what happens when you're a girl and you got beads? you dont know how you get them?
Girl friend: Um...cuz you kissed someone?
At this piont, I was laughing hysterically so she picked up on the fact that was not the reason. So she looks at me and was like "how DO you get beads"
Me: You stand on one leg and hop around in circles.
Girl friend: what leg?
Me: Um, I believe it's the left leg, right?
My husband: Yup!
So my girl friend hops around in circles on her left leg and says, sweet, this isn't hard, I hope I can do this without falling. I want a lot of beads.

HAHAHA we didnt tell her the truth and although we're not travelling for Mardi Gras, we ARE going to a Mardi Gras party in SF. I feel so mean for not telling her the truth but the laughs will be worth it

She's 26 years old!!!

[kermitology]

Ex girlfriend..

We saw a newspaper that had a story on Peruvian violence of some sort.. she then turned to me and asked

"Where's Peruvia?"

One night on the phone she got mad at me for not listening to her with both ears.. "You have a two eared telephone?"

Favourite line at the Dome.. Working in Guest Services, sometimes people would come up with questions and start by asking.. "Excuse me, where can I find Guest Services?" I then would look at the huge sign behind me and then ask them again "how can I help you?"

And the latest girlfriend.. We were playing scrabble one day and she asks me if *said phonetically* Doh-ne *spelled* done, is a word. I said.. Do you mean DONE? Silly English major!

[Dion]

A few years back I was playing some golf in Arizona. I got paired up with this guy from Scottsdale and he proceeds to ask me questions about Canada and where I live. I just hit my driver and he asks if we still live In Igloo's. lol His next question was...."Why are you looking at me that way?

[BlAcKNoVa]

About a year ago, I was working at an Extreme Pita (Shawnessy location), and this woman comes in, I think it was her first time time in the restaurant, she's asking all these questions about the menu, what ingredients go in certain meals, just pretty basic questions. It got to the point where I asked her if she wanted onions, green peppers or mushrooms sauteed on the grill. She looks down toward the veggie counter, points and says "is that the grill?". I looked at her stunned, and slowly pointed a couple feet behind me to my right..."that's the grill over there". "She says "oh!" out loud and nothing much else was said. She took her order to go and I ran to the back and burst out laughing and told my brother (was working there with me that night).

I've heard plenty of dumb things there from customers, but that comes out as #1.

[rubecube]

When I was working for Rogers Video I had a customer come up to me and ask "Where is your "Own it Today" section?" I slowly turned and pointed to the section with half a dozen "Own it Today" flags hanging above it.

[FireFly]

I once had a customer ask me how to turn her phone on.... She'd had it for four months. I asked her how she turned it on in the first place and she told me that the dealer had done it, and could I please tell her how to do it again. (By this time she's getting upset with me.) I advised her that it's healthy for your phone to 'reboot' it by turning it off and back on once a day and suggested she take a peek at her userguide. She then told me she threw it out the first day she got the phone....

I said, "So you didn't even know how to turn your phone on and you've thrown out the userguide?! Perhaps you should download it from our website. In the meantime, press and hold your 'end' key. It should also have a little symbol on it." She tried it and said "Thank God" and hung up.

Now I know she probably wasn't impressed with my attitude, but I'm here to help people with real problems, not stupidity. We have codes for people like that...

Some people get an ID10T error, and for some the problem is 13 inches in front of the phone...

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by FireFly

I once had a customer ask me how to turn her phone on.... She'd had it for four months. I asked her how she turned it on in the first place and she told me that the dealer had done it, and could I please tell her how to do it again. (By this time she's getting upset with me.) I advised her that it's healthy for your phone to 'reboot' it by turning it off and back on once a day and suggested she take a peek at her userguide. She then told me she threw it out the first day she got the phone....

I said, "So you didn't even know how to turn your phone on and you've thrown out the userguide?! Perhaps you should download it from our website. In the meantime, press and hold your 'end' key. It should also have a little symbol on it." She tried it and said "Thank God" and hung up.

Now I know she probably wasn't impressed with my attitude, but I'm here to help people with real problems, not stupidity. We have codes for people like that...

Some people get an ID10T error, and for some the problem is 13 inches in front of the phone...

Then there's the always popular "Press When Ringing" story that goes around Telus.

[ken0042]

Originally Posted by rubecube

Then there's the always popular "Press When Ringing" story that goes around Telus.

Care to share?

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by ken0042

Care to share?

Apparently there was a woman who called into Telus complaining that her phone kept turning off whenever she tried to answer it. Long story short, when she was asked what button she was pressing to receive her calls she advised she was pressing the PWR button, the "Press When Ringing" button.

[Antithesis]

My lovely wife, who I adore to no end, turned to me one day at the week-after-Labor Day game in Edmonton where we were going to University, and asked, "Why do the Eskimos come running out of an igloo?"

She knew the answer before she finished the question, and she always gives me the gears when I tell the story, but I just think it's so cute.

[FireFly]

Originally Posted by rubecube

Apparently there was a woman who called into Telus complaining that her phone kept turning off whenever she tried to answer it. Long story short, when she was asked what button she was pressing to receive her calls she advised she was pressing the PWR button, the "Press When Ringing" button.

That reminds me of the other guy I had call in, wanted to know why he couldn't make or receive a call. His phone was off.