Best/Funniest Saying Ever.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Cowperson

I've always liked the Aussie saying for "puke" which is "Technocolor yawn."

Cowperson

Also, when someone farts, Aussies say "ewww, who dropped their guts?"

A South African I knew referred to taking a dump as "lodging a bodger".

In Germay, if your sweetheart dumps you, a sympathetic person might say "other mothers have nice daughters as well".

[Lucky boy]

"**** Happens"

works on so many levels

[MolsonInBothHands]

My brother-in-law always says, "Never pet a burning dog!" Good advice.

[Frank the Tank]

My dad has told soooooooo many people to "shove it up their ass"! Its awesome. No one is exempt from his rage. Salespeople, the bank, telemarketers, Mormons. Sometimes I miss living with the folks just for that alone.

[fanforever1986]

"head down, power through''

Anything else from arrested development.

[Reaper]

Some of my favourite lines...

When someone farts:
"Did you get any on you?"
"Daffy, is that you?"

Going to the bathroom:
"I'm off to chop some butt wood."

Returning from the bathroom:
"I just sent that toilet straight into therapy."

Hangovers:
"Last night the entire army marched through my mouth and stopped to take a pi$$."
"Rough one last night. Luckily, I don't remember any of it."

General Attitude:
"That would probably mean a lot if I actually gave a $hit."
"You may partake of my anus."

Usually during an unfinished game where the team is winning:
"Now, let's not go sucking each other's d icks yet..."

General Intimidation:
"Do that again and you will have one hell of a story to tell the emergency room doctor."
"Do that again and your mother will throw herself on your coffin."

In response to "Isn't that the sickest thing you've ever seen?":
"Nope, I have the internet."

[JiriHrdina]

Please watch the language folks. Funny stuff but don't use spaces to get around language filters. They are there for a reason.

[FurnaceFace]

Originally Posted by Reaper

"You may partake of my anus."

That one got me laughing.

I worked with a guy who would say:
"Well, that went through me like a laser beam" or "Whoa, I feel like I just swallowed a shotgun and someone pulled the trigger" (or words to that effect)

Currently, I laugh everytime I think of this Haiku a friend has on a t-shirt:

Haiku's are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

[Buff]

After having Chinese Food or Pizza my friend would quip while on his way to the washroom, "I'm going to deliver some Chinese Food/Pizza".

or after having seafood he'd say "I'm going to return some fish to the sea".

My former boss had some good ones... too many to remember, but you have to have a dry sense of humor to enjoy his lines.

"I was dropped on my head when I was a kid and I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I- I'm fine."

When somebody would say "I'm back" he'd say "and front a sides too!"

Well I can't remember everything, he's had some better ones, I'll have to remember them later and post them.

[Antithesis]

Bathroom Humor: "Dropping the kids off at the pool."

When You're Having A Bad Day: "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."

[Flames_Gimp]

Originally Posted by Antithesis

Bathroom Humor: "Dropping the kids off at the pool."

My friend used to say he's "dropping the Cosby's off at the pool"....... bad I know...

[Flames_Gimp]

"the things I would eat out of her ass"

[Mccree]

Originally Posted by MolsonInBothHands

My brother-in-law always says, "Never pet a burning dog!" Good advice.

I like Don't cook bacon Naked.

[socalwingfan]

"3 sheets to the wind " has always been a favorite of mine

[FireFly]

Originally Posted by FurnaceFace

Currently, I laugh everytime I think of this Haiku a friend has on a t-shirt:

Haiku's are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

Speaking of stuff on t-shirts. Best t-shirt I've ever seen read:

If you stare long enough, I might do a trick.


My father likes to say when he gets a bad hand in cards, "Dog balls!"

[MagicallyAdept]

Some really great ones in there.

For ugly women:

"She looks like a bulldog licking p*ss off a nettle"
"She looks like a pitbull chewing a wasp"
"i wouldn't touch her with a barge pole"
"i'd rather eat glass while watching my c*ck rot off"

In reference to overweight women:

"bingo wings" - the fat under the upper arms when overweight people put their hands up.
"tram smasher"

To a suprising comment/news:

"well sh*t me a brick"
"well ##### me sideways and call me a whore"

Diarrhea:

"sh*tting through the eye of a needle"

Gap in teeth:

"he could eat and apple through a tennis racket"

My favourite monologue is by Mooj, in the out-takes on the 40 Year old virgin DVD, including thephrases "it's not about the sh*t stained balls", "alligator #####house", "cincinatti bowtie" etc. Brilliant.

[FlamingLonghorn]

"as they say in Russia, "Ta Ta mother****ers""

[pope04]

Originally Posted by MagicallyAdept

Gap in teeth:

"he could eat an apple through a tennis racket"

My Dad used to say that someone with really crooked/besnaggled teeth could "eat corn through a picket fence."

I thought I'd post a couple of my beloved late grandfather's sayings:

If you asked him where he was going, he'd say, "Crazy, wanna come along?"

Once, as a bacon-loving five-year-old kid, I asked him why I couldn't eat about, oh, fifteen strips. He said I couldn't because it'd make me "sicker'n seven soda pops."

He passed away seventeen years ago today, and I always think of him - very fondly - on December 15th.

[Frank the Tank]

Whenever my grandparents came out to Calgary to visit us, I'd ask Grandpa in the morning how he slept because he'd always answer "Well, you know, lying down."

Cracked me up every time for some reason.

[nfotiu]

Woman: What, do you have a piano tied to your ass?
Man: Nope, but I have an organ between my legs.