Trouble comes in three . . . shoe drops (depression thread)

[Sliver]

That's a great contribution, FireFly. I agree and think the blah weather has led to a sense of malaise or general sort of gloominess that isn't usual for Calgary in August/September/October. Not something people prone to depression or those going through difficult times need right now, that's for sure. Was nice to see the sun yesterday - hopefully we'll get more tomorrow.

[OMG!WTF!]

I think the smoke might have depressed some people too.



I had an feeling about an old buddy yesterday and so looked him up on Facebook. He just committed suicide last week. Strange. Seems like middle age is a tough one for men.



That also brings up an already alarming total in my life. I have had so many family and friends commit suicide. It's just crazy.

[Puppet Guy]

I've wanted to add something for a while, but was having trouble articulating it. Here goes.

I've just emerged from about a 6-week visit from the Depression Monkey, and this was the worst one I've had in about three years. The Depression Monkey is no cutesy Curious George-type - he's more like King Kong. And when he visits he plants himself right on my shoulders and punches me in the back of the head, and wrecks my will to function. I was a wreck at work, and at home, and it took all sorts of will power to even get out of bed.

I'm a bit of a lone wolf, so it's hard for me to ask for help and I just carry it. At the same time, I've never been shy to talk about depression. If someone asked how my day was, I'd tell them what was going on. And the thing I discovered was every single person, no matter how well I knew them, was immediately asking if they could help. I got all kinds of encouragement from people I might usually just have a "hello" in common with. It didn't stop The Monkey from being there, but it made his visit a bit more bearable.

Guess the point I'm trying to make is that it doesn't hurt to let others know you're hurting. We've got a long way socially to go recognizing mental illness, but we HAVE made general improvements. Talk to someone. Hell, talk to ME if you need to. I'm no judge.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Puppet Guy

I've wanted to add something for a while, but was having trouble articulating it. Here goes.

I've just emerged from about a 6-week visit from the Depression Monkey, and this was the worst one I've had in about three years. The Depression Monkey is no cutesy Curious George-type - he's more like King Kong. And when he visits he plants himself right on my shoulders and punches me in the back of the head, and wrecks my will to function. I was a wreck at work, and at home, and it took all sorts of will power to even get out of bed.

I'm a bit of a lone wolf, so it's hard for me to ask for help and I just carry it. At the same time, I've never been shy to talk about depression. If someone asked how my day was, I'd tell them what was going on. And the thing I discovered was every single person, no matter how well I knew them, was immediately asking if they could help. I got all kinds of encouragement from people I might usually just have a "hello" in common with. It didn't stop The Monkey from being there, but it made his visit a bit more bearable.

Guess the point I'm trying to make is that it doesn't hurt to let others know you're hurting. We've got a long way socially to go recognizing mental illness, but we HAVE made general improvements. Talk to someone. Hell, talk to ME if you need to. I'm no judge.

Joke: You should have a puppet Judge.

Serious: I'm sorry to hear that but its great that the people around you are understanding.

When you first started feeling this way, what did you do?

[Matt Reeeeead]

Those are great points puppet guy.

Opening yourself up to being vulnerable with people also gives them a comfort to do the same in a no judge zone.

It’s a great thing, and would be healthy if more people were able to do it more often without fear. Unfortunately, there are a lot of judgements out there that make this easier said than done.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[CaptainCrunch]

I'm glad to see that there are some good discussions going on here. I guess that was partially my intention, but also I needed to vent.


How am I?


Its a question that I've gotten over the last couple of days. I don't know how to quantify it, or fold it or bend it into a shape that's useful. I feel more angry then anything. I'm mad at the situation, I'm mad at the family member, I'm worried about the people that he he's hurt or effected their life and their mental state.


When people say they're not in a good place right now, I used to think, that its something that they can work through or get better with the passage of time.


With everything that's happening in my life over the last few months, I feel like that tunnel isn't going to end, or that I can't stop being angry.


I know its going to end, and that there's some kinda metaphysical bandage that can be applied to the recent cuts in my life. I just want to know when.


I use a lot of movie stuff. I still remember a segment from the movie Leap of Faith, when they talk about a town that hasn't gotten rain in a long time and their crops won't grow. Steve Martin sermonizes and asks the question


"when you say to me Jonas, when's it gonna rain"


"all I can say is when's it gonna stop"

[redforever]

Sometimes little things can make a difference.

So instead of saying "can I help", say "what can I do to help?"

If you are suggesting they seek professional help, ask them if you can set up an appointment and would they feel better if you went with them.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

I'm glad to see that there are some good discussions going on here. I guess that was partially my intention, but also I needed to vent.

How am I?

Its a question that I've gotten over the last couple of days. I don't know how to quantify it, or fold it or bend it into a shape that's useful. I feel more angry then anything. I'm mad at the situation, I'm mad at the family member, I'm worried about the people that he he's hurt or effected their life and their mental state.

When people say they're not in a good place right now, I used to think, that its something that they can work through or get better with the passage of time.

With everything that's happening in my life over the last few months, I feel like that tunnel isn't going to end, or that I can't stop being angry.

I know its going to end, and that there's some kinda metaphysical bandage that can be applied to the recent cuts in my life. I just want to know when.

I use a lot of movie stuff. I still remember a segment from the movie Leap of Faith, when they talk about a town that hasn't gotten rain in a long time and their crops won't grow. Steve Martin sermonizes and asks the question

"when you say to me Jonas, when's it gonna rain"

"all I can say is when's it gonna stop"

How to Cope When a Loved One Commits Suicide

It's okay to wonder why: Many suicide victims do not leave a note. Even if they do, you can still struggle with what drove them to the point that they felt this was necessary. Unfortunately, you can't always get answers, but it's alright to ask.

It's alright to be angry: When a drunk driver causes an accident that takes a loved one's life, you know who to be angry at. When someone commits suicide, though, the person who did it and the victim are the same. Thoughts like "How could he do that to us?" or "Didn't she care about us?" are extremely common and also perfectly natural.

Blaming yourself is natural (but it's not your fault): When something tragic happens, we want to believe we could've prevented it. This instinct doesn't pair well with the first bullet on this list. It's easy to imagine a "what if" scenarios. The problem is that this often only makes us feel worse. While feelings of guilt are totally normal, be aware that ultimately, the choice was theirs and try not to be so hard on yourself.

https://lifehacker.com/how-to-cope-w...ide-1663171935

Some will argue that people who take their lives were taking the easy way out which in turn becomes a part of the anger process of grieving. I ask that you consider the below quote Captain.

Suicide is not a matter of choice. The profound depression that motivates most suicides is a disease. This disease causes a level of pain so profound that it twists one’s ability to assess risk, to make good choices, to maintain a sense of future possibilities.When people act out of this depression, they are not exercising free choice. They are falling victim to a disease. This disease is not about logic or self interest. It is about an immediate desire to be dead

[Reggie Dunlop]

Sorry for your loss CC.

There are many resources out there, and I hope you find your stride.

[Puppet Guy]

Originally Posted by Locke

Joke: You should have a puppet Judge.

Serious: I'm sorry to hear that but its great that the people around you are understanding.

When you first started feeling this way, what did you do?

This one was strange - there's usually a day or two each month where the Monkey makes his presence felt, but this one turned into three days and then into a week. I just kept carrying on as best I could, and then I looked back and noticed it was three weeks worth of sadness. By that point all I could do was weather out the storm. And when it was through September was over with a big chunk of August thrown in before that.

Depression is rarely caused by just one thing. Usually there's about ten small things that tip the scale, and that's what happened here. And more kept joining the pile.

I always preach exercise as a tonic, and it helps a lot, but I was too down to even do that. Strangely, this time the lower I got the more creative energy I seemed to have, so a lot of basement projects and crafts with the kids got done. I think letting some kind of muse take over - if you're a runner or a painter or a writer or whatever let it have free reign - helps light the darkness.


...and a judge puppet is an idea I'm going to hold onto for future reference.

[Puppet Guy]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

I'm glad to see that there are some good discussions going on here. I guess that was partially my intention, but also I needed to vent.


How am I?


Its a question that I've gotten over the last couple of days. I don't know how to quantify it, or fold it or bend it into a shape that's useful. I feel more angry then anything. I'm mad at the situation, I'm mad at the family member, I'm worried about the people that he he's hurt or effected their life and their mental state.


When people say they're not in a good place right now, I used to think, that its something that they can work through or get better with the passage of time.


With everything that's happening in my life over the last few months, I feel like that tunnel isn't going to end, or that I can't stop being angry.


I know its going to end, and that there's some kinda metaphysical bandage that can be applied to the recent cuts in my life. I just want to know when.


I use a lot of movie stuff. I still remember a segment from the movie Leap of Faith, when they talk about a town that hasn't gotten rain in a long time and their crops won't grow. Steve Martin sermonizes and asks the question


"when you say to me Jonas, when's it gonna rain"


"all I can say is when's it gonna stop"

Right now, be good to YOU. Walk when you feel the walls closing in. Enjoy your indulgences (if you're a coffee guy or BLTs or whatever, indulge and thoroughly enjoy it). Watch reruns you love. Get some sunlight (not an easy thing lately around here, but take it when it's there). If a hobby helps, dive right in - I'll buy you a lump of modelling clay if you want. Talk to your trusted circle and hold nothing back. Don't beat yourself up - you're important and you need to do what reminds you of that. Don't give up.

[Jiri Hrdina]

Originally Posted by FireFly

I hesitated to post in this thread because I don't want to take away from anyone who is clinically depressed and needs to get help.

I do want to point out that the weather in Calgary for the last 6 or 7 weeks or so has been unusual in that we haven't had much sunlight. I am one who suffers from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and while I haven't actually felt the effects of it since I lived in Kelowna, I have been feeling it lately.
All this is to say that for those of you who may only be feeling some depression recently and perhaps not as drastic as suicidal thoughts, may want to consider looking into light therapy as well. Or for those of you who do have depression, please consider light therapy in addition to your other treatments.

I find it amazing how much the weather affects us and while we are blessed to live in an area with a lot of sunlight hours, this year has been atypical. There are probably a few of you who have been feeling a little more down lately and could use some additional vitamin D.



Again, this is not to say that if you are having suicidal thoughts you should try light therapy! This is just a reminder that there are other factors affecting our mental health at play and for those who may not have a clinical level of depression but are still feeling out of sorts, there may be help for you as well.

I use light therapy as well after struggling through a couple of hard winters. It helps my insomnia and mood overall.
Light management is really important. I also use a pear of blue-light removing glasses at night to help prepare for sleeping while still being able to watch TV.

These are seemingly small things, that aren't silver bullets, but can help.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Puppet Guy

This one was strange - there's usually a day or two each month where the Monkey makes his presence felt, but this one turned into three days and then into a week. I just kept carrying on as best I could, and then I looked back and noticed it was three weeks worth of sadness. By that point all I could do was weather out the storm. And when it was through September was over with a big chunk of August thrown in before that.

Depression is rarely caused by just one thing. Usually there's about ten small things that tip the scale, and that's what happened here. And more kept joining the pile.

I always preach exercise as a tonic, and it helps a lot, but I was too down to even do that. Strangely, this time the lower I got the more creative energy I seemed to have, so a lot of basement projects and crafts with the kids got done. I think letting some kind of muse take over - if you're a runner or a painter or a writer or whatever let it have free reign - helps light the darkness.


...and a judge puppet is an idea I'm going to hold onto for future reference.

See, this is the thing: I think people like you who have experienced it really need to speak out because people like me wouldnt notice.

Therein lies the issue. You dont want people to notice, and I think the majority of people dont, but if they actually do it makes things better for everyone.

You're not 'just inexplicably grumpy or aloof,' and others arent 'insensitive jerks,' it helps when people can understand one another.

So your input on this is really helpful.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by Jiri Hrdina

I use light therapy as well after struggling through a couple of hard winters. It helps my insomnia and mood overall.
Light management is really important. I also use a pear of blue-light removing glasses at night to help prepare for sleeping while still being able to watch TV.

These are seemingly small things, that aren't silver bullets, but can help.

I bought one of those bright light therapy lamps last winter and it made a world of difference. I turn it on the morning when i'm online reading the news or posting on this site for about 20 minutes.

[Puppet Guy]

Originally Posted by Locke

See, this is the thing: I think people like you who have experienced it really need to speak out because people like me wouldnt notice.

Therein lies the issue. You dont want people to notice, and I think the majority of people dont, but if they actually do it makes things better for everyone.

You're not 'just inexplicably grumpy or aloof,' and others arent 'insensitive jerks,' it helps when people can understand one another.

So your input on this is really helpful.

Like I said earlier, we've made progress socially in talking about it, but the stigma is still attached to depression. Still hard for people to understand that it's a matter of chemicals and not a lack of character. That sadly applies to people suffering with it as well as those seeing people who suffer.

[Puppet Guy]

Bump for World Mental Health Day.

While there is a World ‘Day’ for almost everything, today – World Mental Health Day – feels particularly significant and worthy of attention.

Mental health problems are one of the main causes of disease burden worldwide.
In the UK approximately one in four people will experience a mental health problem each year.
And one in six report experiencing one of the most common problems, such as anxiety and depression, in any given week.

Days like today at the very least, bring global attention to an important conversation and provide an opportunity for people to share and speak up more publicly about their own experiences.

In our increasingly online and social media-filled world, the necessity for people to hear the raw truth of what is really going on has become somewhat of a lifeline. Humans need to create meaning around their experiences to make sense of their lives and stories enable us to do so.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/daniell.../#24313402513d

[Erick Estrada]

I'm going to agree with everyone talking about the effect of the weather. I've been in the dumps (not a deep depression or anything) for weeks now and the only thing I can put my finger on is the terribad weather we have been having since September and the lack of sunshine seems to be making me constantly grumpy.

I'm coming to the point where I feel I'm no longer compatible with Calgary weather as the ups and mostly downs are having an impact on my frame of mind. The amount of sun light was one of the few redeeming things about Calgary weather and now we aren't getting much of that anymore I just don't know if I want to live in such a cold and gloomy place. If it's not going to be sunny there's so much milder places to live in this country.