Mitch Hedberg on Comedy Network - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

JiriHrdina · 11-12-2006, 12:04 AM

I know there's some fans of this late great comedian - special stand up performance on him on right now on The Comedy Network.

Perhaps my all time favourite stand-up.

Temporary_User · 11-12-2006, 12:11 AM

I love Mitch! Great style, Great Jokes.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=nOnsH29qKzY
MODS: if that link is unacceptable please just remove it. I don't think it is though, because it's Youtube.

KevanGuy · 11-12-2006, 12:15 AM

Thanks for the reminder dude. His material is pure genius and there is plenty of it.

ken0042 · 11-12-2006, 12:22 AM

For those of you with satellite it repeats at 11:30 on Comedy East, and then for everybody it repeats at 2:30 on Comedy West.

I set my DVR. Thanks Jiri!

HelloHockeyFans · 11-12-2006, 12:50 AM

Oh man thanks for the reminder G... hilarious!

MrMastodonFarm · 11-12-2006, 12:59 AM

Anyone ever try to repeat a Mitch Hedberg joke? It fails miserably until you do it in his voice.. his delivery is amazing.

Quote:

You know, there's a fishing show on TV. They catch the fish, but they let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, but they do want to make it late for something. A fish would say, "You're late!" "I got caught." "Bull****! Let me see the inside of your lip.

If you've ever heard this line, hearing him say inside of your lip is hilarious on itself.. such unique delivery.

Quote:

I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool. It was thirty seconds long. You know why? Because that's the maximum amount of time you can depict youself having fun in an above-ground pool. If it was thirty-one seconds, the actors would have been like "What should I do know? Pass the ball back to Jimmy? Or put some goggles on and look at his feet?!? I can't even drown my knee caps

Quote:

I like an escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be a "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, only "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience

Heard that line, and a Yoplay yogurt line "Fruit on bottom, hope on top" on the Dr. Katz show many years ago, been a Hedberg fan ever since.

Hemi-Cuda · 11-12-2006, 06:33 AM

everytime i read his jokes in print, i automatically have his voice in my head telling them. there is just no other way to read it

icarus · 11-12-2006, 07:19 AM

So true about trying to retell a Mitch Hedberg joke. No one laughs. But if they hear the original they will die laughing.

"I bought a donut, and they gave me a receipt. I don't need a receipt for the donut. I just give you the money and you give me the dount. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a situation where I would have to prove that I bought a donut. Some skeptical friend: "Hey man! Don't you even act like I didn't buy that donut! I have the documentation right here...oh...it's at home...in the file...under D."

"I want to be a race car passenger. Just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say, man, can I turn on the radio?" "You should slow down." "Why we gotta keep going in circles?" "Can I put my feet out the window?" "You really like Tide."

No comedian in history that I know of had better one-liners than Mitch.

"I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."

Dan · 11-12-2006, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by icarus

"I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."

lol, i've never heard that one, that's hilarious

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

timbit · 11-12-2006, 11:10 AM

"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. 'Damn it, Otto, you're an alcoholic.' 'Damn it, Otto, you have lupus.' One of those two doesn't sound right."

Table 5 · 11-12-2006, 11:22 AM

man, this thread is hillarious. brings back some great memories....

Sidney Crosby's Hat · 11-12-2006, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dan

lol, i've never heard that one, that's hilarious

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."

Later versions of that joke, he added "unless you're a table"

LGA · 11-12-2006, 11:29 PM

Love Hedberg's material, and the way he sounds permastoned at any moment in time.

He made me realize big foot was just an out of focus monster.

Eastern Girl · 11-12-2006, 11:32 PM

He's definitely one of my favourites. This was always one of my faves of his:

"Some people say they accept everyone whether they be black, white, red, yellow, brown, purple or green. Come on, that's going a bit too far. To hell with purple people. Unless they are choking. Then help them."

Jiggy_12 · 11-13-2006, 12:02 AM

Mitch was the best.

HelloHockeyFans · 11-13-2006, 12:07 AM

"Dogs are forever in the push-up position."

MrMastodonFarm · 11-13-2006, 12:11 AM

Luckily enough on the way home this evening one of the comedy stations on XM radio had some Hedberg stuff on. This was one of them

Quote:

I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it. "I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread" "So do I" "Well let's form a club then" "But we need some more stipulations" "Yes we do. Instead of cutting the sandwich once, let's cut it again" "Yes. Four triangles. And we will position them into a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips...or potato salad" "Ok." "Let me ask you a question, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?" "I'm for 'em." "Well then, this club is formed. Spread the word on menus nationwide" "I like my sandwiches with alfalafa sprouts" "Well, then you're not in the ****ing club

Is it possible to say these lines without hearing Mitch's voice in your head?

Jiggy_12 · 11-13-2006, 12:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrMastodonFarm

Is it possible to say these lines without hearing Mitch's voice in your head?

Nope.

The way he says it makes the joke. One of a kind.

Hemi-Cuda · 11-13-2006, 03:26 AM

one of my favorites is

I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "**** it. Cut 'em up."

MrMastodonFarm · 11-22-2006, 05:26 PM

My first exposure to Mitch.. so funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftCcH5PMeIM