Beerfund – Don’t eat that!
Phlanthropist, Born Tristan Quincy Cook on Feb 29 1976 in Berlin, Germany. He was orphaned by the age of 7, and brought up by his elder brother, Johann Francis Cook, organist for Eisbaeren Berlin of the German Elite Hockey League. He attended private school in Lüneburg, before in 1988 moving to Canada. He and his brother relocated to Regina Saskatchewan but were disappointed when they found out their translation did not mean what they thought it did.
Beerfund and Johan lost all of their money on an unwise investment. With the unsuccessful launch of “Mouse on a stick” all of their resources went down the drain and they had to go on welfare.
Penniless Beerfund could not hold a job and would regularly beg for money outside liquor stores, that is how Beerfund got his name.
Barely scraping a living and having to eat whatever he could find helped Beerfund develop an very interesting digestive system. He discovered that he could now eat anything, that’s right, ANYTHING! There is no known substance to man that Beerfund can not stomach. However the most amazing thing is that his waste turns to
gold. He was inducted into the Guinness Book of World records in 2001 and his life turned around.
Hired by Hydro-Québec in 2001 Beerfund has been eating nuclear waste for the last 5 years and has amassed over $5 billion dollars in assets and also saved the environment at the same time.
In 2003 he married a cousin, Crystal Chanda Leer, they do not have any children as of yet, but do own 29 cats. They live in Montreal, Quebec, and have homes in Ketchum, Idaho; Nantucket, Massachusetts; Pugwash Nova Scotia; and Washington, D.C.
Beerfund is also the General Manager of the Montreal Canadiens in the CPHL (no one else can stomach the job).
Stay tuned for the next CPHL Biography: droopydrew19 - I can catch lightning, can you?
CPHL Biography #3 - Beerfund
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Glad you picked that up. I hope people also noticed that yesterday antithesis' kids are named after the Jackson 5.
