About 10 years ago before Chinook station had all the renos done to it, I was on the train during rush hour, facing out towards the west. As the train headed southbound past the lights on 61st ave and underneath the pedestrian overpass to pull into the station, I noticed a naked man who looked like Christopher Lloyd in Back To The Future standing in the area circled below.
Right as train passed this section, I noticed he was jacking off. Like his head snapping back and forth with hair waving everywhere, standing up fully nude, just beating his meat. Not a single person on the train noticed, except me. We made eye contact and held it for about 3 seconds. I cringed, he kept wacking off. I turned to the guy next to me and asked if he saw that. "Saw what?". I'll never forget the look in his eyes, the expression on his face, and just how hairy he was.
So I was camping near Lacombe, and we're having a camp fire, and all of a sudden slowly across the sky go like 6 or 7 large balls of orange light, going from north to south, in two groups. I thought it was pretty freaky, but figured i'd just google it when I got home for the explanation...google couldn't tell me anything!
I have no idea what the heck those things were. To this day i tell myself they were Chinese lanterns, but i think these are going to remain as U(nidentified)FO's
So I was camping near Lacombe, and we're having a camp fire, and all of a sudden slowly across the sky go like 6 or 7 large balls of orange light, going from north to south, in two groups. I thought it was pretty freaky, but figured i'd just google it when I got home for the explanation...google couldn't tell me anything!
I have no idea what the heck those things were. To this day i tell myself they were Chinese lanterns, but i think these are going to remain as U(nidentified)FO's
Did you notice a loss of time?
A smell of ozone
Your butt resembling the Brooklyn Tunnel?
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In December, there was a night where I was restless and awake. Around 3:30AM I saw the back porch light turn on (when there is movement in the backyard).
Started investigating and heard a noise in the garage.
Opened the door, and two homeless people, completely naked, were screwing. Without announcing my presence, I opened the garage door and I just see these two naked bodies take off.
I now lock my garage door.
Yes....that seems like the wise course of action.
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This Post Has Been Distilled for the Eradication of Seemingly Incurable Sadness.
The World Ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. - Flames Fans
If you thought this season would have a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention.
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One rainy night, I went with the husband to Bookers. When I say it was raining, I’m drastically understating the situation. It was storming fit to break the sky. Massive claps of thunder. Daggers of lighting. Buckets of water dropping out of the sky.
Bookers, jammed to the rafters, and rocking hard. Black Cherry Perry was on stage that night – wailing away on the harmonica like his soul was on fire. Honestly, you’ve never heard a man play the harmonica that loud, or in such fits of bluesy passion.
It was like Twin Peaks inside of that joint.
In one corner, a blind man. Ostensibly on a blind date. Seeing eye dog sitting at his feet. Neatly pressed shirt. A single rose on the table in front of him. His lady friend has not yet joined him. I’m afraid to say it, but I’m pretty sure he got stood up that night.
In the centre of the room, a large and boisterous birthday party. Many happy women knocking back wine like it’s going out of style. Buckets of crab. Platters of ribs. They even had those bacon-martini things where they bring you a big slab of bacon with your gin. Balloons everywhere. Lots and lots of balloons.
And the midget. The mentally handicapped midget. The mentally handicapped midget wearing jodhpurs. The mentally handicapped, jodhpur-wearing midget who is pretending to film the interior with his imaginary 1930’s style hand-crank camera. Listlessly, though. It was like he put on the outfit, went out, and pretended to film people, but then discovered his heart wasn’t really in it for some reason. Say what you will about this man, he was an excellent mime. We could almost see his pretend-camera. He was that good. Suspension of disbelief was almost total.
Savage thunder-storm. Black Cherry Perry bringing down the house. Blind man on a blind date. Seeing eye dog pushed to the edge of reason. Shrieking d drunk women celebrating a birthday. Bacon everywhere. Sad looking Jodhpur-wearing midget with a pretend movie camera. Check.
Then the power went out. The room was plunged into pitch blackness. And all hell broke loose.
Black Cherry never missed a beat. When your name is Black Cherry Perry and you’ve got a snake-skin jacket AND a soul on fire, you need no microphone! He kept on wailing away in true artistic style. The seeing eye-dog, though, he lost his ####. He completely snapped and broke away from the blind-guy and leapt up onto the table with the drunken birthday women. The glowing red emergency lights clicked on just as the dog was in full leap. So here’s this big, beefy German shepherd, looking for all the world like a hell-hound with a job to do, growling, mouth open, leaping through the air toward a bunch of drunk women. Who naturally freak out and start screaming, waving their arms, knocking over chairs, and releasing a flight of birthday balloons into the air. None of which concerns the dog. He’s been cooped up in a hot, damp, noisy blues bar and taunted by the scent of ribs and bacon. He has one aim in mind and that’s to hoover back as many birthday appetizers as he can. So while the dog is chewing down the length of the table, snapping up ribs and bacon, the blind guy is calling frantically for his dog.
Or we think so. Because the noise. The noise! Black Cherry Perry is on a one-man mission to prove that you can cause permanent hearing damage without an amplifier. About a dozen women are screaming and crying, and no one, I mean no one, can hear what the blind man is yelling.
The scene was total chaos. Balloons. Harmonicas. Crying women. Seeing eye-dogs pushed well beyond the point of reason. There were crab-bits everywhere.
And in that glowing- red chaos, me and the midget shared a moment of understanding.
“Go!” I whispered to him. “This is YOUR moment!!”
And he charge-waddled off into the crowd energetically pretend-filming the frenzied scene with his pretend movie camera. Man, I sure hope he got all the shots.
It was quite the strangest night at a crab-shack I ever had.
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I went for a consultation with a Doctor last month about getting snipped.
I was waiting in the examination room, when the adjacent door slid open. There was my Doctor at his desk with a dachshund in his lap.
Wiener Doctor with a Wiener Dog. For reals.
lol, me to. On 4 street mission area.
uh huh. you never really forget that smell... or sound...
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I’m always amazed these sportscasters and announcers can call the game with McDavid’s **** in their mouths all the time.
When I was 16 and growing up in small town Alberta, we used to have bush parties every weekend night out at "The Pitts" and every night a couple of us with pickups would drive to the Shell bulk fuel station and fill the boxes of our trucks with pallets to burn for the night.
One night, while the fire was raging on, one of the guys out there decided it would be exciting to jump on a jerrycan lying on its side and spray gas into the fire. Everyone was laughing and in awe for the first couple jumps but by the 3rd or 4th attempt a hole must've burned or formed into the side of the jerrycan facing up.
As he landed, gasoline sprayed all over him and he was immediately completely engulfed in flames. People were screaming at him to stop, drop and roll but he was yelling that there's glass everywhere (because after years of partying there, there was), so he ran a good 50 yards before finally rolling into a ditch full of long grass. Upon getting up from the help of some friends there was stuff hanging from him to which my friend standing next to me says, "man, look at all the grass that stuck to him" and I sadly had to help him to the realization that it wasn't grass but his melted skin dangling from his body.
His close buddies were telling him he needs to go to the hospital but he was so drunk and in shock, he wanted to just keep partying. Luckily his friends finally convinced him to head into town. He was flown to U of A that night and spent the next 6 months or so in intensive care.
In December, there was a night where I was restless and awake. Around 3:30AM I saw the back porch light turn on (when there is movement in the backyard).
Started investigating and heard a noise in the garage.
Opened the door, and two homeless people, completely naked, were screwing. Without announcing my presence, I opened the garage door and I just see these two naked bodies take off.
I now lock my garage door.
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When I was 16 and growing up in small town Alberta, we used to have bush parties every weekend night out at "The Pitts" and every night a couple of us with pickups would drive to the Shell bulk fuel station and fill the boxes of our trucks with pallets to burn for the night.
One night, while the fire was raging on, one of the guys out there decided it would be exciting to jump on a jerrycan lying on its side and spray gas into the fire. Everyone was laughing and in awe for the first couple jumps but by the 3rd or 4th attempt a hole must've burned or formed into the side of the jerrycan facing up.
As he landed, gasoline sprayed all over him and he was immediately completely engulfed in flames. People were screaming at him to stop, drop and roll but he was yelling that there's glass everywhere (because after years of partying there, there was), so he ran a good 50 yards before finally rolling into a ditch full of long grass. Upon getting up from the help of some friends there was stuff hanging from him to which my friend standing next to me says, "man, look at all the grass that stuck to him" and I sadly had to help him to the realization that it wasn't grass but his melted skin dangling from his body.
His close buddies were telling him he needs to go to the hospital but he was so drunk and in shock, he wanted to just keep partying. Luckily his friends finally convinced him to head into town. He was flown to U of A that night and spent the next 6 months or so in intensive care.
One rainy night, I went with the husband to Bookers. When I say it was raining, I’m drastically understating the situation. It was storming fit to break the sky. Massive claps of thunder. Daggers of lighting. Buckets of water dropping out of the sky.
Bookers, jammed to the rafters, and rocking hard. Black Cherry Perry was on stage that night – wailing away on the harmonica like his soul was on fire. Honestly, you’ve never heard a man play the harmonica that loud, or in such fits of bluesy passion.
It was like Twin Peaks inside of that joint.
In one corner, a blind man. Ostensibly on a blind date. Seeing eye dog sitting at his feet. Neatly pressed shirt. A single rose on the table in front of him. His lady friend has not yet joined him. I’m afraid to say it, but I’m pretty sure he got stood up that night.
In the centre of the room, a large and boisterous birthday party. Many happy women knocking back wine like it’s going out of style. Buckets of crab. Platters of ribs. They even had those bacon-martini things where they bring you a big slab of bacon with your gin. Balloons everywhere. Lots and lots of balloons.
And the midget. The mentally handicapped midget. The mentally handicapped midget wearing jodhpurs. The mentally handicapped, jodhpur-wearing midget who is pretending to film the interior with his imaginary 1930’s style hand-crank camera. Listlessly, though. It was like he put on the outfit, went out, and pretended to film people, but then discovered his heart wasn’t really in it for some reason. Say what you will about this man, he was an excellent mime. We could almost see his pretend-camera. He was that good. Suspension of disbelief was almost total.
Savage thunder-storm. Black Cherry Perry bringing down the house. Blind man on a blind date. Seeing eye dog pushed to the edge of reason. Shrieking d drunk women celebrating a birthday. Bacon everywhere. Sad looking Jodhpur-wearing midget with a pretend movie camera. Check.
Then the power went out. The room was plunged into pitch blackness. And all hell broke loose.
Black Cherry never missed a beat. When your name is Black Cherry Perry and you’ve got a snake-skin jacket AND a soul on fire, you need no microphone! He kept on wailing away in true artistic style. The seeing eye-dog, though, he lost his ####. He completely snapped and broke away from the blind-guy and leapt up onto the table with the drunken birthday women. The glowing red emergency lights clicked on just as the dog was in full leap. So here’s this big, beefy German shepherd, looking for all the world like a hell-hound with a job to do, growling, mouth open, leaping through the air toward a bunch of drunk women. Who naturally freak out and start screaming, waving their arms, knocking over chairs, and releasing a flight of birthday balloons into the air. None of which concerns the dog. He’s been cooped up in a hot, damp, noisy blues bar and taunted by the scent of ribs and bacon. He has one aim in mind and that’s to hoover back as many birthday appetizers as he can. So while the dog is chewing down the length of the table, snapping up ribs and bacon, the blind guy is calling frantically for his dog.
Or we think so. Because the noise. The noise! Black Cherry Perry is on a one-man mission to prove that you can cause permanent hearing damage without an amplifier. About a dozen women are screaming and crying, and no one, I mean no one, can hear what the blind man is yelling.
The scene was total chaos. Balloons. Harmonicas. Crying women. Seeing eye-dogs pushed well beyond the point of reason. There were crab-bits everywhere.
And in that glowing- red chaos, me and the midget shared a moment of understanding.
“Go!” I whispered to him. “This is YOUR moment!!”
And he charge-waddled off into the crowd energetically pretend-filming the frenzied scene with his pretend movie camera. Man, I sure hope he got all the shots.
It was quite the strangest night at a crab-shack I ever had.
Beat some pots and pans together and you have yourself a Tom Waits song.
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No, town north of Edmonton. It was summer. Similar story from those parts?
Yep. A bush party to celebrate Halloween went bad. A friend was dressed in an old Hawaiian grass skirt and painted dark to match an islander. His skirt caught fire and drunk teenagers thought throwing booze in him would put out the fire. He spent bout a year in the U of A hospital recovering from his burns and multimillion dollar operations.
The thread should have been closed after annasuave's story because no one is going to top that but what the hell I might as well contribute to the thread. Two stories, one at work and one while drinking.
Work: We were commissioning a pumping station and started everything up just fine. After a couple minutes though the motors unexpectedly shut down. It was very quiet for a few seconds and then all of a sudden the water we had been pumping uphill came back and the hammer hit. The air valves instantly failed with massive geysers of high pressure water shooting everywhere. I was standing there in a state of shock and awe before my boss yelled at me to get the hell out of there. Eventually the pressure subsided and one of the technicians ran inside and closed off the valves stopping the water. We then all ran inside and tried to salvage as much project documentation as possible because it was all foolishly stored in cardboard boxes inside the station.
Drinking: When I was backpacking around Australia I had a very interesting night at a bar called Cheeky Monkey's in Byron Bay. All sorts of crazy things happened to me that night but by far the craziest was witnessing a fight between three girls. I was just on my way to the toilet when I rounded a corner and all of a sudden this fight broke out. I have no idea how or why it started and why three of them were fighting each other but there I was with a front row seat. It was pretty intense too there was kicking, screaming, punching, hair pulling and clothes ripping. Eventually the fight ended up on the ground and a combination of bouncers showing up and the girls tiring out caused it to end. All three of them then stood up to walk away and without first noticing their shirts had been ripped off and there were now 6 gorgeous exposed breasts in my view. It took them a few seconds to notice and then they all covered them up with their hands and ran off in different directions. Good times!
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