Dating a friends ex.

[Galakanokis]

I would do it. A good friend would see you are not being malicious and are coming from a good place. Talk to him and see what happens. good buddies can patch damn near anything up over a few beers.

[J-Rhombus]

Interesting conundrum. I also have a buddy. Now this buddy's still technically married, but I'd like to start seeing his wife. They ARE separated. What do I do?

EDIT: Forgot to mention that I saw her first and called dibs 16 years ago, so him marrying her was a real dick move.

[shermanator]

What I'm learning while reading this thread is that you should never take advice from polak.

[Language]

I was seeing a girl for a year, broke up, and now she's seeing one of my friends. Not awkward whatsoever, for any of us. He's happy, she's happy (I think) and I'm in a relationship and happy too.

There's no right or wrong answer. Some people will have good experiences, some bad, and some very bad.

At the end of the day, do what feels right for the two of you. However, I would bring it up with her ex/your friend as well.

[squiggs96]

Originally Posted by Jason14h

Maybe we could all donate and just get your a hooker? Save you a lot of headaches!

Or at least some Ikea furniture and a gym pass.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by shermanator

What I'm learning while reading this thread is that you should never take advice from polak.

well played

[polak]

Originally Posted by shermanator

What I'm learning while reading this thread is that you should never take advice from polak.

I'd say almost everyone gave the same advice as me?

[HotHotHeat]

Originally Posted by J-Rhombus

Interesting conundrum. I also have a buddy. Now this buddy's still technically married, but I'd like to start seeing his wife. They ARE separated. What do I do?

Head down, power through.

[Fuzz]

Originally Posted by Language

I was seeing a girl for a year, broke up, and now she's seeing one of my friends. Not awkward whatsoever, for any of us. He's happy, she's happy (I think) and I'm in a relationship and happy too.

There's no right or wrong answer. Some people will have good experiences, some bad, and some very bad.

At the end of the day, do what feels right for the two of you. However, I would bring it up with her ex/your friend as well.

Similar situation, buddy asked if it was OK with me, and I was kinda surprised, because why should I care? Told him to go for it. We are all great friends still.

OP situation is a little different due to kids. I'd definitely have a good chat with him about it. If he says it's fine, it may not be. Go with your gut, you should know if he means it or not if you have been friends that long.

[blankall]

Too many people attempting to apply logic to the situation. If the buddy's feelings are hurt or he just doesn't like the situation, he has not contractual obligation to continue hanging out with you or being a friend. That's just the way it is. You risk losing a friend anytime you date their ex or even somebody he wanted to date but never did.

OP is aware of that or he wouldn't be asking. Proceed with caution, but continued friendship is far from guaranteed if you do.

[Jason14h]

There's also a big difference between dating a buddies ex and dating a buddies ex WIFE who he has CHILDREN with.....

[blankall]

Nm

[Rathji]

I can imagine it would not go well.

I was involved in something a little similar a long time ago and it was just bad news. Things are patched up now because the woman was nuts...

[CalgaryFan1988]

Thanks for all the responses so far. If we didn't look at each other and immediately smile, it wouldn't even be up for debate.

I worry that once the "romance" period fades, if it fades, I'll be left without the girl and without the friend.

The ex in question is very possessive, so I'm leaning towards him not being cool with it. I know he wants me to be happy, so it's really quite the scenario.

These things I get myself into.....

[J pold]

I don't understand how with there being so many women out there why you would want to hone in on a buddies ex. Is there no other option that would have much less baggage and potential for drama? Also not to call out your lady but I would be 100% without a doubt sure that she was doing this because she was into me and was not try to get back at her ex, even subconsciously. People can hold strong emotions towards someone for along time, especially if there are children involved. That being said if he's cool, and she's cool, and you're cool go for it?

[SuperMatt18]

Another thing I think you do need to do is really make sure this girl is worth it, because losing a friend of 30 years isn't going to be worth it just for somebody you have a 6 month fling with.

Don't look back at just the last little while when you have been romantically chatting with her (the potential of sex can cloud one's judgement).

Think of the whole time you have known her, and take into consideration some of the complaints that your buddy had with her during their relationship as well.

Also I'm not sure I would let the fact that she knows and understands what you've been through play into the equation either. It is likely that you are very comfortable with her because she would have already known what you have been through with your wife, making it much easier to open up to her about it, opposed to just somebody that you would have met off the street.

It's likely that there are plenty of women out there that will sympathize with you if you just feel comfortable enough with them to open up to them about it.

In the end it's your call, and if you think she is worth it and really want to do it then you shouldn't let a bunch of guys on a hockey forum tell you what to do. Just make sure you understand the risks of doing so, and are sure she is worth losing a friend.

[VladtheImpaler]

Interesting topic. Much better than politics or terrorists.
Pylon, I am sorry, but you are simply wrong. Whether it's a Pylon issue or just bad luck issue. My wife is my best friend and vice versa. I would rather spend time with her than anyone else.
For the OP, I would say - just think through exactly how you feel about the woman in question. If you truly believe she could be IT, and you are not just lonely/horny, go for it. Don't want to be having regrets for years...

[CalgaryFan1988]

Originally Posted by J pold

I don't understand how with there being so many women out there why you would want to hone in on a buddies ex. Is there no other option that would have much less baggage and potential for drama? Also not to call out your lady but I would be 100% without a doubt sure that she was doing this because she was into me and was not try to get back at her ex, even subconsciously. People can hold strong emotions towards someone for along time, especially if there are children involved. That being said if he's cool, and she's cool, and you're cool go for it?

I didn't "hone" in on her. She came after me, said she liked me for a long time, etc...

As far as her getting back at her ex, there are a lot of ways of doing that without going after one of his friends. Pretty sure she wouldn't wait 5 years to try and hurt her ex.

[taco.vidal]

Originally Posted by CalgaryFan1988

Thanks for all the responses so far. If we didn't look at each other and immediately smile, it wouldn't even be up for debate.

I worry that once the "romance" period fades, if it fades, I'll be left without the girl and without the friend.

The ex in question is very possessive, so I'm leaning towards him not being cool with it. I know he wants me to be happy, so it's really quite the scenario.

These things I get myself into.....

Lets say things workout with you and the lady. You date for a couple of years and you even spend time with the kids. You then talk about moving in together and how you will become a family unit.
How is the ex going to behave then? He is the kids dad so legally he can always be in the picture in some way. If he is very possessive, how is he going to react when you and his ex are a happy, loving couple and you and the ex's kids have a good parent child relationship?
This seems like a situation where even if things workout with you and the lady, you're still in for a permanent headache.

[CorsiHockeyLeague]

In the idealized world of rationality, I think it's pretty messed up to act as if a guy has some sort of possessory right to his ex girlfriends or ex wives. It strikes me that there's something very wrong with the immediate reaction that this is totally offside, as if baser jealous instincts should stand in the way of two people being happy - even if it IS temporary.

In the not-ideal real world, I agree with this:

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

This thing is not going to be worth the price you pay, and the angst it causes on all 5 of you in this twisted little love Pentagram.

Dude there are enough girls out there without having to buy massive trouble, unless you're willing to throw a lot of things away and cause a lot of pain for your friend and possibly yourself.