Monogamy can be damaging?

[troutman]

Dan Savage prefers being 'monogamish'

http://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/t...mish-1.3010140

Keeping the passion alive in a long term relationship is a problem many couples face. We still live in a culture that idolizes marriage, and monogamy... but many couples struggle to keep their monogamous relationships vital. And with people living longer than ever, the idea of only having sex with one person for 5 or 6 decades can be daunting.

Meanwhile, our culturally accepted ideas about sex and sexuality have undergone a seismic shift when it comes to many other issues.



'Not what I wanted': Wild Oats author's ex speaks out

https://au.news.yahoo.com/world/a/26...ex-speaks-out/


"I didn't like the idea of opening up our marriage," Mansfield told The Times.

Several months after the project ended however, Ms Rinaldi was contacted by one of the men she had slept with.

Alden was a writer in his late 30s with whom she had enjoyed “exquisite sex.”

They began sleeping together again and quickly fell in love.

She separated from her husband and the pair later married.

http://www.breitbart.com/big-governm...year-marriage/

[Language]

I know monogamous couples that are incredibly happy and would never think of sleeping with someone else. I know couples where even the suggestion of a three-some (even in jest) would cause the spouse to go into a jealous rage. And I know a couple that partake in the swinging lifestyle and are happier than many monogamous couples.

It really just depends on the couple.

[peter12]

Dan Savage is an absolutely barbaric person.

[Ozy_Flame]

Originally Posted by peter12

Dan Savage is an absolutely barbaric person.

[Mike F]

I like the idea of being able to have intimate, including sexual, relationships with other people, and I don't think it would affect my feelings toward a spouse.

However, I do not like the idea of my spouse having sexual relationships with other people, and think that would affect my relationship with her.

Hypocritical? Yes.

Reality? Yes.

[flamesfever]

I think, in general, monogamy lessens the chance for marital breakup, and therefore plays a part in the stability of our culture. However, no doubt some marriages will survive in spite of infidelity, or other arrangements.

I recall one of my high school teachers, who had recently got married with the understanding that either he or his wife could date others if they wished. It wasn't long before they were divorced, and he ended up marrying one of my classmates, and the marriage lasted for life.

[chemgear]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

I recall one of my high school teachers, who had recently got married with the understanding that either he or his wife could date others if they wished. It wasn't long before they were divorced, and he ended up marrying one of my classmates, and the marriage lasted for life.

Wait, what? How long after you guys graduated?

[Blaster86]

Originally Posted by peter12

Dan Savage is an absolutely barbaric person.

Go on.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Blaster86

Go on.

or don't.....

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by chemgear

Wait, what? How long after you guys graduated?

I don't know. It all happened back in the 50's, and I found out about it many years later.

I think monogamy, and it's part in the stability of marriages, is especially important where children are concerned.

[troutman]

I think the moral of these stories is that monogamy is not the problem. The problem is people commit to the wrong partners.

[fundmark19]

The church believes in monogamy which means it is bad and can't be trusted.

Isn't that normally how these threads go? I agree for children you need stability which is the idea of monogamy however what ever floats your boat! If you agree to to multiple partners or swinging or monogamy what ever works for your relationship have at it!

[WhiteTiger]

Yeah, relationship models aren't a "one size fits all" thing. If it works for you and your partner(s)...it works for you. Doesn't mean that model is the "One True Way".

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by troutman

I think the moral of these stories is that monogamy is not the problem. The problem is people commit to the wrong partners.

Like most problems in relationships, it comes down to communication.

If you end up with the wrong partner you or your partner might not have completely or properly communicated your desires/wishes/goals for the relationship.

[handgroen]

Originally Posted by troutman

I think the moral of these stories is that monogamy is not the problem. The problem is people commit to the wrong partners.

opening and closing a thread, all within 11 posts.
well done sir!

[flamesfever]

Originally Posted by troutman

I think the moral of these stories is that monogamy is not the problem. The problem is people commit to the wrong partners.

Yes, but the partner may have been the right one when the commitment was made, and time and circumstances may have changed one of the partmers. I still think a deep commitment to monogamy, whatever happens, is important, regardless of whether the marriage survives or not.

[Cappy]

Originally Posted by flamesfever

I recall one of my high school teachers, who had recently got married with the understanding that either he or his wife could date others if they wished. It wasn't long before they were divorced, and he ended up marrying one of my classmates, and the marriage lasted for life.

Which one was he?

[CliffFletcher]

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

Like most problems in relationships, it comes down to communication.

If you end up with the wrong partner you or your partner might not have completely or properly communicated your desires/wishes/goals for the relationship.

Originally Posted by flamesfever

Yes, but the partner may have been the right one when the commitment was made, and time and circumstances may have changed one of the partmers. I still think a deep commitment to monogamy, whatever happens, is important, regardless of whether the marriage survives or not.

Exactly. The premise of the article is that it's the boredom of long-term relationships that poses a challenge to monogamy. But how many people, early in a relationship, say to their partner "this is great and everything, but when we get sexually bored with each other in 5 or 10 years, should we be able to sleep with other people?" It's like prenuptial agreements - simply asking for one is likely to undermine trust.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by peter12

Dan Savage is an absolutely barbaric person.

Triple-Double.

Poisoning the well.

Appeal to emotion.

Judgmental language.

[FireFly]

Originally Posted by troutman

I think the moral of these stories is that monogamy is not the problem. The problem is people commit to the wrong partners.

I wouldn't necessarily say that. To me, it seems like the problem is that these people are looking outside of the relationship to solve the problems within the relationship.

Relationships have become throwaway commodities. If it's broke, people just get a divorce and try again. People no longer take their commitments seriously.