Let's talk about "spark" when it comes to new relationships

[ChickenPho]

Originally Posted by Hack&Lube

Yes you can. She just sounded bored though. I would throw expectations like this out the window. Every girl is different. Asking personal questions is a very default and boring way to have a conversation with someone and sometimes is just not an exciting date or what people want to talk about. It's extremely generic, sometimes too serious (turn off), and not fun at all. For some people, their childhood or their jobs are actually boring and not what they want to talk about when they are out looking for some fun with someone else. Deeper questions can be really un-fun and a big turn off.

Be funny, be weird, do whatever it takes to make her laugh. Don't ask about pets or passion for homes or family or favorite food as a kid or B.S. like that if the mood isn't right. You'll just get one-word answers and kill conversation. That's why there's no spark. Your expectations may be ones which are unbelievable, not hers.

I can see how personal deeper questions may be a turn off to some women. I fortunately, didnt ask her a lot though, maybe 5 throughout the entire date and they were spread out. I still made sure that we had a lot of goofy silly chat, which we did.

But I think for me, thats the best part in getting to know someone new is learning who they are on a deeper level. So theyre into so and so sport as a hobby, it gets me curious on what got them into it, or if they play it too or just watch it, etc. Thats the best part about learning more about them. I guess Im just fascinated more than the average person. Ive always loved learning about others when meeting them.

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

She had made up her mind, and she didn't care much about you as a dating prospect and a person. At that point she was looking for the window in the bathroom mentally.

Usually I'm pretty good at reading the signs and that's when you start sabotaging the date. Rave about your last vacation in the forbidden zone, and how life would be cooler if we were all two dimensional creatures. When the Water brings her a water scowl at him and ask how much that refill costs. Even better when she orders something from the menu, throw your menu aside and then grumble "Guess I'm just getting bread now anyways, that is complimentary right?"

If you're going to waste your time you might as well get some kicks out of it. Who knows, she might see the humor in it and find new interest in you.

Unfortunately thats true. She had interest at the start but obviously it fizzled. I will have to consider sabotaging the date once I get signs shes not interested as much as I was hoping because you are right, at least you can get some kicks out of it.

[Hack&Lube]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

Unfortunately thats true. She had interest at the start but obviously it fizzled. I will have to consider sabotaging the date once I get signs shes not interested as much as I was hoping because you are right, at least you can get some kicks out of it.

Don't sabotage. Just try something different. If it blows up, whatever...but you might salvage it.

[vegasbound]

Originally Posted by polak

I didn't really start seeing any matches until I got pretty far through the girls in my search radius. Then they start piling up. When it got into full swing I'd say it was a match a day on average? I don't know if that's good or not.

I only really hit it off with one girl on there and I asked her for coffee but then cancelled when I met my current girlfriend. For the rest of them I just used them for chatting really. It's one thing to match, it's another for them to be a likable person

That's honestly really funny because I had quite a few matches within like 10 minutes of going on there. For me, it was awesome to begin with. And then my friends got annoyed because I'd have a new guy every week haha. As a girl, I did find a lot of guys wanted to hookup straight away. Yeah no, sorry buddy. But Tinder does get to be addicting......

[polak]

Originally Posted by vegasbound

That's honestly really funny because I had quite a few matches within like 10 minutes of going on there. For me, it was awesome to begin with. And then my friends got annoyed because I'd have a new guy every week haha. As a girl, I did find a lot of guys wanted to hookup straight away. Yeah no, sorry buddy. But Tinder does get to be addicting......

Haha yeah it's completely different for girls. I know girls that play drinking games with tinder. Like drink for every match or every non-match depending on the girl haha. It's pretty outrageous.

If I got 3 or 4 matches in a day I was stoked lol.

[vegasbound]

Originally Posted by Hack&Lube

I personally despise all of those dating strategy guides and other misogynous type of "playing" or "gaming" that seems to be en vogue right now, but it does actually work sometimes, even if unintentionally. I wasn't consciously ignoring girls but I just got into the habit of focusing on my own life and not trying to actively talk or flirt with them. It had the side of effect of intriguing girls into approaching me time and time again on a scale like I never expected.

This last one... Sadly, this is not necessarily good strategy, but it works. Case in point- had a "fling" with a guy that ended messy, 2.5 years ago. Matched up with him on Tinder oddly enough in August or something and then ran into him at Wendy's a month later. Was really drunk one night and messaged him on Tinder the next week. And then bam, we're in this absolutely stupid FWB thing. Continued on until last month or so when I realized I was starting to get feelings. So I ended it. Had a really horrible week last week and I ended up calling him to ask about something and had a complete meltdown (totally not like me) and mentioned that I was going to see my SO that night so no, I didn't want to go get a drink and talk about my problems. And I got a text message last night from him saying he wants to "make it work, this time. For real."

My last piece of dating advice- make a girl laugh. What made me fall for my ex is when he would send me the most random stuff ever to make me laugh or really cheesy jokes, especially if I was having a bad day at work or something.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by Erick Estrada

Isn't that true of most dating sites where the attractive people get all the action and the average people fight over the scraps? I kind of envy young people with stuff like Tinder. Sounds kind of fun. I think it beats the heck out of trying to meet people in bars, parties, or groups of friends like when I was young. Sure a lot of it is shallow but I know lots of people that have found long term relationships from dating sites so they do work.

The Scraps

#newbandnames

[polak]

Originally Posted by vegasbound

My last piece of dating advice- make a girl laugh. What made me fall for my ex is when he would send me the most random stuff ever to make me laugh or really cheesy jokes, especially if I was having a bad day at work or something.

I don't know. If I hear another "you're the funniest guy I know" in a break up speech from a girl, I might just **deleted by mod**

[troutman]

Social media dating sites are efficient, but I also wonder if they are creating a climate where people give up on relationships more readily. Plenty Of Fish.

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by troutman

Social media dating sites are efficient, but I also wonder if they are creating a climate where people give up on relationships more readily. Plenty Of Fish.

I'd be willing to put money on it. So much easier to see "what else is out there", especially at the beginning. I also find it makes people a lot pickier, myself included. Seems to be the nature of the beast.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by troutman

Social media dating sites are efficient, but I also wonder if they are creating a climate where people give up on relationships more readily. Plenty Of Fish.

Originally Posted by kunkstyle

I'd be willing to put money on it. So much easier to see "what else is out there", especially at the beginning. I also find it makes people a lot pickier, myself included. Seems to be the nature of the beast.

Isn't that better than people settling for someone because they think that's the best they can do?

[1stLand]

Originally Posted by troutman

Social media dating sites are efficient, but I also wonder if they are creating a climate where people give up on relationships more readily. Plenty Of Fish.

Bingo.

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by rubecube

Isn't that better than people settling for someone because they think that's the best they can do?

I didn't say it was all bad, but yes and no.

Speaking from personal experience only, but I find there's a fine between not wanting to settle and becoming unrealistically superficial. Things that would never even cross my mind in real life are all of a sudden a reason to swipe "no" on Tinder.

[troutman]

Originally Posted by rubecube

Isn't that better than people settling for someone because they think that's the best they can do?

Also - are long-term monogamous relationships ideal?

So much of our emotion, health and popular entertainment is about this tension.

I might come down on the side of "the grass is not always greener" side. You sacrifice the self to a union that is greater than the sum of its parts.

[OutOfTheCube]

Originally Posted by vegasbound

This last one... Sadly, this is not necessarily good strategy, but it works. Case in point- had a "fling" with a guy that ended messy, 2.5 years ago. Matched up with him on Tinder oddly enough in August or something and then ran into him at Wendy's a month later. Was really drunk one night and messaged him on Tinder the next week. And then bam, we're in this absolutely stupid FWB thing. Continued on until last month or so when I realized I was starting to get feelings. So I ended it. Had a really horrible week last week and I ended up calling him to ask about something and had a complete meltdown (totally not like me) and mentioned that I was going to see my SO that night so no, I didn't want to go get a drink and talk about my problems. And I got a text message last night from him saying he wants to "make it work, this time. For real."

My last piece of dating advice- make a girl laugh. What made me fall for my ex is when he would send me the most random stuff ever to make me laugh or really cheesy jokes, especially if I was having a bad day at work or something.

Goodness. Maybe do your 'SO' a favor and be single for a little while...

[Dan02]

Originally Posted by vegasbound

That's honestly really funny because I had quite a few matches within like 10 minutes of going on there. For me, it was awesome to begin with. And then my friends got annoyed because I'd have a new guy every week haha. As a girl, I did find a lot of guys wanted to hookup straight away. Yeah no, sorry buddy. But Tinder does get to be addicting......

Tinder is a lot different experience for my guy friends and girl friends lol.

Half the guys I know swipe right on EVERY chick before their picture even loads, the girls tend to be significantly more discerning.

[Erick Estrada]

Originally Posted by rubecube

Isn't that better than people settling for someone because they think that's the best they can do?

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There are going to be peaks and valleys. If it gets to the point where people start quitting when they hit a rough patch because they can easily find a handful of matches on a dating site there are going to be a lot of unhappy people in the long run.

[ChickenPho]

Originally Posted by vegasbound

That's honestly really funny because I had quite a few matches within like 10 minutes of going on there. For me, it was awesome to begin with. And then my friends got annoyed because I'd have a new guy every week haha. As a girl, I did find a lot of guys wanted to hookup straight away. Yeah no, sorry buddy. But Tinder does get to be addicting......

So I installed Tinder on my phone and am playing around with it. From what I see, you scroll through random pictures and you cant message anyone unless its a match? (meaning both of you said yes or "like"). Am I getting this right?

[ChickenPho]

Originally Posted by Hack&Lube

Don't sabotage. Just try something different. If it blows up, whatever...but you might salvage it.

Ok, I will forsure keep this in mind.

[Dan02]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

So I installed Tinder on my phone and am playing around with it. From what I see, you scroll through random pictures and you cant message anyone unless its a match? (meaning both of you said yes or "like"). Am I getting this right?

pretty much, so get some solid profile photos, 1 head shot, 1 full body pic(with clothes) 1 pic of you out socializing and 1 of you doing one of your hobbies.

good pics are literally 90% of the battle.

Oh and quit trying to get to know someone on a deep level for the first month or so, keep it fun ffs.

[trieu8]

This would be better for summer time but buy a dog and walk it around 17th ave. You won't be lonely on weekends either.