I would say what I find the most attractive about her is just her personality and the fact she is an independant woman who knows what she wants in life and she has a mysterious (yet hard to discover) side to her.
I want to get back to this comment - coming from someone who is independent, and whose wife is also independent, this whole situation is looking more like you have incompatible personalities, not the 'lack of spark'...the whole 'she's not that into you' responses are a result of this.
Someone who is independent is going to be turned off immediately by someone who falls hard and fast - they typically want someone who can live their own life, and can let them live theirs. Someone who falls hard and fast very well could end up being a Stag 5 Clinger, so they're going to run away as soon as there are signs of that happening.
Im 33 and she turns 27 this Sunday (which I had on my calendar). Too bad I cant wish her a happy birthday, or even better take her out on her birthday. Oh well.
Wrong. send her flowers, send her chocolate, send her pizza, send her a mariachi band, send her a poem you wrote. Then go sit under her window and play a guitar while singing a song you wrote, confessing your deep and endless love for her.
If she gets a restraining order, that means she's interested.
If she ignores you, it's over.
Someone who is independent is going to be turned off immediately by someone who falls hard and fast - they typically want someone who can live their own life, and can let them live theirs. Someone who falls hard and fast very well could end up being a Stag 5 Clinger, so they're going to run away as soon as there are signs of that happening.
Good point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peanut
Quest or Grapevine?!? No. I really, really don't think people are forming long term relationships after an initial meeting on Quest phone chats.
Maybe dedicate yourself to not dating at all for a period of time in the new year. Get comfortable with being alone. You were in a relationship for 9 years and it sounds like maybe you're not quite ready to be back on "the scene". It's all part of the break-up cycle if you ask me. Rebound dating followed by a period of true single-ness, and eventually you'll be ready when the right person comes along.
I wont bother with phone dating service.
I am ready to find someone new. It took me a good 5-6 months of doing absolutely nothing but not dating, not meeting people and being alone after getting out of that 9 year R.L. before I finally was ready to take the next step to overcome it. Ive been told, the best way to forget about an ex is to meet someone new. Its sure a million times better and healthier than sitting at home on the weekends doing nothing and feeling sorry for yourself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrdonkey
You're thinking about this way too much. Believe me, I used to do the same thing for the longest time. I would beat myself up wondering what I did wrong or how things could have been different if only I had said X or waited Y amount of time to text back, etc.
Now that I'm older I can see how ridiculous it is to overanalyze this stuff. Just be a nice person and treat people the way you would want to be treated and you will find what you're looking for. You don't need relationship coaches or dating sites. You don't need 'confidence' or 'game.' All that stuff is a bunch of crap that people use to sell you something because it MIGHT get you laid in the short term - I promise you that.
Just get out there, do the things you enjoy, and be yourself. Love will find you faster than you think. It really is that simple.
Im already started in moving on. You are right, I just need to get out and meet new people, regardless of gender, regardless of age. I need to be exposed and seen by women in public.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thor
Couldn't disagree more on not using Tinder. I recently got back into the dating scene this last year after over a decade away from it, I'm 40.
Tinder is great, its a whole range of women from crazy to sane, boring to wild, frigid to sex addicts.
I think the best thing you can do it just go have fun, you might end up meeting lots of interesting women, some good, some bad, but ultimately you get yourself back into the groove, learn a lot about yourself and how the dating scene has changed.
Just don't take this too seriously, have fun, meet new people and take your time. But for the love of all that is holy, grab Tinder, and go have some fun, you've earned it after 9 years
I will consider Tinder, its worth a shot at least. Its free, and the best part is I can access it from anywhere, anytime since its on my phone. But my goal is still to get out and meet women like how people did the back old days.
I need to accept rejection and not be embarassed when it happens in public. This is probably the biggest reason why I resorted to online dating and speed dating. Because it gives us a much different approach in meeting. But obviously its not working for me and I need to shake things up or it will be the same song and dance everytime.
Last edited by ChickenPho; 12-10-2014 at 12:05 PM.
I am ready to find someone new. It took me a good 5-6 months of doing absolutely nothing but not dating, not meeting people and being alone after getting out of that 9 year R.L. before I finally was ready to take the next step to overcome it. Ive been told, the best way to forget about an ex is to meet someone new. Its sure a million times better and healthier than sitting at home on the weekends doing nothing and feeling sorry for yourself.
Good on you for not being clueless, boy. The phone service won't work but there are 84 options out there
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Do it. It's quick and easy and free. Worst case scenario you're in the same position you are now. Just don't get down on yourself if you don't get many matches right off the bat. It takes a while for enough girls to swipe through to start seeing results.
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__________________
"Life of Russian hockey veterans is very hard," said Soviet hockey star Sergei Makarov. "Most of them don't have enough to eat these days. These old players are Russian legends."
Geez nine years of dating? You seem like a guy who is thinking about marriage/life-long love, you must've known early on that she wasn't going to be your wife, why maintain the dating relationship for that long (especially into your 30's)?
Wrong. send her flowers, send her chocolate, send her pizza, send her a mariachi band, send her a poem you wrote. Then go sit under her window and play a guitar while singing a song you wrote, confessing your deep and endless love for her.
If she gets a restraining order, that means she's interested.
If she ignores you, it's over.
So what you're saying is that a judge's third party opinionated "No" means . . . "Yes"?
__________________
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
As someone who's been on ~25 first dates in the last two years, all I can tell you about sparks is that they are the lifeforce, or soul, of a Transformer. Each spark is part of the essence of Primus himself. When a Transformer dies, its spark returns to the Allspark.
[forever alone]
This is only in the Marvel comics continuity where Optimus Prime possesses the Creation Matrix. In the G1 cartoon/movie continuity, Transformers are simply built by the Quintessons as industrial products.
[/forever alone]
In all seriousness though, I had these struggles in early University. Once I stopped worrying about girls and concentrating on my life and career they just started appearing. The less attention I paid to them, the more that seemed to appear in my life. So, just be yourself and do things to enrich your life, develop skills, and get out as much as possible in any kind of social, business, or any activity type situation.
I personally despise all of those dating strategy guides and other misogynous type of "playing" or "gaming" that seems to be en vogue right now, but it does actually work sometimes, even if unintentionally. I wasn't consciously ignoring girls but I just got into the habit of focusing on my own life and not trying to actively talk or flirt with them. It had the side of effect of intriguing girls into approaching me time and time again on a scale like I never expected.
Good on you for not being clueless, boy. The phone service won't work but there are 84 options out there
Well Ive failed to pick up on numerous signs on our 3rd date and still feel like a complete noob, but I can only do my best to take it as a learning experience and correct it for the next time I date. I most certainly will feel better and more educated when that times comes because of this experience.
There is not a bigger turn off than one who doesnt ask many questions about you. She did at the beginning, but as the date progressed she asked less and less. She would do the generic and basic "what about you" after I asked her a question and she would reply.
Get this, through the entire time we talked - not once did she take the initiative to ask a single question about my childhood or about my job or even my hobbies or even my family! The only times was when she was returning the favour after replying back to me after I asked her those exact same questions. I want that relationship with someone who has a burning desire inside them wanting to know all about me, throwing questions at me left and right, eager to learn who I am. Someone who gets excited just from talking to you. Ive been here many times and the connection that I reach with someone like that is just unbelievable! When I connect with someone like this on this kind of level, it takes our convo to a whole new level and it brings out the absolute best in me.
And even then once you get that information, there are many ways to learn about ones hobbies or childhood or job on a much more deeper interpersonal level. I hit her with those deeper questions like "so what was your favourite food as a kid"...or "tell me what it was it like growing up in PEI"...or "So when did you really discover your passion for homes and realize you wanted to be a _____ designer", etc. She didnt ask any deeper questions. How I didnt take this as a big sign is beyond me uhhh. Im far too optimistic on these dates and I need to come back down to earth. You cant have any relationship with any one who doesnt ask those deeper questions.
Last edited by ChickenPho; 12-10-2014 at 02:28 PM.
Tinder is great fun for the 5% that get 95% of the matches.
I didn't really start seeing any matches until I got pretty far through the girls in my search radius. Then they start piling up. When it got into full swing I'd say it was a match a day on average? I don't know if that's good or not.
I only really hit it off with one girl on there and I asked her for coffee but then cancelled when I met my current girlfriend. For the rest of them I just used them for chatting really. It's one thing to match, it's another for them to be a likable person
There is not a bigger turn off than one who doesnt ask many questions about you. She did at the beginning, but as the date progressed she asked less and less. She would do the generic and basic "what about you" after I asked her a question and she would reply.
Get this, through the entire time we talked - not once did she take the initiative to ask a single question about my childhood or about my job or even my hobbies or even my family! The only times was when she was returning the favour after replying back to me after I asked her those exact same questions. I want that relationship with someone who has a burning desire inside them wanting to know all about me, throwing questions at me left and right, eager to learn who I am. Someone who gets excited just from talking to you. Ive been here many times and the connection that I reach with someone like that is just unbelievable!
And even then once you get that information, there are many ways to learn about ones hobbies or childhood or job on a much more deeper interpersonal level. I hit her with those deeper questions like "so what was your favourite food as a kid"...or "what was it like growing up in PEI"...or "So when did you really discover your passion for homes and realize you want to be a _____ designer", etc. She didnt ask any deeper questions. How I didnt take this as a big sign is beyond me uhhh. You cant have any relationship with any girl who doesnt ask those questions.
Yes you can. She just sounded bored though. I would throw expectations like this out the window. Every girl is different. Asking personal questions is a very default and boring way to have a conversation with someone and sometimes is just not an exciting date or what people want to talk about. It's extremely generic, sometimes too serious (turn off), and not fun at all. For some people, their childhood or their jobs are actually boring/what they want to escape from and not what they want to talk about when they are out looking for some fun with someone else. Deeper questions can be really un-fun and a big turn off.
Be funny, be weird, do whatever it takes to make her laugh. Don't ask about passion for homes or family or favourite food as a kid or B.S. like that if the mood isn't right. You'll just get one-word answers and kill conversation. That's why there's no spark. Your expectations may be ones which are unbelievable, not hers.
With some girls, you can save deep questions for long-term relationship territory when you have nothing left to talk about.
Well Ive failed to pick up on numerous signs on our 3rd date and still feel like a complete noob, but I can only do my best to take it as a learning experience and correct it for the next time I date. I most certainly will feel better than because of this experience.
There is not a bigger turn off than one who doesnt ask many questions about you. She did at the beginning, but as the date progressed she asked less and less. She would do the generic and basic "what about you" after I asked her a question and she replies.
Get this, through the entire time we talked - not once did she take the courage to ask a single question about my childhood or about my job or even my hobbies! The only times was when she was returning the favour after replying back to me after I asked her those exact same questions. And even then once you get that information, there are many ways to learn about ones hobbies or childhood or job on a much more deeper interpersonal level. I hit her with these questions, she didnt. How I didnt take this as a big sign is beyond me uhhh. You cant have any relationship with any girl who doesnt ask those questions.
She had made up her mind, and she didn't care much about you as a dating prospect and a person. At that point she was looking for the window in the bathroom mentally.
Usually I'm pretty good at reading the signs and that's when you start sabotaging the date. Rave about your last vacation in the forbidden zone, and how life would be cooler if we were all two dimensional creatures. When the Water brings her a water scowl at him and ask how much that refill costs. Even better when she orders something from the menu, throw your menu aside and then grumble "Guess I'm just getting bread now anyways, that is complimentary right?"
If you're going to waste your time you might as well get some kicks out of it. Who knows, she might see the humor in it and find new interest in you.
__________________
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Tinder is great fun for the 5% that get 95% of the matches.
Isn't that true of most dating sites where the attractive people get all the action and the average people fight over the scraps? I kind of envy young people with stuff like Tinder. Sounds kind of fun. I think it beats the heck out of trying to meet people in bars, parties, or groups of friends like when I was young. Sure a lot of it is shallow but I know lots of people that have found long term relationships from dating sites so they do work.