If your significant other was snooping your cell phone/laptop/etc..

[East Coast Flame]

My GF and I have each others passwords, but I would never snoop through her phone and I would be pretty pissed if she went through mine.

Not that I have anything to hide, it is still a complete invasion of privacy.

[Street Pharmacist]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

My significant other and I both have access and reserve the right to check each other's accounts, texts whatever. It works for us, but might not work for everyone.

I found the openness to be positive in our relationship.

Same. It's liberating since before we made this agreement. However, I've never checked her phone

[Ozy_Flame]

Tsk tsk. You guys think they're trying to find dirt, when really they're just snooping to find out what you like for a huge birthday present and Valentines Day sexual favours!

[FlamesAddiction]

My wife doesn't snoop when I am not around (as far as I know), but she often looks over my shoulder to see who I am emailing or talking to. If I am on LinkedIn or Facebook or something, she'll start asking; "Who's that girl?" at any random female picture. In fact, she did that at a banner ad on CP the other day. It drives me a little bonkers sometimes.

[East Coast Flame]

n/m: double post

[East Coast Flame]

Originally Posted by troutman

I hope she never discovers my CP username and reads all my brain droppings!

An ex of mine found me on reddit when we were dating. That was a fun conversation.

[CaptainCrunch]

So many scenarios,

Why the sneaking? Is she paranoid, has she been cheated on before?

I'd have to say that my phone and my computer history for example are mine, if she asks if she can look that's a mature adult conversation that can be had.

How would she feel if I rumbled through her purse, her phone etc.

I'd have to say that if I was married, I would be more concerned because by that time you should have had all of those mature conversations that we hear about, and while things would get uncomfortable, I'd work to save it.

If we're dating, I think the term is something like "soooooo, gtfo"

[Huntingwhale]

If your partner feels the need to snoop on you because they want everything to be out in the open, then you should be able to take a dump with them in the bathroom and vice versa. Openness should apply to everything.

[mrkajz44]

For me it would be the secretive nature of the action that would get under my skin. I'm all about open communication, so if my SO wants to ask some questions then I'm all for it. I would not be okay with the snooping and then three weeks later a question comes out. But if she sees my phone / email because I left it open or am using it at the time and is curious, then ask away.

[terminator]

I honestly don't differentiate between my partner and I. Her life is mine and my life is her's. My only private email adress is perma-setup on her macbook, so everythings an open book. We both know each others p/ws for our phone and noone cares. I don't think snooping happens, actually I do it, but more so to collect gossip cause she does'nt share it all the time.

if my phone is to far I'll grab hers to surf the net, call my friends/familly etc. and vice versa. We just have no personal boundaries in our relationship.

[OutOfTheCube]

Originally Posted by terminator

I honestly don't differentiate between my partner and I. Her life is mine and mine life is her's. My only private email adress is perma-setup on her macbook, so everythings an open book. We both know each others p/ws for our phone and noone cares. I don't think snooping happens, actually I do it, but more so to collect gossip cause she does'nt share it all the time.

if my phone is to far I'll grab hers to surf the net, call my friends/familly etc. and vice versa. We just have no personal boundaries in our relationship.

My thoughts too. Maybe in just a dating relationship it would be different but with my wife everything is shared. We both snoop each other's phones (I always forget to tell her family stuff so she reads my texts from them to find out what's going on) and have access to each other's e-mail accounts and it's not a big deal. Everything is shared. Same as we have a joint bank account and have two vehicles that we both drive.

And yes, I have pooped in the bathroom while she was taking a shower once (more a side-effect of having a one-bathroom place at the moment, but still!).

[terminator]

Originally Posted by OutOfTheCube

My thoughts too. Maybe in just a dating relationship it would be different but with my wife everything is shared. We both snoop each other's phones (I always forget to tell her family stuff so she reads my texts from them to find out what's going on) and have access to each other's e-mail accounts and it's not a big deal. Everything is shared. Same as we have a joint bank account and have two vehicles that we both drive.

And yes, I have pooped in the bathroom while she was taking a shower once (more a side-effect of having a one-bathroom place at the moment, but still!).

Yes one of the most important functions of this sharing biz is that she can find out who invited us to what without me telling her... I forget 100% of the time.

[GP_Matt]

My wife has my phone passwords and so she has access to everything but I would be put out if she spent an afternoon going through my email chains.

When we are on the highway she will read and answer my emails and texts for me and might go into my phone to get information from a specific email or text or to play games/surf the net if she doesn't have her phone on her. I never use her phone, but that is only because I always have mine on me.

In my opinion granting access is fine but it should not be used for snooping. If she was snooping I would be hurt and probably start changing passwords. Nothing to hide, but it would make me uncomfortable.

[Coach]

I have no problem with the SO using my phone for whatever reason (theirs isn't around, need a number from it, etc..). But specifically requesting to go through it? For me my response would be, "yes, you can go through my entire phone, understanding that once your done and realize that there is/was nothing to worry about, you need to leave."

I understand the couples that share all of heir info, that is totally fine and great if that's what works for you, but (specifically to DoubleF) her saying "We should have an honest open realtionship and share each others passwords and what not" is waaaaay different than her just asking to see yours for an unspecified reason. That's a red flag for sure.

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally Posted by GP_Matt

My wife has my phone passwords and so she has access to everything but I would be put out if she spent an afternoon going through my email chains.

When we are on the highway she will read and answer my emails and texts for me and might go into my phone to get information from a specific email or text or to play games/surf the net if she doesn't have her phone on her. I never use her phone, but that is only because I always have mine on me.

In my opinion granting access is fine but it should not be used for snooping. If she was snooping I would be hurt and probably start changing passwords. Nothing to hide, but it would make me uncomfortable.

Same here. I often get her to log into my email or check my texts. I have nothing to hide.

I just don't like it when she stealthily watches me write emails or scans my social networking accounts. The only reason why I would ever do that to her is if I thought she was hiding something, so I project that on to her when she does it to me and it makes me feel bad.

She says she knows it bugs me so she does it to be playful. It's not a big deal or worth getting worked up about, but just kind of annoying. I'm sure it's nothing compared to the annoying things I do though...

[DownhillGoat]

An all-access pass just seems like a foreign concept to me. I don't know if it's just me but some things I say to other people I like to keep private weather it's incriminating on not.

As an aside, I found out my ex-wife was cheating on me by snooping on her phone so I'm likely not the least biased person out there for this conversation.

[heep223]

I'm with the posters who have no issues with sharing phones, email etc. That being said I've never "caught" her going through my phone when I'm not around. I honestly don't care though, to me it seems anal to make a stink about it. But I can see what people are saying I suppose.

And we have had a direct conversation about it, neither of us care at all so it becomes a total non-issue. When someone makes a big stink about trust issues blabla it seems like they have something to hide, or just making a point that's really a power struggle or based on ego. Maybe it's because I know we both trust each other 100% that I have these views I dunno.

[Peanut]

I've only snooped on one person and that was because I realized something was, in fact, going on and when asked directly, it was denied. So I snooped, found some stuff that confirmed it, and then the relationship ended.

I don't snoop on my now-husband because I trust him. And vice versa. Although sometimes he does ask me "who are you talking to on the internet?!?". And my answer is usually "some nerds".

[Coach]

Originally Posted by heep223

I'm with the posters who have no issues with sharing phones, email etc. That being said I've never "caught" her going through my phone when I'm not around. I honestly don't care though, to me it seems anal to make a stink about it. But I can see what people are saying I suppose.

And we have had a direct conversation about it, neither of us care at all so it becomes a total non-issue. When someone makes a big stink about trust issues blabla it seems like they have something to hide, or just making a point that's really a power struggle or based on ego. Maybe it's because I know we both trust each other 100% that I have these views I dunno.

But if there's 100% trust, what's the reason for the request?

I will say again, no problem with the sharing if that's how both parties want it, but if one person specifically requests the other persons with no return offer or even a reason, yea that's not ok.

[heep223]

Originally Posted by MattyC

But if there's 100% trust, what's the reason for the request?

I will say again, no problem with the sharing if that's how both parties want it, but if one person specifically requests the other persons with no return offer or even a reason, yea that's not ok.

What request? To see the other's phone? There hasn't really been a request, it was more just a conversation that came up funnily enough, due to the fact that I have the iPhone fingerprint unlock thing (which I love because work makes us change our passwords every month). So the wife wanted to use my phone to do something because hers was god knows where (she loses it often), and asked me for my password. I barely know my password because of the fingerprint unlock. Long story short we ended up talking about how we feel about using each others devices with the possibility of seeing emails, text, pics, etc....and neither of us cared. So that was that.

I agree with your second point, I could see if it came from a place of jealousy or mistrust (or was one-way only) it could be an issue.

EDIT: I would add that this is a pretty interesting and modern relationship phenomenon and as with most things in life, it is not black and white. There is no "right" answer, only opinions (some strong) and different things work for different people. I try to not express my own opinion too strongly on things like this, because someone somewhere has an equally logical and opposite perspective that makes just as much sense as mine.