Greatest of Life's Achievements (without actually achieving anything)

[Harry Lime]

Another thread reminded me of one of my greatest pointless triumphs. A 'Great Achievement' is something that is rarely accomplished by anyone on the face of the Earth. This thread is for those great achievements which fly under the radar because they generally achieve nothing. But they are great.

Anything that the world at large would consider an achievement does not qualify.

So, go forth and accomplish something that takes immense effort to create nothing of real value! Here is one of mine.

A friend of mine once adopted two small cats, and like many small cats, these ones required names. With much cajoling, and with a ticking clock of other reasonable name suggestions hammering at the gates, I managed an official naming ceremony, stamping two names into the concrete slab of cat naming history. Jose Chavez y Chavez & Arkansas Dave Rudabough. (Lou Diamond Phillips and Christian Slater's characters from Young Guns 2)

Great Achievement!

[Regulator75]

Was it this thread?

[wireframe]

I once won the bronze medal in the freestyle division of the world moustache championship. Big achievement. Booya!

[Harry Lime]

Originally Posted by Regulator75

Was it this thread?

Took a look. That seems like a pretty serious topic actually. This is for beer stories. Might be too early in the day for this sort of thing. It's cool.

[OutOfTheCube]

When I was in fourth grade, I made custom Pokémon cards and actually charged other kids real money for them.

[RougeUnderoos]

I once tried to climb over a fence with barbed wire at the top and I got holes in both shoes, my jeans, my shirt, my jacket, and both hands, and I never did make it over.

Not really an "accomplishment", when I think about it, but it did convince me to stay away from barbed wire fences, so maybe that's an accomplishment?

[Huntingwhale]

Everytime I'm cooking something in my skillet on the stove and I'm able to toss the contents without spilling anything, I feel like king of the world.



Its an even bigger accomplishment when its a pan full of small food like rice or cut up items.

[Vulcan]

Not sure if it's still there but at the Heritage Park school, my initials are carved into one of the desks. It was my last day of grade 4 at the school the desk was taken from that I did the deed.

[Harry Lime]

Huntingwhale, I've had more skillet disasters than skillet failures. Every time I make something concerning eggs, it ends up being scrambled eggs with other stuff mixed in. Nicely done.

My friends and I were canoeing on a lake northeast of Jasper. Two canoes and a dingy. We see a tarp abandoned on the side of the lake in what was otherwise pristine wilderness. So in a fit of justified pomposity, we paddle over and shovel the offending tarp into one of the canoes. We move out toward the center of the lake, and one of my friends screams and jumps onto the edge of the boat. We all look over at the tarp, where a tonne of little spiders were crawling out from under. The friend on the edge of the boat climbs into the second canoe, and using a paddle the tarp is pushed over to were he was sitting. Under the tarp was a big spider, black with a clear mark on its bulb. The last sailor in the boat bails over the side. We look into the canoe, fascinated, and take a picture of of the second, even larger, furry spider crawling out from under the tarp. I'm trying to remember now if we set fire to the canoe before we sunk it.

Anyway, we took the picture to the University so that they could document and verify the existence of black widows at the lake. The odd thing was that they couldn't identify the big fuzzy spider, and black widows arn't supposed to allow any other spider around their own nest. We did end up flinging that particular spider into the water and beat it to death with a paddle, so I'm proud to be part of the team that killed the only recorded specimen of what I like to call the Northern Alberta Howling Devil Death Arachnid of Terror.

You're welcome.

[Mr.Coffee]

one time in high school I was walking out to the parking lot after school, and in a sudden fit of curiosity to test my limits, spat the gum I was chewing in a high skinny arc in front of me. Before it hit the ground I managed to kick it back into the air, and I was able to catch it back into my mouth without any hands.

Totally awesome, and I had 2 witnesses as well.

[indes]

One time in high school we were told we couldn't take school chairs outside anymore. Me and a buddy went to value village in my truck and bought a 20$ 3 seat couch. I drove through the field to get behind the gym and dropped it off, lasted 2 days before I was told to remove it lol

Got mentioned in the valedictorian speech!

[drewboy12]

First time I got laid, and every time since.

[Devils'Advocate]

With a lot of practice and hard work I have managed to learn how to whistle the entire theme song to Magnum P.I..

[wittynickname]

So I'm turning 31 today. In February I hooked up with a 21 year old college student. (Who just so happens to be a long-time client of mine, who I've had a pathetic crush on for longer than is okay to talk about)

[pylon]

Originally Posted by wittynickname

So I'm turning 31 today. In February I hooked up with a 21 year old college student. (Who just so happens to be a long-time client of mine, who I've had a pathetic crush on for longer than is okay to talk about)

[Roast Beef]

I won a trophy for Volleyball when I was in grade 6. We had 2 teams, a team that came in first place in the highly competitive Elementary School Volleyball League, and a team that came in dead last in the aforementioned ESVL. The school gave the same trophy to both teams. It was kind of like Edmonton being allowed an NHL franchise just for showing up. Everyone knew it was stupid, but they took pity just for humors sake.

[OutOfTheCube]

Originally Posted by Vulcan

Not sure if it's still there but at the Heritage Park school, my initials are carved into one of the desks. It was my last day of grade 4 at the school the desk was taken from that I did the deed.

On one of my first days in grade 10 I wrote 'BOOBS' just in plain blue pen by the toilet paper rolls in a bathroom stall. It somehow survived all the way through and was there on my last day of grade 12.

[PsYcNeT]

One time when I was about 20, I hopped on the back of some dude I knew's Jetta, and stood on the bumper with my hands gripped on the liftgate notch. He took off down a residential street, and when he hit ~40kph I jumped off, tucked and rolled and didn't sustain a scratch. Like 6 people saw. It was pretty dope.

[Vulcan]

Originally Posted by Vulcan
Not sure if it's still there but at the Heritage Park school, my initials are carved into one of the desks. It was my last day of grade 4 at the school the desk was taken from that I did the deed.

Just to add some context to my post, what I meant was the desk is or was at the Heritage Park Historical Village school. It was an old school I went to that still had the old style desks like these.

[jonesy]

One time i was sitting in my office and heard the local pompous ass was walking down the hallway towards my office. As usual he was blabbing and causing trouble.
I had a cherry tomato and just as i saw his shadow, I lobbed it across my office and out the open door. the timing was perfect. He walked right into it and got smacked in the face. Impossible to duplicate and best of all made him super mad.