Got in trouble at work - Did I destroy my reputation or can I recover?

[fundmark19]

I absolutely hate people who don't attend work events with no reason. How do you expect to build a relationship with your team mates if you never spend time with them to get to know them outside the office. It really isn't that big of a deal to give up a couple hours of your evening to have some fun with the people you spend 40% of your life with.

[burn_this_city]

Originally Posted by MarchHare

Perhaps I'm not making myself clear or you're not understanding my point. Or maybe you're just completely oblivious to the embarrassment some of your non-golfing coworkers feel because they're good at hiding how they really feel by playfully "laughing" it off.

Not enjoying company golf tournaments has nothing to do with competitiveness or working with douchbags. If someone is not good at a skill, and then they're forced to do that skill in front of their coworkers, that's not a pleasant situation. It doesn't matter that it's "just for fun" and isn't a reflection on one's job performance. Again, think of my karaoke example. Imagine how some of your coworkers would feel if they were forced to sing in front of their professional colleagues. Nobody at a karaoke night is expecting a virtuoso performance from a classically-trained vocalist, but some people still find it terribly embarrassing (and rightfully so!) to sing terribly off-key in front of people whose respect is important to them. That's exactly how non-golfers feel about company golf tournaments.

I'm the non-golfer you describe, been out maybe 3 times in the last 5 years. I guess sometimes people need to get over themselves if golfing is a source of great shame.

[driveway]

Unpaid work events are for suckers.

[keenan87]

My advice would be not to post conversations with your boss on the Internet. If your reputation wasn't hurt before, posting on here might do some damage. You have no idea if your coworkers or your boss are on CP or if they will somehow find this thread.

For a guy worried so much about his reputation, you sure didn't play this one right.

[saillias]

Originally Posted by fotze

Maybe your boss is trying to salvage your already crappy reputation. Maybe you are the guy no one knows who is entitled to raises and had a general disdain for his job and co-workers. Maybe he is trying to get rid of those "who is that weirdo assistant of Golfing charlie?"

I have found that usually 90% of co-workers are good people wherever I work, and if you feel otherwise you are likely in that 10% and don't realize it.

And if the job is a job only, there is only upside to being liked by co-workers.

At layoff time when the bosses are going down their list it is way easier to pick the guy who doesn't appear to want to be there over the possibly more incompetent guy who has a tad of enthusiasm.

I've never been to one of my company's functions in 2 years and I survived layoffs. Just for the record.

[nfotiu]

Originally Posted by troutman

Could an employer expect all the staff to go sky diving, fly fishing or sailing? Golf has some special exemption where it is assumed it is "fun" for everyone.

I kind of agree with you and MarchHare, and I'm a pretty avid golfer. I can see a complete novice being pretty uncomfortable golfing. Even as a golfer though, I kind of dread corporate tournaments. They always pick a course an hour away it seems, you have to be there an hour ahead, and stay an hour and a half after, the golf itself is 6 hours of Captain's choice. It turns into an 11 hour day where I have to make arrangements for my kids and all that crap. I'd much rather just take an afternoon off to play with a foursome of co-workers.

[Senator Clay Davis]

The ironic part is even people who have golfed for years suck at golfing and suffer embarassing moments (I'm still a mid-teens capper after playing for 14 years now). But it's golf, if you've played it you know it can happen. Even single digit handicappers can have embarassing moments. The thing is in a company golf tournament, it's not serious competitive golf, it's generally about excessive drinking and having fun and team building. What you score is almost irrelevant except for office bragging rights, as if that means anything at all.

If you go out there thinking you'll embarass yourself, that's exactly what will happen. If you go out there to have fun, even with some embarassing moments, you'll still have fun.

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by burn_this_city

I'm the non-golfer you describe, been out maybe 3 times in the last 5 years. I guess sometimes people need to get over themselves if golfing is a source of great shame.

So you would be totally ok with a company karaoke night where everyone was forced to get up and sing in front of their coworkers? And if anyone said they don't want to do it because they're embarrassed, you'd just tell them to "get over themselves"?

For better or for worse, that's exactly how many people feel about company golf tournaments, but nobody ever says anything out of fear of damaging their careers.

[Shawnski]

Originally Posted by MarchHare

Even in a best ball tournament where the score doesn't matter, people still get embarrassed when they whiff on a swing or whatever. And yes, I guarantee more people than you might think feel that way. Golfing requires skill -- you can't expect novices who aren't interested in it and have little-to-no experience at it to enjoy themselves, especially when they're worried about looking good in front of their colleagues.

Imagine it this way: if your company hosted a karaoke night and insisted that everyone get up to sing at least one song, don't you think some of your coworkers might be embarrassed or intimidated by that? Golf is no different.

I would look at it differently.

Golfing in a company event is the least intimidating way to try the sport. You may not succeed, but not one of your co-workers will look down upon you for trying, regardless of outcome. It is likely the opposite, they will encourage you and help you do better. If you are giving it your best attempt, people will respect you for that. Thus it is a great team building exercise.

In a nine hole best ball format, out of perhaps three dozen shots you take, only TWO are likely to have to be used (a couple drives). It isn't the end of the world if those two aren't good either. It's for fun.

Trying to do something that is outside your comfort zone shows way more of your character than hiding inside your comfort zone.

Ditto on the karaoke. I had never done it, until a team building event in Kelowna. The biggest wig at the event was one of the four on stage and right beside me. He and I shared one of the two mics. I didn't "feel" like doing it, but if there ever was a time to try, it was then as I was around people I knew.

So I belted out Frank Sinatra's "My Way" as best as I could, and the big wig put his arm around me half way through and said "You are doing great! Thanks for covering for me!". I laughed and we finished together with a flourish.

Our relationship was the better for it. He always knew that regardless of the task or challenge he threw at me, I would give it my best. And if I was severely overloaded, he would say "You prioritize what you think needs to be done and drop the rest." That team building exercise helped build trust and empowerment.

One should look at team building events such as golf/karaoke as opportunities, not threats. Go have fun. Everyone else is.

[The Ditch]

who cares about embarrassing yourself at an event where it's understood it takes years of practice and diligence to be good at it. Have people lost the ability to laugh at themselves and make it into a bonding experience, good god.

[ChickenPho]

Originally Posted by fotze

The bigger the company the more it doesn't matter.

That is very true. Ive worked for some large corps before (largest being Encana) and for the most part, management never cared who showed up for their events.

Originally Posted by The Ditch

who cares about embarrassing yourself at an event where it's understood it takes years of practice and diligence to be good at it. Have people lost the ability to laugh at themselves and make it into a bonding experience, good god.

I dont care about embarassing myself. I play hockey and ill be swinging the club with my hockey swing. I will look hideous but i dont care. Is it gonna make me go home that night and say "hey im going to work on my golf swing and get better for next time?" hell no! If theres one activity that i absolutely cant stand even hearing about, its golf. But my goal is to attend to socialize and get to know others, not golf (because I would rather watch my toe nails get painted).

NOW, IF YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT QUESTIONABLE WORK ACTIVITIES. One of my former jobs, from years back....we all had to go swimming. Management took a lot of backlash for this one because there were a lot of employees who didnt want to be seen by all their co workers in bathing suits and chose not to go.

[Hockeyguy15]

Originally Posted by driveway

Unpaid work events are for suckers.

Yeah no doubt. Work paying for (in this case) golf/food/drinks is just the worst.

[saillias]

Originally Posted by The Ditch

who cares about embarrassing yourself at an event where it's understood it takes years of practice and diligence to be good at it. Have people lost the ability to laugh at themselves and make it into a bonding experience, good god.

Maybe you should stop judging people who are more self-conscious than you

[The Ditch]

Originally Posted by saillias

Maybe you should stop judging people who are more self-conscious than you

I'm sorry that you feel threatened by how an adult should act in this situation.

[burn_this_city]

I was pretty self conscious when I was younger, but I realized it was hugely limiting my ability to connect with people. Kids smell fear and I decided it wasn't worth worrying about everything to my own detriment.

[ChickenPho]

Originally Posted by The Ditch

I'm sorry that you feel threatened by how an adult should act in this situation.

But sallias has a good point, not everyone will be comfortable in doing it. I saw it years ago, when we all had to go swimming. A lot of employees were very upset over it and were stressed because management was trying to force it on them. But many didnt go because they werent comfortable with it.

These work events should be an activity that is open, in other words most people will be comfortable trying. I can list off a bunch that are more open and more ideal to a large group of people - go karting, poole, helping in a homeless shelter, pet shelter, etc. Its just like food, if you order food for the office, chances are...you're going to order common stuff that you know majority will eat.

Golf is no different than rock climbing when you see that both are niche hobbies, which years ago was another one of our staff outings. There are much more people today who have never tried rock climbing than golf. And rock climbing can be very uncomfortable for someone who is out of shape.

[BlackArcher101]

This is why paintball is always best. Who doesn't like to shoot their own coworkers?

IMO, I would also pass on a company golf outing. I have zero skill and desire for golf. In the end, I would just offer to be a caddy. The damage my reputation would get from everyone watching me hack at the grass would far outweigh the impact of passing on the opportunity in the first place.

[Shawnski]

When given lemons, make lemonade.

If you know you have an event coming up, prep for it. If it is golf, go hit a bucket of balls a couple times before the date of the event. Ask people who are there if they can give you any tips with your swing. You don't have to kill every shot, just make a solid contact and you are likely good to go.

As for karaoke, think of songs you like and could actually do. Sing them to yourself so you are comfortable. And contact the DJ before the event to make sure they have it! Most DJs will try to help out and even if they don't have a song, will endeavour to ensure they DO have it for you when the time comes. Edit, but don't leave this to the last minute! Sometimes it takes time to find a song.

And sing in a group if you can.

A little planning ahead can help ease any tension you are feeling. It certainly can't hurt.

[JD]

Originally Posted by BlackArcher101

This is why paintball is always best. Who doesn't like to shoot their own coworkers?

I found paintball to be the absolute worst team building event I've ever attended. Mostly because of paintball commando guy that brings his own gun and pretty much dominates. And unfortunately, in the engineer world, there are a few of those guys per office.

[Puppet Guy]

Originally Posted by MarchHare

So you would be totally ok with a company karaoke night where everyone was forced to get up and sing in front of their coworkers? And if anyone said they don't want to do it because they're embarrassed, you'd just tell them to "get over themselves"?

I had a staff event a year ago that was just like that, and the kicker was we had to re-write the song into an ode to the company. Terrible idea.