Got in trouble at work - Did I destroy my reputation or can I recover?

[Buff]

Either you have already earned a bad rep for not being a team player or just all around being selfish, or you need to stop being so paranoid or you need to find somewhere better to work.

[J pold]

As someone who has had to plan two charity golf tournaments this year I can tell you there is nothing more infuriating then people who RSVP yes and then last minute cancel out. You spend weeks arranging groups, matching people with their appropriate handicap, plan hole activities, and do your best to ensure everyone plays in a foursome.

When people cancel it’s not simply crossing them off the list, you have to do a ton of work to put the puzzle back together. What makes it worse is that all this work could have been avoided if people simply RSVPd no in the first place. You are an ass hat.

[Regorium]

I don't understand why you think flaking out on things is not a big deal. It really is. Planning events only to have people cancel last minute is one of the most frustrating things to deal with. It's even worse when you consider they are planning the event FOR YOU to be entertained.

I guess this should go into the WRGMG thread.

[Regular_John]

Flaking out on 1 golf outing won't ruin your career/reputation.

But flaking out/missing 2-3 events in the course of a year just might have a negative effect. So be mindful of how you handle events going forward. Particularly if you're a single guy and folks with a family of 4 are able to make a few events a year.

In short the single guy missing all company events sends a different message than a father of 3 who manages to make 1 or 2, but maybe has to leave early.

[MarchHare]

Addressing a few points here:

To the OP, no I don't think you have caused irreparable harm to your career, but it's still pretty shady. When you make a commitment, you should always honour it barring any unforeseen last-minute emergencies. Your mistake was signing up for an event you really didn't want to attend.

That said, I really wish companies would stop hosting golf tournaments for employees. Not everyone enjoys golfing, and not everyone wants to give up 4+ hours of their personal time. Moreover, playing golf (even at an informal corporate event) requires a certain amount of training and skill that not everyone possesses. I don't think the people who organize these tournaments have any idea how intimidating and un-fun it is to be worried about embarrassing oneself in front of one's coworkers. I guarantee a significant portion of the employees in attendance feel exactly that way, but they feel compelled to show up anyway because they think it's a career-limiting move not to.

[Huntingwhale]

What stood out the most for me was OP's user name. Chicken Pho = Pho Ga. If you ever order ''chicken pho'' at any restaurant, then your reputation will truly be damaged. Pho Ga. PHO GA.

[ChickenPho]

1) I RSVPed yes initially because i felt i had no choice. If I chose no, then i would get bombarded with 20 questions. Its not like i initially wanted to go in the first place and chose yes because of it.

I backed out of another event in July where I only went for an hour to help setup, I got hammered with questions left, right and center like a drill sargent and it took a helluva lot of work just to get out of it early. Again, i had family plans. My bosses understood.

We have these events every month it seems, about 60% of them fall outside of company hours - either after work or on the weekend. Going from the past 6 months, I've only missed two and both were optional. I dont think thats terrible by any means. Ive gone to the rest and stayed for as long as they needed me each time.

2) I would have loved to say "hey golf isnt my thing" but that doesnt give me a valid enough reason to not attend. If anything, that just shows that im primarily focused on the event itself, and not the people going. The common reply to that will be "well, you should still go for the people." But unfortunately, for me the venue and actual activity is a big motivating factor in deciding whether or not I want to attend. They can host a shinny hockey event, and gaurenteed 100% Im there, simply because it peaks my interest and it gets me excited just even thinking about it!

3) I am going and dont worry I wont show my disinterest in the event. Ill make the most of it.

4) As for these events being organized and planned well in advance by management, and me cancelling 2 weeks prior, that I understand. But also, theres about 20-30 people going, so I figured if one person backed out that it wasnt going to be a big deal. If 6 people were going and 1 backed out, perhaps.

[burn_this_city]

Most golf tourneys I've played in are best ball. No one ever keeps score in a serious manner so I don't see where the embarrassment factor comes in.

[kermitology]

You're reputation is harmed only in the fact that I'm fairly certain most of your coworkers will have picked up on the fact that you're not a social fellow.

To be honest, I don't think I would like working with someone like yourself. Grow a pair and either spend some time with your coworkers in a fun environment, or go find a job that lets you work from home.

You come off very whiny and entitled here.

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by burn_this_city

Most golf tourneys I've played in are best ball. No one ever keeps score in a serious manner so I don't see where the embarrassment factor comes in.

Even in a best ball tournament where the score doesn't matter, people still get embarrassed when they whiff on a swing or whatever. And yes, I guarantee more people than you might think feel that way. Golfing requires skill -- you can't expect novices who aren't interested in it and have little-to-no experience at it to enjoy themselves, especially when they're worried about looking good in front of their colleagues.

Imagine it this way: if your company hosted a karaoke night and insisted that everyone get up to sing at least one song, don't you think some of your coworkers might be embarrassed or intimidated by that? Golf is no different.

[squiggs96]

Originally Posted by ChickenPho

1) I RSVPed yes initially because i felt i had no choice. If I chose no, then i would get drilled with 20 questions.

I backed out of another event in July and even though i still went for an hour to help setup, I got hammered with questions like a drill sargent and it took a helluva lot of work just to get out of it early.

We have these events every month it seems, about 60% of them fall outside of company hours. Going from over the past 6 months, I've only missed two. I dont think thats terrible by any means.

2) I would have loved to say "hey golf isnt my thing" but that doesnt give me a valid enough reason to not attend. If anything, that just shows that im primarily focused on the event itself, and not the people going. The common reply to that will be "well, you should still go for the company."

3) I am going and dont worry I wont show my disinterest in the event. Ill make the most of it.

It seems like this isn't the company with the proper culture for you. Some companies like to have office events once a month, others don't even have a Christmas party. There are lots of companies that everyone just works and goes home, many without talking to each other. They see it as a way to pay the bills. Other offices have the employees go out for drinks every Friday. You probably need something in between. The pay cheque is only one part of the job. Learning, room to grow, location, culture, etc. are all important pieces too.

[burn_this_city]

Originally Posted by MarchHare

Even in a best ball tournament where the score doesn't matter, people still get embarrassed when they whiff on a swing or whatever. And yes, I guarantee more people than you might think feel that way. Golfing requires skill -- you can't expect novices who aren't interested in it and have little-to-no experience at it to enjoy themselves, especially when they're worried about looking good in front of their colleagues.

Imagine it this way: if your company hosted a karaoke night and insisted that everyone get up to sing at least one song, don't you think some of your coworkers might be embarrassed or intimated by that? Golf is no different.

I guess you work with a bunch of over competitive dinks. I've never seen anyone seriously embarrassed golfing at the drunken company tourneys. Usually the only people who get embarrassed are the ones who get ####faced and roll the golf carts.

[_Q_]

You are definitely, without a doubt, 100% getting fired.

Start looking for a new job ASAP.

[DuffMan]

I absolutely hate people who cancel on something they said they would do, even more when it is right before the event and screws up others, organizers etc. I'm even more pissed if it is a fun event that involves golf. If I were your boss, you'd already be looking for another job.

[Derek Sutton]

Calling scrambles "best ball" really GMG's.

[troutman]

Could an employer expect all the staff to go sky diving, fly fishing or sailing? Golf has some special exemption where it is assumed it is "fun" for everyone.

[Clarkey]

I abstain from any 'official' after work events that are commemorating someone moving on, especially if it's a manager. The disingenuous bag licking speeches are too much for me to take, it's too close to living in a real life The Office moment. Even if it's for a person I really like the inevitable gag inducing speeches and forced courtesy laughs are too much.

[ChickenPho]

Originally Posted by squiggs96

It seems like this isn't the company with the proper culture for you. Some companies like to have office events once a month, others don't even have a Christmas party. There are lots of companies that everyone just works and goes home, many without talking to each other. They see it as a way to pay the bills. Other offices have the employees go out for drinks every Friday. You probably need something in between. The pay cheque is only one part of the job. Learning, room to grow, location, culture, etc. are all important pieces too.

I would say its more me having very different interests and hobbies in life than the culture of the company. The company is pretty much golf central, everyone here is a pro golfer. I have many hobbies, my 4 main ones are very popular today and very well in demand. The top being hockey, I live and breathe this sport. I watch it, I play it, I follow it everyday. Out of my 4 main hobbies, I dont share them with anyone here because I havent met anyone who connects with me on that level. Outside of work, sure, I have a few friends who do and we hit it off each time. We go play hockey, watch hockey, talk hockey, etc.

Even though Im an introvert and I dont like big crowds, I am still a socialble person, but it all depends on what kind of connection I have with the person. If I share lots of interests with them, I have no problem being myself and showing my personality. If anything, I tend to talk too much every now and then.

But if I cant relate to someone, then really you're not gonna see the best of me. How much someone gets to know me, all depends on how much chemistry they have with me. Im sure its the same for many of you as well. I will admit that Im a loner. Im not ashamed in admitting to that. If I had a preference i would rather be alone than around people I dont know. It doesnt mean i dont know how to socialize. It doesnt mean that im a jerk. Its one of the biggest misconceptions many people have on loners, that they lack people skills and are self centered.

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by burn_this_city

I guess you work with a bunch of over competitive dinks. I've never seen anyone seriously embarrassed golfing at the drunken company tourneys. Usually the only people who get embarrassed are the ones who get ####faced and roll the golf carts.

Perhaps I'm not making myself clear or you're not understanding my point. Or maybe you're just completely oblivious to the embarrassment some of your non-golfing coworkers feel because they're good at hiding how they really feel by playfully "laughing" it off.

Not enjoying company golf tournaments has nothing to do with competitiveness or working with douchbags. If someone is not good at a skill, and then they're forced to do that skill in front of their coworkers, that's not a pleasant situation. It doesn't matter that it's "just for fun" and isn't a reflection on one's job performance. Again, think of my karaoke example. Imagine how some of your coworkers would feel if they were forced to sing in front of their professional colleagues. Nobody at a karaoke night is expecting a virtuoso performance from a classically-trained vocalist, but some people still find it terribly embarrassing (and rightfully so!) to sing terribly off-key in front of people whose respect is important to them. That's exactly how non-golfers feel about company golf tournaments.

[Hockeyguy15]

I've seen many people just drive the cart and have some drinks and some laughs. Some hit a shot when they feel like it, some don't even end up hitting one shot. Sky diving, fly fishing aren't really 'social' activities. I suppose you could argue sailing but it's not like we have a lot of water around here to take a whole company out on, and I'm sure the liabilty is much greater than golfing.