You Know What Really Grinds My Gears....The Sequel!

[saillias]

When you invite someone out to any sort of social thing and they have to know who is going, who have you invited.

[Antithesis]

The CP tradition of attacking people who are seeking support from the community rather than bothering to read through their posts to understand the message behind the words is particularly grating right now. I know it's unlikely, but I really wish that instead of rushing out to tear people down with a snarky, smug, condescending reply to highlight how much of a jerk or how uninformed or how stupid the other poster is, that people went into a thread assuming that others are intelligent, kind adults who are seeking assistance on matters they are relatively unknowledgeable in.

The 'shoot first, get the most thanks' mentality just really seems to be getting to me. If an issue hits too close to home for you to post at people in a helpful, informative spirit, maybe you shouldn't be hitting "reply".

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by saillias

When you invite someone out to any sort of social thing and they have to know who is going, who have you invited.

What's wrong with wanting to know who will be there? I have a friend who invites people to parties by BCCing everyone. It pisses me off - you have no idea who in the group is going to be there, you don't know what kind of vibe it will be, and it's stupid to leave out a such a critical piece of information. The entire flow, conversation, activities, etc. for the entire night will be directly influenced by the attendees. I want to know to what exactly it is I'm being invited.

It can (and has) made for uncomfortable social situations, too. "Hey Mike, what time are you going to Dave's party this weekend?" "What party?" "Ugh."

Are you so undiscerning as to who and how you spend your free time that you don't care who is going to be there? I don't understand this. I always make sure everyone can see who I'm inviting so they can make an informed choice as to whether or not they want to come. It seems like the most considerate approach to me.

[saillias]

Yeah it just comes off like that person doesn't give a fata about you and wants to see if you're inviting people that they do like. It's basically saying, well I don't like you enough to say yes as is, but if you're inviting some better people I may change my mind.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by saillias

Yeah it just comes off like that person doesn't give a fata about you and wants to see if you're inviting people that they do like. It's basically saying, well I don't like you enough to say yes as is, but if you're inviting some better people I may change my mind.

It's not saying that at all. It could be, but it could be saying a million other things.

Is it just you and me? Maybe I'm in the mood for a big party and will choose to do something else. Maybe I'm in the mood for something mellow and just going for a burger and a beer with you will be perfect.

Are wives invited?
Is it just a dude thing?
Is it all the single guys and we're going out to get loaded?
Is it just a few of us for wings?
Is the super unfunny guy from your work going again?
Are we going to just be watching football (because I hate that)?
Etc.

I think it's really rude for you to have more information on what you expect me/us to be doing, but you illogically don't feel like sharing that with me. I'll accept your invite if you invite me to something I want to do. Don't invite people to a mystery evening and then get upset when they want a few details.

[squiggs96]

Originally Posted by Sliver

What's wrong with wanting to know who will be there? I have a friend who invites people to parties by BCCing everyone. It pisses me off - you have no idea who in the group is going to be there, you don't know what kind of vibe it will be, and it's stupid to leave out a such a critical piece of information. The entire flow, conversation, activities, etc. for the entire night will be directly influenced by the attendees. I want to know to what exactly it is I'm being invited.

The flip side of the bcc email, is if you don't bcc everyone, my inbox gets flooded with a whole bunch of conversations I don't want to be part of. I don't care that you can or can't make it. Have a Google doc that you can say yes or no to, but if I have to read 150 emails I'm going to lose it, especially if I'm not going. Include a list if you want, but don't include everyone's email addresses. Some people don't want these out to others. Some have only given their work email, and don't want that broadcast to 100 people.

Work ones are the worst for these, because everyone feels the need to reply all. Just set up an Outlook meeting and people can respond yes or no. Whatever the answer is, the whole office doesn't need to know. I don't need to see you tell the whole office "that's too bad" when Sally can't make the party. Sally doesn't like you, so stop trying. If you can't go, just hit the no button, or reply with no to the one person. No one is changing their plans because you're not going.

[Table 5]

Yeah, I'm with Sliver on this one. The older, busier, and curmudgeonier, I get the more I want to know how and who I'm going to be spending time with. I don't really have time to hang out much any more, so I need to make sure it's going to be a productive use of the small amount of social time I do have.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by squiggs96

The flip side of the bcc email, is if you don't bcc everyone, my inbox gets flooded with a whole bunch of conversations I don't want to be part of. I don't care that you can or can't make it. Have a Google doc that you can say yes or no to, but if I have to read 150 emails I'm going to lose it, especially if I'm not going. Include a list if you want, but don't include everyone's email addresses. Some people don't want these out to others. Some have only given their work email, and don't want that broadcast to 100 people.

Work ones are the worst for these, because everyone feels the need to reply all. Just set up an Outlook meeting and people can respond yes or no. Whatever the answer is, the whole office doesn't need to know. I don't need to see you tell the whole office "that's too bad" when Sally can't make the party. Sally doesn't like you, so stop trying. If you can't go, just hit the no button, or reply with no to the one person. No one is changing their plans because you're not going.

Yeah, I usually use Facebook to organize parties now. Everyone is in the loop and there aren't any emails flying around.

[DuffMan]

Originally Posted by Sliver

It's not saying that at all. It could be, but it could be saying a million other things.

Is it just you and me? Maybe I'm in the mood for a big party and will choose to do something else. Maybe I'm in the mood for something mellow and just going for a burger and a beer with you will be perfect.

Are wives invited?
Is it just a dude thing?
Is it all the single guys and we're going out to get loaded?
Is it just a few of us for wings?
Is the super unfunny guy from your work going again?
Are we going to just be watching football (because I hate that)?
Etc.

I think it's really rude for you to have more information on what you expect me/us to be doing, but you illogically don't feel like sharing that with me. I'll accept your invite if you invite me to something I want to do. Don't invite people to a mystery evening and then get upset when they want a few details.

Is anyone going to bring their dog?

[calf]

I think the best way to approach it is accept the invite, and then ask – it’s ok to ask in order to have an idea of what your evening might have in store. But I wouldn’t make the guest-list of a buddy’s gathering a condition of my attendance. Plus, if it’s really that bad, you can always have another thing you need to go to and leave early.

[Table 5]

Originally Posted by fotze

Oh geez, this is another GMG, the "I'm soo busy" guy.

Haha, unfortunately I'm totally that guy. Haven't had a basic continuos 2-day weekend without having to work in over 5 years.

I'm not really that interesting to hang out with anyway, so its nobody's loss.

[Chill Cosby]

Originally Posted by saillias

Yeah it just comes off like that person doesn't give a fata about you and wants to see if you're inviting people that they do like. It's basically saying, well I don't like you enough to say yes as is, but if you're inviting some better people I may change my mind.

I see what you're saying, but it's actually that the person wants to see if you're inviting people that they DON'T like. It's basically saying, "well I like you enough not to say no as is, but if you're inviting some awful people I may change my mind."

Sometimes great people are going, and it makes it even better, but the "Who all is going?" question is almost always purposed to discover if A) any losers are invited or B) a general sense of the vibe of the night, which can generally be figured out more easily through who is attending rather than asking multiple questions.

If I don't like the person very much, I say no immediately, I don't ask who else is going.

[wretched34]

What really grinds my gears is interviewing with international companies.
Started the process this morning, preliminary interview with Recruitment manager is via Skype, as she's on the other side of the Country. Goes really well, and she says, "I'd like for you too meet with the National manager, he'll be in Calgary next Friday for business, can you make it up there during the day?"
I'm in Lethbridge, the job I applied for, it's also in Lethbridge. If you're interested in hiring me, for a position here, why is it my responsibility to convenience you, and the other Manager by driving 4 hours for a 30 minute chat?

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Sliver

What's wrong with wanting to know who will be there? I have a friend who invites people to parties by BCCing everyone. It pisses me off - you have no idea who in the group is going to be there, you don't know what kind of vibe it will be, and it's stupid to leave out a such a critical piece of information. The entire flow, conversation, activities, etc. for the entire night will be directly influenced by the attendees. I want to know to what exactly it is I'm being invited.

It can (and has) made for uncomfortable social situations, too. "Hey Mike, what time are you going to Dave's party this weekend?" "What party?" "Ugh."

Are you so undiscerning as to who and how you spend your free time that you don't care who is going to be there? I don't understand this. I always make sure everyone can see who I'm inviting so they can make an informed choice as to whether or not they want to come. It seems like the most considerate approach to me.

Did you ever think that it was you the party organizer was hiding from other people.

[Arya Stark]

Yep..

Originally Posted by Antithesis

The CP tradition of attacking people who are seeking support from the community rather than bothering to read through their posts to understand the message behind the words is particularly grating right now. I know it's unlikely, but I really wish that instead of rushing out to tear people down with a snarky, smug, condescending reply to highlight how much of a jerk or how uninformed or how stupid the other poster is, that people went into a thread assuming that others are intelligent, kind adults who are seeking assistance on matters they are relatively unknowledgeable in.

The 'shoot first, get the most thanks' mentality just really seems to be getting to me. If an issue hits too close to home for you to post at people in a helpful, informative spirit, maybe you shouldn't be hitting "reply".

Originally Posted by undercoverbrother

Did you ever think that it was you the party organizer was hiding from other people.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Arya Stark

Yep..

you get a good feel for the traditions of this place in the 10 weeks here eh?



Don't worry about Sliver, he and I are Jambox bros.

[Sliver]

Jambox bros 4EVA.

[polak]

I dunno, I always think it's ######y to make your attendence conditional based on who is or isn't going to be there.

Especially when they say "I'm not going if xxxxxxx is there". I ####ing hate that nonsense. Clearly the person wants both of you there. You don't have to say a word to the person you don't like but making the host pick which one of you to invite is ridiculous and extremely high school... except I don't think even regular high schoolers do that. They'll just get smashed and fight each other.

In sumation, do the right thing. If you don't like someone at a party you're invited to, get so drunk that you're numb and fight them. Like high school kids.

[Swarly]

I always try to be transparent about who I've invited to a party. I know for a fact that some of my friends do not get along with other of my friends. For the most part I hang out with them separately but for bigger events (my birthday) I want them all there. But I'm not going to surprise them with the fact that the other person is there. Works pretty good when you don't surprise people with these facts. I know I hate surprises, I like things planned out so I can mentally prepare and be ready for the night.

[Drury18]

I'd like to add to the Kijiji gear grinders, but for jobs.

I will never apply to a job off Kijiji again. Went from sounding like a nice, legitimate job to sketchy in one email interview confirmation.

Seriously, who sends a potential interview candidate detailed dress code instructions that include the quality of clothing you must wear saying "This name brand or higher" and that you are now expected to show up dressed appropriately? I've had it before where they mention they are business casual or casual so don't feel compelled to get that dressed up, but not outlining what quality it has to be. Sorry, don't own a $300+ suit with a silk shirt and name brand dress shoes and quite frankly, that degree of dictatorship at the interview phase is a big red flag.

Should have tipped me off that when I was phone interviewing the only question they had for me was "Are you working now" and then wanted me for an interview this afternoon.