Social Awkwardness : tell a funny story

[Ped]

Back when I did security at GM I was watching guys come in to work and I saw a guy I usually said hi to who I hadn't seen in a while.

"Hey, where ya been, sitting around the pool drinking beer?"

He looked at me and said "No, my wife just passed away."

[Buff]

I worked retail around the time that Toy Story came out. During the Christmas rush people were trying to find the Buzz Lightyear and Woody characters. One lady had Buzz and asked me if I could put the other away once we finished unpacking our shipment. I too down her contact info and found Woody later on. I took it aside and called and left a message on her VM. I said "This is Buff from the store. I'm calling to tell you that I have a Woody for you... Uhh... you can come get it.. Uh whenever."

[coaster]

A few years ago I was waiting my turn at the deli to get my black forest ham for my work week lunches. It was really busy and while I waited I was trying to find the price of the ham but couldn't locate it anywhere which is quite unusual since it's usually front and center. So in my head I'm thinking "where's the black forest ham, where's the black forest ham" when all of a sudden the lady says "what can I get for you." I try to respond "Am I blind or something?" but it comes out "Am I black?" I thought I might have said it quietly enough to not be heard by too many people but to make matters worse the deli lady, who knows me well, laughs and loudly echoes "AM I BLACK!!" I looked around sheepishly and was lucky to see only Caucasians within earshot.

[sun]

I was out of town for a wedding once where my girlfriend was in the bridal party. We were at the bride's parent's house for the rehearsal dinner and I happened to be in the hallway looking at family photos on the wall when the father of the bride walked in.

He said hello and I introduced myself and said, "you must be the bride's mom". And he goes "Well... her dad yeah" with a confused grin. And I was just thinking 'wait, WTF did I just say?!'

Dunno what was wrong with my brain that day, but it was super awkward. Told my GF about it and said not to tell anyone else. Naturally, she told everyone.

[pseudoreality]

I was once chatting up a cute girl who was making a lot of hand signals, acting things out. Thinking I was being funny I told her she didn't have to act things out, i'm not deaf you know. Turns out both her parents are deaf.

[pylon]

We have terrible bathrooms at our dealership, pretty much just like a household washroom. 1 toilette, 1 sink, 1 door, that's it. No stalls or anything. Anyway, it's a late shift for me at the store, and I had a total defcon 4, red alert situation brewing in my gut. The mens washroom was occupied, and it's late, so I just use the women's washroom. After evacuating the most hellish, inhumane, crime against humanity from the depths of my being, right as I come out, the prettiest, petite girl walks in. As I do the walk of shame back to my office, and I can tell by the sound of her footsteps she walked in and walked right out. I had to deal with her about 25 minutes later, and there was no paper bag on this earth thick enough to mask my shame.

Another scenario, and I will never ever forgive the guy that did this to me. I just get back from a test drive with the nicest, most polite couple. The guy that was sitting at the desk next to me, had just used my computer to print a couple things, and he also proceeded to evacuate what I can only guess was pure H2S right from his bowels, in my little cubicle. In his defence, it made sense after the fact why he was looking at me with a panicked, wide eyed look shaking his head giving me the no, no, no signal with his hands as I was getting ready to seat my customer. The lady simply said...."Oh, my." and the husband just politely asked for a business card and they left.

[WCW Nitro]

While in College, my close friend and I used to go to an Indian store that sells Indian food/dresses/etc and the owner knew both of us by name but neither one of us was close to him.My friend moves to Pakistan and in passing asks me via email how is the store doing. The store has closed down by now but I have no idea why I tell him that it's still there and I still go there. He asks me if I can get the email address of the owner. I decide to continue on with what I consider a minor lie and make a fake email address. He emails the "owner" and asks if he wants to enter into a partnership with him since he can send supplies from Pakistan that are cheap. My friend has one other request, not to tell me about this potential arrangement because he doesn't want me to know. Friend says it's a really good business proposition for the owner, but is adamant that I cannot know about this. I email back saying I'm not interested at this time. Some time later, friend moves back to Canada and till this day it's awkward meeting him knowing that he didn't want me to know.

[WilsonFourTwo]

Long telephone conversation with a buddy....gets to the end of the chat....

Me: Okay, sounds good, yadda yadda, take care
Buddy: Ok, I love you, goodbye
Me: Um...well, see you later
*crickets*

This has happened twice (two separate friends), clearly their brains were in wife-mode and auto-pilot at the same time.

[Machiavelli]

It's generally pretty awkward you accidentally "reply all" when you didn't mean to.

[OutOfTheCube]

I typically dry my hands with paper towel in the office washroom -- one day they were out, so I used our woefully inadequate air dryers for thirty seconds or so and gave a quick wipe on the pants -- needless to say they weren't quite dry.

On the way back to my desk one of our drivers comes in, hand-out for a handshake. An impossible choice of awkwardness -- either avoid the handshake entirely or shake with wetness on your hand. I shook his hand. Still awkward when I see him.

[Luder]

Guy at work has one of those digital picture frames with a bunch of pics on it, one pops up of a girl in a bikini and I say "niiice! Look at the ta-tas on her!" He says "thanks, that's my wife" D'oh

[Regulator75]

Originally Posted by Burninator

Somewhere on 4th. Why? Was it you?

No, just wanted to know which building it was.

[corporatejay]

Originally Posted by Luder

Guy at work has one of those digital picture frames with a bunch of pics on it, one pops up of a girl in a bikini and I say "niiice! Look at the ta-tas on her!" He says "thanks, that's my wife" D'oh

Well you had to assume it someone he was related to, unless you think he puts pictures of random chicks in his digital picture frame.

[getbak]

Originally Posted by corporatejay

Well you had to assume it someone he was related to, unless you think he puts pictures of random chicks in his digital picture frame.

I would think that it being his wife/girlfriend would be the best possible scenario. You're not likely to upset a man by telling him his wife is hot.

I was expecting the response to be, "that's my 14 year-old daughter, you pervert".


On the flipside, if the guy did have a picture of a random big-breasted woman on his digital picture frame at work, it would make you think he was the weirdo pervert.

[Luder]

Originally Posted by corporatejay

Well you had to assume it someone he was related to, unless you think he puts pictures of random chicks in his digital picture frame.

It was years ago, probably the first time I'd seen a digital frame, the picture was so good I thought it was a calendar....without the dates haha

[Luder]

Since I'm making an ass of myself, another guy was talking about his wife at work and I made a remark along the lines of her being a mail order bride..."we've been married 17 years and have 2 wonderful children" was his reply...she was in fact a mail order bride *facepalm*

Feeling especially clever one day I asked our driver of Asian ethnicity if a mosquito bit him would it be hungry a half hour later, that didn't go so well either, his brother went into a big spiel about Western Chinese food vs real Chinese food which turned out pretty funny....over the last 10 years I've learned to keep my trap shut.....sort of.

[Dion]

True story. Back in grade 7 while sitting at the back of the classroom my stomach was grumbling and I knew it was only a matter of time before I passed some gas. I tried to hold it back but it came out sounding like a machine gun going off. Immediately the whole classroom broke out in a chorus of lauughter. The teacher quickly looked up with a look of dissaproval asking who did it? Everyone was looking in my direction and I had to think quickly. I remember looking at the kid beside me and saying nice one! Poor kid had to take the blame and punishment

[photon]

Had one today, was in the book store buying some books and the mom and daughter beside me were buying a Spanish book for someone who was going somewhere Spanish for their birthday. I told the girl that she should tell the birthday person cumpleaños feliz since that's happy birthday in Spanish.

The mom fake laughed but gave me a look and then made sure to get away from me.

I guess it would have worked better if my kid had been with me, I don't know if she thought I was trying to hit on her or creep on her daughter or something.

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by photon

Had one today, was in the book store buying some books and the mom and daughter beside me were buying a Spanish book for someone who was going somewhere Spanish for their birthday. I told the girl that she should tell the birthday person cumpleaños feliz since that's happy birthday in Spanish.

The mom fake laughed but gave me a look and then made sure to get away from me.

I guess it would have worked better if my kid had been with me, I don't know if she thought I was trying to hit on her or creep on her daughter or something.

Helicopter mom. In 10 years that will be a criminal offense.

[PIMking]

Originally Posted by Ped

Back when I did security at GM I was watching guys come in to work and I saw a guy I usually said hi to who I hadn't seen in a while.

"Hey, where ya been, sitting around the pool drinking beer?"

He looked at me and said "No, my wife just passed away."

That happened to me my senior year of High School when my dad died.
History teacher "wow you've been gone for a while, someone die?"
me: yes, my dad
him: sh*t

I also hate doing toast in a drinking party.