Have you cold approached a girl?

[Senator Clay Davis]

It was a great thread for about 200 posts, things were going nice, a good light hearted thread that also served as offering some advice. And then for whatever reason, it became about threads that frequently pop up, but all rolled into one (around things like misogyny, misandry, rape, being "a man" etc...), with nowhere near enough Dion macking tips/actual macking.

[littlereddevil]

Originally Posted by Wood

I don't think that's the point anyone has tried to make here

Guys can hit on whoever they want, but dont be butthurt if you get shot down. Girls can say no for any reason (safety concerns, the guy looks/smells like ass) and it shouldn't be an issue. It's not a reason for single guys to not try and meet single women though

I wouldn't let the derailment of this thread affect your thoughts on meeting women. They have the right to be concerned about the potential dangers out there, according to the stats it's a very real issue. There are bad men (and women) out there, it doesn't mean you're one

I'm not educated enough on male and female abuse/assault to really add anything helpful so I'm going to slowly back away and go back to reading I think

I was trying to exaggerate the topic in light of the misogyny debate, but thanks for the clarification.

I personally am not comfortable approaching strangers in public, and women even more so. I don't even know what it is, it may be the few really bad experiences I've had where I just happen to run into someone having a really bad day. Wrong place wrong time I suppose.

I was even kicked in the pelvic area once in a crowded bar. I'm pretty sure it wasn't intentional but incidents like this leave scars and lasting impressions.

I'd much prefer to meet women the "normal" way by meeting them at a social function or event rather than approaching that girl you see in Costco.

[GirlySports]

I hear a lot of banter in grocery lines. Not pickups but just chit chat and if the two people happen to be single, it could turn into something if it happens more than once at the local store.

[jayswin]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

I hear a lot of banter in grocery lines. Not pickups but just chit chat and if the two people happen to be single, it could turn into something if it happens more than once at the local store.

I saw a really sweet one today. A very well dressed, good looking black woman (early 40's ish), and a kind of shabby looking, quiet 50 ish looking black guy, and this lady just seemed to like him on the spot.

She chatted him up the whole time and he was really quiet and guarded (looked like the type who hadn't been hit on in years and was probably thinking something wasn't right). He just responded very shyly, but she was just very open and happy the whole time. Then she asked him if he lived around here, and you could see the moment where he knew it was real, and he opened up a bit, but still had a polite but shy tone, like a "why me?" tone and guardedness.

She paid and walked away from the till and he probably thought "oh okay, she's leaving, oh well that was still cool", and if you could see the genuine look on his face when he was paying and glanced over and saw her just standing there, ten feet away, waiting for him to finish. It was so cool to witness.

We see so much **** on a day to day basis, it really does make you feel good when you get to see something like that. A beautiful woman approaching a shabby older looking guy who probably thought those days were behind him, and that look like he'd won the lottery as he walked out of the store with her.

Glad I got to see it.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by GirlySports

I hear a lot of banter in grocery lines. Not pickups but just chit chat and if the two people happen to be single, it could turn into something if it happens more than once at the local store.

Having worked in a grocery store for a number of years I'd witness this kind of stuff happening all the time. A guy in the detergent isle not sure which brand is best and asking some woman for cleaning advice and then seeing the conversation take off from there. Or in the meat dept where a young guy isn't sure how to cook a roast or a turkey and asking a woman for advice and it taking off from there also. The enviroment created opportunities for men and women to meet.

As a worker in the store it was a great way to meet women. There would be the regulars that would shop the same store and over a period of time they would get to know the staff and visa versa. One winter I had some customer invite to her place for Christmas dinner. She knew my parents were in Arizona for the winter and that I was alone for Christmas and from there a friendship was formed.

[ma-skis.com]

I always think of the old video game strategy back before internet playing those old RPGs or adventure games where you had to talk to everyone to figure out what to do next.

If you talk to everyone you open the doors for more opportunities. Regardless, talking to everyone makes it more natural to talk to complete strangers no matter who it is, it just becomes normal and cold approaching someone is no longer a thing, it's just you being you talking to someone you don't know.

Granted, read and react the situation, but lineups are always good, asking someone for help, sitting at a bench, but also read if they want to be left alone. That was always my take on the situation. Some situations are better than others if your goal is to pick up, but generally if you open yourself up you become more open to more interesting and new opportunities.

Only talking to that one person that one time with the hope that something good happens is like buying one lottery ticket when the jackpot is over 20 million. Talking to everyone puts you on more situations where you could meet just more cool people who share your interests, and that only turns into more opportunities.

[Mr.Coffee]

I met my wife when we were both counselors for a summer camp for kids with disabilities. One of my best friends met his wife when they were counselors as well at the same camp. I know of 3 other married couples as well from the exact same camp.

Place was like a dating match making service. Maybe something about seeing the total pure human side of people. It was a hard working, wicked job and a couple making factory. Or maybe they spiked the water with extra pheromones. I only worked there two summers...!

All of these couples are still together today. That was nearly 10 years ago.

[DoubleF]

One thing that irks me is the apologetic guy who runs around apologizing for the behavior of all men and frustrated about their dating situation.

Dude, you just got rid of a guy a girl may or may not have been bothered by and then excused yourself out of the picture. Not only did you cockblock someone, you cockblocked yourself. Sometimes, girls just want to chat. Not go further. But like politics, they don't want to talk about the history of the glass ceiling for women.

For instance, jumping into discussions of how heels are restrictive for women and intended to enslave them and make them easier to catch is just creepy at a club. Unless you somehow pull it off as a joke (rare). No one also gives a crap that heels were originally meant for horseback riding, and even if the girl seems interested, I perceive she actually didn't listen to a damn word you said and is *maybe* trying to give you a chance to pick her up or redeem yourself. Telling her that the heels look great and wondering how comfortable they are is a better conversation.

Even if you truly believe the social system is unfair/unjust/problematic, it's not a great conversation starter, pick up line or an icebreaker. It's like talking to a person set on proclaiming dogmatic principles for conversion. No thanks, I'll excuse myself from the conversation. I think (if I recall conversations with female friends) that this attitude of putting a girl on a pedestal can come off as a red flag even if it doesn't start out creepy.

Beyond that, any normal conversation can be accepted or rejected by any girl/woman. Context further makes this a dice roll. I'm sure chatting about shopping/brands/products is fun for some girls, boring for others and creepy to yet even more. As others have said, stick to your guns and accept rejection gracefully.

[strombad]

Originally Posted by Mr.Coffee

I met my wife when we were both counselors for a summer camp for kids with disabilities. One of my best friends met his wife when they were counselors as well at the same camp. I know of 3 other married couples as well from the exact same camp.

Place was like a dating match making service. Maybe something about seeing the total pure human side of people. It was a hard working, wicked job and a couple making factory. Or maybe they spiked the water with extra pheromones. I only worked there two summers...!

All of these couples are still together today. That was nearly 10 years ago.

Can confirm.
Working as a camp counsellor gives you pretty much a 68% chance of meeting a serious girlfriend and/or wife.

[Coach]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

One thing that irks me is the apologetic guy who runs around apologizing for the behavior of all men and frustrated about their dating situation.

Dude, you just got rid of a guy a girl may or may not have been bothered by and then excused yourself out of the picture. Not only did you cockblock someone, you cockblocked yourself. Sometimes, girls just want to chat. Not go further. But like politics, they don't want to talk about the history of the glass ceiling for women.

For instance, jumping into discussions of how heels are restrictive for women and intended to enslave them and make them easier to catch is just creepy at a club. Unless you somehow pull it off as a joke (rare). No one also gives a crap that heels were originally meant for horseback riding, and even if the girl seems interested, I perceive she actually didn't listen to a damn word you said and is *maybe* trying to give you a chance to pick her up or redeem yourself. Telling her that the heels look great and wondering how comfortable they are is a better conversation.

Even if you truly believe the social system is unfair/unjust/problematic, it's not a great conversation starter, pick up line or an icebreaker. It's like talking to a person set on proclaiming dogmatic principles for conversion. No thanks, I'll excuse myself from the conversation. I think (if I recall conversations with female friends) that this attitude of putting a girl on a pedestal can come off as a red flag even if it doesn't start out creepy.

Beyond that, any normal conversation can be accepted or rejected by any girl/woman. Context further makes this a dice roll. I'm sure chatting about shopping/brands/products is fun for some girls, boring for others and creepy to yet even more. As others have said, stick to your guns and accept rejection gracefully.

Get cockblocked, did ya?

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by MattyC

Get cockblocked, did ya?

Ha ha. No, I just watch in disbelief. Even though I was stupid and missed cues all the time in my own situation, I could totally see the "ugh" cues on that situation over and over.

I never had issues getting past the conversation step. I always had issues identifying cues and knowing when it was "safe" to proceed further; or second guessing the cues. In my fear, I never asked any girls out even when the stars aligned. I'd smack young self if I could.

If a you like girl asks you to go to the biggest action movie of the summer on a 1:1 and throughout the movie cringes at the fighting and gore... you didn't just miss the cue. You missed the "you have no idea how much I like you" parade. Worst part was, in hindsight, it was mutual. The fear of not knowing whether it was "safe" to proceed kept me from going further even though I really wanted to date her well in advance to this situation.

[squiggs96]

Originally Posted by flameswin

I saw a really sweet one today. A very well dressed, good looking black woman (early 40's ish), and a kind of shabby looking, quiet 50 ish looking black guy, and this lady just seemed to like him on the spot.

She chatted him up the whole time and he was really quiet and guarded (looked like the type who hadn't been hit on in years and was probably thinking something wasn't right). He just responded very shyly, but she was just very open and happy the whole time. Then she asked him if he lived around here, and you could see the moment where he knew it was real, and he opened up a bit, but still had a polite but shy tone, like a "why me?" tone and guardedness.

She paid and walked away from the till and he probably thought "oh okay, she's leaving, oh well that was still cool", and if you could see the genuine look on his face when he was paying and glanced over and saw her just standing there, ten feet away, waiting for him to finish. It was so cool to witness.

We see so much **** on a day to day basis, it really does make you feel good when you get to see something like that. A beautiful woman approaching a shabby older looking guy who probably thought those days were behind him, and that look like he'd won the lottery as he walked out of the store with her.

Glad I got to see it.

Sadly, the lady roofied him later that night, emptied his bank accounts and stole all of his valuable possessions from his house. The media did not pick up the story as they dubbed it black on black crime.

In all seriousness, I think I ruined the only chance I ever had talking to a girl in a Safeway by trying to make a nice melons joke. I regret nothing.

[northcrunk]

Originally Posted by squiggs96

Sadly, the lady roofied him later that night, emptied his bank accounts and stole all of his valuable possessions from his house. The media did not pick up the story as they dubbed it black on black crime.

In all seriousness, I think I ruined the only chance I ever had talking to a girl in a Safeway by trying to make a nice melons joke. I regret nothing.

#yolo

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by squiggs96

In all seriousness, I think I ruined the only chance I ever had talking to a girl in a Safeway by trying to make a nice melons joke. I regret nothing.

Wow, you have balls. I would have been tar and feathered by the girls I knew when I was younger if they even got a whiff of me making comment like that.

I made a "coconut" joke inadvertently when I was in Jr High or something and got slaughtered for it. I wasn't really paying attention and made some type of coconuts comment or something just as a well endowed girl walked by. I was forced to apologize to the girls in the group as well as chase the girl down to apologize (forced by the group) to apologize. The girl didn't even know I had said anything and my apology was probably some weird nervous and incoherent "Sorry I said you had great coconuts" or something like that. It scarred me for a decade or so after that (note earlier post regarding fail with action movie girl).

I've spoken to a few girls after I finally got over the event and their general response was that it was an insane overreaction.

In hindsight, this group also flipped out at me when I introduced myself to the new girl that someone had brought. I was just chatting with her as she and I were somewhat the odd people out in the group at that moment, and then I was pulled aside and berated for flirting with her (I was just having friendly banter with her) and making her feel uncomfortable. The individual further declared on behalf of the group that next time a new person was brought to the group, I was not allowed to talk to them without an introduction.

[Imported_Aussie]

I used to be so frozen approaching women cold, if my intention was to pick them up. Which is odd, since I am a total extrovert. It was probably the one area where I had at that time not been successful when it came to talking to people.
I met girls online, which got around the cold approach, had a couple of shorter things then a long term relationship, which then went belly up. Then I was back at square one. What I did to break out of it was not to approach with the intent of picking up - but with the intent of just talking, then seeing where it goes. Trial and error, and making yourself think not every interaction is high stakes.
Then I cold approached a girl and one of her friends at a bar, started a conversation with that girl as her friend wandered off, got her number... fast forward just over 2 years, we are engaged and will be buying a house soon.
All I would say is pick an environment/situation that is comfortable, be authentic, talk without an agenda and see how things go.

[Ben_in_Canada]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

In hindsight, this group also flipped out at me when I introduced myself to the new girl that someone had brought. I was just chatting with her as she and I were somewhat the odd people out in the group at that moment, and then I was pulled aside and berated for flirting with her (I was just having friendly banter with her) and making her feel uncomfortable. The individual further declared on behalf of the group that next time a new person was brought to the group, I was not allowed to talk to them without an introduction.

You need new friends.

[SeeBass]

Originally Posted by DoubleF

Wow, you have balls. I would have been tar and feathered by the girls I knew when I was younger if they even got a whiff of me making comment like that.

I made a "coconut" joke inadvertently when I was in Jr High or something and got slaughtered for it. I wasn't really paying attention and made some type of coconuts comment or something just as a well endowed girl walked by. I was forced to apologize to the girls in the group as well as chase the girl down to apologize (forced by the group) to apologize. The girl didn't even know I had said anything and my apology was probably some weird nervous and incoherent "Sorry I said you had great coconuts" or something like that. It scarred me for a decade or so after that (note earlier post regarding fail with action movie girl).

I've spoken to a few girls after I finally got over the event and their general response was that it was an insane overreaction.

In hindsight, this group also flipped out at me when I introduced myself to the new girl that someone had brought. I was just chatting with her as she and I were somewhat the odd people out in the group at that moment, and then I was pulled aside and berated for flirting with her (I was just having friendly banter with her) and making her feel uncomfortable. The individual further declared on behalf of the group that next time a new person was brought to the group, I was not allowed to talk to them without an introduction.

But have you noticed that some guys can get away with it though.

[DoubleF]

Originally Posted by Ben_in_Canada

You need new friends.

Glad to say, it took almost a decade, but I realized how messed up the interaction was with them and I no longer hang out with them and am far happier with the change. Met my girlfriend defying their advice on girls too. She's my best buddy and I cold approached her to start a conversation.

Originally Posted by SeeBass

But have you noticed that some guys can get away with it though.

Yep. Envy them too. But sometimes, let's just say some girls are just crazy. Even if you can get away with it, you might not want to.

[Travis Munroe]

Personally, the approach is the easiest.... it is 5 minutes into the conversation that things go sideways.
A) I realize I am not into her but don't want to give her some bad excuse....a safe polite exit is not easy.
B) I realize she is not into me... I am now trying to give her the easy exit that I am looking for in option A
C) We are into each other & I freeze asking for a number. We go our different ways and I kick myself later.

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Realtor 1

Personally, the approach is the easiest.... it is 5 minutes into the conversation that things go sideways.
A) I realize I am not into her but don't want to give her some bad excuse....a safe polite exit is not easy.
B) I realize she is not into me... I am now trying to give her the easy exit that I am looking for in option A
C) We are into each other & I freeze asking for a number. We go our different ways and I kick myself later.

Can't you use some realtor line....."Does the carpet match the drapes?"