Shyness is Nice

[troutman]

Shyness: Evolutionary Tactic?


http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/26/op...nted=all&_r=1&

In the science journalist Winifred Gallagher’s words: “The glory of the disposition that stops to consider stimuli rather than rushing to engage with them is its long association with intellectual and artistic achievement. Neither E=mc2 nor ‘Paradise Lost’ was dashed off by a party animal.”

We even find “introverts” in the animal kingdom, where 15 percent to 20 percent of many species are watchful, slow-to-warm-up types who stick to the sidelines (sometimes called “sitters”) while the other 80 percent are “rovers” who sally forth without paying much attention to their surroundings. Sitters and rovers favor different survival strategies, which could be summed up as the sitter’s “Look before you leap” versus the rover’s inclination to “Just do it!” Each strategy reaps different rewards.

15 percent to 20 percent of [humans] whom are also born with sitter-like temperaments that predispose them to shyness and introversion. (The overall incidence of shyness and introversion is higher — 40 percent of the population for shyness, according to the psychology professor Jonathan Cheek, and 50 percent for introversion. Conversely, some born sitters never become shy or introverted at all.)

When I shared this information with the mother of a “sitter” daughter, her reaction was mixed. “That is all very nice,” she said, “but how will it help her in the tough real world?” But sensitivity, if it is not excessive and is properly nurtured, can be a catalyst for empathy and even leadership.

[Knut]

....

[annasuave]

and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to.

[tvp2003]

Reminds me of a very interesting book written by Susan Cain, a former Wall Street lawyer, on introverts:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiet:_...t_Stop_Talking

[troutman]

Originally Posted by tvp2003

Reminds me of a very interesting book written by Susan Cain, a former Wall Street lawyer, on introverts:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiet:_...t_Stop_Talking

She also wrote the NY Times article. She has dedicated her life to understanding introversion (which may include half the population).

Hmmm, that article is 3 years old but I just found it on Facebook today.

[tvp2003]

Originally Posted by troutman

She also wrote the NY Times article. She has dedicated her life to understanding introversion (which may include half the population).

Obviously didn't click the link

She did a TED talk as well which I understand was very well received: http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_...verts#t-488665

[darklord700]

And if there's something you like to try, ask me I won't say no, how could I?

[troutman]

Can nations be introverted?

Introverted - Canada, Switzerland, Iceland

Extroverted - USA, Brazil, Ireland

[kn]

This hits way too close to home.

I dropped out of law school, not due to the work, but due to the stress of daily interactions with people and the realization that that would be a large portion of my future career. Yet, I excelled at moot court and public speaking since I could compartmentalize it as "business". Throw me in a social situation, and to this day, my body reacts instantaneously as if it's a threatening situation, even though logically I can deal with it and from other's perspectives, I seem "normal".

I managed to find a more suitable role as a software developer in a successful company but outside of work, well, life sucks. This "issue" just lends itself to isolation as a legitimate alternative.

[edslunch]

Originally Posted by kn

This hits way too close to home.



I dropped out of law school, not due to the work, but due to the stress of daily interactions with people and the realization that that would be a large portion of my future career. Yet, I excelled at moot court and public speaking since I could compartmentalize it as "business". Throw me in a social situation, and to this day, my body reacts instantaneously as if it's a threatening situation, even though logically I can deal with it and from other's perspectives, I seem "normal".



I managed to find a more suitable role as a software developer in a successful company but outside of work, well, life sucks. This "issue" just lends itself to isolation as a legitimate alternative.

I can totally relate to this. I'm considered to be a great speaker and communication is my strong point at work (also the software business) but am otherwise socially inhibited, much to my detriment

[krynski]

I consider myself an introvert, and it's certainly held me back in a lot of situations. It has also helped me in some ways as well. I can see the pros and cons to both, but it's certainly more valuable to be slightly more extroverted than slightly more introverted. Really, I think extroversion only becomes an issue when it reaches a pretty far extreme, while only mildly introverted will certainly lose out on a lot.

[Dion]

An introvert is a term the best describes me. I enjoy my soulitude and use that time to energise my batteries. I often go to movies and sporting events by myself. I find that social situations can sometimes be a drain on me. Small talk is not always easy for me and it can take me awhile to warm up to people. When discussions are going on around me I am more often than not quiet and that doesn't mean i'm shy.

I don't have alot of friends but the few that I have I tend to devote my energy towards them. I hate crowds and prefer small gatherings. And when there are conflicts I tend to avoid them.

It has only been in the last few years that I have become comfortable with who I am. I no longer see myself as being different from alot of people but more as someone who is unique. In fact I have no desire to change who I am

[IgnitedSoul]

Originally Posted by troutman

Can nations be introverted?

Introverted - Canada, Switzerland, Iceland

Extroverted - USA, Brazil, Ireland

Reminds me of this post I happened across a while ago (at the time I was curious about this exact thing, and thus reading about Finland's notorious introversion)...

Well if this is a contest Finland wins. Denmark is the most continental and extroverted of the Nordic countries. Sweden and Norway are far more introverted. However even the Norwegians and Swedes thinks Finland is very introverted. So it's really over the edge, turbo-charged, on steroids (valium?) introverted.

So when finns interact it's really quiet. It's humorous in a subtle twisted way.

*Two people sit in a kitchen drinking coffee. Clock is heard ticking in the background.*
And that's about it.
*If a stomach happens to growl, the other Finn slowly streches out his hand, to slowly push the basket of crisp bread to his friend without even looking.*

Sauna bathing is a vital part of the culture. Here the Finns feel the heat, get warmed up and might say a word or two. It's usually "Löyly" which means sauna steam. If the Finn is feels extroverted and talkative he might even say "Lisää löylyä", which means more sauna steam. After getting hot and tired of beating themselves with twigs. They all run out and roll around in the snow. Then it starts all over again.

I wonder if it was the Finns who invented telepathy and uses Nokia as a mock up to hide that secret. I'm only half-Finnish so I don't know.

http://intjforum.com/showthread.php?t=11449&page=2

[Caged Great]

I used to be shy, and a bit of a recluse, especially in my teenage years and early 20's. That was mainly due to not really identifying much with a lot of people that were my age. They were focused mostly on High School drama bs, where I was involved in dealing with a situation that changed law in Canada (long story). Different concerns entirely. Add in I have very disparate interests, and it would be difficult to interact with people unless you compartmentalize your interactions with people to that one area of interest. Then after that I began getting crap for certain choices I made (namely becoming a decorator while being a straight guy in Alberta, almost everyone assumes you're gay regardless).

Oddly enough I overcame my shyness entirely during one of my periods of being reclusive, which seems contradictory but it worked for me. I have never had much problem with public speaking though which is odd.

When I am interacting with new people, I am always myself, and I've learned that it is best to turn off the filter of what the other people might think of you, either positively or negatively. I find that that was paralyzing to an extent, so not dwelling on it helps free up things.

[Dion]

nm

[troutman]

When I was younger I was shy and introverted. One professor told me not to go to Law School. I thought I would always end up as a solicitor doing office work. Best thing that happened to me was getting my first law job in a small BC town. I was required to be in court every day. I did well and got over my shyness. I'm still introverted but that is different than being shy.

[metallicat]

I highly recommend the Susan Cain book. It helped me understand who I am. I happened to be reading it when I met my now wife who is also an introvert like me. Fantastic book.

[djsFlames]

Seeing the kind of #### my extraverted friends get themselves into in relationships, friendships, and other situations by jumping head first into things without much thought has made me appreciate my introverted side just that much more each day. Not to say I don't make my own share of mistakes, but I'm just thankful for the perspective it's gained me in just being able to take a back seat sometimes, and take calculated risks more often than many I know who've put themselves into difficult situations without much of an understanding as to how/why they got there. Sure, at moments it can suck. Sometimes you just want to jump right in and say what's on your mind in any situation without even thinking about it, but the wisdom that comes with being introverted is invaluable at a young age.

[JD]

Originally Posted by troutman

I'm still introverted but that is different than being shy.

And that right there is key. Introversion and shyness are not the same thing. Shyness is a behaviour while introversion is a personality type. You can control one of them and the other you cannot.

Being labeled as "shy" makes one feel as though they somehow don't like to be social or to meet new people or chitchat. Totally not true. I think that type of labeling is very confusing to a child. It was for me.

And the thing that irks me is the negative connotation often associated with introversion. There's nothing wrong with it. As pointed out by some in this thread, there are actually many advantages to introversion. As an introverted person with an introverted daughter just reaching adulthood, I've found it extremely important to understand this and teach her the value of her nature.

Like others in this thread, it was incredibly empowering when I finally came upon that point in my life where I realized what I was and how I add value to all situations.

Our society does value many extroverted type traits, but introverts don't have to feel like lesser people because they don't fit that mold. Our society needs both!

[jammies]

Is it really introversion if you just hate people?