Family Issues

[dissentowner]

I am debating about walking away from my sister and brother in laws life and wanted a sound board to see if I am just being stupid or if I have justified reasons for doing so. So background story, I was married in 2000 to a woman and we had a son together. Fast forward to summer 2005 and I surprised my wife with a trip to New Orleans. While down there she went off and cheated on me with some guy. I was devasted and when we got home she wanted to work through it but I was not sure. After a few weeks I relented but then shortly after she started being mean to me all the time and started sleeping with a male friend of hers. Again, I was devasted and was basically parenting on my own as she was never home. I guess the friend decided she was not worth the hassle because he booted her to the curb. She told me she was going to her mothers in Winnipeg for a few weeks to sort out her feelings and her life. While there she met a guy from Australia online and flew there to be with him. She never said goodbye to her son and it messed him up pretty bad. It also messed me up pretty bad. I filed for divorce and I had to sell all my assets and give her half. At the time my brother in law and my sister were looking for a house so I sold them mine for $50,000 less than market value on the condition that I could rent the basement for a while so I could get my crap together and find my own place. To be honest I was severely depressed and did not want to be on my own. Now my sister and my ex wife had always been close and they still kept in touch, that struck a nerve but I let it go, I mean just because this woman destroyed her younger brother and his son's life does not mean that friendship has to end right? My son ended up living with my parents because I was too messed up to take care of him, most days I just wanted to lay in bed. I lost my job and had to go on assistance which I gave to my sister for rent. I had hit rock bottom...or so I thought. Fast forward six months and I am starting to function, spending most of my time at my parents visiting with my son, trying to help a five year old make sense of how his world became so different so fast. That was when my brother in law told me I had a month to get out. The reason? My ex and her new boyfriend were coming to town to see my son and to visit with them and they told them they could stay with them for that week in the basement. Of course I was pretty hurt and pissed off and it drove a huge wedge between myself and my sister and brother in law. They knew what I had been through, how in the hell could they do this to me??? I moved in with a friend and the ex came and went and over time I talked to my sister and brother in law again but it was never the same. I felt betrayed, hell, I still do. Fast forward to 2011 and my sister and my brother in law went to Las Vegas to be in the wedding party of my ex and her new husband. Again, I was pissed but it did not directly affect me so again I let it slide. Family is supposed to be special right? You only have one sister right? So this week my ex and her husband are in town to visit my oldest again and my sister and my brother in law and are staying with them of course. My brother in law and sometimes my sister meet me every week for coffee for an hour to stay in touch because we all lead busy lives, I have another family now and a good career but not a lot of time but I try and make it because its family right? So my brother in law sends me a message saying coffee is a no go because they have my ex and her husband are there and something in me snapped. They can't take an hour of their time this week to meet with me because the woman who ruined my life and her dork Aussie husband are there? Am I being too sensitive about this CP? At this point I just want to give them the finger and walk away, if the roles were reversed I would never act like this toward my sister or brother in law, a guy who was my best friend for years before he ended up with my sister. Is it just me? Sorry for this rant, just wanted a neutral opinion on this. My fiance thinks I should never talk to them again.

[Reaper]

I think your fiance is right.

[TheyCallMeBruce]

Frame them for a crime they did not commit. Game. Set. Match.

[GreatWhiteEbola]

I agree with your fiance. F em!

[sec304]

two words: #### 'Em

Anybody who treats you like that isn't worth ####

[troutman]

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your relatives.

[Cheese]

Yup sounds like you found a level headed woman this time. Too bad you didn't have the wherewithal to record that $50,000 benefit you gave to your sister and her husband and sue them for that money back. As a side note, what do your parents think of this? Do they support your sister in her actions?

I would let your sister know in no uncertain terms that what she did was akin to kicking you square in the nuts and bid her adieu, and IF your parents support her actions you should let them know how you feel as well.

[habernac]

Walk away, sir. Your sister should be ashamed of herself. I didn't have a good relationship with my sister's ex-husband, but any relationship I had with him ended when she left him. I'm amazed you've talked to her this long.

[nik-]

You're obviously putting a higher value on family than your sister is. #### them, I wouldn't have lasted past the time they forced you out so your ex could stay there.

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by Cheese

Yup sounds like you found a level headed woman this time. Too bad you didn't have the wherewithal to record that $50,000 benefit you gave to your sister and her husband and sue them for that money back. As a side note, what do your parents think of this? Do they support your sister in her actions?

I would let your sister know in no uncertain terms that what she did was akin to kicking you square in the nuts and bid her adieu, and IF your parents support her actions you should let them know how you feel as well.

My parents don't want to get involved, they know what my sister is doing is hurting me but I don't think they want a riff between them, they are getting long in the tooth.

[Vulcan]

Myself, I wouldn't make a big deal or scene. I'd just move on with my life and they wouldn't be a part of it, unless there was no choice, such as in raising your son.

[Puppet Guy]

Your self-respect and mental health is the most important thing here. Your sister and brother-in-law obviously think their relationship with your ex is more important than your well-being (and possibly the well-being of your oldest. How's he dealing with this?). Cut that line and let your sister drift off.

[WhiteTiger]

It sounds like your sister is prioritizing a friend over family, and you are doing it the other way around. I agree with Vulcan, though. No need for a big scene, just time to stop associating with your sister and get on with being you. This is hurting you, and since your sister doesn't seem to care, it's up to you to do something to alleviate the pain.

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by Vulcan

Myself, I wouldn't make a big deal or scene. I'd just move on with my life and they wouldn't be a part of it, unless there was no choice, such as in raising your son.

Well they don't raise my son, my parents do. I have offered for him to come live with me now that my life is good and stable but he likes living with his grandparents and they like having him there. I am not going to force him to leave where he is comfortable. When the time comes they feel they cannot care for him or he wants to leave there I will love having him live with me.

[burn_this_city]

I'd be done with all of them.

[MaDMaN_26]

Unless your sister is keenly aware that your are in fact and abusive/drug addict/####### in which your ex had to escape and so siding with your ex and tolerating you because well... you're family... none of her behavior makes sense... we (CP) are only hearing your side of it but the fact that this women walked away from her kid and you have custody means you are probably not any of that... if that is the case your sister is a C#$% and you should drop her from your life.

**edit** just read you don't have custody - doesn't mean your a bad guy, but again we are hearing one side of it.

[DuffMan]

I'm not sure how much they understand of how you feel, Did you ever tell them that you felt they were fawking you around? I mean sisters can be weird, from what I understand, I've never had one. But I wonder about your sisters husband, what kind of a milquetoast is he. He should've at least understood a bit how having your fk'd ex around their house would effect you.
In conclusion, I also say fk'em

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by Puppet Guy

Your self-respect and mental health is the most important thing here. Your sister and brother-in-law obviously think their relationship with your ex is more important than your well-being (and possibly the well-being of your oldest. How's he dealing with this?). Cut that line and let your sister drift off.

My son does not really get it. He is a special needs kid, he has Aspergers Syndrome so all he see's is he gets to see his mom and that is exciting to him. He does not really get that what happens hurts me and I understand that. Last week all he talked about was getting to see his mom and I told him that was great. The thing is every time he has a birthday or a Christmas she sends like $500 worth the gifts, maybe she thinks that makes up for just up and leaving his life.

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by MaDMaN_26

Unless your sister is keenly aware that your are in fact and abusive/drug addict/####### in which your ex had to escape and so siding with your ex and tolerating you because well... your family... none of her behavior makes sense... we (CP) are only hearing your side of it but the fact that this women walked away from her kid and you have custody means you are probably not any of that... if that is the case your sister is a C#$% and you should drop her from your life.

I am about as far from abusive or drug using as you can get. I have always treated my partner with respect and tried to put her on a pedestal. That wa not the case at all. Not saying you said it was.

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by DuffMan

I'm not sure how much they understand of how you feel, Did you ever tell them that you felt they were fawking you around? I mean sisters can be weird, from what I understand, I've never had one. But I wonder about your sisters husband, what kind of a milquetoast is he. He should've at least understood a bit how having your fk'd ex around their house would effect you.
In conclusion, I also say fk'em

I have told them, it led to some pretty big arguments. Then time would pass and we would all just act like those discussions never happened.