Dealing with Jealousy/Insecurity

[evman150]

In my experience it is people who have cheated or are cheating who have the worst insecurity/jealousy issues. Like the town bicycle story above, it is reasonably likely that this girl is cheating on you, or has in the past. People have the tendency to project their own behaviours, and think you are a deviant just like they are.

My advice: leave before you get in any deeper.

[sec304]

I wouldn't leave her without having a serious grounded conversation about the topic. It's obvious she has a problem, and throwing it out on the table to discuss it could bring light to her sensitivity.

You have nothing to lose, as everybody said, if this stays buried, things will only get worse!

[troutman]

Does she never watch Justin Timberlake videos? George Clooney movies? Magic Mike?

[getbak]

You don't have to feel like a wasted space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colours burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

[troutman]

But there's one emotion I'm afraid of
Hear him scratching gently to be fed
I can't stand it when he sits there smiling
I don't want him nesting in my head
Crocodile
No you won't make me jealous
That she left me for him
Get away
Crocodile
No you won't make me jealous
I'm not letting you in
___________________________


I know it's just a drawer of photographs
They're ex-girlfriends, I try to remember that
I don't want to look, but I'm already hooked on jealousy
Jealousy

I can't believe you had a life before me
I can't believe they let you run around free
Just putting your body wherever it seemed like a good idea
What a good idea

Standing on the corner watching the ladies pass by
Imagining me behind your eyes
And what did I see?
I saw hips, I saw thighs
I saw secret positions that we never try
I saw jealousy
I saw jealousy

[Rhettzky]

Pics?

[getbak]

Originally Posted by Rhettzky

Pics?

[Muta]

Ask her if she's slept with anyone before you. If she has, call her a filthy whore.

Giver 'er a taste of her own medicine. Then, go get loaded with your bros.

[calumniate]

If you think she's worth it, offer to go to counselling with her..

I had a friend (serious, haha) who was in the same situation where if they went to the gym together he'd get accused of staring, no matter what. That presented a few problems.. first off it's pretty hard not to do. Secondly, he claims he wasn't even, there are sometimes only so many directions a person can look. Lastly, it opened up a whole other dimension of trust issues.

Counselling was his only way out. Have to have a third party convince them that they are 'wrong' or at least unreasonable. Convincing her yourself will prove impossible.

[fundmark19]

Wait! This is an obvious troll. Who keeps porn on their hard drive everyone knows you can stream anything you want now a days!

[Rathji]

No need to get rid of her over this, but I would sit her down and tell her how you feel.

I had a similar issue with Mrs Rathji, although no Katy Perry or porn related, shortly after we got married, where she was upset about the time I spent with friends when I was in school. Her reasoning was that if I had to spend hours doing homework in the evenings, missing time with kids and her, that it seemed excessive to also have a night a week where I would go play games with my friends.

I talked with her, and she quickly realized that the release of going and playing a game with friends for a few hours was important in terms of me being able to function with the rest of my time being dedicated to Work/School/Home.

It's a lot more complex with porn (and related materials), but the idea is the same. If it is something that is important to you, then she will need to realize that she has to either accept it or end the relationship. As a friend of my wife said, shortly after we got married, "I don't care where he pumps up the tire, as long as he comes home to ride the bike"

[Senator Clay Davis]

Even if you somehow can't stream the porn, use a jump drive and just find a good hiding spot and its all good.

Also learn all the lyrics to every Katy Perry song, that way you can just sell her you're a huge fan (and not just of her tits).

[Rathji]

Yes, there is also the option of lying to her and instead learn to use technology to hide your consumption of these materials.

If you can't tell your girlfriend (or wife) about this part of who you are, then what's the point of the entire relationship? Just to have a warm place to put it? I am sure you can microwave a banana peel for 30 seconds and get the same result.

[19Yzerman19]

Having dealt with this myself, and not even to this degree, my suggestion is to pull the chute as soon as possible because people don't really change. Even if you discuss it and come to some rational, reasonable compromise and she doesn't blow up at you for watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show or whatever, she'll find other ways to take out those feelings on you. It's probably not worth it.

[Cheese]

FFS it doesn't matter if a guy or or gal looks at others..."it simply doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home".
Having to turn your head or drop it in crowded areas because one partner is so insecure about themselves is a recipe for disaster.
Let her know you have great difficulty with this issue, ask her to get help and deal with "her" issues, and get on with life, together or apart.

[northcrunk]

Originally Posted by evman150

In my experience it is people who have cheated or are cheating who have the worst insecurity/jealousy issues. Like the town bicycle story above, it is reasonably likely that this girl is cheating on you, or has in the past. People have the tendency to project their own behaviours, and think you are a deviant just like they are.

My advice: leave before you get in any deeper.

Great post and great advice. People who have a guilty concience because they are cheating tend to be more jealous and insecure so they are always trying to make you feel the same way as them by freaking out about little things like looking at a girl/guy, movies, porn ect. Find a girl who points out cute girls to you. That way you know you have a secure woman who will not freak out about little crap like a Katy Perry movie.

[fundmark19]

Originally Posted by 19Yzerman19

for watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show or whatever, she'll find other ways to take out those feelings on you. It's probably not worth it.

I truly have an amazing wife she always records it for me since I forget to do it every year

[nik-]

Watching the Victoria's Secret show is like watching a rotating sushi bar and never being allowed to pick up the plate of toro.

[MaDMaN_26]

odd PsYcNeT keeps thanking the helpful posts instead of ffp204. ... ... ... just sayin'

:P

[Sainters7]

Originally Posted by evman150

In my experience it is people who have cheated or are cheating who have the worst insecurity/jealousy issues. Like the town bicycle story above, it is reasonably likely that this girl is cheating on you, or has in the past. People have the tendency to project their own behaviours, and think you are a deviant just like they are.

This was my thinking. There's a good chance she's either a) been cheated on, or b) has cheated, with the same result being she knows its possible to happen. Hence the insecurity. (or she's just out of her mind)

Either way a talk is definitely needed, especially if it keeps happening. Communication is key. Just a lay everything out on the table, "Why do you feel this way" "I can't handle this stuff anymore, it needs to change" type discussion. If you don't like the way the talk plays out, time to get out before you get in any deeper. Only going to get more difficult the longer you stay, and not confront the underlying issues there.