Privacy in your relationship

[CaptainCrunch]

And I thought this was all about walking into the can to take a dump while your significant other is taking a shower.

[Rutuu]

I think all girls "snoop" from time to time it's instinctive.

This topic made me think though what happens when you share all your passwords but you've got all the information from previous relationships in your email, IMs, FB comments, etc etc...

Am I supposed to go cleanse all those before I start getting serious with someone?

[GirlySports]

Yes

[Cuz]

Originally Posted by Rutuu

I think all girls "snoop" from time to time it's instinctive.

This topic made me think though what happens when you share all your passwords but you've got all the information from previous relationships in your email, IMs, FB comments, etc etc...

Am I supposed to go cleanse all those before I start getting serious with someone?

Or at least make sure they're well hidden

[FlamingHomer]

You'll know where you stand when you see how "surprised" she is when she gets it. If she is nonchalant and confesses to knowing it was coming, take back the camera and buy that girl a ring.

[Displaced Flames fan]

My wife and I share passwords and sign ins. It has worked out very well. It is sort of symbolic more than anything.

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by Displaced Flames fan

My wife and I share passwords and sign ins. It has worked out very well. It is sort of symbolic more than anything.

I think that is a good idea up to a certain point. What I really dislike is the couples-email accounts where both people share the same email address, like BeetlejuiceandLydia@netherworld.com.

[Street Pharmacist]

Originally Posted by Displaced Flames fan

My wife and I share passwords and sign ins. It has worked out very well. It is sort of symbolic more than anything.

Agreed. Needing privacy leads to suspicion which is infinitely more harmful to a relationship than loss of privacy

[BloodFetish]

Now that she thinks she's getting a camera return it and buy her a vibrator instead. One of those really classy ones.

Everyone likes to be surprised at Christmas!

[Temporary_User]

I can't believe how many people have their phones unsecure. I don't care if any of my GFs read my texts/emails etc but if I ever misplace or have my phone stolen I don't want some theif or criminal reading all that + the ability to send more out.

[Azure]

Originally Posted by Wormius

I think that is a good idea up to a certain point. What I really dislike is the couples-email accounts where both people share the same email address, like BeetlejuiceandLydia@netherworld.com.

Or couples that have one Facebook account.

[Pizza]

As someone messaging a friend over facebook with a wife who regularly spies on him, it really gets annoying.

It never feels like a conversation you`re just having with him, but you`re also having it with the wife too. And most guys know, what`a woman picks up and hears, she spreads it around with her circle of friends. then you end up having to be super cautious in what you say to your own friends over facebook.

i say, lock up that facebook account.

[NSFL]

Originally Posted by Temporary_User

I can't believe how many people have their phones unsecure. I don't care if any of my GFs read my texts/emails etc but if I ever misplace or have my phone stolen I don't want some theif or criminal reading all that + the ability to send more out.

I completely agree with that. Lock it up, and if you want to have that open relationship where your significant other can check your phone whenever, just give them the unlock pattern or your password.

[ae118]

Originally Posted by Azure

Or couples that have one Facebook account.

Shared emails and Facebook accounts are the worst. Are these people not individuals? Come on. I don't magically have a close friendship with your partner as soon as you make it official.


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[Muta]

Because of this thread, I put a password on my phone and I feel much better. GF can't snoop through it now! I know its going to drive her nuts, but I don't give a ####. I suspect it's happened before, and now, no more. I've just re-polished my man card and it feels good.

[Rathji]

I think trust (and the resulting privacy) is default in any relationship like this, and if you demonstrate that you can't act responsibly, when you have it, then you will lose that trust, and the privacy. In most situations, I suspect that you would also end the relationship, but there are lots of cases where that isn't necessarily required.

For example, a guy I know was doing some stuff that was a precursor to physically cheating. His wife came down stairs one day while he was texting this woman, and his reaction was a dead giveaway that he was doing something that he shouldn't have been. Long story short, she checked his text messages, read him the riot act, forced him to quit his job (where the woman also worked), and for a long time she was even tracking his text messages.

edit:

Just read some of the other comments and thought I would chime in on the password thing.

My phone, PC etc are all locked and it is a requirement of mine that all phones/ipods/computers have passwords/PINs. My wife has indirect access to all my data, through my LastPass account, but there is no way she would ever remember by (extremely long) password, so she has enough hints in various locations around the house, and in her email that she would be able to piece it together if something would ever happen to me.

We also share an email address, because there are many emails that we get where both of us need to be involved in the conversation, or for services that the whole family uses, like our Plex, Flikr, Netflix or Xbox Live accounts. We also both have several of our own email addresses as well, as well as Facebook etc.

[mrkajz44]

I think you have to ask her about it. If you thought about it enough to post a thread on it, then it is obviously a big enough deal to you to talk about it. And it can be a simple conversation - just say you noticed this message open and were wondering why she was looking at it. Just be clear you felt like your privacy was violated a bit here and you'd like to have some personal privacy boundries going forward.

Bottle it up and say "I don't want to talk about it now because she might think its petty, etc" is a bad idea as it will almost surely boil over at some point down the line.

[Nyah]

I'm pretty surprised at how many people share their passwords with their partners. I'm in a long term relationship and I don't know his passwords, and he doesn't know mine. We've never needed to give the other an opportunity to snoop because we trust each other. If your partner suggested that he/she would feel more secure about the relationship if they had access to your Facebook, email, etc., then I think you need to take a really close look at your relationship to find out why your partner is insecure or why they don't trust you. Because that's what it boils down to: if your girlfriend went through your Facebook messages, she probably doesn't trust you! Why else would she snoop?

Originally Posted by Street Pharmacist

Agreed. Needing privacy leads to suspicion which is infinitely more harmful to a relationship than loss of privacy

This makes no sense to me. Needing & having privacy is one of the things that keeps me sane. What level of privacy is acceptable/not acceptable? If my boyfriend insisted on access to my Facebook, shouldn't I let him listen into my phone conversations too?

Needing privacy is human nature. If having privacy leads to suspicion, then like I said; you really need to re-evaluate your relationship.

[GGG]

Originally Posted by Temporary_User

I can't believe how many people have their phones unsecure. I don't care if any of my GFs read my texts/emails etc but if I ever misplace or have my phone stolen I don't want some theif or criminal reading all that + the ability to send more out.

I leave my phone unlocked in the hopes that the person who finds it will just open the contacts list and send a text to one of my recent contacts. I will take the 99% of good people over the 1% of bad people.

[fundmark19]

My wife and I have access to each others accounts. She rarely checks my phone unless she has to text my parents and for some reason hates doing it on her phone. When she reads through my messages with my friends she gets upset at the mean things we say to eachother. I then tell her its "for the boys" and she gets over it.

What is the point of being in a relationship if you can't trust the other person. I have nothing to hide so she has free reign over my stuff. Same goes for her accounts. If you want to be sneaky about buying gifts and what not take the extra 10 seconds to delete your conversation. At the end of the day why would I want to waste my time reading through her lame girly chats on her facebook and phone,