When someone dies...

[FlamesAddiction]

What do you do?

My dad has been fighting cancer for several years now, but there has been very rapid deteriation in the past week (went from being fine to death bed really fast). The doctor called me today and said they ordered compassion measures and figures he has a day or so before passing.

This is the first time that I have to deal with this sort of thing where I am going to be responsible for everything and I just don't know where to start. My sister and I are his only living relatives in Canada and she is as clueless as I am. Does the hospital do the cremation? Will I have legal access to his apartment, mail (he has a post office box), his bills - will I have authority to cancel everything?

There seems to be a lot to think about and since I can only take a short time off work and he is out of town, I have to try and be efficient yet I can barely remember how to do little things right now (my mind is on autopilot). Is there a checklist or anything? If anyone has dealt with this kind of thing, can you give me any tips on things that are easy to overlook, I would love to know. This is one thing they never teach you in school.

[To Be Quite Honest]

Oh my, my heart goes out to you and your family. Be as positive as you can be and hold his hand and give everyone hugs. Just my simple advice.

* remember him for who he was and not what is happening now.

* Also, talk to a Minister. They work with people who are going through the same thing that you are and they will be able to offer a lot of help and suggestions.

[Daradon]

I guess the first place to start would be to talk to an estate lawyer? And a funeral home. From there they can probably point you in the directions you need to go.

My last grandparent just died and I'm trying to learn as much as I can from my dad as he goes through the process. Me being the eldest child of four will probably have to do a lot of the work when my parents go.

Good thread. Important information. I'm sure someone here can be of much more help.

[Devils'Advocate]

Practical advice:
http://www.health.alberta.ca/documen...cess-Guide.pdf

Otherwise:
I'm terribly sorry for your loss. It's tough having someone close to you pass, but also having the responsibility of taking care such important decisions when your just not in the right frame of mind to do so can be hard on anybody.

[Hair bleach and Vodka]

I'm very sorry to hear about your Dad. I don't have much more I can offer, be strong and know that he'll forever be in your heart and mind. Memories of the best times of your lives are something I'm sure your whole family is sharing and enjoying with him in these moments.

Peace and love.

[JiriHrdina]

So sorry to hear that this is happening.

There's a lot of good information here, well organized that you can almost use as a check list.

http://www.servicecanada.gc.ca/eng/l...nts/loss.shtml

[MoneyGuy]

If you have a close friend,I suggest you ask him or her to help with this. He funeral home should have materials to guide you on some of these things, such as cremation. As for paying bills, does someone else have cheque writing authority. I don't know if you can cancel utilities, etc. I would make a list of everything you and sis can think of, and research everything item by item. The funeral home will be a big help. Try googling "what to do when someone dies" without the quote marks to see what you find. Go to the personal finance section of websites like redflag deals to see what others an suggest.

That's all I have for you. Condolences. This will be very hard. I've been there.

[Caged Great]

I don't have anything to add other than my sincerest condolences.

[Dion]

Very sorry to hear that is happening. Cancer is cruel in what it does to people.

[rubecube]

Sorry to hear. I'm actually dreading the day something like this happens to my dad. I'm the only one in the family he still talks to. He lives in the Southern U.S. on a visa, and has no will. Always feel like there's a massive calamity just waiting around the corner for me whenever it actually happens.

[Phanuthier]

I have no advice (maybe make sure his will is up to date?), but just wanted to pass along my condolences and best wishes to you and your family.

[Southside]

I hope this might help ease your mind at such a difficult time.

http://www.thehealthline.ca/Docs/38dies.htm

[Prufrock]

I don't have any advice, but I would like to express my condolences. Stay strong!

[Displaced Flames fan]

Sorry to hear about your Dad. Awful news.

[username]

So sorry to hear, cancer really does suck.

My moms been battling pancreatic cancer for two years & almost every day I dread getting news like your dad got.

[dissentowner]

Sorry to hear, stay strong.

[Daradon]

My condolences too obviously. I was just focused on the practical informarion you were asking for.

[Methanolic]

Dear Flames Addiction,

My heart goes out to you and your Sister, I only hope your Dad does not suffer and whom ever is caring for him makes him as comfortable as possible.

I lost both my parents (within 2 weeks of each other) in March of 2012. I was named executor of my Fathers will (estate) and have been dealing with everything Since he passed on March 18 2012 and I am still not finished with my duties as executor.

I pretty much had to figure things out on my own over the past 14 months but I have learned so much. I will never claim to be an expert regarding the situation you are in and what lies ahead but I can definitely offer advice based on my experience.

First and foremost, If your father has a will you need to find out who executor is. If its a case where there is no will, Either you or your Sister need to act and gain power of attorney over your Dads estate ie: everything in his name.

Please feel free to PM at any time with any questions (no matter how seemingly trivial) at any time at all.

Take care,

[bigtmac19]

So sorry to hear this, your most helpful resource will be the funeral home. They will give you all the information on who you might need to contact and often have all the numbers for you. Hopefully he has a will in place you really need that.

My parents died within 9 months of each other, this is all too familiar territory for me.

I wish you strength during this difficult journey.

[Minnie]

I lost my dad to colon (and secondary liver) cancer in '02. I can't offer you any advice because he and my mom had everything sorted out before he passed, so it was simply a matter of mom making calls to the funeral home (he died at home) to come for the body and make phone calls to his family in the US, family here, and friends. Their church helped out for the luncheon after, so we didn't even have to worry about that.

As others have said, many of us have walked this same path and that you now also have to walk it, is horrible. I'm so sorry, FA. As bigtmac said, much strength to you as you go through this.