Don't know who wrote this, but someone sent me this e-mail last week.
Quote:
Piers Morgan is a terrible human being. Or at least I think so. He also purports to be an Arsenal fan. I too am an Arsenal fan. I am ashamed to have anything in common with him.
When Arsenal are victorious, Piers Morgan is happy, shamelessly gloating in his own inimitable way. And by inimitable I mean extraordinarily smug. The man oozes smugness like herpes-ridden genitals ooze pus. So I'm told.
Yet he equally revels in an Arsenal defeat. Such an outcome adds weight to his self-important standpoint on the club. Therefore, no matter what the outcome, Piers Morgan will both win and lose simultaneously. He exists in an uncertain quantum state, like Schrödinger's cat. I say 'cat'. The word I wanted to use, also starting with 'c' and ending with 't', was pre-emptively censored by the editor. I was told that I swear too often. Suffice to say, Piers Morgan is a cat. A #####ing massive cat.
On the nineteenth of November, 2011, he tweeted:
'No pressure @Persie_Official - but if you leave #Arsenal then I'm going to throw myself off Santa Monica pier in lead weights.'*
This made me think two things. Firstly, not only would the lack of investment, ambition and trophies be motivation enough for Robin van Persie to leave Arsenal, but now Morgan was further incentivising his inevitable departure. The second thing I thought about was how would I like to see Piers Morgan die?
It would require a certain amount of legal tweaking, not least the reinstating of capital punishment and the reclassification of certain crimes, but if he can make a career as a "journalist and television host", then anything is possible.
His execution would have to be televised. Contrary to what Gil Scott-Heron believed, I think it's safe to say that the revolution will be on the box, and this could be the start of it all. Before people complain that this idea is incredibly offensive, may I remind them that they are the self-same people who sit on their sofas and, without any form of resistance, allow Head and Shoulders to sh*t directly into their eyes with that Joe Hart monstrosity.
The obvious choice of channel to air the execution would be ITV, as it would suit their sensationalist sh*tbaggery, but I'm guessing that they probably wouldn't go for it. What with them being the UK channel that exclusively peddles his piffle. Plus with the Killing Of George Bush, a mockumentary about a fictional assassination of a real-life US president, and The Execution of Gary Glitter, a drama-documentary which vividly envisioned the trial and subsequent capital punishment of pop's second most reviled sex offender, the Channel 4 family has established itself as the home of thought-provoking celebrity death fantasies. Now they've whacked a head of state and strangled a paedo, what next? It's either Morgan or Griffin. And this time they can make it real. Of course Rick Edwards will present it.
As for the question of how? Simply Google "Brazen bull". Bingo.
Now imagine a world without Piers Morgan. Lovely, isn't it?
Now you may say that I'm a dreamer. But I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join me. And we all can kill Morgan.
You are the sort of imbecile who refuses to wear any clothing of a particular colour, simply because it is the same hue worn by your rivals. The sort of imbecile that refuses to donate to Comic Relief because the children clamouring around a rapidly-emptying African well are bedecked in replica Chelsea shirts. The sort of imbecile who loudly proclaimed to feel less sympathy for Holly & Jessica because of their matching Manchester United strips. Unfortunately I have met all these imbeciles. They all support the same club as me.
And don't even get me started on Dappy.
*Robin van Persie left Arsenal in the summer of 2012 and signed for Manchester United. At the time of writing Piers Morgan is yet to honour his promise.
Fergie tonight on RVP: “Arsene said to me when we concluded the deal [last summer], 'He's a better player than you think'”
if I was an Arsenal fan my reaction to that quote would be rage
WHY NOT ASK FOR MORE MONEY THEN
edit:
everyone's favorite Arsenal fan saw that and replied
Quote:
Piers Morgan @piersmorgan 2m
SICKENING > RT @SamWallaceIndy Fergie tonight on RVP: “Arsene said to me when we concluded the deal, 'He's a better player than you think'
Mike Tyson believes Liverpool striker Luis Suarez will make up with Branislav Ivanovic -- just as the former world boxing champion did with Evander Holyfield.
He told the David Glenn radio show: "He (Suarez) bit someone, it happens. I am sure he will make amends with this guy. I made amends with Evander and we got on with our lives."
if I was an Arsenal fan my reaction to that quote would be rage
WHY NOT ASK FOR MORE MONEY THEN
It wouldn't matter as the SAF's valuation would still not meet Wegner's unless SAF too was convinced of the player's quality and then increased both his valuation and the amount he was willing to pay. Holding out wasn't really an option for Arsenal as we would have lost a lot more money on free.
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“Such suburban models are being rationalized as ‘what people want,’ when in fact they are simply what is most expedient to produce. The truth is that what people want is a decent place to live, not just a suburban version of a decent place to live.”
It wouldn't matter as the SAF's valuation would still not meet Wegner's unless SAF too was convinced of the player's quality and then increased both his valuation and the amount he was willing to pay. Holding out wasn't really an option for Arsenal as we would have lost a lot more money on free.
I get that, although I still think they should have kept him or sold to anyone but United
but why say that at the end? it makes no sense
"you just got the best of me, he's better than this value"
LUIS SUAREZ has been given a massive 10-MATCH suspension for his shocking bite attack on Branislav Ivanovic. The Liverpool hot-head yesterday admitted a charge of violent conduct.
And Suarez’s season has today been ended after an independent panel hit him with the bumper ban.
The standard punishment for violent conduct is three games but the FA had claimed that was “clearly insufficient”.
Suarez last night denied he should receive extra punishment.
But the FA have today got their way and the bad-boy forward is now facing a lengthy spell on the sidelines.
An FA statement said: "A three-person independent regulatory commission today upheld the FA's claim that a suspension of three matches was clearly insufficient.
"The player will serve a further seven first-team matches in addition to the standard three.
"The suspension begins with immediate effect."
"you just got the best of me, he's better than this value"
That is the objectable and frustrating part.
And good on the FA for taking a bite out of violent conduct...
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“Such suburban models are being rationalized as ‘what people want,’ when in fact they are simply what is most expedient to produce. The truth is that what people want is a decent place to live, not just a suburban version of a decent place to live.”
- Roberta Brandes Gratz
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Arsenal have to find a way to start retaining their stars. Wenger finds ways to procure young and up coming good players but loses them once their development is complete. Always pains me to see someone you have started to warm up to, move to another team. Reasoning for most players is they want a chance at the championship.
This team currently has the setup to be built into something special. If we can retain the current squad and add a few names we can definitely make some noise next year as opposed to flirting with a champions league spot.
Man oh man things for Suarez keep getting better. I did not like that goof in the World Cup and he has kept up his gimmick. Diving was not enough so he goes ahead and gets a pound of someone's flesh stuck in his teeth.
