We have been having issues with my wife's youngest sister in terms of bullying and on-line harassment. She had asked us over Christmas if she could move out of her dad's place in Abbotsford and in with us in Burnaby. I wasn't thrilled with the idea as i am trying to get rid of kids not get more of them.
Her reason for wanting to leave was she was being teased and harassed by other girls because a boy liked her and not them. I am talking about a 17 year girl that is actually incredibly attractive, bright and funny. This coming from a guy that can't stand the rest of my wife's sisters. She is honestly the last person I thought would be teased at a high school. These girls were jealous and it was the only reason they picked on her. These taunts mostly came from facebook, twitter and tublr or instagram. I asked why she just didn't stay off of these things and she said at least if she followed what was happening she at least knew what she would be in for the next day at school. the sites were not necessarily picking on her directly but organizing how they would pick on her the next day or week. It also got other kids involved as I actually think they thought it was a game. Just staying off of social media doesn't necessarily stop or prevent the harassing. It could just be you burring your head in the sand.
We tried teachers and principles but my sister in-law begged us not to approach the parents of the other girls. All of if it turned out to be pretty much futile. As it turned out we could not get her into a school in Burnaby as the semesters are completely different between schools, we tried to explain the situation and she even offered to redo grade 11 but the school wouldn't register her.
She ended up returning to school prepared to deal with the bullying for the rest of the year. I went with her twice to school after a couple of bad incidents that actually involved older boys that stole and broke her phone, back pack etc. I made it clear to the one boy that the phone was mine and one way or another I was getting value out of my property, through him or his old man. Funny thing is the boy didn't even know why he got involved, everybody else was doing it and things slowly escalated. He actually paid my sister back for phone and the bullying pretty much stopped cold after that.
My sis doesn't talk much now about the girls or what happened but she has mentioned that she knows it is happening to another girl but she doesn't want to get involved for fear that they turn on her again. She is afraid to speak up and help out. Unbeknownst to her I have spoken with the principle a few times but he says the same thing I'm sure they all say, can't do anything unless people come forward and talk. Names, dates, details of incidences, he wants proof or else it is your word against mine.
Long story short I guess, it doesn't really matter if you are on social media or not, the word will get out. Kids feel that there is no real help that won't make the matter worse. Can't go to the parents as they are not around during school. Confronting the other parents will just make the perpetrators more angry. What can teachers do? Suspend a kid for a week, month? Maybe an expulsion?
I don't know, it is really tough. I have a boy in grade 12 and really have no idea what he does. We have been strict in the past and the first time we let the leash out he spends a night in the drunk tank. We finally threatned him with the one thing we know he loves and that is wrestling. We said no provincials if he doesn't smarten up. He smartened up and placed 4th in nationals. We monitor on-line activity but it is nothing to make another account at the library or friends place. It is tough to know 100%
I also have two young kids (2 and 4) and sometimes this world scares the #### out of me. I want them to be young and innocent forever but at times I went them to jaded and expect the worst from people.
I feel for parents. You don't want to worry but you worry...
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Galakanokis For This Useful Post:
From my experience, the kids that bully are usually entitled ######bags. Their parents are completely clueless to the fact that their kids are like that even when you confront them.
Impossible situation. I tend to think that its hard for a teacher/parent to get involved unless there is hard evidence, which is why its so important for other kids to stand up for those kids being bullied. I had a few kids do that for me in school and it make a huge difference.
After seeing her Twitter page, I wonder if her parents had parented better she would've not been in the situation to be raped in the first place. She appears to have had a high risk lifestyle not portrayed in the news.
After seeing her Twitter page, I wonder if her parents had parented better she would've not been in the situation to be raped in the first place. She appears to have had a high risk lifestyle not portrayed in the news.
Say what?
The Following User Says Thank You to Minnie For This Useful Post:
(A) How much of those twitter posts came after the rape and her life was spiralling out of control?
(B) I would NEVER, EVER blame the victim. You're getting dangerously close to "she shouldn't have worn that dress".
We had this discussion Friday at work. I stated how Muslim's believe that men are pigs by nature and therefore women should hide their beauty and not wear anything revealing lest they be raped. Maybe we should be blaming Rehtaeh for not covering her face far more than we should be blaming the boys?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Hours after her death hit the media, someone jumped on Facebook and created a "The REAL Rehtaeh Parsons" page, with the intent to smear her name and suggest that she was deserving of her fate. It's that page that has propagated that Twitter page. The Chronicle Herald, the main Halifax paper, had an editorial saying that "it appears that the bullying that led her to suicide isn't going to let up; people are going to continue to criticize her even after her death."
Hopefully Facebook ripped that page down and banned that user. If they didn't then there's a significant problem with the fact that Facebook seems to have become a conduit for the worst of human behavior.
__________________
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
The Following User Says Thank You to CaptainCrunch For This Useful Post:
Some day, more people will come to realize that Facebook is a very bad thing. It allows people to be bullied and ostracized, especially kids when they are at their most vulnerable ages, by cowards from behind their keyboards.
Peer pressure is bad enough at that age without an instrument that magnifies it by 1000, or 10,000...or more.
I know there are other sites as well, but with Facebook it just seems so easy for people to form cliques and really target individuals.
I've always had trouble agreeing with the idea that bullies are just insecure cowards for whom bullying is just a pathetic display of "power". I can only think of one incident in my personal experiences where that was probably true.
The older I got, the more the bullying seemed to come from the popular cliques, or in another case a few police informants--the list goes on, but in each case the bullies were connected with some kind of power or authority that allowed the victims no chance.
It's been interesting to live in an area that went from small town good-old boy stuff to an international destination/ headquarters for scams pretty quickly. Was it that they just didn't want to acknowledge what was happening, or that they didn't care?
I guess this post doesn't make too mcuh sense but our famous local detective, Virginia Snyder, was the inspiration for Murder She Wrote. The cops hate her, and she does seem a bit looney sometimes, but what she says is not wrong.
I feel so sorry for this girl and her family. When the rape/bullying situation was going on down here (this was years ago) the perpetrators were mainly minors whose fathers/uncles were best friends with the police chief. They were just god ole boys, never meaning no harm!
I don't believe in vigilante justice though, because too often do-gooders get hysterical , accuse innocent people, and create a problem that wasn't there. We don't need any more witch hunts.
(A) How much of those twitter posts came after the rape and her life was spiralling out of control?
(B) I would NEVER, EVER blame the victim. You're getting dangerously close to "she shouldn't have worn that dress".
Glad you're up to date on the story you're so up in arms about. The "rape" happened 2 years ago. And yet up to just a couple days ago she's talking about drugs, acting like a gangster, etc on twitter (a public medium), Id imagine private conversations are even more "strong". Honestly, go back over the last 10% of her twitter posts and you'll see countless posts about being drunk, sex, hell even pictures of rolling/smoking joints, and this is all public?
Clearly there are a number of things that don't add up and as the public, we're missing a lot of the backstory and things that occurred over the last 2 years. Its not as cut and dry as the "Innocent teen raped and then commits suicide" way the media is portraying it.
Its a sad story, but the way the parents have been trying to publicize the event makes me think twice about it all. But hey, as a parent, its easier to blame others than to shoulder any of the blame for your parenting.
(A) How much of those twitter posts came after the rape and her life was spiralling out of control?
(B) I would NEVER, EVER blame the victim. You're getting dangerously close to "she shouldn't have worn that dress".
."
I don't think we was blaming the victim at all. He was just suggesting that parents need to monitor and adjust the behaviour of their teenagers, teach them to be more streetwise, and have some personal accountability. These are important life skills that are missing among a large portion of our young population.
It's not a shock when someone who runs with gangs eventually gets murdered, just like it isn't a surprise when a young girl getting drunk and high with a group of boys gets raped. No one should ever blame the victim, but it is completely valid to question chain of events and life decisions of the victim and the parents if you are at all concerned about preventing these situations in the future.
__________________
"A pessimist thinks things can't get any worse. An optimist knows they can."
I can't say I've really been keeping up with this story, so I don't know what the parents' othere actions are.
I've never been the parent of someone like this, but I've been a victim. So this is just my opinion.
If I'm really grieving and traumatized about something, the last thing I would want to do is draw attention to it or myself. I'd rather just hide away so to speak and hope that time does heal all wounds (it doesn't) or go with the Arab(?) saying and think "Revenge is best served on a cold plate".
If you're in the right, you don't have to yell and scream about it.
But have such a hard time getting angry about anything that it's become a sickness I guess.
That being said, it's pathetic how many people still have such a flippant attiude towards rape victims.
Glad you're up to date on the story you're so up in arms about. The "rape" happened 2 years ago. And yet up to just a couple days ago she's talking about drugs, acting like a gangster, etc on twitter (a public medium), Id imagine private conversations are even more "strong". Honestly, go back over the last 10% of her twitter posts and you'll see countless posts about being drunk, sex, hell even pictures of rolling/smoking joints, and this is all public? Clearly there are a number of things that don't add up and as the public, we're missing a lot of the backstory and things that occurred over the last 2 years. Its not as cut and dry as the "Innocent teen raped and then commits suicide" way the media is portraying it.
Like I said, after the rape her life was spinning out of control. Yes, there was drug use. You can see all the tattoos she had and she was running with a much rougher group of friends than before.
Quote:
Its a sad story, but the way the parents have been trying to publicize the event makes me think twice about it all. But hey, as a parent, its easier to blame others than to shoulder any of the blame for your parenting.
So, again, we blame the parents. What exactly were they supposed to do? Lock her up? The moved her to a new school. Paid for different counsellors. You make it seem like taking care of a self-destructive teen is an easy thing.
Glad you're up to date on the story you're so up in arms about. The "rape" happened 2 years ago. And yet up to just a couple days ago she's talking about drugs, acting like a gangster, etc on twitter (a public medium), Id imagine private conversations are even more "strong". Honestly, go back over the last 10% of her twitter posts and you'll see countless posts about being drunk, sex, hell even pictures of rolling/smoking joints, and this is all public?
Clearly there are a number of things that don't add up and as the public, we're missing a lot of the backstory and things that occurred over the last 2 years. Its not as cut and dry as the "Innocent teen raped and then commits suicide" way the media is portraying it.
Its a sad story, but the way the parents have been trying to publicize the event makes me think twice about it all. But hey, as a parent, its easier to blame others than to shoulder any of the blame for your parenting.
Oh this is such bullsh!!t. Doesn't matter. There's nothing about her behaviour, no matter how 'good' it was or how 'bad' it was, that ever means that she should have been raped or assaulted in any manner. And parenting has zero to do with rape and assault either. Nothing about their parenting means it's ok for anyone to have raped or assaulted their daughter. And it's not an excuse for the bullying that happened either.
And because apparently some boys and men seem to not have a clue:
My sons know better. They also know that if for some fackinng stupid reason they take advantage of a girl/woman like this, they better hope the police get their hands on them before I do. They've long been informed that I will fook their ####e up and being taken by the police will be a huge relief.
But it isn't going to happen. Because they've been raised to not be gigantic a-holes like that.
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Minnie For This Useful Post:
Not excusing the rapists at all, but you can't control the inevitable stupidity of other kids. You can however teach your own kids how to be responsible.
And her actions were not the actions of a responsible person. It would be nice if kids could go to parties and get drunk without possibly running into problems but that isn't the world we live in, and incidents like this have happened WAY too many times before.
That being said, I also find it sickening. Provided there is clear evidence in place, I hope the rapists are thrown in a 4x8 cell for the rest of their lives. From talking to someone who has worked with the RCMP in rape cases before, there is no chance the cops didn't try to do their job to the best of their abilities though, so who knows what will happen.
The RCMP probably DID try to do their job. But in most rape cases, there just isn't enough evidence to even go to trial, much less get a conviction. Which is why there are so many looking for vigilante justice. It's out of frustration that it is so incredibly hard to get any other kind of justice.
-=-=-=-
"It would be nice if kids could go to parties and get drunk without possibly running into problems, but that isn't the world we live in". But it should be. Again, we go back to what I said earlier. How far do we take this? Should fathers lock their daughters up to protect them from all the inherently evil males out there? Like I said about Muslim culture which PRESUMES that men are rapists and therefore fathers pressure their daughters to cover their faces and wear very conservative clothing.
I'm with Minnie. If we are going to go after bad parents, I think it's the parents of the BOYS that need to be questioned, but so far all the blame has been falling on Rehtaeh's parents.
I think you're being pretty naive here. Not surprising, but whatever.
Nobody is saying that parents should lock their parents up. Those of us who live in reality understand that kids getting plastered at age 15 is more than likely not a good idea. Those of us who live in reality understand that the world is screwed up, and we can't change or control that. We can however try to teach our kids to be responsible, to not go get plastered when they are 15. That is all we CAN control.
That doesn't mean locking kids up. It means trying your best to prepare kids for situations like this so they know how to protect themselves.
Strangely enough, somehow what you're gleaming from that is that we all blame her parents. Nobody is blaming her or her parents. We are putting ourselves in their shoes and asking how we can prevent something like this. That is what EVERY single damn father and mother who has heard about this is doing right now.
