To move to another city for your GF or not?

[Itse]

There is no law against moving twice. You can try one option and then decide again.

Also, if you can't decide now, you can do nothing and see how you feel about it a little later. One of you might feel different a month or two from now. I've learned from life that many things that felt terribly important at one time look ridiculously trivial later on.

If both of these options are impossible, then I think you're pretty much done.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by doctajones428

Friends or Girlfriend, what do you value more?

Which one of more likely to totally have sex with you?

[comrade]

Originally Posted by Hi-Psi

And just so we have all the info. She just took this job in November and it's a great opportunity for her to get experience as an EMT. Yes she could get work closer to Calgary but she doesn't seem to want to, she says this is the best opportunity for her.

I'm curious as to why you go from saying IT IS the best opportunity for her to SHE THINKS it's the best opportunity for her. You mentioned you're also an EMT so shouldn't you be able to evaluate whether it is in fact a great opportunity? (I could be off base here, I'm know nothing about your career) It sounds to me like she says it's the best opportunity but you're not so sure.

If this is the case then I can imagine that she's using this to pry you out of Calgary. If she's dead set on small town living in the future (she says she wants to raise kids in a small town but it could be that she just wants to live in one and kids are a convenient excuse) then she might feel it's better to find out now if you'll move, then moving back to Calgary, getting married and potentially knocked up before she finds out.

On the friends and family front are the friends in Calgary really hers? You said that you have family in Calgary and hers are somewhere around Red Deer, I wonder if the Calgary friends are basically yours and she finds it unfair that moving to Calgary would entail living close to your friends and family and not hers, given that your breaks are longer which conceivably would allow more time to visit them when you're off.

I think that if you haven't already you need to hash out exactly what each of your plans for the future are, and to be completely honest about them. I suggest allowing a period to gather your thoughts, perhaps on paper, and then when you sit down you both have to make a concerted effort to not get emotional and argue as that can derail and end the conversation very quickly. If your going to end up together you should be able to be completely honest with each other about your expectations for the future.

As for my personal experience when I was 24 I found myself in a long term relationship with a great woman. But it became more and more evident that our expectations for the future radically diverged. She wanted to get married and settle down almost immediately in or around Gibbons, next to her family, pump out kids and never really work again (pretty much like her parents had done). Whereas I wanted to get the hell out of Edmonton and travel and not have kids any time soon. We fought over peripheral things often and it took a long time to find out exactly what she wanted (and what I wanted). We (more so me) eventually decided that there was no compromise possible and I ended things. Side note: before actually hashing it out she often used the words "we want" and "compromise" when she actually meant "I want" and "you give up". It took a while to convince her that I didn't view living on an acreage outside of north-east Edmonton vs. living on an acreage outside of Gibbons as a compromise.

One more side note, I agree with other posters that moving away from your friends and family isn't the end of the world it sounds like you think it is, and that you can make friends but since you hold Red Deer in such low esteem you likely won't put in the kind of effort you need to in order to make things work. I also agree that giving it a shot could be a good idea but again you have to be honest that you're not fully committed to it and you may decide against it later.

Anyway, good luck.

[SuperMatt18]

I think that due to the fact that you are gone for work three weeks at a time that it is better for her to be happy where you guys will live.

For three weeks she has to be happy in her day to day life without you, and red deer is where she will be happier at this time.

Honestly for the week you are back the 90 minute drive to Calgary to visit family or friends is not that bad and you can grab a place to stay here on weekends.

[SuperMatt18]

Hi-Psi created this thread but now hasn't posted in it (or on Calgarypuck) for almost 36 hours.

Anybody think his girlfriend might have found this thread? How long till we send out a CP organized search party?

[Plett25]

Originally Posted by SuperMatt18

Hi-Psi created this thread but now hasn't posted in it (or on Calgarypuck) for almost 36 hours.

Anybody think his girlfriend might have found this thread? How long till we send out a CP organized search party?

Probably too late for search and rescue... if she found out, it'll be a recovery mission.

[Ruttiger]

Originally Posted by transplant99

Yeah...don't move dude. You arent ready for it, if you were this wouldnt even be a discussion particularly if you work out of town,

Agreed. And RD gets a bad rap to be honest - I'd choose to live there over many other places in this province. Close to Sylvan lake/Gull lake/Pine lake - WHL team - lots of great golf close by - Superstore liquor store - BP's - what more do you need?

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by Plett25

Probably too late for search and rescue... if she found out, it'll be a recovery mission.

We'll need one of those cadaver sniffing dogs I've read about, I have a dog but unless Hi Psi's got a pork chop in his pocket my mutt is less than useful.

[DuffMan]

Originally Posted by Ruttiger

Agreed. And RD gets a bad rap to be honest - I'd choose to live there over many other places in this province. Close to Sylvan lake/Gull lake/Pine lake - WHL team - lots of great golf close by - Superstore liquor store - BP's - what more do you need?

Chicken on the Way.

[1stLand]

My favorite thing about Red Deer was their old tv Channel "RDTV"

They played Baywatch alot. I also liked their tv stations Electric Guitar Commercial Interludes advertising the station "(Electric Guitar Playing) ARRRR DEEEE TEEE VEEE!"

Amirite?

[undercoverbrother]

Originally Posted by Ruttiger

Agreed. And RD gets a bad rap to be honest - I'd choose to live there over many other places in this province. Close to Sylvan lake/Gull lake/Pine lake - WHL team - lots of great golf close by - Superstore liquor store - BP's - what more do you need?

I have been up in Sylvan since fall 2011 and really enjoy it. I am quick to point out to people that I don't live in Dead Rear........

[GP_Matt]

Originally Posted by Yasa

Why don't both of you apply for the north zone and live in Grande Prairie? Good plan! We need people up here...

I thought I was the only GP resident up here.

[Cowperson]

Originally Posted by Ruttiger

Agreed. And RD gets a bad rap to be honest - I'd choose to live there over many other places in this province. Close to Sylvan lake/Gull lake/Pine lake - WHL team - lots of great golf close by - Superstore liquor store - BP's - what more do you need?

Fewer rednecks.

Cowperson

[Hi-Psi]

Hey guys,

Sorry for not replying sooner, I'm up at work right now and internet has been hit and miss the last few days.

Thanks a lot for all the replies, it's been interesting seeing the different perspectives.

I understand a lot of the points and while it may seem like an easy decision to some, it isn't to me or her. We want to be happy and we want to make the right decision but we have different ideas on what we think that right decision is.

I've spent the last few days contemplating what living in Red Deer would mean for me and for us. The thing I just can't seem to get past is the fact that we do almost everything in Calgary and almost nothing in Red Deer. The only real reason to live in Red Deer is so she can be closer to work. She says to me "well we're only an hour away from friends, an hour away from your family, an hour away from Flames game, from birthdays, from wing nights and an hour away from work." Well when I think about that I shake my head and think that why should we live an hour away from all of those things when we can cure all but 1 by living in Calgary...

I understand that a 2.5 hour drive to work sucks, especially doing it every week but in my honest opinion I don't see why she can't look for work closer to the city. I said SHE THINKS it's the best opportunity because I honestly think she could work just about anywhere in Alberta and get the same experience, why she seems so dead set on where she is is a mystery to me other than the fact that she knows all the staff already and is comfortable there and just doesn't want to have to start over with a new company.

I understand that if I'm away 3 weeks at a time it would be best to accommodate her and be closer to her work, that's part of the reason that this is so hard to figure out.

As for her wanting to raise kids outside the city, I've always been aware of this and while I guess I hoped I could persuade her over time to maybe raise kids on the outskirts of the city or something equivalent, I've said that I'm not apposed to moving out of the city when that time came. By then I'm sure living outside the city might actually be really appealing as I've always wanted that sort of country type home to raise a family, I just know that I'm not ready for that right at this moment.

One point she has stated is that one reason she doesn't want to live in Calgary is that she doesn't want to have to buy a home twice, she basically wants to buy the house now that she can raise a family in. I've said though that we can always buy something in the city now and then as kids are born we can then look at buying outside the city or on the outskirts or whatever as this is still 3-5 years down the road. She's worried though that if she gives in and moves to Calgary that I will never change my ways and we'll never move to that "country" home and she'll end up giving up something that was very important to her.

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by GP_Matt

I thought I was the only GP resident up here.

Isn't FlamesFanStrandedInEDM now stranded in GP as well?

[DuffMan]

I think you have irreconcilable differences and you should just cut your losses now.

[Sainters7]

I'm actually going through this exact same thing this summer, which I found out about not long ago. Thankfully though, it means I'm moving back home to Calgary, which obviously makes my situation quite different than OP.

Surprisingly, when I first found out the news my initial feeling (besides shock) was disappointment. It's amazing how "Bubbleized" you get living in St. Albert for a few years, the place just sucks you in. But a recent trip down to Calgary to look for condos with her has got me fired up for it now, I can't wait to be back! I'll feel a lot better about it though once I actually land some work there, which is obviously the universal drawback to this type of situation.

[CaptainCrunch]

I don't know, it must be me, but all this talk about planning things around kids, personally the only thing out the door faster then me is my suitcase and CD collection.

Its just very strange that she's almost making this conditional on future kids, that to me is a very deliberate "sh4t or get off the pot" challenge to you.

In a subtle way she's hammering you for a looooong term commitment.

Be sure before you make any decision, if you don't do what she wants the relationship will be over quick fast and in a hurry.

[rotten42]

Originally Posted by DuffMan

I think you have irreconcilable differences and you should just cut your losses now.

This......Save yourself the money on a divorce by getting out now. You both seem to be on different pages.

[DownhillGoat]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

all this talk about planning things around kids, personally the only thing out the door faster then me is my suitcase and CD collection.

You have a lot of quoteable posts, but this one tops my favorites list. By miles.