Marriage out of insecurity

[Halfcreek]

Originally Posted by darklord700

Does religion save marriages? My circle of friends at my church, their divorce rate is very low, outside of church, the divorce rate is much higher like 3-4 out of ten.

Many churches require counselling prior to the marriage, mostly to ensure you have addressed things like kids, money, how you would handle difficult times, etc. So many people go into a marriage without ever talking about any of things (especially younger people). I think that may help.

And, it may be easier to get support when needed, rather than just hiding marriage issues between the husband and wife until one just can't take it anymore.

And yes, there are probably some people who stay in the marriage even though they aren't perfectly happy because that is "what religion dictates" you should do.

[Sainters7]

Originally Posted by Pizza

Thanks for the input guys.

As much as we'd like to get involved, we cant unless our friend in the first couple asks for help. Like one poster said, we dont want to look like the bad guys for getting involved, so we'll wait.

We really despise her for bringing the friend along too to our parties. As though she's flaunting her new friend in front of us too

WOW...who does that?!? I don't even know this person and reading that got my blood boiling a bit. If something bad ends up happening to that guy, he has no-one to blame but his own stupid self. I've never met your buddy's wife and I already absolutely hate her. What a dumb ****.

I'm too blunt, to a fault, especially when I booze, and have a bad habit of bringing up the elephant in the room. I can almost guarantee I'd be "that guy" who'd say something in front of everyone at one of those parties.

[woob]

Originally Posted by Sainters7

WOW...who does that?!? I don't even know this person and reading that got my blood boiling a bit. If something bad ends up happening to that guy, he has no-one to blame but his own stupid self. I've never met your buddy's wife and I already absolutely hate her. What a dumb ****.

I'm too blunt, to a fault, especially when I booze, and have a bad habit of bringing up the elephant in the room. I can almost guarantee I'd be "that guy" who'd say something in front of everyone at one of those parties.

Problem solved - you need to make friends with Pizza and these two guys, have some booze, and then let loose!

[calgaryrocks]

Originally Posted by Makarov

About.com is an atheist website?

Also, from said "atheist website":

nevermind, was a drive-by post, I saw athiest in the link name...didn't actually go to the link

I would say that perspective on money/spending and on kids (raising, whether to have, how to deal with) are the biggest reasons for divorce. But the importance put on marriage and the idea that there isn't a good reason for divorce other than adultery holds some marriages together, this often comes from religion, and peer support

[saillias]

Thread makes me glad about being chronically single.

[CaptainCrunch]

Geez I think I still have sex with girls like the first chick.

[darklord700]

Originally Posted by fotze

I think veils and female circumcision would be a good preventative measure.

Amen to that. I'll move up at least one level in my company with all the woman bosses gone.

[Old Yeller]

edit oops

[DuffMan]

Originally Posted by Old Yeller

edit oops

You need to get laid.

[Old Yeller]

Agreed Duffman, also thanks for not quoting the original.

[DuffMan]

Originally Posted by Old Yeller

Agreed Duffman, also thanks for not quoting the original.

whoa what happened to the original? well anyways, I read it, and there is my advice.

[Old Yeller]

Apparently I'm internet ######ed, I got my tabs mixed up. Anyways it was meant as a PM to KTown as I'm going through a separation right now and his situation and mine sounded remarkably similar, so I wanted to pick his brain.

But yeah, your advice is also sound advice.. hell he might just tell me the same thing.

To keep this thread on track somewhat, maybe it's just because I am going through a separation and I'm a little bitter towards the whole institution of marriage currently, but I can't shake this idea in my head that if you're not a religious person or come from a religious background, which I and my ex-wife definitely did not... does the whole idea of marriage in our current society not strike others as somewhat antiquated? With a 50+% divorce rate all the while people spend thousands on the "special day" it just seems outdated to me.

I read some fiction book a while ago that was set far in the future where couples entered into 2, 5 or 10 year contract agreements and could renew upon expiry if both agreed to it... it just seems like it fits better in our society as opposed to "till death do us part".

[Muta]

This thread needs more Tucker Max stories.

Here's what i think - guys who get married from pressure have low self esteem. Women who pressure then have low self esteem. Family and friends who twist your arm have low self esteem.

Truth be told, when its all said and done, marriage isn't for people with high self esteem and doesnt elevate self confidence. Marriage is not the institution it once was, and 'one person forever' is an outdated mentality not dying quickly enough.

I see in the far future as people being perpetually single with multiple partners and a focus more on career. Kids will come, but only through common law relationships, since really its like being married anyways.

In conclusion, i cant stand people that marry because they think they have to or were pressured into it. Theres an epidemic right now and its called low self esteem. Once this is fixed, people will be happy just being by themselves and not need to depend on others to provide them enjoyment. Make yourself happy and confident and life becomes a lot easier.

[Hockeyguy15]

I think that in general too many people worry too much about other peoples lives.

[Kiran403]

The first guy in the OP sounds like a good buddy of mine. He was desperate not to "die alone" or whatever so he got engaged to the first girl that he dated seriously. The relationship didn't make it to the wedding and he ended up marrying the next girl he dated after a year of dating. They divorced after about 15 months. Our whole circle of friends saw it coming and tried to talk to him about it but he couldn't be swayed in his decisions. At the time he actually got mad at us, but once everything was settled and he looked back on the situation, he wished that he had taken our advice about not settling too early.

I've found that many of the couples nowadays that don't work seem to get married young, like high school or early 20's before they've had a chance to really find themselves and figure out what they want to do with their lives. Or they got married early and didn't get to party or travel or whatever else everybody was doing instead so they feel that they missed out. Most people I know who have gotten married later in life (late 20's-early 30's) seem to have much more happier marriages. They seem more on track with each other's goals and have realistic expectations of what life will be like with their partners.

[1stLand]

Well this thread makes me feel better about myself.

I am not a failure for not being married or in a relationship at age 28.

I'd like to have a great relationship, but at the same time I am not going to force it. It's tough to fine good women today. I am sure women say that about men too.

I think the problem with Men and Women is they are trying to find a bf/gf that looks like a 9 or a 10. Expectations are really high today. Not as many women are willing to 'settle' either. In fact, I think most men are willing to 'settle' and compromise on looks more than women are.

I like the idea of having common law relationships and having kids with a willing partner.

[ComixZone]

Ah, Nvm.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by Muta

This thread needs more Tucker Max stories.

Stopped reading there. Tucker Max is a form of subhuman that regressive out society 50 years everytime people give him money.

[Muta]

Originally Posted by Yeah_Baby

Stopped reading there. Tucker Max is a form of subhuman that regressive out society 50 years everytime people give him money.

Nah. He's funny as hell and shouldnt be taken seriously.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by Muta

Nah. He's funny as hell and shouldnt be taken seriously.

I don't find him funny at all.