How am I supposed to help a drug addict? - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Neeper · 04-03-2006, 12:55 AM

So, I found out tonight my uncle is a hardcore crackhead. My uncle is the sole reason why I became a Flames fan. He was my favorite uncle as a kid. He took me fishing, took me to eat, gave me money for arcades. He even took me to my first game in 87. He told me to watch #12 and how he was a great player. I've been a Loob fan ever since.

This is why this stuff has to stop NOW. Before it's too late. I have never had to deal with anything like this. I don't know how to go about it. He won't admit he's on crack. But it's obvious. Loss of weight, aspirations, moody as hell and he is always MIA. ALWAYS!! And a good friend of his told us today about his addiction, only to further support our accusations. I don't know what to do and where to start.

Help me someone, so I can help him. I don't know what to do! I need advice so I can give his family a chance here.

Patek23 · 04-03-2006, 01:01 AM

First thing is too not corner him into it when you bring it up that you want to help him and you know about his drug addiction. My Uncle took an extremely violent approach when my cousin was doing heroin and it got him off the junk but was totally not the desired effect and wrecked that portion of my family possibly for good. Other than that I have no experience with that kind of stuff so sorry that my advice is very limited.

Best bet would probably be to phone the addiction line (the 1-800 number that always has the posters everywhere downtown) they would probably have tons of information for ways to sort it out.

Fender_500ml · 04-03-2006, 01:27 AM

first thing, don't spill your life details out on a hockey forum!! no one cares

JiriHrdina · 04-03-2006, 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fender_500ml

first thing, don't spill your life details out on a hockey forum!! no one cares

You'll note this is in the off-topic forum where basically any subject is acceptable as long as it is in good taste.

If you don't like it - you can leave.

JiriHrdina · 04-03-2006, 01:40 AM

Anyhoo Neeper, tricky stuff and a tough situation. The fact of the matter is that the guy is going to have to want to get help in order to get help. You can't force someone into recovery if they aren't motivated to do so.

That being said, that's not to say there isn't some things you can try.

Is there anyone else closer to him than you? Someone that could talk to him that carries a lot of weight with him? That might be you, but there might be someone else. An intervention might be an option but it also carries some risk.

As someone else suggested you probably should get some expert advice. Call the Calgary Distress Centree or one of the drug help lines and see what they say. AADAC is another organization that might be able to help you and your situation.

There's a lot of recovery centres and detox centres in Calgary that are options, but he has to take that first step and want the help before he can get into one of those.

Best of luck.

Some relevant numbers:

Calgary Distress Centre 266-1605
AADAC - 297-3337

FlamesKickAss · 04-03-2006, 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fender_500ml

first thing, don't spill your life details out on a hockey forum!! no one cares

holy man. get a grip. he asked for suggestions for a way to help someone in his family, in the OFF TOPIC forum This here is like a family and we try to help each other out, but that comment there is totally uncalled for IMO. And you just became my 2nd person on my blocked list. Welcome to it

Moderator · 04-03-2006, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fender_500ml

first thing, don't spill your life details out on a hockey forum!! no one cares

I won't tolerate this kind of garbage here. See you in a week.

Vulcan · 04-03-2006, 01:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fender_500ml

first thing, don't spill your life details out on a hockey forum!! no one cares

This section isn't a hockey forum. We discuss just about anything here and a lot do care. Next post try adding to the discussion of just move along.

I know that there is organiztions for living with alcoholics, so there must be something for living with or near drug addicts too. You need some good professional advice. Start phoning around to the places suggested.

Neeper · 04-03-2006, 02:02 AM

Thanks for the advice so far guys. Any more people out there with personal experience with this kind of stuff?

Fender, if you need help as well with your addiction, don't hesitate to ask.

CaptainCrunch · 04-03-2006, 02:07 AM

I know you going to hate me saying this, but if he's not willing to admit that he's using, or has a problem with it, there's next to nothing you can do. If you confront him with it, unlike what you see in the movies, he's not going to break down and cry and admit the errors of his ways.

A friend of mine who got hooked on drugs in the late 80's and never got help told me that he really resented people confronting him with a problem that he didn't think he had.

He didn't seek help until he saw himself hitting the bottom.

Don't let yourself get pulled into that well, unless your sure that he dosen't want to fall into it. step back and be more concerned with supporting his family members and make sure that he dosen't directly or indirectly harm them.

The first step always has to be taken by the addict, because if he dosen't have a reason to quit he's not going to

Just my 2 cents.

SoulOfTheFlame · 04-03-2006, 02:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neeper

Thanks for the advice so far guys. Any more people out there with personal experience with this kind of stuff?

Fender, if you need help as well with your addiction, don't hesitate to ask.

Well... not sure how much help this will be, but the examples you describe sound exactly like a close family member I have, though this person has a different form of addiction.

Anyhow... My family has tried for upwards of 20 years to get this person to stop, to no avail. No matter how many times we try and talk, it doesn't help. So, I'd suggest going the full blown, intervention route, and having a rehab center standing by for immidate treatment. It's quite intense, of course... But going at this head on with all you've got is the best way IMO.

If you need some pro advice, google "Dr. Drew" Dr. Drew Pinskey (sp?) Has done tons of work with addicts over the years and has some pretty good advice on this sort of thing.

Good Luck Neeper.

Vulcan · 04-03-2006, 03:29 AM

I was involved in an intervention last year, but this was with a young person and I think we were lucky as the person had hit a point where he wanted out. So far so good, but there are no guarantees.

I have a cousin who has been addicted to heroin for years. The family avoids him because he is just bad news and bites the hand that feeds him. Otherwise he's a likeable guy or I mean a really good liar and con artist. I'd sit down and have a beer with him but I wouldn't give him my address,etc.

Vulcan · 04-03-2006, 03:58 AM

One thing I know is that drug addiction isn't just about the drug. It's a life style and in order for the person to get clear of it they have to avoid their old haunts and friends that are involved. They need an alternative to make life worth living again. The family can help in this area, also organizations and beliefs like the church, AA etc. If he has a job, they may offer some support or maybe not. Some health plans will cover treatment. Your uncle is lucky he has family who cares but as others have said he may not appreciate interference.

ken0042 · 04-03-2006, 08:29 AM

I don't have any suggestions for you as I've never had to do this before, but I do commend you for wanting to help.

All I can offer is my best wishes that it all works out for the best.

Kybosh · 04-03-2006, 09:36 AM

My only suggestion (from indirect personal experience) is that if yourself or anyone else is giving him money for his addiction you should stop it immediately. Aside from that I really have no suggestions aside from organizing an intervention followed by intensive treatment by professionals.

FireFly · 04-03-2006, 10:00 AM

If the person is unwilling to admit they have a problem, and at this point don't see themselves hitting rock bottom, there are ways you can 'force' them to hit rock bottom. (Without actually letting them get there.) Ignore them, refuse to spend time with them, tell them you don't like the person they've become, etc. Make them see that you and everyone else around them knows that they're using, and that they have changed.

Lanny_MacDonald · 04-03-2006, 10:10 AM

My wife did addictions councilling for a few years before we met. She says that the first thing you have to do is to get your uncle to admit he has a problem. Only then can you help him. Until he comes to this self-realization, your efforts will be wasted.

My suggestion, sit down with your uncle and tell him how much he means to you and that you have noticed this problem. Express your feelings that he is on a self-destructive path that will destroy his life and those around him. Let him know that the drugs don't only affect him, but those around him. Those that love him have to deal with the side effects the substance has on him. Discuss it rationally and let him know that you don't want to see him die, and using crack will lead to that. Maybe that little talk give him the incentive to make the choice he has to make. But remember, this is a decision HE has to make for HIMSELF. Only he can make the decision to stop. Only then can you help him.

TheyCallMeBruce · 04-03-2006, 10:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fender_500ml

first thing, don't spill your life details out on a hockey forum!! no one cares

Good riddence to bad rubbish. If you have nothing good to say, go to hell.

Neeper, maybe you can spend more time with your uncle, possibly even have him open up to you a bit. Do you think the two of you have a good enough relationship to bring something like this up?

What others have offered so far is good sound advice, but what I have found for myself that works is the support of being there. I think spending time with your uncle is a start.

CaramonLS · 04-03-2006, 11:23 AM

I've had a similar experience with one of my good friends.

It can get very frusterating, so the thing you have to do is be patient. He didn't actually tell me about it, but rather one of our mutual friends did, so I went, pulled him aside and just talked with him about it. The thing you need to keep in mind is that when being confronted in any way, there is a good chance they can get defensive. So just try to act calm, say "I heard this has been going on with you, is everything ok". I know when I confronted my friend about it, he was almost in tears, was to the point where he knew he had fallen down.

The thing is you need to be understanding. Offer to drive them to rehab (at this point, their "word" is pretty much worthless), and just talk with them rationally and calmly. Try not to blame them.

Be supportive, but it is very unlikely that you can force them into doing anything at this point in time.

killer_carlson · 04-03-2006, 03:07 PM

The thing with dealing with addictions is that a person can't be helped unless they want to be helped. Lanny is right. Getting your Uncle to admit he has a problem is a really important step.

The other advice in this thread has been decent, but it's important to frame it in the right context - ie professional or institutional help is essential. You and the family are definately a key component, but don't kill yourself trying to fight this when there are resources in the community to assist everyone through the process. Be sure not to ignore them.