Relationship advice

[GreenLantern2814]

As long as you're in the kid's life and providing guidance, support, and generally being a parent, good on you. I've listened to enough Loveline to learn that every single screwed up kid out there is the result of horrible parents.

You taking the steps to ensure your kid isn't an effed up menace might seem like the obvious move, but too many people don't bother, and I thank you for doing the right thing for all of us.

[GreenLantern2814]

Duplicate sorry

[Red Potato Standing By]

Originally Posted by Peanut

So they have a child, live together, don't have sex, and generally get along but aren't in love... Doesn't sound much different than a lot of mediocre marriages to me. I'm surprised that people are acting so surprised about the arrangement working for now. It's happening everywhere.

It is nice to see adults putting the kids needs before their own, which I think is why people are surprised cause like it or not the majority of people wouldn't.

[BigBrodieFan]

Sorry, I was under the assumption that ya'll were not together but you were making a go of trying to have a reasonable relationship for the baby's sake. Whatever works- and I think go on you for taking care of your son, regardless of the situation with her.

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by Flames in 07

That's very inspiring.

If that's what works best for the OP, then great. But if your life is immeasurable better now, compared to being in the crap marriage how do you not regret it? (I'm not trying to be smarta$$, I'm just curious)

My life was/is better now, my ex is more than a bit bi polar, but my daughters life was not, at least by staying as long as I could she was old enough to cope better with both the divorce itself and my ex on her own (there were times when my ex would go off at our daughter and I would intentionally do or say something to direct her ire at me).
If I had had my druthers though I would have stayed in it until my daughter was in her late teens.

Did I marry the wrong person? of course, but had I not I wouldn't have my daughter or live in Canada. In the end I made the best of a bad marriage, rode my bike, took my daughter canoeing and tried to be the best husband I could. I viewed it like being married to someone who was crippled in a car crash or the like, in as much as you can't mope around blaming anyone and you just need to get on with it, life doesn't come with a warrenty or money back offer.

The two things I lived by were
1) no regret, as regret will eat away at your resolve and destroy any chance of contentment, and 2) no stepping out, as there is no way I could have sustained my life with a total wack job if I knew there was a happy loving alternative a phone call away.

[troutman]

If you can divorce amicably, I think children can do as well or better than they would living in an unhappy household. That is a big "if" though.

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by troutman

If you can divorce amicably, I think children can do as well or better than they would living in an unhappy household. That is a big "if" though.

My ex, in the last few weeks pronounced, 'it will be better after we seperate we can be friends', my reply was 'if we could be friends we wouldn't need an effing divorce'.

The divorce was grim expensive and messy, as is almost every interaction I have with the woman, who, ironically, blames me for it. My daughter is doing great, off to uni and costing me a fortune!!

[Peanut]

Originally Posted by afc wimbledon

My ex, in the last few weeks pronounced, 'it will be better after we seperate we can be friends', my reply was 'if we could be friends we wouldn't need an effing divorce'.

The divorce was grim expensive and messy, as is almost every interaction I have with the woman, who, ironically, blames me for it. My daughter is doing great, off to uni and costing me a fortune!!

Why is it ironic that she blames you? That's what divorced people do - blame each other. Sounds like you blame her, so...

Getting divorced with kids involved is terrible because you still have all the same issues with each other, you still have to deal with each other, but now you're "divorced" and your kids have to shuttle back and forth between the parents. And everyone inevitably gets into new relationships, starts blaming their new partner for stuff, and rinse and repeat the cycle.

[MrMastodonFarm]

Originally Posted by saskflames69

How do I disclose my true feelings to a rather preppy girl when I myself am on the lower end of the social spectrum?

awh man, lifetime ban?

I guess Photon doesn't feel the same way

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by Peanut

Why is it ironic that she blames you? That's what divorced people do - blame each other. Sounds like you blame her, so...

Getting divorced with kids involved is terrible because you still have all the same issues with each other, you still have to deal with each other, but now you're "divorced" and your kids have to shuttle back and forth between the parents. And everyone inevitably gets into new relationships, starts blaming their new partner for stuff, and rinse and repeat the cycle.

Don't actually blame her at all, I married her, that was my fault no one else. But the irony is that she wanted the marriage over, I didn't but in she end blamed me for leaving!

Didnt do the new partner thing until my daughter started work and I felt I was no longer responsible, so to speak.

[flamesaresmokin]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

I don't see it, I can't see her being the cheating type, she is very against that as am I.

Well now you both have something in common.