I have never been "friend zoned". I think it usually stems from guys who are too shy or not confident enough to handle the relationship
As someone who's been "Friend Zoned" pretty darn regularly over the years, I took this as kinda insulting. But insults only sting when they are part true. I was always shy and self-conscious. I can understand that my insecurities lead to be FZed.... but the constant FZing, sometimes by women that chose to instead get into relationships with men that beat them. Physically. That only served to further bruise the ego and create further insecurities. Vicious cycle.
It is a confidence thing, entirely. Men who are friend-zoned change themselves to suit the imagined expectations of women. It's pretty pathetic, but also quite tragic. Men need to realize that the only women worth being with are the ones that accept you for who you are - eccentricities and all. To find those women, one has to be completely confident about the self you present to the women. It's no good pretending, or making due with a callous faux tough attitude. One just has to be honest.
At one point, in my late teens, just after high school, I was repeatedly put into the friend zone. Part of this is because I am honestly just as comfortable being friends with women, as I am with men. But men being men, you want to sleep with all sorts of women. It is a truism in my experience that women tend to fairly cement their romantic feelings towards you from the get-go. You get stuck where you land. When you are friend-zoned, it is because you are acting like a friend, not a potential lover.
This failure to act confidently, and decisively meant that I had more failures than success. Then, I then got into a long-term relationship, which ended quite badly after 3 years (some on CP might remember the fall-out). I took about 18 months to figure things out. I realized that a lot of my relationship problems stemmed from an under-confidence in my own abilities, and a complacency in showing them to the women I was interested in. Once I got over that, the year went quite nicely as far as short-term relationships go, but it wasn't until I met my current girlfriend that I realized how far I had come as a person. When you are happy with yourself, you will be happy with women. It's just that way.
Last edited by peter12; 09-08-2012 at 08:36 PM.
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A man and a woman can definitely be friends, they just have to be mature about it.
It's much more difficult to be friends if they broke up. It depends on the circumstances that the two people met. Perhaps they met during a friendly group activity, at the time both were in a relationship but once those relationships broke, they were too comfortable with each other that having feeling for each other would be weird.
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From my perspective as a guy, there's no friend zoning a girl.
Sure there is, it's just much much different than a girl friend zoning a guy. A girl friend zones a guy when she has no interest in having sex with him. A guy friend zones a girl because he can't have sex with her at that time.
It goes a little something like this...
She's clearly interested in you, and you wouldn't mind nailing her, but you've already got a girlfriend. You love the person you're with and you would never cheat, but you don't want to eliminate future possibilities.
So you friend zone the girl. But you make the occasional flirty comment, you give just a hint of attraction, just enough to remind her of your potential.
And then, someday, things end with you and your girlfriend, and you're no longer together. And then the next day, the friend zoned girl learns you're single and sends you a sympathetic message 5 seconds after she finds out. Four days later you're banging the hell out of each other.
Or so I've heard.
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This is who you are if you think you're in the Friend Zone.
The sad part is one of my best friends had this exact thing happen to him it's made him very suicidal .To bad for him he's one of the laziest people I know and suicide would take to much effort
I was friend zoned by an ex once, but the circumstances were a little different. As soon as I figured out what was going on I extricated myself from the situation. I got it in junior high and high school, but dated a girl in my senior year which gave me a lot of confidence and insights into the female mind. I haven't been since. (Excpet for that one time I mentioned, that had some other factors to it)
It definitely does exist though, I've seen it happen to some of my friends. Even pleaded and reasoned with them. Often, there's not much you can do. Just have to let it take it's course.
As far being friends with a girl, I like Chris Rock's take. 'Oh sure, I have female friends. I have some female friends. But they all by accident! Every friend is some girl I was trying to f***, took a wrong turn somewhere, and ended up in the friend-zone! Oh no! I'm in the friend-zone!'
Funny he actually used that term.
But yeah there are special rare circumstances where a man can become friends with a girl.
The first is the obvious. Trying to sleep with her, can't get there, end up in the friend zone. The catch is for whatever reason you fall out of infatuation with her and truly just see her as a friend. This one takes some honesty because most guys who are in the friend-zone will say that's all they want anyway. Usually the friends know better than the actual guy. But it does happen occasionally.
The second is the girlfriend or sibling of a good friend. They usually end up in the circle too. Now this is tricky. Cause there are a ton of songs and stories about a guy who covets his friends girl. Even though there is a 'code' about it, it still happens. The most often way this friendship happens is if she is not your type (read unattractive) and you wouldn't have wanted her anyway. Occasionally, like with the first example, it could happen even if she is attractive.
Not sure if there is a third way. I've thought of some specific examples, but more or less they can be placed in the first two categories.
I would say this though, no man ever intentionally LOOKS for a female friend. Why would he? And if he did have a good female friend, wouldn't it be even better if you were having sex with her?
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I think some of you forgot about becoming friends with an ugly chick because she has hot friends. Or even becoming friends with a hot chick because she has hotter friends.
I think some of you forgot about becoming friends with an ugly chick because she has hot friends. Or even becoming friends with a hot chick because she has hotter friends.
But are you really her friend? Or are you just using her?
Do you go out and do fun things with her, or have some drinks with her when her friends aren't about? Yeah, didn't think so.
But are you really her friend? Or are you just using her?
Do you go out and do fun things with her, or have some drinks with her when her friends aren't about? Yeah, didn't think so.
I see what you mean, but still you are using her in the same way an attractive girl would use her desperate guy friend. And yeah I would go out for drinks and stuff with only her, but only to make it look like I'm such a great guy. That way she can tell all her friends and I can score with one of them
I was friend zoned by an ex once, but the circumstances were a little different. As soon as I figured out what was going on I extricated myself from the situation. I got it in junior high and high school, but dated a girl in my senior year which gave me a lot of confidence and insights into the female mind. I haven't been since. (Excpet for that one time I mentioned, that had some other factors to it)
It definitely does exist though, I've seen it happen to some of my friends. Even pleaded and reasoned with them. Often, there's not much you can do. Just have to let it take it's course.
As far being friends with a girl, I like Chris Rock's take. 'Oh sure, I have female friends. I have some female friends. But they all by accident! Every friend is some girl I was trying to f***, took a wrong turn somewhere, and ended up in the friend-zone! Oh no! I'm in the friend-zone!'
Funny he actually used that term.
But yeah there are special rare circumstances where a man can become friends with a girl.
The first is the obvious. Trying to sleep with her, can't get there, end up in the friend zone. The catch is for whatever reason you fall out of infatuation with her and truly just see her as a friend. This one takes some honesty because most guys who are in the friend-zone will say that's all they want anyway. Usually the friends know better than the actual guy. But it does happen occasionally.
The second is the girlfriend or sibling of a good friend. They usually end up in the circle too. Now this is tricky. Cause there are a ton of songs and stories about a guy who covets his friends girl. Even though there is a 'code' about it, it still happens. The most often way this friendship happens is if she is not your type (read unattractive) and you wouldn't have wanted her anyway. Occasionally, like with the first example, it could happen even if she is attractive.
Not sure if there is a third way. I've thought of some specific examples, but more or less they can be placed in the first two categories.
I would say this though, no man ever intentionally LOOKS for a female friend. Why would he? And if he did have a good female friend, wouldn't it be even better if you were having sex with her?
The third way would perhaps be people meeting far away from home?
For example guy and girl are both from Calgary but are working somewhere far.. like I don't know.. Buenos Aires. They both are in a relationship in that city but once in awhile they meet at a Calgary or Canadian gathering like to watch Flames games together or Grey Cup or Canada in the Olympics or whatever. They become really good friends because of the Calgary connection and it's totally plutonic.
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I honestly do have women friends who are attractive, and which I have never felt any sexual interest in. I think grown-ups are perfectly capable of getting along. As well, as I grow into my mid-twenties, I find that I have pretty specific sexual and romantic tastes. A lot of women don't meet them, and I am fine having those women as friends. If you get along with a woman, it doesn't mean you wanted to bang them at one point.
The third way would perhaps be people meeting far away from home?
For example guy and girl are both from Calgary but are working somewhere far.. like I don't know.. Buenos Aires. They both are in a relationship in that city but once in awhile they meet at a Calgary or Canadian gathering like to watch Flames games together or Grey Cup or Canada in the Olympics or whatever. They become really good friends because of the Calgary connection and it's totally plutonic.
Ahem ... For you it is. He's probably itching to get to you.
The amusing thing about the friend zone is that the best way to get out of it is to completely cut out contact with the girl.
I don't think it's possible to be purely platonic friends with a girl until you are pretty deep into a long term relationship yourself (whether dating or married). Another situation where a guy and a girl can be friends if you make friends with your best friend's GF. However, two single people just cannot be platonic friends.
This thread needs a soundtrack and I know just what it should be:
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dear god is he 14?
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