Help with women

[J pold]

The whole idea of "just be yourself" is fairly poor advice IMO. It's something well meaning that your mom might say as she pats you on the back before you leave on your very first date.

At the end of the day most guys, especially at OP's age, have no fricken clue who they are, and have zero clue, or confidence when interacting with women. I look back even two years ago and my interest, attitudes, goals, the music I listen to, the people I hangout with have almost all changed in someway. I think the better way to say it is "don't be someone you're not" because it is much easier to know who you aren't than who you are. I know I'll never be a guy who wears Ed Hardy, gets spray on tans, and have diamond earnings. So I should never act that way to please a women.

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by Hockey_Ninja

A lot of it has to do with my anxiety. I've had very bad anxiety for my entire life and it has prevented me from doing a lot of things in my life. I wish i didn't have it sometimes because i feel like its holding me back from who i can really be. I've taken meds for it but i've reacted pretty badly when on them and i just didn't feel right. I've overcome a lot of it but hopefully sometime in the future i can overcome it fully and stop being such a wimp.

I think you're over-thinking it man. 2 years ago my girlfriend broke up with me to be with my at the time best friend who never had talked to me about it so I was pretty down in the dumps/pissed off with women. I was pretty low on the confidence side of things (got rejected a few times etc.) But honestly, once I stopped giving a fata about what people thought of me (read: not being as self conscious, NOT being a total slob/jackass) everything started looking better and the girls notice. It was different in my situation because I was at a private school with 50 kids so everyone knew everyone, but if I remember right you go to a big public school so you have all the chance in the world to make something out of it. Honestly, if you start thinking you're awesome, other people will too.

[Weiser Wonder]

1. Fitnd your style. Dress in ways that make you feel confident. Whatever that is. Hipster dufus or preppy ###### doesn't matter. Whatever you want. Don't dress towards the mean.

2. Trust what women say to you. Actually listen to them. Be open about your inexperience and what you want. This is called open and healthy communication. Women seeking healthy relationships will dig this.

3. If you have women friends ask them for help.

4. Just have fun at the bars. Don't try to sleep with women. Just be friendly and if you like someone suggest you hang out at a later date.

[blankall]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

I think on the dressing thing when you're younger its catch as catch can, the level of dress isn't important as long as you don't look like a hobo.

As you get older in the dating scene the dress game does go up and it becomes a key part of first impression, because dressing nice does show that you are willing to spend money on yourself and that you take pride in how you look. While the Barney line of "Suit up" isn't essential, it does make a difference as it shows class and self respect and that you're willing to put in an effort to impress.

This of course goes out the window if you live in New Jersey.

This. Once you get to about twenty five, you need to look put together. You can still get away with lots of different styles including many young and hip ones, but in order to successfully meet multiple women in mingle type situations you need style.....or maybe just be really tall....if you're not tall you need style.

[Makarov]

Whatever you do, enjoy being single and free. Once you are married/in a committed relationship (and don't get me wrong, I love my wife absolutely), you don't stop having chemistry with other women, and sometimes it sucks not being able to, you know, have sex with someone you're attracted to.

[Reaper]

Originally Posted by Weiser Wonder

1. Fitnd your style. Dress in ways that make you feel confident. Whatever that is. Hipster dufus or preppy ###### doesn't matter. Whatever you want. Don't dress towards the mean.

2. Trust what women say to you. Actually listen to them. Be open about your inexperience and what you want. This is called open and healthy communication. Women seeking healthy relationships will dig this.

3. If you have women friends ask them for help.

4. Just have fun at the bars. Don't try to sleep with women. Just be friendly and if you like someone suggest you hang out at a later date.

Trust within reason. Women tend to be bigger mindgame players than men so definitely take what they say with a grain of salt. Also, many women say they want something when they really want something else. i.e. Sensitive caring men who grow a vagina become like girlfriends around them but in reality they want strong, decisive men who aren't afraid to take action.

[Bill Bumface]

Originally Posted by Hockey_Ninja

A lot of it has to do with my anxiety. I've had very bad anxiety for my entire life and it has prevented me from doing a lot of things in my life. I wish i didn't have it sometimes because i feel like its holding me back from who i can really be. I've taken meds for it but i've reacted pretty badly when on them and i just didn't feel right. I've overcome a lot of it but hopefully sometime in the future i can overcome it fully and stop being such a wimp.

How old are you? When I tell people now that I used to be dreadfully shy and socially anxious, they laugh at me and can't believe it. It just takes some people longer to realize that they actually are cool in their own ways.

[Hockey_Ninja]

Originally Posted by hulkrogan

how old are you? when i tell people now that i used to be dreadfully shy and socially anxious, they laugh at me and can't believe it. It just takes some people longer to realize that they actually are cool in their own ways.

18

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by Hockey_Ninja

18

Yeah, that'll change but it takes practice.

[Larry MacDonald]

Originally Posted by Hockey_Ninja

18

18? You've got plenty of time.

but i would put down the xbox controller and be more adventurous. Even if you get shut down lots, you get experience and stories to tell the girls you're trying to pick up

[Hockey_Ninja]

lol our xbox is busted

[J pold]

Originally Posted by Hockey_Ninja

lol our xbox is busted

Stop using “lol” or any other internet slang including emoticons where you once thought it appropriate. This is most important in the texting medium. Studies have shown that women are more responsive to men with proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Not to mention it is eternally boyish.

[VladtheImpaler]

Originally Posted by J pold

Stop using “lol” or any other internet slang including emoticons where you once thought it appropriate. This is most important in the texting medium. Studies have shown that women are more responsive to men with proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Not to mention it is eternally boyish.

This is so true. I felt I got a lot of action from online sites simply because my "English" was so superior to the vast majority of the other contestants. In fact I had women tell me outright that they were impressed with how I expressed myself. Please don't take this as a brag of some sort - if you have shyness issues or are not blessed in the looks department, these sort of little things that you CAN control give you a leg up...

[Cheerio]

Originally Posted by J pold

Stop using “lol” or any other internet slang including emoticons where you once thought it appropriate. This is most important in the texting medium. Studies have shown that women are more responsive to men with proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Not to mention it is eternally boyish.

Also proper use of you're/your and their/they're/there can go a long way

[Joborule]

Originally Posted by J pold

Stop using “lol” or any other internet slang including emoticons where you once thought it appropriate. This is most important in the texting medium. Studies have shown that women are more responsive to men with proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Not to mention it is eternally boyish.

Originally Posted by VladtheImpaler

This is so true. I felt I got a lot of action from online sites simply because my "English" was so superior to the vast majority of the other contestants. In fact I had women tell me outright that they were impressed with how I expressed myself. Please don't take this as a brag of some sort - if you have shyness issues or are not blessed in the looks department, these sort of little things that you CAN control give you a leg up...

This works both ways, at least for me. When I see facebook posts or text to girl that types like a child, it's a instant turn off.

I want a woman, not a child. I imagine women are the same in wanting mature guys. It's why so many young girls have a thing for older guys.

[3 Justin 3]

Originally Posted by J pold

Stop using “lol” or any other internet slang including emoticons where you once thought it appropriate. This is most important in the texting medium. Studies have shown that women are more responsive to men with proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Not to mention it is eternally boyish.

I stopped using lol along time ago as it is extremely childish. Then Diablo 3 comes out and I'm lol'ing all over again (at least only on D3).

[Halfcreek]

As a women, this thread has been very entertaining to read.
The general advice in here is great - be confident, have a sense of humor, have a sense of self, don't be afraid to make the first move.
The more specific advice has made me giggle a lot.

Be a good dresser - I don't know about this one. I guess if you're looking for a little tail, that could help - but if you're looking to date someone - do you really want to attract the type of woman who is interested in you for your clothes?

Don't spend any money on her? Really? I mean, I don't think you have to buy a bottle of prosseco for her to get her attention - but "hey, can I buy you a beer?" is a great conversation starter. Again - if you're looking to get laid - great, she's getting tipsy. If you're looking for a relationship, you can tell a lot by this. Does she thank you? Does she chat with you after? Does she offer to buy you a beer next in return? And really, what's one beer in the grande scheme of things, with all of that to find out in return.

Ultimately, it depends what you are looking for. If you want to get laid, by as many broads as possible in as a short a period of time as possible (which, at 22, who can blame you?), you may want to pretend to be something more than you really are - dress up, throw some big bills around, be a cocky a$$ and you'll likely get a lot of action. It will likely be with crazy bitches who may turn into stalkers, but hey, at least you're getting some.

If you'd prefere a relationship - be yourself - just a better version. Be confident in who you are, figure out what you want in a woman and go for it. When you do find her, don't be surprised if she's not at all what you were going for - but she does give you the warm fuzzies inside.

Oh - and by the way - those two approaches can be applied simultaneously, until you find the girl you are looking for.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Originally Posted by Halfcreek

If you'd prefere a relationship - be yourself - just a better version.

(since J pold says I should use big boy words)

This made me laugh out loud.

[TheSutterDynasty]

Originally Posted by Halfcreek

Don't spend any money on her? Really? I mean, I don't think you have to buy a bottle of prosseco for her to get her attention - but "hey, can I buy you a beer?" is a great conversation starter. Again - if you're looking to get laid - great, she's getting tipsy. If you're looking for a relationship, you can tell a lot by this. Does she thank you? Does she chat with you after? Does she offer to buy you a beer next in return? And really, what's one beer in the grande scheme of things, with all of that to find out in return.

Most guys just fall back on the "buying a drink" tactic and open with it without even talking to the girl first, without even knowing if they're single, etc. That's how my friends who are girls weed out the desperate ones.

If you're going to buy her a drink at least talk to her first.

[Teh_Bandwagoner]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

I think on the dressing thing when you're younger its catch as catch can, the level of dress isn't important as long as you don't look like a hobo.

As you get older in the dating scene the dress game does go up and it becomes a key part of first impression, because dressing nice does show that you are willing to spend money on yourself and that you take pride in how you look. While the Barney line of "Suit up" isn't essential, it does make a difference as it shows class and self respect and that you're willing to put in an effort to impress.

This of course goes out the window if you live in New Jersey.

Also, being in a suit every now and then just makes you feel damn good.