Help with women

[sun]

Originally Posted by hulkrogan

Or don't.

Dress however the hell you want.

I like hoodies and jeans. I'm getting married to a girl who doesn't care if that's what I usually wear. She's usually hanging out in yoga pants and a tank top anyway. Neither of us are fancy people, and thats ok too. Sure we may look like bums, but we can both be out the door in 10 minutes if necessary. I frankly don't get along well with people that take an hour or more to get ready every time you want to leave the house. You might. Good for you. Good for me. Not everyone needs to be the same.

I'm sorry, but this is just sad. You don't get along with people because of how they dress? How unbelievably shallow.

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

No you don't. You think he needs to dress up.

Just as you will claim that he'll never meet anyone if he doesn't look nice, I could just as easily claim that hulkrogan would be lonely and single right now if he did dress up. Perhaps his g/f or wife or whatever hates guys who dress up too much and wants someone who is more casual. Maybe he'd never have hit it off with her if he didn't dress the way he does.

The bottom line is that you have to be yourself. If you fake being someone else just to meet women you might get laid but if your goal is to meet someone for a long term relationship then you're pretty much going to have to live at being someone you're not just to keep your significant other happy. And once they find out, and they will, they will dump your ass and you'll feel even worse for cheating yourself.

There are certainly things you can do like be more creative or ballsy but I wouldn't suggest changing who you are just to meet a girl.

I take issue with a few things here. hulkrogan is getting married to a girl. OP is not. OP is asking for help. hulkrogan obviously doesn't need any. Dressing well helps. Period. He's trying to increase his odds. Dressing like a slob decreases them. Sure, you could end up with a Zetterburg in the 7th round, but that doesn't mean a rebuilding team should trade away all their 1st-6th rounders.

Since when does dressing differently make you fake? It doesn't change who you are. Will you wear a suit at a wedding, funeral, job interview? Of course. You're not a phony for doing that. You're respecting the situation and dressing accordingly. You are the same book regardless of the cover.

I don't think anyone here is suggesting that he go to the bar in a tuxedo. Just that some nice jeans and a button-up shirt will increase his odds of standing out among the ubiquitous blue tank tops and havaianas of the Australian locals.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by hulkrogan

Or don't.

Dress however the hell you want.

I like hoodies and jeans. I'm getting married to a girl who doesn't care if that's what I usually wear. She's usually hanging out in yoga pants and a tank top anyway. Neither of us are fancy people, and thats ok too. Sure we may look like bums, but we can both be out the door in 10 minutes if necessary. I frankly don't get along well with people that take an hour or more to get ready every time you want to leave the house. You might. Good for you. Good for me. Not everyone needs to be the same.

Well I didnt mean to imply that you always have to be in a suit and tie, but yeah dressing well is a good skill to have, IMO. I'll wear grubby jeans and a tank if it's just me and the girlfriend hanging around the house, but I like to look sharp if I'm going out somewhere that calls for it.

[troutman]

You would think dressing nicely would help, but every day we see stunning women out with men dressed like 12 year old boys.

[sun]

Originally Posted by troutman

You would think dressing nicely would help, but every day we see stunning women out with men dressed like 12 year old boys.

True, but none of these men are the OP.

[valo403]

Originally Posted by sun

I'm sorry, but this is just sad. You don't get along with people because of how they dress? How unbelievably shallow.



I take issue with a few things here. hulkrogan is getting married to a girl. OP is not. OP is asking for help. hulkrogan obviously doesn't need any. Dressing well helps. Period. He's trying to increase his odds. Dressing like a slob decreases them. Sure, you could end up with a Zetterburg in the 7th round, but that doesn't mean a rebuilding team should trade away all their 1st-6th rounders.

Since when does dressing differently make you fake? It doesn't change who you are. Will you wear a suit at a wedding, funeral, job interview? Of course. You're not a phony for doing that. You're respecting the situation and dressing accordingly. You are the same book regardless of the cover.

I don't think anyone here is suggesting that he go to the bar in a tuxedo. Just that some nice jeans and a button-up shirt will increase his odds of standing out among the ubiquitous blue tank tops and havaianas of the Australian locals.

Actually, I'm going to suggest that he do that. A powder blue one. Don't forget the top hat.

[Bill Bumface]

Originally Posted by sun

I'm sorry, but this is just sad. You don't get along with people because of how they dress? How unbelievably shallow.

It's not shallow, it's finding people that you get along with. I prefer someone I can spontaneously dash out of the house with if something fun comes up, or take off to explore first thing in the morning on vacation without waiting for someone to do my makeup. I know I'm impatient that way, so finding someone like that takes one source of relationship strife out. Obviously if I met someone who was an amazing person in every other way I'd get over it, but for me, if I got on a first date with a girl and she's in yoga pants, I'm not judging.

I take issue with a few things here. hulkrogan is getting married to a girl. OP is not. OP is asking for help. hulkrogan obviously doesn't need any. Dressing well helps. Period.

I dressed the same when I met her and started dating. That's my point. I was just myself, and she had nothing to be disappointed by later when I resumed dressing like a 12 year old boy. That combo worked for me, and it worked for her.

The OP should just be himself. I know lots of guys and girls that take pride in the way they dress, and they should do so accordingly on dates to stay true with who they are.

Nothing is worse than dating someone for a month and watching the show they were putting on for you slowly deteriorate.

For example, I HATE it when girls pretend to be Flames fans because they know you are a huge Flames fan. I would be fine dating/marrying a non-hockey fan, so don't pretend you really like watching it and then start complaining when I come over and turn the game on because that is something I thought you were interested in.

See where I'm going with this? Dressing up is great and fine, if that's who you are.

[MarchHare]

I'm sorry, but this is just sad. You don't get along with people because of how they dress? How unbelievably shallow.

I don't judge people negatively if they dress nicely. I do judge people negatively if they're so high maintenance that they take forever to get ready before leaving the house. Some people don't mind that in romantic partner, but I do. I don't consider that "unbelievably shallow".

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Originally Posted by sun

I'm sorry, but this is just sad. You don't get along with people because of how they dress? How unbelievably shallow.

What does how long a person takes to get ready have to do with how they dress?

I think he is more saying he's not friends with vain, high maintenence people who are more concerned with image than personality.

I take issue with a few things here. hulkrogan is getting married to a girl. OP is not. OP is asking for help. hulkrogan obviously doesn't need any. Dressing well helps. Period. He's trying to increase his odds. Dressing like a slob decreases them. Sure, you could end up with a Zetterburg in the 7th round, but that doesn't mean a rebuilding team should trade away all their 1st-6th rounders.

Since when does dressing differently make you fake? It doesn't change who you are. Will you wear a suit at a wedding, funeral, job interview? Of course. You're not a phony for doing that. You're respecting the situation and dressing accordingly. You are the same book regardless of the cover.

I don't think anyone here is suggesting that he go to the bar in a tuxedo. Just that some nice jeans and a button-up shirt will increase his odds of standing out among the ubiquitous blue tank tops and havaianas of the Australian locals.

I'm not sure what a job interview or funeral have to do with this. In fact, that says a lot if you view meeting women no differently than you do a funeral.

I'm saying that if he's more of a casual guy, don't go all D&G (or whatever) just because you think it'll make you more popular with the ladies. You may end up attracting the wrong kind of girl. Also, once again I'm only talking about relationship girls. If one night stands is your goal then dress up as the ####ing easter bunny if that's what it takes.

I'm more of a jeans and a tshirt kinda guy. I've always been complimented on how I dress. That being said as I've gotten older I've refined my look a bit. Nicer shirts, less baggy jeans, nicer jackets instead of just hoodies. But that was a decision I made.


I think it is more important to focus on how to meet girls, not how for him to attract girls. Big difference. Sounds like the OP needs to just take that leap and go out and get shot down a whole buncha times and maybe strike out a few times to hone his game. Maybe he knocks one out of the park and it sparks his confidence.

One thing is true regardless of how you dress, if you don't try you'll never succeed.

[CaptainCrunch]

I think on the dressing thing when you're younger its catch as catch can, the level of dress isn't important as long as you don't look like a hobo.

As you get older in the dating scene the dress game does go up and it becomes a key part of first impression, because dressing nice does show that you are willing to spend money on yourself and that you take pride in how you look. While the Barney line of "Suit up" isn't essential, it does make a difference as it shows class and self respect and that you're willing to put in an effort to impress.

This of course goes out the window if you live in New Jersey.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by troutman

You would think dressing nicely would help, but every day we see stunning women out with men dressed like 12 year old boys.

Selective perception?

[sun]

Originally Posted by hulkrogan

It's not shallow, it's finding people that you get along with. I prefer someone I can spontaneously dash out of the house with if something fun comes up, or take off to explore first thing in the morning on vacation without waiting for someone to do my makeup. I know I'm impatient that way, so finding someone like that takes one source of relationship strife out. Obviously if I met someone who was an amazing person in every other way I'd get over it, but for me, if I got on a first date with a girl and she's in yoga pants, I'm not judging.

Perhaps I misspoke. I interpreted your comment to mean people in general, not just women you are interested in having a relationship with. If you were referring to a potential mate, then I see your point and I apologize. Personally, I prefer a healthy balance between the two extremes. My girlfriend presents herself well, but doesn't take ages to get ready.

Originally Posted by hulkrogan

I dressed the same when I met her and started dating. That's my point. I was just myself, and she had nothing to be disappointed by later when I resumed dressing like a 12 year old boy. That combo worked for me, and it worked for her.

Yes it worked for both of you, but it's not working for the OP (assuming he doesn't care about his dress - he hasn't chimed in for a while haha). I can't speak for him, but I can speak for myself. I had no luck with girls whatsoever until I started taking pride in my appearance. Did my clothes alone do the job? Of course not. Dressing better increased my confidence (which was lacking), which I think we all agree is a hugely important thing. My confidence helped me attract women.

I guess I am assuming that the OP isn't confident and that dressing well could help. Obviously you are confident in your appearance - all the power to you.

Originally Posted by hulkrogan

The OP should just be himself. I know lots of guys and girls that take pride in the way they dress, and they should do so accordingly on dates to stay true with who they are.

Nothing is worse than dating someone for a month and watching the show they were putting on for you slowly deteriorate.

For example, I HATE it when girls pretend to be Flames fans because they know you are a huge Flames fan. I would be fine dating/marrying a non-hockey fan, so don't pretend you really like watching it and then start complaining when I come over and turn the game on because that is something I thought you were interested in.

See where I'm going with this? Dressing up is great and fine, if that's who you are.

Hmm, I don't know if I totally agree. I like to dress well, but dressing well isn't "who I am". Don't we all hide something from our partners in the beginning of a relationship? Should women not wear makeup? Should men fart and belch in public on a first date?

I think I understand your point, and I am happy that your approach worked for you (congratulations). But, if you're having problem with girls and asking for help, aren't you trying to change "who you are"?

[TheSutterDynasty]

I've seen a lot of different types of guys get a lot of women, either for short term flings and for long term relationships. The one type of guy that rarely (if ever) succeeds is that "friend zone" type who will do anything for a pretty girl.

I don't think that most women are ###### enough to use a guy by putting him in the friend zone, I just think that that type of guy is very unappealing. Think about it, what would you think of a girl who is willing to do anything to get with you? She's probably super clingy and, quite frankly, will probably end up really insecure and bat#### crazy in the end. Same thing with guys.

[GGG]

I would go out with the plan ot being shot down. Spend a few weekends approaching women with ridiculous pickup lines, blatent lies, be an ahole, be creepy, be really friendly, get slobbering drunk and the try. Basically do everythingyou can to get rejected. The only rule is you must be talking to girls consistantly. The goal of this is to get used to talking to women and realalize that rejection doesnt matter.

As for the friend zone do you want to be friends with them? If not once you start to get there you need to whip your dick out (figuretively or literaly). Really just make a clear move that you dont want to be friends. If she rejects you it doesnt matter because you didnt want to be friends anyways

[Hockey_Ninja]

I've actually thought about starting a thread similar like this when this one girl rejected me but i thought people would just laugh at me. Pretty good advice, except i don't really have much to be confident about actually.

[CaptainCrunch]

Originally Posted by GGG

I would go out with the plan ot being shot down. Spend a few weekends approaching women with ridiculous pickup lines, blatent lies, be an ahole, be creepy, be really friendly, get slobbering drunk and the try. Basically do everythingyou can to get rejected. The only rule is you must be talking to girls consistantly. The goal of this is to get used to talking to women and realalize that rejection doesnt matter.

As for the friend zone do you want to be friends with them? If not once you start to get there you need to whip your dick out (figuretively or literaly). Really just make a clear move that you dont want to be friends. If she rejects you it doesnt matter because you didnt want to be friends anyways

Order Milk in a bar, preferably in shooter glasses. It gets a ton of great attention.

[Flames_Gimp]

memorize a few funny quotes/jokes from some movies, can be great ice breakers if used at the right moment.

I once picked up a pretty girl at a bar with one simple line from a Seth Rogen movie - I was lighting up a joint outside and a girl mentioned that she loves the smell of weed, I agreed and said "it smells like God's vagina". I had her number 2 minutes later.

if you can make a girl laugh you're in like flynn

[LGA]

Originally Posted by Hockey_Ninja

I've actually thought about starting a thread similar like this when this one girl rejected me but i thought people would just laugh at me. Pretty good advice, except i don't really have much to be confident about actually.

I find myself thinking this about myself a lot of the time as well. My relationship history hasn't exactly been brilliant, I've been cheated on twice (one I didn't really give a crow about, the other girl I thought I'd be with long term...so that one sucked), and rejected an outrageously large amount of times.

My problem is that I'm a natural committer, I commit hardcore to everything I do, be it sports, my education or women. I'm constantly fighting myself to seem more carefree...and unfortunately it just doesn't really work out. I guess falling for girls that you've known for a while doesn't work either...which seems to happen a lot.

[Joborule]

Originally Posted by CaptainCrunch

Order Milk in a bar, preferably in shooter glasses. It gets a ton of great attention.

Cranberry juice works too.

I think girls want to be with guys that they find interesting and fun to be around; considering you're going to be a person that they spend a considerable amount of their social time with. If you want to be the centre of their attention, show them you are that type of person and be more outgoing and proactive.

I should take my own advice.

[HOOT]

As my Dad taught me when I was young "ask a hundred girls to sleep with you one is bound to say yes". Biggest thing is get over the fear of the 'no' because honestly you are probably never going to see her again and even if you do ask her again.

[Hockey_Ninja]

Originally Posted by LGA

I find myself thinking this about myself a lot of the time as well. My relationship history hasn't exactly been brilliant, I've been cheated on twice (one I didn't really give a crow about, the other girl I thought I'd be with long term...so that one sucked), and rejected an outrageously large amount of times.

My problem is that I'm a natural committer, I commit hardcore to everything I do, be it sports, my education or women. I'm constantly fighting myself to seem more carefree...and unfortunately it just doesn't really work out. I guess falling for girls that you've known for a while doesn't work either...which seems to happen a lot.

A lot of it has to do with my anxiety. I've had very bad anxiety for my entire life and it has prevented me from doing a lot of things in my life. I wish i didn't have it sometimes because i feel like its holding me back from who i can really be. I've taken meds for it but i've reacted pretty badly when on them and i just didn't feel right. I've overcome a lot of it but hopefully sometime in the future i can overcome it fully and stop being such a wimp.