Help with women - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

Cole436 · 05-15-2012, 08:37 AM

CP, I feel like I've hit the point where I need your help.
I'm 22 years old, and I can't attract women to save my life.
I'm a master of the friend zone, I don't have the confidence to ask girls out, and even online dating has been a huge failure for me. I bought an e-harmony account a few years back and never even had a response.

Now, I'm in Australia thinking that my odds have to have improved just by being Canadian. Well, we're still riding at zero here after 3 months.
I'm not even that bad looking, I just have no clue what to do.

surferguy · 05-15-2012, 08:39 AM

valo403 · 05-15-2012, 08:39 AM

Lie to yourself. Tell yourself you have the confidence you need. Eventually you'll start to believe it.

Either that or lower your standards. Or get rich.

surferguy · 05-15-2012, 08:41 AM

if you are in AUS, are you trying to score Aus women? If so, stop and move into a backpackers. Be social, have a few drinks and things will happen.

VO #23 · 05-15-2012, 08:43 AM

Get over your fear of rejection and go for it. You'd be surprised how far a bit of confidence, no matter how irrational it is, can take you.

Hockeyguy15 · 05-15-2012, 08:44 AM

Just stop caring, a watched pot never boils. The less pressure you put on yourself the easier it will be.

If you're out at a bar and you see a girl you think is hot just go and talk to her. The worst thing that can happen is she isn't interested, you go on your way and never see her again. Start with the easy stuff like what's your name, where are you from, what do you do and if she is interested the conversation will evolve on it's own and go from there.

Don't be all cheesy, just go and try and start an actual conversation and you'll be fine.

Cole436 · 05-15-2012, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by surferguy

if you are in AUS, are you trying to score Aus women? If so, stop and move into a backpackers. Be social, have a few drinks and things will happen.

Maybe I'll do that when I start travelling, right now I'm stuck in Adelaide with work/school.

Edit

For some reason my "Like" button has disappeared, but I do appreciate what's being said in the thread. Thanks guys.

surferguy · 05-15-2012, 08:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cole436

Maybe I'll do that when I start travelling, right now I'm stuck in Adelaide with work/school.

in the meantime, find the backpacker hangouts and go there on the weekend. a few random travelers will do wonders with confidence. All you have to do is talk and ask questions about them. Non creepy questions though

MrMastodonFarm · 05-15-2012, 08:51 AM

Don't worry about being rejected, seriously, it's not the worst thing in the world. Ask away, if they say no they say no, you're right back where you started.

It's not about looks, it's about confidence.

zukes · 05-15-2012, 08:53 AM

I will echo what others have said here. I remember having troubles when I was young when all the kids started "dating". I was just so scared. I had a little luck, but really it was all luck, bascially the girl would have to come to me. Then around 17 or 18, I just started thinking, what the hell do I care if a girl says no?

So like others have said, just start up a casual conversation. You'd be suprised how often that works. If they say they aren't interested, say that's fine and chat a little longer. No need to look like that was your sole intention. Sometimes that is enough to show them that you aren't necessarily looking to just bang them, but are actually interested in them as a person.

Also, booze helps, but control yourself. One issue when I turned 19-22 or so was I would go out and get just plowed and if one of your buddies is more sober, he stands a much better chance. So drink, but don't be the wasted guy if your goal is to meet ladies. Of course, some nights are just about drinking too

Hockeyguy15 · 05-15-2012, 08:55 AM

Oh and for the master of the friends zone thing...If every girl you try and get romantically involved with puts you in the friends zone that is probably because you are overly caring and sweet...You are trying to force them to be with you by trying to be prince charming.

Not that being nice and caring is a bad thing but there is a fine line between being the sweet and senstive guy that a girl wants and being the hopeless puppy that girls come crying to when it doesn't work out with another guy.

You're probably easy for them to be around, too emotionally available for them when ever they need it. You are focused on trying to make them happy and not worried about your feelings. You are one step above that gay friend they always wanted.

It's time to man up. You have to be a little more selfish and stop being a pushover, give them an inch and they take a mile. If you are interested in a girl and she only wants to be friends then fine, but leave it as friends...Don't think that if you do all this nice stuff for her and be her whipping boy that she will change her mind and date you. Either be actual friends with her or tell her that being friends won't work out and cut ties, it will be better for you in the end.

scotty2hotty · 05-15-2012, 09:01 AM

Work out.

Sounds cheesy and simplistic, but it works.

http://www.adonisindex.com/

burn_this_city · 05-15-2012, 09:02 AM

Be confident and a bit cocky, but not overly. Humor is a great icebreaker, it's done me well. Don't try to be sappy sweet, especially at you age its guaranteed to trap you in the friendzone. Eye contact and a smile will do wonders as well.

Cole436 · 05-15-2012, 09:03 AM

Ok, this is good.
I feel like the hardest part for me sometimes is just approaching them and having that initial conversation. This is really good feedback.

Lt.Spears · 05-15-2012, 09:04 AM

Maybe you're gay

MrMastodonFarm · 05-15-2012, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cole436

Ok, this is good.
I feel like the hardest part for me sometimes is just approaching them and having that initial conversation. This is really good feedback.

Honestly, that's 90% of it. Just be confident, don't worry about being rejected, and start talking.

And don't have a bugger up your nose.

Hockeyguy15 · 05-15-2012, 09:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cole436

Ok, this is good.
I feel like the hardest part for me sometimes is just approaching them and having that initial conversation. This is really good feedback.

Yeah that walk over and first words are the toughest, like getting into a cold lake.

Just walk on over and do it. Your heart will be going a mile a minute but that will pass, just don't over think it and get psyched out. The more you do it the easier it will get, and for the most part the girls at your age are just as awkward as you. Everyone is in the same boat.

burn_this_city · 05-15-2012, 09:07 AM

The approach part should be easier in AUS, you have that Canadian "accent", I'm sure some of them find that attractive. Start off asking them where the good night spots are, and then parlay that into a date.

Cole436 · 05-15-2012, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scotty2hotty

Work out.

Sounds cheesy and simplistic, but it works.

http://www.adonisindex.com/

I'm already pretty athletic
I'm 5'10 and I go anywhere from 170-185 depending on where i'm at in my training.

Bigtime · 05-15-2012, 09:15 AM

I'll second a lot of the advice about not thinking about your situation. The night I met my wife I gave no sh*ts, worked like a charm. It was a friends wedding and I just went out to enjoy the evening to its fullest.