I poke needle holes in condoms at the grocery store.
Yes, I am the reason they are only 99.9% effective.
Oh man, I have a true A-hole story that relates to this...
I have a buddy who threw a house party once. He had an 'adult' piņata, so tiny liquor bottles, condoms, sex cards etc in the inside. He poked holes in the all the condoms. I know this because I pointed them out to him as I picked one up and he started laughing.
Fast forward a couple weeks later. 2 of his friends hooked up at the party. They spent the night together in his spare bedroom. They also used one of the sabotaged condoms. She ended up getting pregnant from that night. She knows it was from that night because she hadn't had sex with anyone else before or after that night. He never told her about the punctured condoms. He also drove her to the clinic to get an abortion. To this day she has no idea about the condoms.
Three a-hole things happened from this.
1. The guy who used the condom is an #######. He might not have known about the holes, but if he did....
2. My buddy for doing it, then going with her to get the abortion.
3. Me, for thinking its freaking hilarious, even though when I tell this story to others they are mortified.
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Oh man, I have a true A-hole story that relates to this...
I have a buddy who threw a house party once. He had an 'adult' piņata, so tiny liquor bottles, condoms, sex cards etc in the inside. He poked holes in the all the condoms. I know this because I pointed them out to him as I picked one up and he started laughing.
Fast forward a couple weeks later. 2 of his friends hooked up at the party. They spent the night together in his spare bedroom. They also used one of the sabotaged condoms. She ended up getting pregnant from that night. She knows it was from that night because she hadn't had sex with anyone else before or after that night. He never told her about the punctured condoms. He also drove her to the clinic to get an abortion. To this day she has no idea about the condoms.
Three a-hole things happened from this.
1. The guy who used the condom is an #######. He might not have known about the holes, but if he did....
2. My buddy for doing it, then going with her to get the abortion.
3. Me, for thinking its freaking hilarious, even though when I tell this story to others they are mortified.
This is actually disgusting.
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Oh man, I have a true A-hole story that relates to this...
I have a buddy who threw a house party once. He had an 'adult' piņata, so tiny liquor bottles, condoms, sex cards etc in the inside. He poked holes in the all the condoms. I know this because I pointed them out to him as I picked one up and he started laughing.
Fast forward a couple weeks later. 2 of his friends hooked up at the party. They spent the night together in his spare bedroom. They also used one of the sabotaged condoms. She ended up getting pregnant from that night. She knows it was from that night because she hadn't had sex with anyone else before or after that night. He never told her about the punctured condoms. He also drove her to the clinic to get an abortion. To this day she has no idea about the condoms.
Three a-hole things happened from this.
1. The guy who used the condom is an #######. He might not have known about the holes, but if he did....
2. My buddy for doing it, then going with her to get the abortion.
3. Me, for thinking its freaking hilarious, even though when I tell this story to others they are mortified.
Oh that is comedy gold there. I sometimes like to slip things in pregnant women's drink or food. Not enough to hurt the mother but just enough to hurt the fetus and cause health problems. The best part is driving the girl to get an abortion and not telling her what I did.
no not really I just find the last story just as sick
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Did you really think the thread would go 335 posts without someone posting the Dennis Leary video or at least quoting it? Did you think you were that clever and witty that no one would have thought about doing that with a thread that's 8 days old? You can type the YouTube code into the search function and see if the video has already been posted.
Oh man, I have a true A-hole story that relates to this...
I have a buddy who threw a house party once. He had an 'adult' piņata, so tiny liquor bottles, condoms, sex cards etc in the inside. He poked holes in the all the condoms. I know this because I pointed them out to him as I picked one up and he started laughing.
Fast forward a couple weeks later. 2 of his friends hooked up at the party. They spent the night together in his spare bedroom. They also used one of the sabotaged condoms. She ended up getting pregnant from that night. She knows it was from that night because she hadn't had sex with anyone else before or after that night. He never told her about the punctured condoms. He also drove her to the clinic to get an abortion. To this day she has no idea about the condoms.
Three a-hole things happened from this.
1. The guy who used the condom is an #######. He might not have known about the holes, but if he did....
2. My buddy for doing it, then going with her to get the abortion.
3. Me, for thinking its freaking hilarious, even though when I tell this story to others they are mortified.
i was helping my buddy (and fellow cp'er bc_larry) install new baseboards and door casings today at his place.
he was laying on his side on the floor doing something and i totally smoked him in the junk. payback was delivered less than an hour later when he got me - ha!
my wife does not understand guy friendships at all! ha! ha!
__________________ "...and there goes Finger up the middle on Luongo!" - Jim Hughson, Av's vs. 'Nucks
When we were in High school, a friend and I had this old Datsun on which we aimed the passenger side windshield washer sprayer nozzle to spray sideways. We would then drive slowly by the bus stop where all the non-car owning people stood waiting for the bus, and give them all a hosing. It also worked great sitting at a light, looking over at a grandma in the car beside us, and spraying her door window for the duration of the light. My friend also thought it was funny to run over freshly planted trees in the meridians, and one stormy winter night, we decided to drive the car around the Glenmore Reservoir along the bike path. Naturally, we slid off and crashed into a tree, left the car, and walked the 15 km in a blizzard back to my house. The next day, said friend convinced his Grandpa to drive the old station wagon down to where the car was to winch it out. Picture a crisp, sunny Saturday morning. The good folks are out x-country skiing and walking their dogs, and here comes Gramps driving his car down the bikepath, muttering under his breath about the stupidity of his grandson and his dumbass friend. "I thought it was a road, Grandpa", he said with a straight face. After all these years,I still laugh out loud when I think of the faces of all those people.
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I was kidding, I never aim for the rabbits. I've actually only ever hit one rabbit in my life and that was almost 10 years ago. Even then, I tried to swerve and he caught the corner of my bumber.
I even live in the burbs where there are rabbits galore 24/7.
So I make the above post on Saturday. Yesterday evening I'm driving down the back road from Sherwood to Royal oak (85th st?) and out of nowhere a rabbit pops out. I hit him good. Just a loud thud.
I look in my rear view mirror and I swear to god there is a cloud of fur in the air and there was a car heading in the same direction in the other lane. It was at night too so the lights of the car behind me really lit up all the fur so I had a good view.
On my way back from Sobeys I really felt bad as I passed the little guy dead on the road.
Well that's what I get for trying to be an ahole.
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When I run over someones pet and they have their address on the animals broken and battered tags, I like to take the body to their front door throw it on their steps ring the doorbell and run and hope that little Johnny or Suzie is the first one to open the door.
__________________
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Unfortunately for you, lots of people do. Using words/expressions like "brang," "I seen," "than vs. then," etc. completely invalidate anything you're about to say or have already said to a good chunk of the literate population.
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Oh man, I have a true A-hole story that relates to this...
I have a buddy who threw a house party once. He had an 'adult' piņata, so tiny liquor bottles, condoms, sex cards etc in the inside. He poked holes in the all the condoms. I know this because I pointed them out to him as I picked one up and he started laughing.
Fast forward a couple weeks later. 2 of his friends hooked up at the party. They spent the night together in his spare bedroom. They also used one of the sabotaged condoms. She ended up getting pregnant from that night. She knows it was from that night because she hadn't had sex with anyone else before or after that night. He never told her about the punctured condoms. He also drove her to the clinic to get an abortion. To this day she has no idea about the condoms.
Three a-hole things happened from this.
1. The guy who used the condom is an #######. He might not have known about the holes, but if he did....
2. My buddy for doing it, then going with her to get the abortion.
3. Me, for thinking its freaking hilarious, even though when I tell this story to others they are mortified.
Ummm wouldn't something like that actually be a felony criminal charge.
Its not just an a$$hole thing, its worse then that, its pretty much the actions of a sociopath, what if the guy that she slept with had AIDS or another VD?
The pregnancy thing if this was true is stomach turning enough, the fact that the girl probably went through a pretty bad experience getting an abortion is worse.
I would hope that she got tested, I would hope the guy got tested. I would hope that the male victim beat your buddy half to death if he ever found out.
Maybe your buddy needs to get sodimized in prison without the use of a condom.
As an addon I was hoping that your post was put up on April 1st before lunch, guess I was wrong on that count too.
__________________
My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
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Ummm wouldn't something like that actually be a felony criminal charge.
Its not just an a$$hole thing, its worse then that, its pretty much the actions of a sociopath, what if the guy that she slept with had AIDS or another VD?
The pregnancy thing if this was true is stomach turning enough, the fact that the girl probably went through a pretty bad experience getting an abortion is worse.
I would hope that she got tested, I would hope the guy got tested. I would hope that the male victim beat your buddy half to death if he ever found out.
Maybe your buddy needs to get sodimized in prison without the use of a condom.
As an addon I was hoping that your post was put up on April 1st before lunch, guess I was wrong on that count too.
Sure would be
Quote:
A Nova Scotia man has been given an 18-month jail sentence for sexual assault after he poked holes in his girlfriend's condoms and had intercourse with her.
