Lost my best friend

[linecook]

Hi everyone. I’m a long time CPer and a long time lurker.

On Saturday I lost my best friend. It was because of my actions and my non actions. He was my dog Derby and he did not live near as long as he should have.

Here is my story:

My brother and I went ice fishing for the day on Eagle Lake. It started off pretty good; we had one bite 15 minutes in but never landed the fish. After that it was pretty slow but still a good day; I was able to spend time with my brother and my dog. We packed up around 3:00 and headed home. On the way out we had noticed a pressure ridge in the ice in the center of the lake. For those who don’t know (me included until Saturday night) a pressure ridge is when the ice comes together and forms plateaus, similar to tectonic plates and how the mountain ranges were formed. It felt right to stay clear of these but on our drive home off the lake the snow was blowing so hard that we couldn’t see 20ft in front of us. That’s when the #### hit the fan.

At first I thought I had just crashed in to a snow bank; I was worried about the company truck I was driving and how to explain to my boss what had happened. I put the truck in park, took my seatbelt off, and opened the door...well tried to anyway. My brother tried to open his door and couldn’t get it open either. The door wouldn’t open because we were sinking in the water. I was able to put my back up against the middle console and kick the door open. At first it would only budge a little bit, but I was able to press against it with all my effort and get it open enough. That’s when the water started gushing in...it was a scene out of a movie. I was able to squeeze through the door and jump over the open water on to the stable ice. I didn’t even have time to look back to see my brother in his seat or my dog in the back. When I saw my brother come through the driver’s door and jump to safety I breathed a sigh of relief. Next was my dog...I called for him to come out. He didn’t come. It didn’t take long for the cab to completely sink under the water, maybe 30 seconds at the most. I ripped my jacket off and was ready to jump in after my dog until my brother held me back. He told me that there was nothing I could do. It was the hardest thing to see, knowing my dog was still in there waiting for me to get him. Words cannot explain the feeling, watching your dog die, and not even being able to do anything about it.

My brother, funny enough, had his phone with him because he was checking the weather because he thought it felt a lot colder than the -8C that the truck indicated. He called 911 and RCMP, fire and EMS was dispatched. I couldn’t leave knowing my dog was still in there, but we were still in the middle of the lake and my jacket had blown away in the wind when I took it off to jump in. Emergency crews were not going to be able to find us in the blowing snow and poor visibility so we knew we had to trek it off the lake to the shore. I just couldn’t leave but knew it wouldn’t be long until I succumbed to the cold if I didn’t. My brother gave me his underlying jacket and his toque and we walked in to the -20C wind with wet clothes. It was the hardest walk of my life. After about 10 minutes of walking we found an RCMP cruiser and she waived us over to get in. I don’t remember being cold but remember shaking uncontrollably. The fire department showed up and got their gear on and I pointed them to the direction that the truck was. It had cleared up and I could see the back end of the truck sticking out of the water. Had I known, I wished I would have at least jumped in the back of the bed and broken the glass to pull out my dog. This will haunt me for a long time.

The fire department confirmed that he was dead in the back but the water had frozen over and they couldn’t get him out. I called my wife; she was down in the US visiting her parents with my 8 month old son. She tried to get a flight that night but wasn’t able to so she flew home the next morning. She is with me now and we can mourn together. She is just glad that my brother and I are safe. It is hard to sleep, shower, or be warm in our house knowing that my dog is still in the cold lake. Hopefully tomorrow we can pull the truck out so we can say our goodbyes.

Thank you Derby for being such a good friend and companion. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to save you. You’ll always be in my heart.

[BigDogg]

Man...That's heartbreaking. I'm truly sorry for your loss.

[Mean Mr. Mustard]

Sorry to hear about your dog - but I hope you realize that your brother saved your life.

[OILFAN #81]

Wow, that is a sad story. I am glad that you and your brother are okay. So sorry about your dog.

[COGENT]

That's horrible. It's scary how fast thing kinds of things happen and it just doesn't feel real. I'm glad you and your brother are ok.

[linecook]

Originally Posted by Mean Mr. Mustard

Sorry to hear about your dog - but I hope you realize that your brother saved your life.

I know, funny thing is he said that I saved his by getting the door open. If not we'd be swimming out the window. I do not feel like a hero like he says, but the opposite. I feel like a coward. I did not look to see how he was and how my dog in the back seat was. I just wish I could have changed things, it's eating me up.

[T@T]

A sad and happy story, happy that you and your bro are ok and sad for your dog. I am a little surprised your dog didn't follow you both out (assuming it was a lab) as they usually have great instincts.

[puckluck]

That's a terrible story. I think it might be best you speak to a professional because you don't seem to be in a very healthy place mentally right now.

We are all humans and I think you reacted the way any one of us would have reacted.

Sorry for your loss. Be grateful it's not your family and wife planning a funeral for you and your brother. You guys got incredibly lucky, and no way are you a coward.

[Dion]

Originally Posted by linecook

I know, funny thing is he said that I saved his by getting the door open. If not we'd be swimming out the window. I do not feel like a hero like he says, but the opposite. I feel like a coward. I did not look to see how he was and how my dog in the back seat was. I just wish I could have changed things, it's eating me up.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You reacted to a situation that didn't leave you much time for thought. It was an instinct reaction of I have to get out the car and because of that both you and your brother are alive to live another day. I have no doubt other people would have reacted similar given the same situation.

I'm no expert on this but you wouldn't be the first person to feel like you didn't do enough. Second guessing what you could have done isn't going to bring your dog back. Puckluck gave you some sound advice about talking to someone about it. They will help you resolve this issue you have before it totaly eats you up inside.

Sorry about your dog.

[SeeBass]

Got to the first line about losing your dog and dropped out.

I know nothing more as I couldnt handle to read the rest.

I have cried more losing my dogs than I have any person to date

[Regulator75]

Sorry for your loss.

[wookster]

Glad you and your bro are ok and I'm truly sorry for your loss. Remember the good times you had and hopefully that will bring some comfort to you.

[Mayer]

That's hard to read. I'm really sorry, man

[Joborule]

Sorry to hear about your tragic lost. It's not going to be a pain that goes away easily.

[blankall]

Crazy story. I would echo suggestions of seeing a therapist. It sounds like your blaming yourself way too much here. Having someone to discuss your problems with is really going to help you get over the survivor's guilt.

As easy as it is to look back on the situation with 20/20 and say I should have done this or that, that's really not fair. Your truck was sinking and you had no choice but to get out as soon as possible. You had no way of knowing the truck wasn't going to suddenly begin sinking much faster. What would have happened if you had gotten much wetter and colder. What would have happened if you hadn't run into that RCMP cruiser. You could have lost a limb(s) or worse you or your brother could have shared the fate of your dog.

[linecook]

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement. I will probably take advantage of the services provided by my work or the victim assistance unit. I think once they pull the truck out and get him out I can move on. I do have a lot of support with family and friends (and a online community of complete strangers apparently). My wife's actually a psychologist that specializing in crisis counseling. She says that social media is very good to cope with tragedy. Instead of talking to one individual, you have mass audience to lend an ear and give support. I do feel better already from reading some of the comments last night before going to bed. Thank you!

Derby was a Golden Retriever he was going to turn 4 on April 11th. He was a #### disturber, he was just like Marley from Marley and me. He dug holes in the back yard, he ruined the hardwood floor, he chewed up the back seat of my old truck and several shoes. He was a struggle but taught me valuable things in life and made me a better person. He ran to me to give me high fives when I yelled out "scores". He kept me active on runs, patience, that hardwood floors and seats can be fixed and shoes replaced but life cannot.

[Notorious Honey Badger]

this is beyond horrible. my condolences.

[ranchlandsselling]

What a horrible story, glad you two made it out, sorry for the dog. Best friends can never be replaced but will always be remembered fondly! Best of luck moving on.

[Coys1882]

I remember how crazy I used to think dog owners were when they lost a pet - til I got one and she died from a twisted stomach 4 years later. Awful news - and I hope you're doing ok.

[Envitro]

Damn onions....