Baby on the way... tips for a first time parent?

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by Canada 02

my wife is similar. Almost any person from her life, past or present, rules out that name, no matter how obscure or insignificant. Wife - "I don't like *****, that's the name of the cashiers at the grocery store who bags the meat with our produce. I don't want our baby's name associated with salmonella"

I agree with your wife's take on it. Also, the last thing you want is somebody thinking you named your kids after them.

[Flamesoholic]

I can't give you any advice on what to buy or what things will work with your baby, but the one thing I can tell you is something that my sister told me 8wks ago when my first was born. She told me that when things are tough like baby won't stop crying and you can't figure out what to do, just keep reminding yourself that "it won't be like this forever".

I am breast feeding my son and let me tell you, I had moments where I thought I was the worst mother in the world because I couldn't seem to get breast feeding right. I couldn't make enough milk to satisfy him and I couldn't get him to latch on properly. He would cry and cry while trying to feed and I just felt horrible. The first few weeks were really tough until my milk finally started coming in. The whole time I just kept repeating my sister's advice over and over and it made things a little easier to deal with. I'm happy to say that we finally figured it out and things are going great.

One other thing, they say most babies give you around a 2 week "honeymoon" period after birth before they start getting really fussy for no apparent reason. If it happens with your baby, it will increase till around the 6 week mark, but then drop off substantially after that. If this happens to you, just remember "it won't be like this forever".
Good luck and enjoy!!

[Barnes]

1. Learn where to go in the hospital and what to do.

2. You will probably get sent home from the hospital at least once.

3. Kids can't take a punch.

4. The cry it out method is not as simple as it sounds. It does not mean just leave them till they shut up. Please do some research on the topic also known as the Ferber Method if you try it. Children under 3 or 4 months cry for a reason. They aren't developed enough to play you and even if it's simply body contact they are looking for, give it them as newborns. You will have plenty of opportunity to mentally damage them after that.

5. Tell your wife that the public health nurse AKA Nipple Nazis will make you feel like a POS. They treat everyone the same as per their checklist that is geared towards helping the worst possible parents in the world. Trust your instinct is right and tell them what they want to hear so you can get the %$#* outta there as quickly as possible.

6. You will completely understand how someone is capable of shaking a baby to death. There is nothing wrong with putting the baby down and walking away to get your $&%# together.

[Bertuzzied]

Originally Posted by Barnes

1. Learn where to go in the hospital and what to do.

2. You will probably get sent home from the hospital at least once.

3. Kids can't take a punch.

4. The cry it out method is not as simple as it sounds. It does not mean just leave them till they shut up. Please do some research on the topic also known as the Ferber Method if you try it. Children under 3 or 4 months cry for a reason. They aren't developed enough to play you and even if it's simply body contact they are looking for, give it them as newborns. You will have plenty of opportunity to mentally damage them after that.

5. Tell your wife that the public health nurse AKA Nipple Nazis will make you feel like a POS. They treat everyone the same as per their checklist that is geared towards helping the worst possible parents in the world. Trust your instinct is right and tell them what they want to hear so you can get the %$#* outta there as quickly as possible.

6. You will completely understand how someone is capable of shaking a baby to death. There is nothing wrong with putting the baby down and walking away to get your $&%# together.

that is neither true or funny.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Bertuzzied

that is neither true or funny.

Are you kidding? It's totally true. I'm surprised it doesn't happen more.

[Bertuzzied]

Originally Posted by Sliver

Are you kidding? It's totally true. I'm surprised it doesn't happen more.

So you are lucky nothing happened?

[Canada 02]

Originally Posted by Flamesoholic

I am breast feeding my son and let me tell you, I had moments where I thought I was the worst mother in the world because I couldn't seem to get breast feeding right. I couldn't make enough milk to satisfy him and I couldn't get him to latch on properly. He would cry and cry while trying to feed and I just felt horrible. The first few weeks were really tough until my milk finally started coming in.

apparently, a newborn has a stomach the size of a marble, so mothers don't need to produce very much milk during the first week. The colostrum, as it is called, is super concentrated with nutrients and antibodies so the baby doesn't need to drink much to get what it needs. About a teaspoon the first day during each feeding, then up to 1-2 tablespoons by the end of the first week

also funny how boobs can turn into squirt guns, or start leaking at the sound of a crying baby - strange things we learn in pre-natal class

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by Bertuzzied

So you are lucky nothing happened?

No, I have self control. But even with that I can see how somebody with a little less self control would snap. I've raised voice and looked my baby in the eyes and said "STOP FATAING CRYING!" Pretty sure it's not a big leap for a lesser man to start the shakin' at that point.

[Barnes]

Originally Posted by Bertuzzied

that is neither true or funny.

It wasn't funny cause it is not a joke. You will be more frustrated at times then you have ever been in your life and you will think to yourself, this is the point where this happens.

My advice is serious. Put the baby down and collect yourself. I am not sure at what point you read "I shake my baby and it's completely normal".

It's a subject that is covered in pre-natal classes along with numerous other potential emontional problems and their signs parents WILL have after the birth of a baby. The advice they give is the same as I did.

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by Bertuzzied

So you are lucky nothing happened?

It was a distasteful way of putting the "pass the baby (gently) to somebody and take a breather" method.

I would also recommend making sure all of door hinges, flooring, door knobs, etc. are free from producing any creaking sound. My first born would wake up at any sound as soon as I tried to leave his room after putting him to his crib. That is one of the most frustrating situations when you just want to get back to bed yourself at 3AM.

[Knut]

Yeah. I can see it. 3 Months in there have been times where one or both of us have had to pass off the baby and spend a few minutes in the other room .

It is healthy to do this.

[Russic]

Originally Posted by Bertuzzied

that is neither true or funny.

Oh it's absolutely true (but not for everybody). Putting a screaming baby in a safe environment and walking away for a moment is completely acceptable (in my eyes).

Tons of parents report understanding the shaking of a baby. It doesn't mean they necessarily practice or condone it, but they understand it. My own mother is fine with admitting that if not for my dad she may have dropped me on purpose.

Also to go with Barnes' post, cry it out isn't just about closing the door and walking away. Take a class and make sure you don't do it too young.

[habernac]

You will learn to understand your baby's cries after a little while as well. You can tell when they're in need of attention and when they are not.

[Wormius]

Originally Posted by fotze

Barnes, you put it perfectly for some people. The baby rearing industry is littered with bull#####ters who sugar coat everything. REAL language and even over the top language from .07% of the people can do nothing but help the landslide the other way.

Every person I know (who is honest) says raising a baby is the hardest thing they have ever done (I imagine there are some other harder things).

If you aren't at the end of your rope at some point, then you aren't helping out enough or you have a grandparent doing your job for you.

There is a reason a lot of marriages end because of a child.

Or you have a sense of perspective and you realize that your baby crying unrelentingly while you really want to sleep, or squirming around when you're trying to change a diaper isn't going to kill you. Hence why you don't sympathize with somebody who would think of harming their child to make them stop.

[VladtheImpaler]

Oh, and don't waste any money on early toys - a slipper, wetnap box or the vent grate are perfectly thrilling and adequate. If other people want to buy you crap - great, but don't do it yourself.

[Wormius]

It's bad when other parents try to give you their hand me downs that they couldn't sell at the local consignment store or give away on Kijiji.

On that note, Once Upon a Child is pretty good for buying kids stuff if you want some stuff at good prices. For selling stuff though, they're pretty picky.

[Bertuzzied]

Originally Posted by fotze

Barnes, you put it perfectly for some people. The baby rearing industry is littered with bull#####ters who sugar coat everything. REAL language and even over the top language from .07% of the people can do nothing but help the landslide the other way.

Every person I know (who is honest) says raising a baby is the hardest thing they have ever done (I imagine there are some other harder things).

If you aren't at the end of your rope at some point, then you aren't helping out enough or you have a grandparent doing your job for you.

There is a reason a lot of marriages end because of a child.

Sure it's damn tough. My guy had the highest gag reflex ever so he was throwing up 4 times a day. So after every meal you would have to feed him twice since he projectile vomited everything else onto the floor.

but no way was there any time where i would swear at him or even think about shaking him. thats flipping insane.

[habernac]

I'd be tempted to say anyone who doesn't have crappy thoughts towards their child once in awhile is lying. They can be frustrating little beasts. But most of us have the aforementioned self control to not listen to the stupid thoughts that cross our brains.

[Barnes]

Originally Posted by Wormius

Or you have a sense of perspective and you realize that your baby crying unrelentingly while you really want to sleep, or squirming around when you're trying to change a diaper isn't going to kill you. Hence why you don't sympathize with somebody who would think of harming their child to make them stop.

One feels sympathy when one hasn't been there. One feels empathy when one has. The ability to put oneself into someone else's shoes is what separates man from beast. We are talking about empathy or the ability to understand, perceive another person's feelings. The two are not the same and feelings are not actions.

When it's 3 in the morning, you have too work in 4 hours and haven't had more than 6 hours of sleep all week, have practically nothing to eat in the house, your dog hasn't been walked in days, wondering if the bills are going to be paid on one income and your wife is sad all the time due to drastic hormonal changes, your perspective can get a little skewed. Feeling empathy in this situation is the natural human response. What your actions are is the measure of what kind of human you are and understanding why someone would do something is very different then doing it.

Unless you know more than the mental help professionals available to new parents and my friend who is a PhD Psychology to whom I have spoken about this, I will stand by my post as relevant, honest discussion.

[red sky]

Yeah! I can't wait! Sounds like a dream!