Small issue with family, Looking for advice from the masses - Page 3 - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

DuffMan · 03-15-2011, 01:21 PM

kick her cat.

troutman · 03-15-2011, 01:27 PM

Worse than divorces, nothing lessens my opinion on humanity quite like the greedy "entitled" vultures that circle a relative's estate.

burn_this_city · 03-15-2011, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by troutman

Worse than divorces, nothing lessens my opinion on humanity quite like the greedy "entitled" vultures that circle a relative's estate.

Sounds like the solution involves liquidating every asset and splitting the money equally. Anything not marked for a specific relative ends up sold to prevent squabbling

peter12 · 03-15-2011, 01:41 PM

Hahaha, fighting with his widowed Grandma over a PVR. Amazing.

Sr. Mints · 03-15-2011, 01:41 PM

Nothing brings out the greed like dividing up a family estate.

I saw this BS happen with my dad and his siblings. I can see my mom and her siblings laying track and deploying ground forces in preparation for when my grandpa goes. Family events are so much fun.

It isn't worth it. Forget the PVR.

burn_this_city · 03-15-2011, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peter12

Hahaha, fighting with his widowed Grandma over a PVR. Amazing.

Its his aunt, not grandma.

Mrs. Rathji · 03-15-2011, 01:43 PM

The PVR is a thing, it doesn't matter.

My family has several rifts due to my mom's and grandparents' death. One uncle cleaned out all the bank accounts before my Grandpa finally died. An aunt claimed a peice of jewelry of my mom's that was willed to my sister, which was eventually sorted out but in the few years it took to resolve it, it permanantly damaged our family. Things are things and really don't matter but the relationships with the people that are left do matter and you shouldn't let those "things" come between you and the members of your family.

Hack&Lube · 03-15-2011, 01:49 PM

My great grandfather was a multimillionaire. His eldest son changed the will after he died and when his siblings were too young to fight and the legal evidence and nuances were all lost during WWII when the Japanese invaded. Consequently, my grandfather and his youngest siblings and all our family never received anything but there's another part of our family living in million dollar apartments with fancy cars and servants around the world, living off that money. It does make me a bit jealous and bitter sometimes but you just have to accept things for what they are and believe you can make your own fortune and successes. None of the family talks to each other though. Money is just a bad thing for many people and the most embittering thing there can be.

For you, it's just a PVR and issues with how she treated your mom, it's nothing compared to 50 million dollars. The question for you is if you want a relationship with your aunt. If you do, this is just a small and petty thing that you can patch it up and maybe even confront her about how she treated your mom. It's something that can be resolved if you have the desire to. If your aunt has been a selfish person though and you have no real desire to have a relationship with her, then let it drop and let her be miserly on her own if that's what she wants.

VladtheImpaler · 03-15-2011, 01:49 PM

When I sent my 2nd wife packing, I just told her to take whatever she wanted. Saved me a lot of stress, and a lot of money in the long run, as it made the actual final settlement a lot easier and friendlier. Stuff is stuff, not worth worrying about.
But, if you are feeling vindictive, sue your aunt in Provincial Court, claiming you had a verbal contract with respect to the PVR.

DuffMan · 03-15-2011, 01:49 PM

when your parents or grandparents start getting really old, you should start putting sticky notes with your name on things you would like.

peter12 · 03-15-2011, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by burn_this_city

Its his aunt, not grandma.

Did not read carefully.

troutman · 03-15-2011, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hack&Lube

My great grandfather was a multimillionaire. His eldest son changed the will after he died and when his siblings were too young to fight and the legal evidence and nuances were all lost during WWII when the Japanese invaded.

Not uncommon to see monkey business like this. How did he change a will after death?

Yeah_Baby · 03-15-2011, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peter12

Did not read carefully.

If it was Kierkegaard you would have read it closely right?

peter12 · 03-15-2011, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yeah_Baby

If it was Kierkegaard you would have read it closely right?

Actually, I really like Kierkegaard. So, yes. Yes, I would have.

IliketoPuck · 03-15-2011, 02:01 PM

I would visit the Shaw/Telus thread in the tech talk section.

Then I would take the knowledge learned there, and leverage that into a free HD PVR and a cheaper shaw bill.

afc wimbledon · 03-15-2011, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VladtheImpaler

When I sent my 2nd wife packing, I just told her to take whatever she wanted. Saved me a lot of stress, and a lot of money in the long run, as it made the actual final settlement a lot easier and friendlier. Stuff is stuff, not worth worrying about.
But, if you are feeling vindictive, sue your aunt in Provincial Court, claiming you had a verbal contract with respect to the PVR.

Best legal advise I ever got was in a settelment conference with my ex, we were arguing about a chest of drawers that had been mine while married and I was going to hold the line, dig my heels in and keep it, my lawyer whispered in my ear
'you can buy 5 sets of drawers with what it will cost to keep that if this goes to adjudication'.

Hack&Lube · 03-15-2011, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by troutman

Not uncommon to see monkey business like this. How did he change a will after death?

He was a multimillionaire trader/businessman in China who moved his fortune to Hong Kong right before the war. He made his fortune during the time of trade imbalance where British merchants had to pay China in silver bullion for silk and teas (before they figured out they could get the Chinese addicted to opium from India and Turkey). The version I heard was that the eldest son bribed some officials, and all paperwork and evidence (even birth certificates for my grandparents) were lost during the Japanese occupation and and the communization of China.

There is one aunt I do talk to on occasion from that side of her family and she is living in a $5 million dollar apartment (one of many) in Australia that I went to once and I simply could not believe it when I visited it.

It's hard not to feel some sense of entitlement. That's a big issue with money and families. I just have to accept that while her fortune was made with my family's stolen fortune, she must have made good investments to sustain that lifestyle as well.

Prototype · 03-15-2011, 04:49 PM

I have an aunt who called my dad to let him know his father was on his death bed, and that we should make the trip from Calgary to Edmonton to see him one more time. We did, and I'll never regret the visit.

But there's a sour taste in my mouth about the real reason why she wanted my dad, who was co-executor with her, to make the trip. It was decided, without my father present, that all money owed to my grandfather, which every one of his childred owed something, would be eliminated. Nobody owed anything, especially the aunt, who owed more money than anyone else, by a hefty margin.

I still think about it, especially when thinking of my own families (parents and brother, wife and sons).

But, in the end... no money was missing. Nothing of value disapeared. We could nit pick, but in the end, we got to visit my grandpa, who I miss dearly, on more time.

Mtt48 · 03-15-2011, 04:58 PM

This sort of thing happened to my mom when her uncle died. My mom looked after the uncle pretty much completely by herself while he was dying. He had a lot of really nice musical equipment as he was really into the country and western scene in the 50s. Anyways, once he died a cousin of my mom's (not the uncles daughter) just came in and took all the equipment. This stuff was quite sentimental to my mom

My mom was super pissed, but just let it go after a while. I'm fairly certain she still hates that lady though.

I'd just walk away. No reason not to hold a grudge though.

Tiger · 03-15-2011, 05:33 PM

Thanks for the advice everyone.

The problem with the aunt is she prepared the house for selling by staging it. the clean out of the house etc was done by my family, the taking care of the house and my grandpa before the death was done by my mom and dad. Every single thing, and my Aunts wanted only to put him in a home and my grandpa's dying wish was to never be in a home. So my parents did all the work and all the aunts did was try to push the issue with legal action to get him placed in a home. They lost because his will stated his wishes to remain at home and would go with home care instead of an institution. Even on his last weeks when we would have people over there 24 hours a day, my family did 5 days a week and the other two aunts did 2 days. on those days they would leave him unattended for hours and went shopping or out for meals so no one was there to take care of him. All the while they were ripping into my mom for not doing anything for the family to every family member, ever friend they possibly could.

Now this one aunt that has lied to me about the PVR purposefully delayed putting the house on the market for six months so she would have somewhere to live (because she has no job and no home because she went from being CFO's of companies to being the spiritual type that still only talks about herself). Now after the house has sold she convinced my Grandma to pay her mortgage and give her back the rate she would have made investing it in the bank (roughly 1%) so she is really now ripping off my Grandma too, and she is in charge of her estate as well (I think along with my dad, but my aunts were trying to convince my grandma to take him off and don't know if they succeeded, but my dad would prefer to be off it because he doesn't care for them anymore).

Plus my aunts also wanted the will changed so the estate is split three ways, not four. My one aunt died in 2001 and they don't want that share going to her kids instead they want a bigger share to themselves that they don't care about my cousins that lost there mom. At the very least they wanted the dead aunts share to be split between all grandkids. When my Grandma asked us what we thought my sister put it best "I'd rather have a mom than your money"

So you see there is no reason for me to be nice to this person, I don't really ever want to talk to that side of the family again. I already have a PVR I just don't want her to get away with lying to get her way again.

Thanks for the advice, I think it is sad that death brings out the worst in people. I will probably ignore her based on the masses