Parents exaggerate joy of parenting to justify costs: study

[GirlySports]

Originally Posted by jammies

Getting back to the actual study, it's also possible that people who don't have children are expressing a disposition towards self-fulfillment instead of self-sacrifice, and this disposition expresses itself in greater happiness as these people are focused on making themselves happy. In other words, it's not that having children makes you unhappy, it's that you are more interested in having children than happiness.

Yeah, I think in general people will argue and exaggerate to support their lifestyle. People who are married will like marriage, people who are single in the 30s will argue for being single and free. People who date 1 person will argue that long relationships are satisfying, people who Chicken on the Way every night will argue that that is exciting!

[Calgaryborn]

I think you have to spend time around old people to get a sense of how important having children will be to you. There will come a time when your career is past you. Whatever you've done is done and someone new is carrying the ball. Soon after that travel will lose its attraction primararly because of health/mobility issues. If you hunt and fish those joys will linger a little while but, before too long hunting will be too hard on the body, followed later by fishing. Your world keeps getting smaller and smaller with little to look forward to. Decreasing health and death is in everyones future. You just hope you go before your spouse.

Now you might think that stage of your life will be short and compared to the rest of your life it probably will be. Unfortunately as your world gets smaller and your able to do less you will will have lots of time to look at your life. For the first time since earliy childhood life won't be pushing you along at a blinding clip. You will have plenty of time to measure things. It is at that point that any doubt you had about raiseing children will disappear. The thought that children aren't worth the effort will be laughable. There lives and your grandchildren's lives become your link to the future. At least it will be the only link the offers hope. They become your greatest achievement because they are about the only achievement that will carry on after you. The rest of your life will turn to dust along with you. If you live long enough you will actually begin to witness it occuring.

Don't under estamate the value of that link to the future. Most of what is important to us when we are young loses its value by middle age. By the time we are seniors much of what we valued at middle age is lost. Humans need purpose in order to be happy. What other purpose beyond raising children will stand the test of time? Knowing God is one but, I can't think of another.

[GGG]

Originally Posted by Calgaryborn

I think you have to spend time around old people to get a sense of how important having children will be to you. There will come a time when your career is past you. Whatever you've done is done and someone new is carrying the ball. Soon after that travel will lose its attraction primararly because of health/mobility issues. If you hunt and fish those joys will linger a little while but, before too long hunting will be too hard on the body, followed later by fishing. Your world keeps getting smaller and smaller with little to look forward to. Decreasing health and death is in everyones future. You just hope you go before your spouse.

Now you might think that stage of your life will be short and compared to the rest of your life it probably will be. Unfortunately as your world gets smaller and your able to do less you will will have lots of time to look at your life. For the first time since earliy childhood life won't be pushing you along at a blinding clip. You will have plenty of time to measure things. It is at that point that any doubt you had about raiseing children will disappear. The thought that children aren't worth the effort will be laughable. There lives and your grandchildren's lives become your link to the future. At least it will be the only link the offers hope. They become your greatest achievement because they are about the only achievement that will carry on after you. The rest of your life will turn to dust along with you. If you live long enough you will actually begin to witness it occuring.

Don't under estamate the value of that link to the future. Most of what is important to us when we are young loses its value by middle age. By the time we are seniors much of what we valued at middle age is lost. Humans need purpose in order to be happy. What other purpose beyond raising children will stand the test of time? Knowing God is one but, I can't think of another.

Unless your children turn out to be crack addicted porn stars shacking up with Charlie Sheen.

[sclitheroe]

Originally Posted by justkidding

There are other sports, you know!

Lol. I knew a guy who's son was a rabid figure skater from a young age, and these were the kinds of things he said all the time.

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. (another phrase he used a lot)

[ynwa03]

Originally Posted by GGG

Unless your children turn out to be crack addicted porn stars shacking up with Charlie Sheen.

Excellent. Use Charlie Sheen as a reason to not have kids.

[justkidding]

Originally Posted by sclitheroe

Lol. I knew a guy who's son was a rabid figure skater from a young age, and these were the kinds of things he said all the time.

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. (another phrase he used a lot)

Let's clear this up right now. Figure Skating is not a sport!

[macker]

Originally Posted by Calgaryborn

I think you have to spend time around old people to get a sense of how important having children will be to you. There will come a time when your career is past you. Whatever you've done is done and someone new is carrying the ball. Soon after that travel will lose its attraction primararly because of health/mobility issues. If you hunt and fish those joys will linger a little while but, before too long hunting will be too hard on the body, followed later by fishing. Your world keeps getting smaller and smaller with little to look forward to. Decreasing health and death is in everyones future. You just hope you go before your spouse.

Now you might think that stage of your life will be short and compared to the rest of your life it probably will be. Unfortunately as your world gets smaller and your able to do less you will will have lots of time to look at your life. For the first time since earliy childhood life won't be pushing you along at a blinding clip. You will have plenty of time to measure things. It is at that point that any doubt you had about raiseing children will disappear. The thought that children aren't worth the effort will be laughable. There lives and your grandchildren's lives become your link to the future. At least it will be the only link the offers hope. They become your greatest achievement because they are about the only achievement that will carry on after you. The rest of your life will turn to dust along with you. If you live long enough you will actually begin to witness it occuring.

Don't under estamate the value of that link to the future. Most of what is important to us when we are young loses its value by middle age. By the time we are seniors much of what we valued at middle age is lost. Humans need purpose in order to be happy. What other purpose beyond raising children will stand the test of time? Knowing God is one but, I can't think of another.

Well said.
Parents who are unwilling to risk the suffering of changing and growing and learning from their children are choosing a path of senility, whether they know it or not, and the world will leave them far behind. Growing and learning from children is the best opportunity most people have to assure themselves of a meaningful old age.

[WhiteTiger]

Originally Posted by macker

Well said.
Parents who are unwilling to risk the suffering of changing and growing and learning from their children are choosing a path of senility, whether they know it or not, and the world will leave them far behind. Growing and learning from children is the best opportunity most people have to assure themselves of a meaningful old age.

Did you seriously mean to write that the only way to have a meaningful old age is to ensure that you've had children, or am I reading it wrong?

[SeeBass]

Originally Posted by Calgaryborn

I think you have to spend time around old people to get a sense of how important having children will be to you. There will come a time when your career is past you. Whatever you've done is done and someone new is carrying the ball. Soon after that travel will lose its attraction primararly because of health/mobility issues. If you hunt and fish those joys will linger a little while but, before too long hunting will be too hard on the body, followed later by fishing. Your world keeps getting smaller and smaller with little to look forward to. Decreasing health and death is in everyones future. You just hope you go before your spouse.

Now you might think that stage of your life will be short and compared to the rest of your life it probably will be. Unfortunately as your world gets smaller and your able to do less you will will have lots of time to look at your life. For the first time since earliy childhood life won't be pushing you along at a blinding clip. You will have plenty of time to measure things. It is at that point that any doubt you had about raiseing children will disappear. The thought that children aren't worth the effort will be laughable. There lives and your grandchildren's lives become your link to the future. At least it will be the only link the offers hope. They become your greatest achievement because they are about the only achievement that will carry on after you. The rest of your life will turn to dust along with you. If you live long enough you will actually begin to witness it occuring.

Don't under estamate the value of that link to the future. Most of what is important to us when we are young loses its value by middle age. By the time we are seniors much of what we valued at middle age is lost. Humans need purpose in order to be happy. What other purpose beyond raising children will stand the test of time? Knowing God is one but, I can't think of another.

I will never feel alone and without purpose cause that is the time that Jesus will carry me, leaving only one set of footprints on the beach

[icecube]

Hahahaha Gold

[Winsor_Pilates]

I don't think I've ever thanked a post by Calgaryborn before; feel born again!

[octothorp]

I have a one-year-old and while it is a lot of fun and has changed my perspective about a lot of my life, I don't see it as the thing that gives my life meaning. Our lives had meaning before, and would continue to have plenty of meaning had we not had a child. The idea that children are the only way to leave a legacy behind after you die is just plain silly. There are countless ways we can positively impact our world, our society, the lives of those directly around us beyond having children. Do enough of those positive things, and it leaves a legacy... potentially a more important legacy than having children. What if your children grew up to decide that they were not going to have children of their own? Would that destroy your legacy?

[Sylvanfan]

Originally Posted by macker

Well said.
Parents who are unwilling to risk the suffering of changing and growing and learning from their children are choosing a path of senility, whether they know it or not, and the world will leave them far behind. Growing and learning from children is the best opportunity most people have to assure themselves of a meaningful old age.

My wife's multi millionaire brother in law who's run over a lot of people to the point where 98% of his former friends hate him with a passion. Every 2 to 3 year he's cylcled through a new group of mostly 20 to 25 years olds until they get married and move on with their life and no longer care to be associated with him. Recently he's starting to give money to 18 year old girls to go to university/college and won't let his wife buy a sweater on boxing day. I mean he's so badly off he's spending $7,000 to go to Australia next week as a final excercise for his life coaching which he's probably already dropped in excess of $75,000 into. Of course he won't pay me the $2500 that he owes me in wages from hand grenading his company.

Tell me he's not trying to buy future companionship knowing full well the only people who'll care about his existance in old age are the people who'll celebrate the day he's no longer alive.

[MarchHare]

The idea that children are the only way to leave a legacy behind after you die is just plain silly. There are countless ways we can positively impact our world, our society, the lives of those directly around us beyond having children.

Precisely. The following people all have two things in common: they made immense contributions to the world, and they didn't have children. I don't want to say with certainty that correlation implies causation, but I think it's very likely that many of these people were able to accomplish the things they did because they were free of the time/money burdens associated with raising a child.

Susan B. Anthony
Louis Armstrong
Jane Austen
Beethoven
Coco Chanel
Julia Child
Leonardo Da Vinci
Emily Dickenson
Francis Drake
T.S. Eliot
Queen Elizabeth I
Robert Goddard
Handel
Immanuel Kant
Maynard Keynes
Freddy Mercury
Isaac Newton
Friedrich Nietzsche
Rosa Parks
Jean-Paul Sartre
George Bernard Shaw
Nikola Tesla
George Washington
Walt Whitman
Virginia Woolf
Orville and Wilbur Wright

[MarchHare]

Originally Posted by fotze

You've done a lot of research eh?

It took about 30 seconds to Google "famous people without children" to find an even longer version of the list I posted.

Your mother pressuring you to have kids?

Thankfully not. My wife and I made it clear to our parents years ago (before we were even married) that we have no desire to have children of our own. The worst is the patronizing response we get when we tell other people that. "Oh, just wait until you're older. You'll have kids, just you wait and see." Um, no. We're in our 30s now, and our attitude hasn't changed one bit. If anything, getting a puppy last summer just reinforced the idea that we absolutely do not want children.

[GGG]

Originally Posted by MarchHare

Precisely. The following people all have two things in common: they made immense contributions to the world, and they didn't have children. I don't want to say with certainty that correlation implies causation, but I think it's very likely that many of these people were able to accomplish the things they did because they were free of the time/money burdens associated with raising a child.

Susan B. Anthony
Louis Armstrong
Jane Austen
Beethoven
Coco Chanel
Julia Child
Leonardo Da Vinci
Emily Dickenson
Francis Drake
T.S. Eliot
Queen Elizabeth I
Robert Goddard
Handel
Immanuel Kant
Maynard Keynes
Freddy Mercury
Isaac Newton
Friedrich Nietzsche
Rosa Parks
Jean-Paul Sartre
George Bernard Shaw
Nikola Tesla
George Washington
Walt Whitman
Virginia Woolf
Orville and Wilbur Wright

A lot of nerds and crazies on that list.

[Cecil Terwilliger]

Originally Posted by GGG

A lot of nerds and crazies on that list.

You should see the list of people with kids...

[Stranger]

Originally Posted by Cecil Terwilliger

You should see the list of people with kids...

They have an excuse for going crazy though...

[Ironhorse]

Originally Posted by MarchHare

Precisely. The following people all have two things in common: they made immense contributions to the world, and they didn't have children. I don't want to say with certainty that correlation implies causation, but I think it's very likely that many of these people were able to accomplish the things they did because they were free of the time/money burdens associated with raising a child.

Susan B. Anthony
Louis Armstrong
Jane Austen
Beethoven
Coco Chanel
Julia Child
Leonardo Da Vinci
Emily Dickenson
Francis Drake
T.S. Eliot
Queen Elizabeth I
Robert Goddard
Handel
Immanuel Kant
Maynard Keynes
Freddy Mercury
Isaac Newton
Friedrich Nietzsche
Rosa Parks
Jean-Paul Sartre
George Bernard Shaw
Nikola Tesla
George Washington
Walt Whitman
Virginia Woolf
Orville and Wilbur Wright

Pretty sure the odds are greater of someone making the NHL than being named on the same list as these individuals.

[GGG]

Originally Posted by Ironhorse

Pretty sure the odds are greater of someone making the NHL than being named on the same list as these individuals.

That really doesn't mean anythng though since this is a list of great people. You can make a list of 'great' people regardless of whether or not they have kids and make the same statement.