So what constitutes an insult?

[FanIn80]

"You're a knob."
"Stop acting like a knob."

Am I the only one that sees the difference in these two statements? What about...

"Giordano is an all-star."
"Giordano plays like an all-star."

Those are two distinctly different statements.

"This lime is a lemon."
"This lime tastes like a lemon."

Why is it so obvious to see the difference between statements like that, but when someone says "You're acting like a prick" they act like you just called them a prick?

If someone is actually acting like a prick, how on earth are you supposed to tell them that? Personally, I think telling them they're acting like a prick is actually a fairly constructive way of dealing with the situation. I also don't think it's insulting at all. Obviously, feelings will be hurt, but that's usually just a symptom of the truth is it not? If someone told me I was acting like a chair, I wouldn't take offence to that... if I was acting like a prick and they called me on it, it would sting at first, but I'd appreciate it later.

Anyway, sometimes I wonder if I live in my own little world when it comes to this stuff. It's like a couple weeks back, an old friend from high school is messaging me on Facebook, and before I know it, she's going on about this dbag she's dating. I pointed out that she has a history of dating guys like that, and perhaps the first step to not being miserable would be to stop dating guys like that. All of a sudden, it's like I'm on an episode of Jerry Springer, and I'm suddenly the biggest prick on the planet. I don't get it. Was I supposed to just tell her everything was going to be okay, and that if she hangs in there, she'll find the right dbag someday and they'll go on to have lots of little dbag children? I didn't insult her. I didn't call her a dbag. I just said what was probably the first bit of honesty she's heard in a long time.

Sometimes I suspect a lack of social empathy may be in the cards, but that's probably a different discussion altogether.

[burn_this_city]

Don't change, too few people refuse to call a spade a spade. Everyone knows a chick like that, and she needs to get told she has poor taste in men.

[Traditional_Ale]

Maybe use a little more tact?

"You're a prick!" <
"You're acting like a prick!" <
"Why are you being so difficult?"

"You did it to yourself. You always date d-bags!" <
"You do have a history of dating these kinds of people." <
"Well maybe it's time to try dating someone with a different kind of personality than those in the past?"

In short, take what you want to actually say and turn it into a question.

[theonlywhiteout]

Yeah the presentation is the issue. Ale is not only correct, I suspect he's read up on stuff like this. That's the perfect example of getting the same message across, yet delivering it in such a way they can reach their own conclusion.

[Phanuthier]

nm

[greyshep]

Saying "stop acting like a knob" implies that you have defined that persons actions to be knob-like. Which is essentially you labelling that person as such.

Tough line to straddle.

I dont think you will find too many people that would appreciate the differences as you outlined them. Especially when its stated verbally.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by theonlywhiteout

Yeah the presentation is the issue. Ale is not only correct, I suspect he's read up on stuff like this. That's the perfect example of getting the same message across, yet delivering it in such a way they can reach their own conclusion.

[FlameOn]

[FanIn80]

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

Maybe use a little more tact?

"You're a prick!" <
"You're acting like a prick!" <
"Why are you being so difficult?"

"You did it to yourself. You always date d-bags!" <
"You do have a history of dating these kinds of people." <
"Well maybe it's time to try dating someone with a different kind of personality than those in the past?"

In short, take what you want to actually say and turn it into a question.

Using your two examples, I would normally word it like...

"Why do you need to act like a prick?"

"Well, maybe you should stop dating dbags."

I know there's a lot to be said for delivery and tact, but... I don't know. I see value in being able to get to the point without leaving room for interpretation, if that makes any sense. I believe people should be responsible for how they assimilate the information they're given, and also how they react to that information.

Again, though, I'm really starting to suspect some issues with social empathy. I really don't mean to be a prick about things, but I just can't seem to think of any other way to say something other than just simply getting to the point.

[SeoulFire]

In North American these days everything is an insult - it is best just to say nothing at all about anybody in particular.

Only half kidding.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by FanIn80

Using your two examples, I would normally word it like...

"Why do you need to act like a prick?"

"Well, maybe you should stop dating dbags."

I know there's a lot to be said for delivery and tact, but... I don't know. I see value in being able to get to the point without leaving room for interpretation, if that makes any sense. I believe people should be responsible for how that assimilate the information they're given, and also how they react to that information.

Again, though, I'm really starting to suspect some issues with social empathy. I really don't mean to be a prick about things, but I just can't seem to think of any other way to say something, than just getting to the point.

Both of my suggestions get right to the same point as well. But the difference is I'm not being insulting. Asking someone why they're being difficult isn't calling them a name nor demanding they postulate some hypothesis as to why they "have" to act like said name.

You're not getting to the point any faster or clearly by being insulting. You're just being needlessly incendiary in an already hyped situation. To expect the listener who is already upset to be able to effortlessly filter your communications I argue is unreasonable.

What is more important: getting your message across quickly with minimal effort, or resolving the entire scenario as quickly as possible?

[FanIn80]

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

Both of my suggestions get right to the same point as well. But the difference is I'm not being insulting. Asking someone why they're being difficult isn't calling them a name nor pondering some hypothesis as to why they "have" to act like said name.

You're not getting to the point any faster or clearly by being insulting. You're just being needlessly incendiary in an already hyped sitation.

Imo.

Yeah, I'm starting to suspect this might be true.

It's either I suck at wording things, or I'm some kind of magnet for overly-sensitive, thin-skinned pansies. I'm hoping it's the former...

Edit: I should read that book.

[robocop]

If someone gets that upset at being called a prick they clearly have issues. Call me an a-hole d-bag loser, I don't care, they're just words. Making the distinction between saying someone is acting like a prick and that they are one is ridiculous, a lot of people need to grow up and learn to not take things so seriously.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by FanIn80

Yeah, I'm starting to suspect this might be true.

It's either I suck at wording advice, or I'm some kind of magnet for overly-sensitive, thin-skinned pansies. I'm hoping it's the former...

Nothing wrong with being well thought of by many people, even if in your own (secret) opinion they're thin skinned pansies. Even the thickest skin gets stretched when one is upset enough.

And my Ninja edit on my last post wasn't fast enough I see.

[Table 5]

I know very little about how women operate, however the one thing I have learned (the hard way) is that they almost never want you to offer a constructive solution, no matter how logical it is. Being men, we tend to look for ways to fix problems, but almost all the time they are just looking to talk/cry/whine to someone without any sort of constructive feedback. The best thing you can say is absolutely nothing.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by robocop

If someone gets that upset at being called a prick they clearly have issues. Call me an a-hole d-bag loser, I don't care, they're just words. Making the distinction between saying someone is acting like a prick and that they are one is ridiculous, a lot of people need to grow up and learn to not take things so seriously.

Yeah, because it's so grown up to call people a-holes and d-bag losers when they're upset.

Originally Posted by Table 5

I know very little about how women operate (who does), however the one thing I do know is they almost never want you to offer a constructive solution, no matter how logical it is. Being men, we tend to look for ways to fix the problems, but almost all the time they are just looking to talk/cry/whine to someone without any sort of constructive feedback. The best thing you can do is absolutely nothing.

This is so true.

[robocop]

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

Yeah, because it's so grown up to call people a-holes and d-bag losers when they're upset.

I didn't say it was, you misinterpreted. If you get that upset when someone insults you it's time to work on how you respond to it, sure it's childish to throw around insults and it's also childish to let someone's opinion of you decide how you feel about yourself if it's coming from someone you don't care about.

[FanIn80]

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

Yeah, because it's so grown up to call people a-holes and d-bag losers when they're upset.



This is so true.

See that's the thing. I'm not the kind of guy who's going to go around calling someone a prick, but I am the kind of guy who's going to tell someone they're acting like a prick.

I'm just recently starting to realize that people are taking it the same way, and that I should maybe find a different way of saying these things.

[Traditional_Ale]

Originally Posted by robocop

I didn't say it was, you misinterpreted. If you get that upset when someone insults you it's time to work on how you respond to it, sure it's childish to throw around insults and it's also childish to let someone's opinion of you decide how you feel about yourself if it's coming from someone you don't care about.

Okay I agree. I did misinterpret. So true, btw robocop. I see it a lot especially when there's been drinking involved that suddenly everything is offensive, personal, and worthy of brawling over.

[FanIn80]

Originally Posted by fotze

This is a pretty elaborate way to call dissentowner a thin skinned pansy. Kudos on the effort.

While that conversation was one that lead to this discussion, it's not the point of the discussion.

This has been an issue with me for as long as I can remember.