At first this morning, I was thinking no way you should try and get back with her.
Then I thought about it some more and really what can it hurt? Since there are no kids involved to hurt or mess up, then if you both think it is a good idea then what do you lose?
A year or 2 where you are getting regular sex (because it is not like you are married) and you might be able to work things out because
a) you are older and more experienced and
b) you and/or her might realize that the biggest problem people have in relationships is (in my eyes) getting defensive when they have done something wrong, or not being able to admit when they have done something wrong. Tip: If you and your eventual partner don't realize this at some point, it will always be rocky, regardless of who it is.
That was my exact thought, however, I don't know how much she has truly changed. When I started dating her she was only 18, never been in a long term relationship and so forth. She neglected all of her friends, and basically wanted to be a part of every aspect of my life.
She was always hinting about the whole marriage thing. (thanks to my idiot friends girlfriends) I say I was immature, but the fact was; I didn't want to marry this girl. At least, during the mindstate that she was currently in. So I ended things with her, the right way. At first, she was a depressed wreck, now it seems that she is much more mature about the break-up. We watched the Hangover together and I mentioned that she was similar to the Dentist's girlfriend. She honestly didn't think that she was like that.. We had a good laugh at some of her freakouts over the course of our relationship.. I of course pointed out how she could have handled herself much differently.
I want a girl who lives her own life, and doesn't need me around 24/7. Is that too much to ask for?
DON'T DO IT!! I'm not saying its 100% a mistake to get back with an ex every time in every situation, but after reading other messages you've posted in here after the OP, I'm convinced you shouldn't do it.
Sounds like you're just in a bit of a slump and bummin about being alone, I'm sure the time of year doesn't help either. Yeah I know when you're slumping it literally feels like you're never going to be with anyone again, but trust me you will. Go back with her and it'll just be the same old shyte again. Getting with someone out of fear of being alone is probably one of the biggest reasons the divorce rate is so high these days, nothing good comes from it.
I don't know what others think, but coming to CP for relationship advice sometimes seems like walking down the hallway in high school and asking the dungeons and dragons kids for help with the cheerleader you're banging?
I would go to the experts, not the internet. A visit with a psychiatrist/counselor can help you learn a lot about yourself and if you are still the immature prick you thought you weren't.
I don't know what others think, but coming to CP for relationship advice sometimes seems like walking down the hallway in high school and asking the dungeons and dragons kids for help with the cheerleader you're banging?
Yeah no kidding. Only the biggest nerds use the internet, cool people who bang cheerleaders don't even have modems.
It's hard to give advice not knowing the girl etc. Either way there are going to be repercussions and a grass is always greener feeling. This one's best left in your court! You may be happy / sad either way you go.
I don't know what others think, but coming to CP for relationship advice sometimes seems like walking down the hallway in high school and asking the dungeons and dragons kids for help with the cheerleader you're banging?
Really, your momma didn't complain about my prowness last night, and after it was over, we talked about Warhammer 40000 whatever the hell that is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by amorak
I would go to the experts, not the internet. A visit with a psychiatrist/counselor can help you learn a lot about yourself and if you are still the immature prick you thought you weren't.
Our advice is as good as the amount of money that we charge for it, In my day relationship advice rarely needed a head shrinker or counselor, most people don't need that much help in realizing what their problem is.
Personally I don't need some expert who's detached from the process to analyze my brain, I can do that myself.
After a breakup I've always found that my friends usually have a pretty good pulse on the situation because they've witnessed the dynamics of the relationship, and they're not going to tell me what I want to hear, or make assumptions based on my interpretation of the events.
Plus sometimes my friend, a banana is just a banana.
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My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Coming out of a long 3 month relationship.. I'd say just find someone else. Chances are you just miss companionship and not the person specifically.
Buy a new girl a cooler and you're good to go!
I really agree with this at the end of the day. A three month relationship is not worth a lot of self analytics. If years had been wasted, sure, but in three months you've barely had time to figure out the bad habits of each other. Your barely into the walking into the bathroom while your mate is taking a dump stage.
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My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
I can somewhat relate to the OP. I dated a girl for 5 years and we broke up for various reasons back a long time ago (2002). Although we were both 'single', we continued to stay in contact (another bad idea) and after 2 years of not being together we decided to give it another shot. At the time, I guess you could say I was tired of being single, but I was still dating. The biggest thing for me was that I had to figure out if we were going to be together or not as this half-assed relationship wasn't going anywhere as I had no real incentive to find someone else I wanted to date longterm.
To make a long story short, we got back together and dated another 1.5 yrs or so until I couldn't take the nonsense/dysfunctional relationship anymore and that's when I pulled the chute and moved out to Cowtown. As I look back 4+ yrs later and with getting married next year (to someone else), I can't help but think that the reason we got back together was that it was 'easy'. I clearly don't have any regrets as chances are if I didn't pull the chute years ago, I probably would have never come out to Calg.
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I want a girl who lives her own life, and doesn't need me around 24/7. Is that too much to ask for?
It's about as hard as finding a guy who doesn't think you are trying to trick him by stating you just want an open relationship and while you are happy to be long term in this open relationship you have absolutely no intentions of marriage.
For some reason, women who are independent tend to find more rejection from men then acceptance for it. Despite the fact most men I know want that in a partner.
Seriously though, I wouldn't get back together with an ex when there has been a longer commitment and emotional investment and then the breakup. If it was only a few months and you broke up, maybe there is a chance of getting back together since neither side was that much into the relationship and you have things to learn about another you might not have known. But it sounds like you guys knew each other and then decided you were not right for each other. And chances are this is just a fleeting stage after you've been single for awhile. The lack of sex messes with the brain. Especially when you are surrounded by "happy couples" at parties and stuff. They could be having the same issues you did with your ex, but never showing it in public and rather unhappy.
Get back with her. What's once more around the bend? If it doesn't work, just break up again.
And controlling/clingy people can and do change. Some people are able to see their faults and work to change them. Especially with motivation.
i agree with this. i got back together with a girl after a 4 month break, about 2 years ago. we both have changed, on our own accord, and things are great enough for me to start thinking about a ring.
Date a girl for just over 1 year. We broke up for 3 years with very little communication. Then meet up one day started dating again and well the rest is history. We have now been married for 6 years have 2 boys and a 3rd on the way. So I would say give it a shoot I know for me it was the best thing that I ever did.
There seems to be A LOT of posts on here for both sides. Each with their story of how it did or didn't work out for them.
However, you have to realize that everyone in this world is different. So what may work for some may be the absolute opposite of the other. I've never experienced that scenario so I don't know what it's like about getting back with an ex.
All I have to say is, everyone changes whether it's a minor change or major change, and that everyone includes you. So figure out yourself first, what are you like now compared to when you were dating her? What would happen if the now you were dating the then her? Did you learn anything about yourself when you were with her last and when you were single?
You're always going to get mixed answers when you ask a bunch of people. Just because it works for a bunch of people doesn't mean it will work for you, and by the same token, just because it didn't work for a bunch of people doesn't mean it won't work for you.
Don't try to figure out how she's changed, figure out how you changed and go from there.
