Modern Day Casanova Ideas

[ben voyonsdonc]

Eek Flames85...not a good situation. You've broken her heart twice and now you are asking for her to give it back to you again. I am sure you can understand why she would be extremely reluctant to do so and is well within her rights to feel that way.

How can you go from dumping her to wanting to marry her? That is a monumental leap. You will have to take it really slow and earn her trust. She may never, ever give you that chance. However, if she does, maybe it would be a good idea to harken back to the best memories...relive your first date...rent the first movie you watched together.

I hope it works out for you but once someone is wounded they often form emotional scars to protect themselves from being hurt again. She may have realized that you are not the one for her and doesn't want what you have to offer...no matter how hard you try.

[Bring_Back_Shantz]

Originally Posted by ben voyonsdonc

I hope it works out for you but once someone is wounded they often form emotional scars to protect themselves from being hurt again. She may have realized that you are not the one for her and doesn't want what you have to offer...no matter how hard you try.

I'd say instead of emotional scars they smarten up.

This looks like a classic case of "I think I can do better, so I'm gonna break up with you".

Some time later

"Damn, I miss regular sex, and haven't been able to find someone else yet, so I'd like you back"

No offense to the OP, but if a chick broke up with me once, I wouldn't taker he back, let alone twice.

[Sliver]

I think you should make a list of all things you don't like about her. Even the little things that just annoy you. Also write down all the reasons you think you guys aren't right for each other and all the ways she could be better but never will be. Every time you think you want to get back with her, check your list and stay the course on finding somebody better suited to you, which is presumably why you dumped her in the first (and second) place.

[Mike F]

If all else fails, two words: Fake cancer.

[VladtheImpaler]

Originally Posted by Mike F

If all else fails, two words: Fake cancer.

Or acid in the face...

[ben voyonsdonc]

It's a matter of self-respect for her. She's probably asking what it says about her if she is willing to take you back after being dumped twice.

Put yourself in her place and ask yourself this: what would it take for you to decide to take someone back after they dumped you twice? If there is something that they could do that would work, do it. If not, you'll need to let it go. You have let her know your interest in giving it a shot again and she may eventually come back to you. Or she won't and it wasn't meant to be. You can't control someone else's actions...no matter how suave or debonaire you act.

[CaptainCrunch]

Thinking about this more, I think your boned. Dumping her twice and then begging her to take you back will make her think that your settling. she's going to be completely and justifiably suspicious of your motives no matter how many gifts or thoughtful jestures you pull out of your rear.

Basically this sounds like a self serving circular rebound thing to me. Maybe its time to give her some closure, do the friend thing and not rush it.

If something developes from there then good, if not then move on.

I know that if a chick dumped me twice and then came back I'd hammer then hell out of her, then dump her to hurt her.

But I'm a guy.

[Table 5]

The only chance you have with a girl like this is to leave her alone and hope she comes around. You never know, she might come to the realization that she needs you as well. But I doubt plying her with gifts and ######ed moves will do the trick. Definitely don't show up at her office with balloons.....that's just desperation city.

That or start hanging our with other women. No better way to lure a girl in than to bring in some competition.

[FlamesAddiction]

Originally Posted by Montana Moe

Lube

"Hey honey. I couldn't help but notice you have been a little dry lately."


Yeah.... maybe not.

[Weiser Wonder]

Originally Posted by flames85

ok, here's the situation...
we're both in our mid-20's, been together for 7 amazing yrs. i broke up with her this summer for the second time. the first time was 4 yrs ago. she is afraid to get back together because she doesn't want to go through the hurt again. i messed up bad. and admitted it all to her. i am ready for the next step (marriage) with her. it took this mistake to realize what i had. i know i can't lose her, its that simple. (sorry for the sob story) just figure someone may have been through the same thing..

I think you'll get her back, it'll be really rough for a while, and she'll probably do something to try and hurt you, so just be prepared to ride the storm for some months. But do you really want to marry her? Why did you break up with her in the first place? Are you positive that a year into the marriage you won't be running away?

You've probably thought about all of that, but if there's something that is completely unsatisfactory about the relationship that made you leave in the first place, don't ignore it because you are lonely this instant. I know that from experience.

[FlameCity]

Originally Posted by Table 5

That or start hanging our with other women. No better way to lure a girl in than to bring in some competition.

Also the best way to piss her off or hurt her more and convince her not to go back to the relationship

[octothorp]

Honestly, romantic gestures are going to be pretty hollow at this point. Her head will be over-riding anything that her heart feels, so any appeal to get her back is going to need to start with that. You're still that same person that broke up with her. Yes, you've had a revelation, but revelations don't change people; they only make people aware that change is necessary. So start with your understanding that you screwed up, and use it to understand as much as you can about yourself. What growth do you need to undertake? And then set about making those changes. If you have a fear of commitments, figure out some changes in your lifestyle that will challenge you to improve on this. You can tell her what you've discovered about yourself, but don't try to use it to pressure her into getting back together. Make it clear that whatever changes you're making aren't about pleasing her, instead they're about being the person that you want to be. Give her time and space. Give her the freedom to see other people. Use this time to do things you've always wanted to do, learn new skills, start a workout regimen, read more, etc. When you feel you've accomplished what you've set out to accomplish, have another talk with her, demonstrate the changes you've made in your life, and talk to her about how you think things would be different. If she'll take you back, great. If not, at least you've put yourself in a position to better commit the next time the right person comes along (and it may not feel like it now, but they will).

[CaptainCrunch]

More along the line of "How you doin?"

[Coach]

Originally Posted by flames85

What's the sweetest thing you have done for your wife / GF? (I might need to mooch an idea or two) going through a tough time right now.

This kind of a special circumstance...but my gf from a while ago had Celiac's disease and always wanted to donate blood but couldn't because Celiac's is an autoimmune disease. So for Christmas I donated blood for her, and continue to do anytime I can. That got me some gooood lovin'

[Bring_Back_Shantz]

Originally Posted by fotze

I imagine if she were posting her side here, we would be getting a host of different responses like:

"Dump the motherfataer already"

That's 100% true, but he got here first so he gets the help/sympathy.

If I had some good advice, I'd post it, but if the very next thread was her saying, the dude who dumped me twice just used BBS's idea to try to woo me back, I'd appologize, and tell her to tell him to hit the bricks.

[The Goon]

Couple counselling may be the best gift for both of you at this point.

[Sliver]

Originally Posted by The Goon

Couple counselling may be the best gift for both of you at this point.

Except they're not a couple.

[SeeBass]

You are aware of the "breaking up with me twice" issue will come up over and over again especially in fights and you would have to deal with it the rest of your life.

Just be alone already and give both of you time to move on. I think there is too much water under this bridge.

[return to the red]

Originally Posted by Table 5

The only chance you have with a girl like this is to leave her alone and hope she comes around. You never know, she might come to the realization that she needs you as well. But I doubt plying her with gifts and ######ed moves will do the trick. Definitely don't show up at her office with balloons.....that's just desperation city.

That or start hanging our with other women. No better way to lure a girl in than to bring in some competition.

This

You've made your case to her already and she knows how you feel I would think. Give her time and space to digest anything and everything. Continue on with your life as well and don't smother her because you will end up driving her away.

In the end if she doesn't come back initially understand her reasoning, you did fata up twice already.

[flames85]

i know it may sound bad, and i do understand my mistake. both times we we're only apart for 2 months. i'm a believer that you learn from your mistakes, and all humans make mistakes. Now i 100% know what i don't have. in 7 years, two - 2 month break ups isn't as bad as someone who cheats in my eyes, and i defiantly don't cheat on her. i just need to figure out a way to prove how committed i really am.