Relationship advice

[Grunt]

Originally Posted by Metro Gnome

Who cares if it's emotionally insensitive? He's talking about a woman he clearly doesn't like and was planning on leaving anyways. The ramifications for his life if the kid isn't his are massive. The "damage done" to the relationship if it turns out to be his is negligible. The cost/benefit analysis leans heavily towards "get a paternity test". Especially because a lot of men are raising other mens kids these days:

After considering this a bit more, I think you're probably right. My girlfriend agrees with you too.

I'm a pretty trusting guy, but I think if I were actually breaking up w/ a girl and really didn't even like her that much, then yeah I'd probably get the paternity test. It still feels very Maury Povich to me but at the end of the day it's better to be sure, given the gravity of the situation financially, and the fact that you'll be tied to this woman for life.

[VladtheImpaler]

A lot of the stuff has been covered. Go to Calgary Legal Guidance or even Student Legal Assistance at the U of C, just so that you know exactly what you are responsible for, and what you can and cannot do. I think you are being manipulated/trapped, but that's easy for me to say without knowing her... My advice would be to get out and go to school as you planned - do not ruin the next 20 years of your life to "stay for the child". Get the paternity test, and, if it's yours, do what you have/want to do. Do not change your life plan to suit the woman. It will mean some financial hardship, but at least you won't be miserable...

[Buff]

Originally Posted by VladtheImpaler

A lot of the stuff has been covered. Go to Calgary Legal Guidance or even Student Legal Assistance at the U of C, just so that you know exactly what you are responsible for, and what you can and cannot do. I think you are being manipulated/trapped, but that's easy for me to say without knowing her... My advice would be to get out and go to school as you planned - do not ruin the next 20 years of your life to "stay for the child". Get the paternity test, and, assuming if it's yours, do what you have/want to do. Do not change your life plan to suit the woman. It will mean some financial hardship, but at least you won't be miserable...

I don't know if you're being trapped, but I want to further clarify what I said in my previous post. Everything you do is for the child. I don't want you to think that I was telling you to stay with the woman. Whichever direction you two make, just make sure you are on the best of terms as possible.

[Jetsfan]

Originally Posted by dissentowner

I am in an extremely ugly situation and I don't know what to do!
I have been seeing the same girl for two years, we moved in together 2 months ago. We have never had much in common to start with except good sex. I have been upgrading my education and planned on going to college for the next 3 years. After we moved into together we have done nothing but fight and bicker and it has gotten to the point where everything she does annoys me and I really don't like being around her. So I decided that I would move out and I was going to tell her but she dropped a bomb on me first, she is pregnant. We took every precaution to prevent that and yet it is what it is. We talked about it and I told her it was the worst timing, she is a supply teacher trying to get a long term position come fall and now she won't be able to return and I am working part time and going to school in September full time to be a paramedic. I brought up abortion and got my head snapped off, it is not an option for her and she insists on keeping it. She has gotten even more meaner and moody and now she just wants me to do everything and when I do it everything is done wrong according to her and she is driving me nuts! We argue about everything and have nothing in common nor do ever agree about anything. I don't want to be a dick and just take off on her but I don't want to be miserable all the time either. WTF do I do??

This make me very suspicious.

Make sure you get a paternity test done.

[Weaseltease]

Just to chime in, condoms are not "every precaution" when it comes to preventing pregnancy. They have a failure rate of about 15% for typical use, which means that over the course of a year, 15 out of 100 couples who use condoms as their primary means of birth control will end up pregnant. Yes, their "perfect use" stats are much higher, but this is true for every method -- typical use usually reflects real life better.

[sclitheroe]

Originally Posted by Weaseltease

Just to chime in, condoms are not "every precaution" when it comes to preventing pregnancy. They have a failure rate of about 15% for typical use, which means that over the course of a year, 15 out of 100 couples who use condoms as their primary means of birth control will end up pregnant.

That’s not what it means at all, you’re using the stat wrong. Not everyone gets pregnant the first time a condom fails. You’d need the virility of a stallion to get anywhere near a 1:1 ratio of free range sperm and pregnancy...sorta like me

[Weaseltease]

I didn't say you become pregnant the first time a condom fails...that's why the failure rate stat is "over the course of a year".

[First Lady]

Originally Posted by sclitheroe

That’s not what it means at all, you’re using the stat wrong. Not everyone gets pregnant the first time a condom fails. You’d need the virility of a stallion to get anywhere near a 1:1 ratio of free range sperm and pregnancy...sorta like me

You don't quite have it either. The larger factor is if she is ovulating.

It could fail 100% of the time and a man can have the strongest swimmers; if it doesn't happen during the ovulating window there won't be a bun in the oven.

[Boblobla]

Originally Posted by Jetsfan

This make me very suspicious.

Make sure you get a paternity test done.

I am blown away that you don't trust this guys baby mama.

[Locke]

Originally Posted by Buff

I don't know if you're being trapped, but I want to further clarify what I said in my previous post. Everything you do is for the child. I don't want you to think that I was telling you to stay with the woman. Whichever direction you two make, just make sure you are on the best of terms as possible.

Say 'child' again! Say the word 'CHILD' one more time! Huh?

[sclitheroe]

Originally Posted by First Lady

You don't quite have it either. The larger factor is if she is ovulating.

It could fail 100% of the time and a man can have the strongest swimmers; if it doesn't happen during the ovulating window there won't be a bun in the oven.

Yes, I know..I have impeccable timing too.

[sclitheroe]

Originally Posted by Weaseltease

I didn't say you become pregnant the first time a condom fails...that's why the failure rate stat is "over the course of a year".

I misunderstood because you said they fail (condoms) fail at a rate of 15%, resulting in 15% of couples getting pregnant. Condoms don’t actually fail at a 15% rate, that would be some poor quality control on the manufacturers part ( I believe its more like 1 in 150 that break or tear). But yes, I will support your statistic that 15% of couples will get pregnant when using condoms only.

Thanks for clarifying.

Not saying he should do this, but what would happen if he gave her the finger and walked?

Would Baby-mama have to file a petition through the courts and then a sheriff comes to his house, forces a mouth swab for the paternity test?

My question would be: how does a woman get an unwilling person to pay up if they never had a test?

[chalms04]

Originally Posted by Puxlut

Not saying he should do this, but what would happen if he gave her the finger and walked?

[BurningYears]

Originally Posted by chalms04

so you're saying he should be a flight attendant?

[newts]

..

[afc wimbledon]

Originally Posted by Puxlut

Not saying he should do this, but what would happen if he gave her the finger and walked?

Would Baby-mama have to file a petition through the courts and then a sheriff comes to his house, forces a mouth swab for the paternity test?

My question would be: how does a woman get an unwilling person to pay up if they never had a test?

No, she just puts his name on the birth certificate and he's on the hook until he proves he ain't the dad, which can be tough as she doesn't have to let him test the kid, he ends up paying until a court orders the test, even then a court may order him to keep paying child support even if it isn't his kidb but the court decides that he has been paying support or acting as a father long enough that the child will unduely suffer if the support is withdrawn (and there is no other poor shmoe to hit up).

[Flash Walken]

Originally Posted by Bring_Back_Shantz

Cheap! Speak for yourself richy! Those things cost like 400 bucks.

peter12 probably has a shoe rack full of 'em.

[dissentowner]

update: So I have been trying to make it work even though we hardly get along and she is impossible to make happy. Nothing I ever do is good enough and today she told me maybe I should just move away, we were not arguing, it kind of came out of the blue.
Then she went to work so we had never listed our relationship on FB even though we are both on there so I was editing my profile and getting rid of some old photos, updating stuff, ect and I decided to put a relationship status in there as complicated with her. I guess she did not like that because she denied that and I came home to find hers single and she won't talk to me. She also claims on her FB page that I broke up with her. I think this is my big chance to get the hell outta dodge and I am gonna take it, I called my parents and asked if I could bunk there until I found a place and they were ok with that, they think she is a headcase anyhow. I have been so miserable here and depressed and I need to get out and start doing things to better my life now.

[lansing pete mcroon]

I am presently tyring to decide whether or not to end a 3 year relationship. I just find there isnt the same spark as before and the relationship is really stagnant. I dont really have any grounds to break up so I'm not sure what to do. On one hand I feel like I need to stay with her as she hasn't done anything wrong and we are both involved in each others families, but on the other hand I feel like I could be a lot more happy being single for a while. If I feel this way now in the relationship is it worth continuing? Advice?