Can you still live with her in a room mate capacity for the next three years while you go to school? That will help you both out money-wise and you get your education so you can move out with a nice paying job and then pay support. You may have to take out a schwack of loans and max out cards, but it should work out in the end, right?
Be careful with this. I'm pretty sure this is a good way to get boned on alimony and support.
You need a lawyer. You say you are a full-time student, do you not have a student
legal department? They'll give you your options. Perhaps you can find a lawyer
who will help out a student for less money? Legal-aid maybe?
They can also help arrange for you to be in your kids life, and remove threats
such as, "If you leave, never come back." Nope, it's your kid, you have just
as many rights as she does.
Are your parents willing to let you move back in? That should help defray some
of the costs due to alimony and child support. Will you parents help you while
you are in school with the child, like babysit and stuff?
Do the paternity test, even if you think it's yours. At this point, being a dick as
someone else called it, isn't a concern, the relationship is over. She's going to
really try to run you over by the sounds of it. Don't be afraid to push back the other
way.
Do not have her as a roommate. She'll be all over you over every little thing.
You'll have no peace, she'll make sure of that. "Oh! It's 2:30AM just before finals,
and I ain't getting out of bed, you do it!" So much for your education.
Also, many single-parents work and go to school. You can be one of them too.
Is it tough? Yeah. But after it's over, you'll be thankful you did.
Why will she not return to work? Maternity leave is there for a reason. Use it.
Child support probably won't be much as you are a student (what income??).
Nor should any alimony be very high or long, as you only lived together a grand total of 2
months.
I would strongly suggest talking to a lawyer first, then weigh all the options.
ers
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I am absolutely stunned at some of the comments and so called advice to one of our own.
Yeah, we can tolerate the millionth hookers and blow joke, but some of the callous comments in this thread, directed to someone asking for legitimate advice really has made me question the makeup of this board.
Some of you should be ashamed.
/end rant
dissentower, all I can offer is get some counseling for yourself and the missus, and good luck.
I actually think it's been pretty tame in here. What's been really offensive?
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Yeah, again, not being a lawyer my comments should be taken with a grain of salt, but I could imagine that staying with her in the living situation sense could be taken as some implicit agreement on your part to care for her or the baby. I think it may be one of those things where you need to register your discontent with the situation early on by moving out which shouldn't be a huge deal considering you were planning on it anyway. If things work out and you become friendly later, and you've determined through a paternity test that you are the baby's father, you can always move back in with her if thats what you both decide is best. You can not move out retroactively.
Not sure if this is in jest but I can't see why this would be a requirement. If you can test for genetic abnormalities using amniocentesis, then I don't see why you couldn't test for you are/are not the father.
Do they do that though? Can you request a sample when they do the test?
Taking a sample just for the purposes of the paternity test seems like something they wouldn't do (introduces an unnecessary risk). Also seems like something the mother could refuse.
__________________ Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position.
But certainty is an absurd one.
Do they do that though? Can you request a sample when they do the test?
Taking a sample just for the purposes of the paternity test seems like something they wouldn't do (introduces an unnecessary risk). Also seems like something the mother could refuse.
That's true. They may not want to do it. I was really confused as to why you asked if it COULD be done. Was wondering if someone had hacked your account or something!
Just be happy that you're in Canada. Health care alone down here would kill you.
Something about this is very scary. Like she found out that you were going to move out and then "well i'm knocked up so he cant leave trick" I had a girl use it on me and I flat out called her bluff.
something isn't right.
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Thank you for everything CP. Good memories and thankful for everything that has been done to help me out. I will no longer take part on these boards. Take care, Go Flames Go.
Regardless I will be there for the kid, it is not his/her fault and I have to deal with the responsibility of that.
I'm really glad to hear you say that, man. Honestly, I think the most important thing is to do is what is best for the child. They are blameless in the situation, and yet stand to suffer the most with no control over that. While I certainly believe that you need to take care of yourself, if you were selfish now, how would you feel about yourself later on in life? Doing what's easiest in the short term may not be what's best for you personally in the long haul.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Puxlut
Can you still live with her in a room mate capacity for the next three years while you go to school?
Just my opinion, but I can't see that situation working out well. If they really are done as a couple, they need to tailor their time together to be as positive as possible for the sake of the child - both while living together and after that. Living together day in and day out could create lifelong vindictive bitterness that might have disappeared if they put the space they needed between themselves early on.
With respect to the paternity testing, you feel that she isn't the cheating type, on which I'll take your word for it. Of course, we always think of cheating as the thought-out, ongoing affair where one person sneaks around on the other. There is also the 'was pissed at my boyfriend, got drunk at the bar and had a stupid one night stand that I normally never would have' kind of cheating as well. I'm not passing any judgement on your girlfriend, just suggesting that it's worth thinking about whether that sort of situation is a possibility or not.
Bet you wish you just stuck to the good old hand like me!
On a side note, I've worked with people who are taking care of 3-5 children(from 2-3 different relationships) that they no longer see but pay out of the ass for. All I know is they all countdown the years until their kids are 18. It's sad, but that's why I'm religious when it comes to relationships. Sure I don't get laid daily like dissentower, but I know that if/when I meet someone I want to move in/marry, I will feel no sense of fear or anger, but joy when I learn of a pregnancy. Just kind of a different take on the whole thing, too bad no one told you about this before the condom broke(im guessing).
I actually think it's been pretty tame in here. What's been really offensive?
You didn't see the picture of a fist and coat hanger on the first page? There has been a lot going on in this thread which has made me disgusted. And trust me that takes a lot! rico is exactly right about some of the comments.
First I would NOT move out and speak to a lawyer just to make sure you are doing the right thing first, moving out you may give up some rights. Once you know what to do from there I would talk to her and tell her you want to be in this childs life, you will pay what you can as you are going to school and want to spend time with the child, however you need a paternity test. Simple. If she threatens you about not seeing the child or getting a ton of child support you don't have to worry because the courts will allow you to see the child if you want and if they want child support and you are willing to pay for a paterity test I don't see why any judge wouldn't agree. Protect yourself and see a lawyer just to see your options. Best of luck with everything!
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by henriksedin33
Not at all, as I've said, I would rather start with LA over any of the other WC playoff teams. Bunch of underachievers who look good on paper but don't even deserve to be in the playoffs.
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Is there any possible middle ground? You did like each other once. Maybe step back, look at the whole situation, and compromise a bit?
Possibly I guess, maybe I should try the councilling route first? Anyways, thanks for everyone chiming in and taking the time to respond, I actually feel much calmer then when I wrote the OP. Gotta love CP!
Like many have said my advice would be to break up but still be there for the child. Who knows, maybe things between the two of you will get better as friends and that will only benefit your child.
You didn't see the picture of a fist and coat hanger on the first page? There has been a lot going on in this thread which has made me disgusted. And trust me that takes a lot! rico is exactly right about some of the comments.
No, I missed that.
Quote:
First I would NOT move out and speak to a lawyer just to make sure you are doing the right thing first, moving out you may give up some rights. Once you know what to do from there I would talk to her and tell her you want to be in this childs life, you will pay what you can as you are going to school and want to spend time with the child, however you need a paternity test. Simple. If she threatens you about not seeing the child or getting a ton of child support you don't have to worry because the courts will allow you to see the child if you want and if they want child support and you are willing to pay for a paterity test I don't see why any judge wouldn't agree. Protect yourself and see a lawyer just to see your options. Best of luck with everything!
He's not giving up any rights by moving out, and staying longer could actually jeopardize his future in many ways. The rest of your post I agree with.
Possibly I guess, maybe I should try the councilling route first? Anyways, thanks for everyone chiming in and taking the time to respond, I actually feel much calmer then when I wrote the OP. Gotta love CP!
I don't know, man. Your comments are pretty clear. "All we had in common was good sex." "Annoying." And this is only after two months. I've never lived with anyone but I would think there is some kind of honeymoon period for people who should actually be together.
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As you can see, I'm completely ridiculous.
