Relationship advice - Page 2 - Calgarypuck Forums - The Unofficial Calgary Flames Fan Community

henriksedin33 · 08-11-2010, 07:47 PM

afc wimbledon · 08-11-2010, 07:47 PM

My 2 cents worth.

First you don't have that much power, but what you do need to do is decide if you are staying or going assuming a child, if you are sure you wish to leave then you should leave immediatly, go sleep on your folks couch or whatever you have to do but get the 'f' out. She may then change her mind about an abortion.

If you, like me, think that once a kids involved you suck it up for 18 years and make the relationship work, well then you just get to shut up and take it.

Bring_Back_Shantz · 08-11-2010, 07:48 PM

Is anyone else as supprised as I am that Mikey_the_redneck was the first to thank the post telling dissentowner to bail on his pregnant girlfriend and not suport the kid?

Displaced Flames fan · 08-11-2010, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dissentowner

One of the biggest issues here is she wants me to not go to school now and work full time or go to school full time and work full time which would kill me doing this course. I don't want to give up school because I need a good career.

I sympathize with that, but you chose to be sexually active and you knew the risks.

You say you took every percaution...did you use condoms?

dissentowner · 08-11-2010, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaramonLS

Perhaps my first post was a little harsh.

I agree with you Weiser - but part of the reason for a trap (if it is in fact the case) is solely to keep him in her life. I'm sure that dissentower has been giving off the signs of wanting to end this relationship for a while. That might be the reason she is against adoption/abortion. Reality might give her a wake up call.

He can determine his parental involvement later - once it becomes too late.

But if Dissentower wants this to happen now, he needs to be harsh if she is doing this.

I am leaning towards moving out but going to all the doctor appointments and trying to be supportive however I hinted at it the other day after an argument and she told me if I left she would rather me just disappear from her life.

Grunt · 08-11-2010, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubecube

She's going to hate you for it, but I would get a paternity test just in case. This is going to sound callous but the best thing for you to do legally would be to get out as soon as possible. That doesn't mean you need to sever all ties with her, but you should at least take up a separate residence. Be supportive and help her out, but you need to end the living arrangement if that's the road you want to take.

Man... I'd have to absolutely sure that she was cheating on me before I asked for a paternity test. What is this, Maury? C'mon.

My advice is to give yourself a few weeks before you do anything. This whole pregnancy thing is a heavy weight on the mind, so I wouldn't do anything rash. She is going to have the baby, so time to accept that and then take appropriate action for yourself. If after you've given it time to settle you are still sure that you don't want to be with her, then explain that you will definitely be there for her and the baby, but that you need to break it off.

You could also just sit down with her and have a conversation about the way your relationship is going. Tell her the things you don't like and see if you can come to a resolution.

Good luck.

Phaneuf3 · 08-11-2010, 07:49 PM

Make it clear that there's no relationship going forward.
Move out.
Keep with your plan of schooling and spell it out that you can't pay child support because you have no money. You can't get blood from a stone.

See if she changes her stance on the abortion/adoption route. If she still goes through with it, get your paternity test.

MarchHare · 08-11-2010, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dissentowner

I am leaning towards moving out but going to all the doctor appointments and trying to be supportive however I hinted at it the other day after an argument and she told me if I left she would rather me just disappear from her life.

Win-Win?

Phaneuf3 · 08-11-2010, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dissentowner

I am leaning towards moving out but going to all the doctor appointments and trying to be supportive however I hinted at it the other day after an argument and she told me if I left she would rather me just disappear from her life.

There's your out. Take it.

dissentowner · 08-11-2010, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Displaced Flames fan

I sympathize with that, but you chose to be sexually active and you knew the risks.

You say you took every percaution...did you use condoms?

Yes, that was the method however they can fail.

Rod Hockey · 08-11-2010, 07:52 PM

Call Maury Povich and hope to hell it's not yours.
"We took every precaution to prevent that and yet it is what it is"

Sad news is she's going to be a part of your life forever (If it's yours) so I think you need to wrap that around your head first.
If you don't love her and you don't want to be with her then leave! the key here is make sure you man up and help her throughout the whole pregnancy (and after) financially and as much as you can emotionally. Remember this might be your kid.
Also lawyer up and try as hard as you can to get 50/50 custody after the kid is born. I have 50/50 one week on one off and we split all costs 50/50

Another option is to take off and avoid her at all costs. Never see your kid (if it's yours) but look out!!! you will be giving up a big chunk of what you make now and what you will make in the future.

One last thought. You could chop off your nuts and stay with her and raise your kid together.

Best of luck

Yeah_Baby · 08-11-2010, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phaneuf3

There's your out. Take it.

The kid deserves a father though.

dissentowner · 08-11-2010, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phaneuf3

There's your out. Take it.

lol, now I need it in writing right? I have an issue with that though, I want to be involved with this childs life, I am opposed to just walking away and leaving that child to wonder about their father.

Displaced Flames fan · 08-11-2010, 07:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dissentowner

Yes, that was the method however they can fail.

Absolutely.

You are responsible, however. Trapped or not. I'm not saying stay in the relationship but I hope you will respect her decision to have the child and enjoy being a father so much that you will vomit at the thought that your child could have been aborted.

The child is your responsibility too and if you have to sacrifice to ensure the child has a proper life so be it.

dissentowner · 08-11-2010, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Displaced Flames fan

Absolutely.

You are responsible, however. Trapped or not. I'm not saying stay in the relationship but I hope you will respect her decision to have the child and enjoy being a father so much that you will vomit at the thought that your child could have been aborted.

The child is your responsibility too and if you have to sacrifice to ensure the child has a proper life so be it.

I totally agree with you.

rubecube · 08-11-2010, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dissentowner

One of the biggest issues here is she wants me to not go to school now and work full time or go to school full time and work full time which would kill me doing this course. I don't want to give up school because I need a good career.

Don't give up on school. That would be the worst mistake you could make.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dissentowner

I am leaning towards moving out but going to all the doctor appointments and trying to be supportive however I hinted at it the other day after an argument and she told me if I left she would rather me just disappear from her life.

Well that's her choice. You can choose if you want to fight for access to the kid or not. It's a pretty expensive road to go down but if you really want to be a father then you'll have to take it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grunt

Man... I'd have to absolutely sure that she was cheating on me before I asked for a paternity test. What is this, Maury? C'mon.

Why not? Why put yourself on the hook for 18+ years of child support for a child that isn't yours?

Kjesse · 08-11-2010, 07:57 PM

Plenty of lowlife advice on here.

First, if she decides to keep it, respect the decision. Financially its going to make your life more difficult in the short term. Pushing her towards an abortion if she has already decided to keep it is just going to make you feel like a total ass 10 to 12 years from now when your life is going great and you have a kid that you love.

Second, you need to either go to counseling or break up. You will have to pay child support, oh well. That support will be very little in the short term but you're trying to better your life and your finances so in the longer term your education will help your child as well. She'll have to accept that it is best for everyone involved in the end.

Finally, get a paternity test. Trust, but verify.

rubecube · 08-11-2010, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dissentowner

Yes, that was the method however they can fail.

I know this is probably the wrong way to look at it, but statistically her having unprotected sex with someone else is more likely than your condom failing.

FireFly · 08-11-2010, 07:58 PM

Leave anyway. There's nothing worse for a child than two parents who hate each other staying together for their sake.

I just don't get why you'd move in with a girl you have nothing in common with in the first place... Too many people are afraid of being alone.

Rod Hockey · 08-11-2010, 07:59 PM

Pics of GF?