My wife & I are separating

[CrazyCaper]

Well,
The thread title says it all. After 10yrs together(7 of marriage & two beautiful kids), my wife informed me that she just doesn't feel anything for me anymore. So here we are.

I have never been through a situation like this before and hoping the CP community can offer up some kind words of advice(legal or otherwise) to help with the transition from married man to newly single dad.

Worst part of all of this is the fact that her parents currently rent our walkout basement and we just did a refinance on our home. At this point I just have so many questions and most of those questions just lead into more questions.

Help!!!

CrazyCaper

[frinkprof]

That sucks. Hope everything gets sorted out with minimal grief for all parties involved.

[rubecube]

Sorry to hear that. All I can say is, as a child of a really awful divorce, try to do things as amicably as possible. Your kids will thank-you for it.

[FlamesAddiction]

You are going to be single again... and that is not necessarily a bad thing! You have to consider the positives.

My advice to you is to take a vacation by yourself and do "single" things... you might just like the single lifestyle.

[stampsx2]

That sucks. Well look at the positive's, you have two wonderful kids.

Keep your head up, there's a lot of other good stuff around you that was there before the divorce and will be there after.

[CrazyCaper]

Originally Posted by FlamesAddiction

You are going to be single again... and that is not necessarily a bad thing! You have to consider the positives.

My advice to you is to take a vacation by yourself and do "single" things... you might just like the single lifestyle.

The boys are already talking about taking me to Vegas in the fall. I'm sure
there's no trouble to be found around there.

[Mightyfire89]

That stinks. I feel for you and wish you the best of luck.

Whatever you do, no matter how amicably the proceedings go, get a good lawyer. This advice cannot be stressed enough. You NEED a lawyer, even if you think you don't.

[ricosuave]

Originally Posted by albertGQ

Sorry to hear that. What's her digits?

JK. I hope things work out dude.

Originally Posted by rubecube

You idiot. How can you be such a dick? You're supposed to ask for pics first.

I think you both are pretty shallow for attempting such lame humor in this circumstance.

CC, my advice would be to try and salvage it if you can, go to a counselor, therapy, whatever it may take. Considering that you have the finances, the kids, etc, I think it is definitely worth investigating.

At the very least, it should buy you all some time, and who knows, you two might be able to resolve and salvage it.

Good luck!

[4X4]

Originally Posted by CrazyCaper

Well,
The thread title says it all. After 10yrs together(7 of marriage & two beautiful kids), my wife informed me that she just doesn't feel anything for me anymore.

Just doesn't feel anything for you, eh? I'd be wondering if she's having an affair. Not to make you feel worse, or anything. More for ammunition during divorce.

[rubecube]

Originally Posted by 4X4

Just doesn't feel anything for you, eh? I'd be wondering if she's having an affair. Not to make you feel worse, or anything. More for ammunition during divorce.

I wouldn't say that. I think people can sometimes just lose interest; doesn't matter whether they're married, common-law, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.

[return to the red]

Sorry to hear about that man. Having been through it I'm not gonna lie and say that it isn't a a tough go, especially if it's a bomb that got dropped on you out of no where and didn't see it coming. Things do get better though. My advice to you is don't be afraid to rely on friends and family for support, you can't do it on your own no matter how much you think you can or want to.

Surround yourself with positive experiences and keep active, nothing good comes out of locking yourself away from the world. I'm not sure of your age but i'm 30 and fell into a pit that took a while to recouperate from because of the lifestyle I chose to live with my new found freedom.

If this is the path she has chosen stick to your guns and get a good lawyer. The legal system is tilted in her favour already so lock things up as quick as possible because speaking from experience the longer the procedure drug on the more she tried to squeeze from me.

If you need to vent or have any other questions you can always PM me. Remember you did nothing wrong and everything happens for a reason.

Head up pal

[jschick88]

Sorry to hear about this. Always a tough situation with kids involved.

[Drury18]

Sorry to hear about this CC.

Having gone through a similar situation (seperation with children which lead to a divorce), I would suggest you and your wife attend some mediation sessions to work out details regarding parenting time with the children as well as support amounts. This is imperitive because so many fathers get screwed out of time with their children or forced to pay more then is neccessary. If you can get it on paper, it saves both parties alot of grief.

I'm sure one of the resident laywers can validate this but a mediators report does not replace a legal seperation agreement, but you can file a mediators report with the court until you decide what you would like to do further on (reconciliate or divorce). You can also discuss with a mediator regarding money and property split as well for the time during the seperation so that bank accounts aren't being depleted or property "going missing" prior to filing for divorce.

As the courts actually require you to try mediation as a first effort prior to filing any divorce papers, it's not a waste of time.

[DownhillGoat]

Sorry to hear. The advice here has been good thus far. The 2 big ones:
1) If it can't be resolved, get a good lawyer.
2) Keep it as friendly as possible for the kids sake. It took almost 10 years for my parents to be able to even be in the same room together. Made for some awkward social events...

As far as the house re-finance is concerned, a few of my friends found it easier to sell the house during the divorce.

[Jetsfan]

I know it sucks right now, but, things will get better.

[FlamesAddiction]

CC, another thing...

Remember that no matter what, you still have 2 wonderful kids. Your marriage has served its biological purpose. You have been successful as member of your species. I guess what I am trying to say is don't look at it like you "failed" with your marriage. Just look at it like it was successful and ran its course maybe a little faster than you thought it would.

Also remember that your kids still need 2 loving parents so don't burn any bridges with them or your ex-wife. Too many people I know who separate maybe do some crazy things or hit the bottle a little too hard. Be smart and take the high ground whenever you can.

And yes, definitely go to Vegas.

[BlackEleven]

I've been there...

My advice is to find a hobby or something you like to do. When you're used to coming home and being around everyone and all of a sudden you start coming home to an empty apartment it's depressing as hell (at first, after a while its actually nice). Finding something to occupy your time will keep you from just sitting there and dwelling on things. That, and go out a lot, if you have any single friends. Both of those things helped me.

[CrazyCaper]

I was considering joining the Calgary Sport & Social Club. Good way to get out of the house and meet new people at the same time.

[mykalberta]

I have nothing to add other than what has been added visa vi the divorce side of things. Your single. Buy rubbers and enjoy yourself for a while. Remember +18 = good to go. If you ever thought your wife had a hot single friend give her a call.

[T@T]

If I were you I would ask her for one more agreement after 10 years together.

Not under any circumstances neither one of you hire a lawyer to settle anything.

TRUST ME ON THIS!!!!

And be a great dad