Bullying in schools, what can be done?

[ma-skis.com]

Originally Posted by bcb

Regarding Cyberbullying, this is probably the most prevalent type found among high school and even Jr. high kids, nowadays. I believe Calgary School districts will be implementing (or have implemented) a mandatory course on proper use of technology. Most kids do not know proper internet or cellphone etiquette. This would be the best way to prevent bullying online.

Kids can't even take CALM seriously, I doubt internet etiquette will fix the problem.

although maybe we should have something like that here...

- avoid excessive use of caps
- don't use spelling as a counterargument to someones else opinion
- proper grammar is optional, although encouraged particularly during long posts

[frinkprof]

Originally Posted by ma-skis.com

Kids can't even take CALM seriously, I doubt internet etiquette will fix the problem.

Although maybe we should have something like that here.

- avoid excessive use of caps
- don't use spelling as a counterargument to someone else's opinion
- proper grammar is optional, although encouraged particularly during long posts

Fixed.

[GGG]

Has bullying increased or is it being better reported now that we have instant media and a media that sell fear.

I think one of the problems with how we approach bullying is that we deal with the Outliers. The goals seem to be prevent columbine and prevent suicides. I don't think that should be the goal because the vast majority of people even bullied severely won't kill themselves or others.

It seems that in response to these major incidents schools put out zero toloerance policies with respect to bullying and violence and then you get the ridiculus cases of people getting suspended for calling their buddy an idiot.

I think that the other thing that is often overlooked is what does the Bully look like? I know when I went to school that there weren't any real Bully's but their was definately a large group of people that was the "in" group and a few kids who were made fun of. So looking back on it the kids in the outside group were probably bullied but if you had a zero tolerance policy you would have had to kick out the entire school. I think the notion of the one large dullard bully doesn't really exist as much anymore. It has become and maybe always has been the in groups of people constantly picking on the outsiders.

I was not one of the outsiders and at the time I don't think any of us would have thought of ourselves as bullies. We were just kids having fun playing around.

I think one of the big issues is that now more then ever is that people value what others think more then ever. The whole facebook, twitter culture has created an army of people who crave approval and live without consequence to their words. If you could teach kids not to value what others think bullying at least the cyper/teasing kind would have no power.

[mikey_the_redneck]

Originally Posted by photon

In all those cases where kids that got killed or killed themselves there must have been a time where it's obvious and someone should have stepped in and they didn't because.. why exactly?

Because:
-Teachers don't pay attention and don't care, dealing with bullies is not part of their union contract. Hell they don't even supervise kids outside during breaks.
-Parents too busy and are checked out of their kids personal lives
-The kids are actually ashamed to tell adults/parents about being bullied
-The kids are not taught how to deal with it all.

[ma-skis.com]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

Hell they don't even supervise kids outside during breaks.

They do, that's part of their duty of care.

Your sweeping generalizations make it difficult to emphasize with your posts. Not that your ideas are wrong, it just seems very easy to feel offended if you are a teacher, parent, or victim. These are the people who are trying to help or avoid being hurt... the solution starts at the root of the problem, not when the signs are supposedly obvious.

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

Because:
-Teachers don't pay attention and don't care, dealing with bullies is not part of their union contract. Hell they don't even supervise kids outside during breaks.
.

I take serious issue with this. Teachers care more than you know. Thanks for spreading ignorance.

[Red Potato Standing By]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

Because:
-Teachers don't pay attention and don't care, dealing with bullies is not part of their union contract. Hell they don't even supervise kids outside during breaks.
-Parents too busy and are checked out of their kids personal lives
-The kids are actually ashamed to tell adults/parents about being bullied
-The kids are not taught how to deal with it all.

Or the kids figure the parents won't do anything because they have been told to stand up for themselves and take care of the problem themselves.

[mikey_the_redneck]

Originally Posted by Yeah_Baby

I take serious issue with this. Teachers care more than you know. Thanks for spreading ignorance.

I know many teachers through friends and family. I've heard it all..

[Yeah_Baby]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

I know many teachers through friends and family. I've heard it all..

So 'you've heard it all' though the grape vine? Great.

[Hipcheck]

Your son did the right thing. Bully's are usually very weak, and fight with their words because they know they can't do anything else. I'm curious, after your son punched the kid in the face, has he been bullied since?

[dissentowner]

Originally Posted by Hipcheck

Your son did the right thing. Bully's are usually very weak, and fight with their words because they know they can't do anything else. I'm curious, after your son punched the kid in the face, has he been bullied since?

No, he actually has become quite popular.

[narbeZ]

Bullying all comes down to the MOM. If you have a good mom, you wont bully people. If your mom is , your gonna be a bully.

Bully's = crappy home life imo

[ma-skis.com]

Originally Posted by narbeZ

Bullying all comes down to the MOM. If you have a good mom, you wont bully people. If your mom is , your gonna be a bully.

Bully's = crappy home life imo

what about dad? is he absolved from all responsibility for the child?

whats his role in this?

[Traditional_Ale]

^

Originally Posted by Traditional_Ale

^ Worst thing is that bullies come from all types of backgrounds and parents too.

Dad is a pushover, kid "wont ever be like Dad."

Dad is an agressive alpha, kid "is gonna be just like Dad."

Dad is a psycho, kid "is venting."

Dad is perfectly adjusted in a happy home and marriage, kid "hates bs cookie cutter lame tv wannabe life."

Dad is a huge success or famous, kid "can't compete and wants to stamp out their own identity."

I posted this earlier in the thread.

[Antithesis]

Originally Posted by mikey_the_redneck

Because:
-Teachers don't pay attention and don't care, dealing with bullies is not part of their union contract. Hell they don't even supervise kids outside during breaks.
-Parents too busy and are checked out of their kids personal lives
-The kids are actually ashamed to tell adults/parents about being bullied
-The kids are not taught how to deal with it all.

You know, I don't go out of my way to call people out on this board because generally speaking, people have valid views of things that contribute to the board. In this case, your comments are moronic and completely ignorant.

First of all, teachers have a duty of care to supervise during breaks. We all do, and guess where I was doing it today (along with 4 of my colleagues)? Outside. I give up two of my lunch hours a week to supervise kids, not to mention any extra times when they need help. To suggest otherwise only goes to show you don't have a fataing clue what you are talking about.

Second, you have no idea how much teachers care. Not a clue. Oh wait, I bet you're being sarcastic again. Or trolling. Or stupid.

[Grunt]

I was bullied a lot when I was in Jr. High. I went to Elementary School in a very small country school where I was quite popular (albeit, pretty geeky), and did very well in school. In grade 7 we moved to another small town and I was very quickly the favorite target of the bullies. While I would stand up for myself verbally, I was never the type of kid that would get physical unless the other party initiated the physical stuff.

This went on for most of my grade 7 year. I even remember convincing my Mom for 2 whole weeks that I was too sick to go to school because I didn't want to deal with it. She finally figured out what was going on though and spoke with this principal. I will admit that the torment was never quite as bad after that as most of the "follower" bullies stopped. The teasing from the "leader" bullies went on until the very end of Jr. High, when I moved to Calgary and went to HS here.

Looking back, I think the best thing I could have done was to just stand up for myself to the leaders, as others have said. I remember one other kid who was teased from the moment he moved to our town, but then one day it just stopped. I remember he came into school with a black eye, and from that point forward he didn't get teased again. While I do wish I'd had the balls back then to do this (as I think it would have helped), I don't think it was the only solution for me.

Bullies live off of the reaction they get from their torment. If you take away the payoff (you getting upset, or trying to reason with them, or whatever) then the bullying gets a lot less fun and they'll just find someone else to tease that gives them that payoff. I think if I had maybe done a better job of that I probably wouldn't have got teased quite as much.

Ultimately, it comes down to confidence. If you are confident, then you're no longer the low hanging fruit that the bullies are going to go for. I think maybe the best solution to this problem is two-fold: The bullies need to be punished / talk to their parents, and have them talk to a counselor to find out what their deal is. Victims need counseling as well to give them better tools for dealing with this kind of stuff.

Kids do need to stick up for themselves at some point though... and if they are too timid to do it now, then parents / school need to work with them to give them the confidence.

[redforever]

Originally Posted by Grunt

I was bullied a lot when I was in Jr. High. I went to Elementary School in a very small country school where I was quite popular (albeit, pretty geeky), and did very well in school. In grade 7 we moved to another small town and I was very quickly the favorite target of the bullies. While I would stand up for myself verbally, I was never the type of kid that would get physical unless the other party initiated the physical stuff.

This went on for most of my grade 7 year. I even remember convincing my Mom for 2 whole weeks that I was too sick to go to school because I didn't want to deal with it. She finally figured out what was going on though and spoke with this principal. I will admit that the torment was never quite as bad after that as most of the "follower" bullies stopped. The teasing from the "leader" bullies went on until the very end of Jr. High, when I moved to Calgary and went to HS here.

Looking back, I think the best thing I could have done was to just stand up for myself to the leaders, as others have said. I remember one other kid who was teased from the moment he moved to our town, but then one day it just stopped. I remember he came into school with a black eye, and from that point forward he didn't get teased again. While I do wish I'd had the balls back then to do this (as I think it would have helped), I don't think it was the only solution for me.

Bullies live off of the reaction they get from their torment. If you take away the payoff (you getting upset, or trying to reason with them, or whatever) then the bullying gets a lot less fun and they'll just find someone else to tease that gives them that payoff. I think if I had maybe done a better job of that I probably wouldn't have got teased quite as much.

Ultimately, it comes down to confidence. If you are confident, then you're no longer the low hanging fruit that the bullies are going to go for. I think maybe the best solution to this problem is two-fold: The bullies need to be punished / talk to their parents, and have them talk to a counselor to find out what their deal is. Victims need counseling as well to give them better tools for dealing with this kind of stuff.

Kids do need to stick up for themselves at some point though... and if they are too timid to do it now, then parents / school need to work with them to give them the confidence.

To a certain extent, but I think they mainly live off the attention they get from their followers and the feeling of importance and power they get from those same followers.

People are questioning the self-esteem of the victim, and wondering why they don't stick up for themselves. I think most victims are smart enough to know that getting creamed and beat up is probably not on their bucket list in life.

Personally, I think it is the bullies and their gang of followers that lack self-esteem and have no spine. Oh yeah, they lack lots of other stuff too, but in the end, if they could get that same satisfaction outside of bullying, some of them probably would. Unfortunately, a lot of the bullies are just bad apples.

As I mentioned before, my daughter was a victim of bullying in the early grades. She attended a wedding of a friend from that school recently and not to anyone's surprise, the bully who kicked little girls is now.....


in jail!!!!!

[missdpuck]

I was really bullied in high school. They say girls are the worst. I do remember it was always a gang of them, never one on one.
I was an extremely passive shy kid. I agree with those who say kids need to learn to defend themselves. It took me far far too long into adulthood to learn , and it messed up alot of things in my lfe.
I remember the teachers (problem was mainly in gym class), dean and primcipal did nothing. In fact they stuck me in detention when I complained.
It took me many many years to realize they were probably just trying to force me to stand up for myself.
For some reason I expected the adults/authorities to do it for me. But like many of you have pointed out , that's not the real world. All you really ever have is yourself. And sometimes it is necessary to stand up against authority, even your parents. Another hard thing for me to learn back then.

[redforever]

Originally Posted by missdpuck

I was really bullied in high school. They say girls are the worst. I do remember it was always a gang of them, never one on one.
I was an extremely passive shy kid. I agree with those who say kids need to learn to defend themselves. It took me far far too long into adulthood to learn , and it messed up alot of things in my lfe.
I remember the teachers (problem was mainly in gym class), dean and primcipal did nothing. In fact they stuck me in detention when I complained.
It took me many many years to realize they were probably just trying to force me to stand up for myself.
For some reason I expected the adults/authorities to do it for me. But like many of you have pointed out , that's not the real world. All you really ever have is yourself. And sometimes it is necessary to stand up against authority, even your parents. Another hard thing for me to learn back then.

No, they were ignoring the problem and not coming to the aide of the victim. You are feeling what should be their guilt and shame.

Being shy is hard enough to overcome. Add in the hard years of highschool where everyone is trying to fit in etc, it complicates shyness. Add in bullying on top of all that and it makes life for a shy person unbearable.

Maturity and living life in general prepares the person to overcomes their shyness and not let themself get run over by dominant people. No need for anyone to have to overcome it before they are ready....or at the hands of bullies.

And if shyness is part and parcel of who you are, then so be it. Some things we can not change about ourselves.

And yes, sometimes you do need to stand up against authority. In your case when you complained to the authorities of the school, you were punished. What a shame.

[missdpuck]

You know what was really sad about my bullying experience? All of the bullies, the principal, the dean,and the gym teacher were black. And they said it was happening because I was white.

I guess you're right redforever. Just look at the opportunity for learning about racism and tolerance etc. was missed here. Sad. The adults dropped the ball.