Edmonton Oilers announce team award winners

[Sylvanfan]

After qualifying for the playoffs with 5 games left to go in the season the Edmonton Oilers announced the teams individual award winners.

The Wayne Gretzky Award team MVP
Martin Havlat
The junk kicking Havlat has had a tremendous season with 40 goals and 90 points and a +32 rating. Expected to play second fiddle to Dany Heatley, Havlat has been the teams most consistant offensive player.

The Jari Kurri Award top goal scorer
Dany Heatley
Team captain has 44 goals this year rating among the top goal scores in the CPHL.

The Paul Coffee Award top defenceman
Ryan Suter
25 year old defenceman who came over in the Luongo trade leads the team in defence scoring, plus minus, and minutes played.

The Esa Tikkanen Award top two way forward
Valtteri Filippulla
Has been saddled with turkeys who played like garbage on the third line all year yet still is a plus player with 18 goals. Has been on the PK unit all year.

The Grant Fuhr Award #1 for top goaltender
Chris Osgood
The teams oldest player has played in 64 games and posted 36 wins a 2.80 GAA and 5 shut outs

The Dustin Penner overpaid/underperfomer
Sergei Gonchar
The highest paid player on the team is third in defence scoring. He was expected to put up 20+ goals and 70 points...we wished, go back to Russia you loser.

The Kevin Lowe biggest off ice ###### bag award
Kevin Bieksa
Just a generally sour jerk, who is madly in love with himself. Bieksa is disliked by team mates, opponents, fans, and all women in Edmonton. It's also rumoured that his own mother can't stand him. He insists that the cameraman come into the locker room to watch him shower and give him the tapes afterwards.

[OILFAN #81]

Dustin Penner award should be named the Shawn Horcoff award.

Penner has 27 goals and 55 points and is a + player @ 4.25 M where Horcoff @ 5.5 M has 12 goals and 31 points and is like -28 or something.

Agree with all the other winners!

[Sylvanfan]

I did think hard about that one. But Horcoff did give the Oilers some good years at a cheap price. Whereas Penner was signed as a 29 goal guy to come in and score 30+ every year.

I could do a Shawn Horcoff award for player who got paid, than tanked.

This year that would probalby go to Saku Koivu.

The title would be too long but I intended to recognize Jeff Finger for playing 87 games so far this year with the
Grant Fuhr #2 award for you have so much freaking energy you must be on cocaine.